Those of us from rural south know how to handle toilet paper shortage. Eat more corn on the cob! The corn isn't important, but the cobs are free and work great! (Just don't flush them!) You're welcome!
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http://imgur.com/gallery/m6r5VThis BMW guy can eat a WHOLE bag of DICKS.
http://www.amusingplanet.com/2015/11/bolton-strid-stream-that-swallows-people.html
http://thehill.com/blogs/floor-action/senate/301391-mccain-walks-back-pledge-to-block-clinton-supreme-court-nominee
The Kookaburra call
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This is the most authentic and savage interview I've seen since Frost/Nixon: