I haven't had many jobs and most of them were pretty easy even by dainty middle-class suburban white people standards.
1) Shopping Cart Bitch for now defunct local grocery store chain - I had this job before I was 14, breaking some sort of child labor law, I'm sure. Spent all summer standing out on the concrete in the hot sun waiting to be run down by some deranged senior. If that isn't considered a hazardous occupation, it should be. I ran out and burned my work shirt on the railroad tracks the very moment I quit.
1a) Newspaper Delivery Bitch - Had this job concurrently with the one above. Hated, hated, hated, hated rolling fucking newspapers. I don't like holding an inky newspaper to this day. By the end, unless the screen door was open, I was just throwing open newspapers on people's steps, sheets blowing all over the yard and shit. My bicycle was a titanic piece of garbage, too. More than once I can recall picking that thing up over my head and bodyslamming the fuck out of it repeatedly with the papers still in the basket. My dad drove me around during the horrible 5am Sunday morning routes. I'd feel rotten about it, but he's the one that made me take the job in the first place.
2,3,4) Retail stooge at Old Navy, Office Max, Macy's - stood around pretending to help customers when in actuality was actively avoiding contact with them, all during Christmas season. Was fired from all three, of course (one after getting caught sleeping on the job... in the middle of the sales floor), but it was good while it lasted. Don't remember much else due to the zombification required to hold this sort of position.
5) Gaming counter nerd at Toys R Us - was fun except for also having to double as the lead cashier most of the time. Hid behind the counter (literally, on hands and knees) if someone came in my area on a slow day. Also slept in the stockroom quite often. Not ashamed to say that I was intentionally everything you hate about gaming retail assholes: refused to sell M-rated games to minors leading into a prepared speech on moral obligation, pushed magazines on virtually everyone then vocally or pantomimed feigned disappointment when denied, recommended terrible games to the uninformed and informed alike, goaded buyers into picking my platform of choice in spite of their specific needs. I was the post-ironic, self-loathing game clerk archetype that all nerds have fantisized about being at one time or another. I should either be drawn and quartered or someone should erect a statue.
6) Biology department assistant at university - Boring. Cataloged a bunch of dusty science-y garbage.
7) Data analyst intern at Citigroup, fraud department - sat in a conference room, typed up SQL script, sipped coffee, looked at your purchase records and giggled at the naughty things your significant other bought on the internets and later tried to deny by saying their card was stolen. Office sitcom sort of shit.
8.) Current job, similar to above, but at a marketing firm - similar to above, but with some light project managment; far more responsibility and freedom to carry out projects from beginning to end as I see fit. Interesting, if nothing else.
