KRAZY KOREA: Semester 4, The FINAL CHAPTER: THE SHOCKING TWIST ENDING

[GilloD]

I start my 4th and final semester of class today. Feels good man. SOme fun facts:

-EVery school bought new books last year which means that no one school has the same cirriculum as any other school which means that no one can share lesson plans anymore
-Despite today being the first day of school, I won't have a schedule until Monday. When I asked how I knew what to teach, they said "Have everything ready, many lessons, in case".
-I still haven't seen the new book. When I asked if I could get a copy they said "It is hard and a lot of money to get a book". When I asked how I was supposed to teach from a book I'd never seen they told me to borrow a students book and xerox it. But the Xerox  machine is busted because it's15 years old and they keep putting fucking stickers and glue in it.

6 months mang

[BlackMage]

how did you survive 4 semesters of this bullshit and what are you gonna do after?

[GilloD]

For the last year I've been sitting at the computer in the front of the class instead of the one in my office for 3 really good reasons:

1- No one can see what I'm up to and I'm not jerking off, but I wanna read comics or something, you know.
2- DUAL MONITORS YEAH YEAH
3- It's about 11x faster and I have the whole Adobe suite and Netbeans and whatever installed on here so I can do some dev shit in my free time.

Today one of my co-teachers is like "You must now sit in the office the princiapl says we need more friendly" and I'm like "No, I'm good in here" and then we go to lunch and I come back and they SENT A GUY TO FORMAT BOTH COMPUTERS WHAT THE FUUUUUUU

so I sat in the office for the last 4 hours and everyone just talks Korean and laughs while I sit there with the world's slowest fucking PC watching the clock change

[Cormacaroni]

mother of god. Murder them all, the courts will see your side.

[Great Rumbler]

mother of god. Murder them all, the courts will see your side.

Not if they're Korean courts.

[Cormacaroni]

The important thing is the murdering, really.

[Smooth Groove]

On the bright side, you get to eat dog stew?

[Bacchus7]

mother of god. Murder them all, the courts will see your side.

Not if they're Korean courts.

The defense is obvious: Please understand.

[Powerslave]

^
lol

[GilloD]

My office was fucking FREEZING today. We have 3 heaters in our office. The following:

This Korean teacher walks in saying the Korean word for cold (sounds like "Choo-ah") over and over and over chooahchooahchooah.

"It's cold in here!"
"Yes, very cold."
"Why don't we turn on the heat?"
"Then we would become very warm"

Meanwhile everyone is sitting around in gloves and jackets

[Great Rumbler]

"We are very hungry."
"Yes, very hungry."
"Why don't we eat?"
"Then we would eat too much and get sick."

[pilonv1]

My office was fucking FREEZING today. We have 3 heaters in our office. The following:

This Korean teacher walks in saying the Korean word for cold (sounds like "Choo-ah") over and over and over chooahchooahchooah.

"It's cold in here!"
"Yes, very cold."
"Why don't we turn on the heat?"
"Then we would become very warm"

Meanwhile everyone is sitting around in gloves and jackets

priceless

[chronovore]

The important thing is the murdering, really.

.

[Mr. Gundam]

It's a good thing you're getting out of Korea soon, because this thing would fucking kill you and take your job.



http://www.theworld.org/2011/03/south-korean-students-learn-english-robot/

[chronovore]

The page isn't loading for me. 

Isn't that the robot that shows a picture of a white person, but is actually connected to someone in the Phillipines?

Edit: Ah, yes, it loaded.

Learning English is all about repetition and that makes a robot an ideal teacher, according to Jang Byoung-ok, the principal at the Hagjeong School. He added there’s another reason to choose robots over foreign teachers. They’re cheaper. Jang said it costs around $40 thousand a year to support a foreign English teacher in Korea; it’s about half the price to build an Engkey and contract with a teacher in the Philippines.

[Rman]

What are your plans afterward, GilloD?

[Mr. Gundam]

The page isn't loading for me. 

Isn't that the robot that shows a picture of a white person, but is actually connected to someone in the Phillipines?

Edit: Ah, yes, it loaded.

Learning English is all about repetition and that makes a robot an ideal teacher, according to Jang Byoung-ok, the principal at the Hagjeong School. He added there’s another reason to choose robots over foreign teachers. They’re cheaper. Jang said it costs around $40 thousand a year to support a foreign English teacher in Korea; it’s about half the price to build an Engkey and contract with a teacher in the Philippines.

I was listening to The World on NPR while driving home yesterday, and all I could think about was GilloD. I can just imagine his teachers talking to the robot just like they talk to him.

[Tristam]

My office was fucking FREEZING today. We have 3 heaters in our office. The following:

This Korean teacher walks in saying the Korean word for cold (sounds like "Choo-ah") over and over and over chooahchooahchooah.

"It's cold in here!"
"Yes, very cold."
"Why don't we turn on the heat?"
"Then we would become very warm"

Meanwhile everyone is sitting around in gloves and jackets

Jesus Christ, it's the same everywhere you go here!
Our school is always fucking freezing. The Koreans in the office apparently prefer to sit there and say 'oh chooah, nuhmoo chooah' over and over rather than turn up the fucking heat. The office heater is constantly broken anyway and the hallways aren't heated at all. I've never seen any other country in the world where people constantly dress indoors in the winter exactly as they do outside--with scarves, overcoats, earmuffs, the whole works. It's ridiculous. I would link to photographic proof on my school's website, but Chrome and Firefox warn that it's malware-ridden like every other godforsaken website here. Do Korean people know you can fucking upgrade Internet Explorer 6? No seriously, IE6--fucking SIX--still has over 50% marketshare here. And then the Korean web is a fucking MESS of ActiveX and Flash bullshit and pop-up ads. I just go with Firefox and noscript that shit, but then they're totally not fuctional. All the computers here are so ridden with malware that a few take 25 minutes (I swear up and down that's not exaggeration; I timed it) to boot. And then the anti-virus programs they use (in shitty Konglish, BAIRO-BOT and PEESHEE BEHKSHEEN*) do nothing except install more malware.

Oh, today was my last day.  Back in the States on Monday. Oh how I've missed thee, USA. 
*Translator's note: Virus-Bot and PC Vaccine.

[Great Rumbler]

 

[GilloD]

What are your plans afterward, GilloD?

Well, my wife has to finish her graduate thesis before 2/12. So we'll head to Illinois and chillax for the Fall of '11 while she works andI aply to grad schools. I finally decided to go back for game design, which is what I should have done 8 years ago. I hve friends here who work at a game company and, whatever, it's a job and it's not all like fun and rainbows, but it does require a kind of detail-oriented, lke. Well. They were working on this new game and we spent like 2 hours brainstorming settings which is pure imagination, then talking economics in terms of how to balance play and then a bit of philosophy in terms of difficulty curves and what fun is blah blah. I love jobs that kind of require multiple intelligence like that. So! That's that. Plus, I'm all into that McGonigal "games ca solve problems" kind of thing.

Anyway, I'd apply for Fall of '12 and the winter/spring of '12 I think we're going to Hungary to teach English until June, thetaking a month in France to work on a farm. Phew.

[GilloD]

My office was fucking FREEZING today. We have 3 heaters in our office. The following:

This Korean teacher walks in saying the Korean word for cold (sounds like "Choo-ah") over and over and over chooahchooahchooah.

"It's cold in here!"
"Yes, very cold."
"Why don't we turn on the heat?"
"Then we would become very warm"

Meanwhile everyone is sitting around in gloves and jackets

Jesus Christ, it's the same everywhere you go here!
Our school is always fucking freezing. The Koreans in the office apparently prefer to sit there and say 'oh chooah, nuhmoo chooah' over and over rather than turn up the fucking heat. The office heater is constantly broken anyway and the hallways aren't heated at all. I've never seen any other country in the world where people constantly dress indoors in the winter exactly as they do outside--with scarves, overcoats, earmuffs, the whole works. It's ridiculous. I would link to photographic proof on my school's website, but Chrome and Firefox warn that it's malware-ridden like every other godforsaken website here. Do Korean people know you can fucking upgrade Internet Explorer 6? No seriously, IE6--fucking SIX--still has over 50% marketshare here. And then the Korean web is a fucking MESS of ActiveX and Flash bullshit and pop-up ads. I just go with Firefox and noscript that shit, but then they're totally not fuctional. All the computers here are so ridden with malware that a few take 25 minutes (I swear up and down that's not exaggeration; I timed it) to boot. And then the anti-virus programs they use (in shitty Konglish, BAIRO-BOT and PEESHEE BEHKSHEEN*) do nothing except install more malware.

Oh, today was my last day.  Back in the States on Monday. Oh how I've missed thee, USA. 
*Translator's note: Virus-Bot and PC Vaccine.

It was THE LAW that banking websites and any other site handling sensitive data (IE fucking all of them) HAD to work with IE6 and use ActiveX controls. This just changed like 2 months ago. My school upgraded to IE7 and eeryone was complaining that it was too hard to use.

And yes, my work comp has no fewer than FOUR anti-virus programs, al of which claim that the other AV programs re viruses and fight each other. I finally wiped them all and instaled AVG, but then the computer guy came and said "Ohhhhhh you have computer bad, this what this avg? give whole school many bad computers no no". and removed it and reinstalled like 7 more shitty malware AV programs

[GilloD]

It's a good thing you're getting out of Korea soon, because this thing would fucking kill you and take your job.

(Image removed from quote.)

http://www.theworld.org/2011/03/south-korean-students-learn-english-robot/

My kids would have that robot in PIECES. Also, it's hilarious that the speaker in Phillipino and the face is white. That's Korea in a nutshell. It's why the whole ESL program is a joke, they'll only hire good looking white kids and everyone else can fuck off.

[chronovore]

20,000 dollars worth of pieces. And your school can't even keep its copy machine running, right?

[BobFromPikeCreek]

sounds rough

[GilloD]

More hijinks. I only have 20 hours of class this year, which is fucking awesome. My first semester I had 32.

Contractually, I'b obligated up to 22. So they tell me I'm teaching afterschool again, everyday, and that I won't be paid. This happened

"You will do afterschool and you can teach for free"
"No, I can't. I get paid extra for every hour after 22"
"But there is no budget"
"Then there is no class"

Honestly, if I had 6th graders, I'd do it for free. Small classes are great. But they want me to teach the 3 and 4 year olds again- In Korea, you turn 1 year old the day you're born. Then you get another year older on New Years Day. So if you're born on December 30th, you're 2 years old on January 1st. So in Kindergarten I have kids who are 3 fucking years old.  Last year it was just me, no Korean, with a class of 20 3 and 4 year olds. The Principal kept telling me THEY NO LEARNEE ENGLISHEE and I was like DUH I TOLD YOU I SHOULD NOT BE DOING THIS but he just wanted to say "Oh, we have a special afterschool program for young students!" so they kept it going even though it basically coloring and yelling class. I learned way more Korean than they learned English.

Anyway, this year they're like "Teach the little kids again" and this ensues:

"You will teach in young child room and that teacher will help you"
"Does she speak English?"
"No."
"Then how will she help me?"
"She will also learn from your lesson and then learning the English and then help you".

They want the other teacher to magically become fluent in English from watching my bullshit ABC presentation. And for the record, that lady sucks. If I want to use the computer to show a Powerpoint or whatever, she gets all fucking huffy because I've interrupted her internet browsing time. Ughhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

[pilonv1]

In Korea, you turn 1 year old the day you're born. Then you get another year older on New Years Day. So if you're born on December 30th, you're 2 years old on January 1st.

Is this serious?

"You will teach in young child room and that teacher will help you"
"Does she speak English?"
"No."
"Then how will she help me?"
"She will also learn from your lesson and then learning the English and then help you".

[GilloD]

In Korea, you turn 1 year old the day you're born. Then you get another year older on New Years Day. So if you're born on December 30th, you're 2 years old on January 1st.

Is this serious?

Yessssss. We have a friend whose 3 year old daughter is in Kindergarten because she was born on December 20th. So 10 days later they considered her 2 years old. Then when she was 1, she was 3 10 days later. Koreans always think I'm really young because I use my 'international age'.

[GilloD]

It was actually really funny when I first started working. I was like "I'm 25!" and they were like "So you are 23" and I was like "Uhh,no. 25. I just said 25" and they were like "Soooooo 23" and it went back and forth before someone finally sorted it out. But everyone turns 20 (Legal drinking age) at the same time, so Jan 1 is a good day for blackouts and drunk teens

[GilloD]

I just got the new 3rd grade CD

(ANECDOTE: I walked into my office and said: "Did we get new 3rd grade books?" and they answer "Yes". I ask, "Can I get one? I'm supposed to teach from it". At this point someone points to the desk of the woman who retired last week and says "She is in charge of 3rd grade". "But she retired. She's not here". "But she is in charge". "But she's not here. She doesn't work here. Where can I get a book?". "You will have to ask her". I finally went up to the 3rd grade classroom, took a kid's book and photocopied the important bits)

and it's fucking so confusing to use. It's almost 100% in Korean, which is weird for an ENGLISH BOOK. But the guy they got to play the white teacher on the CD is TERRIFYING. He's like a 7 foot, bleach blonde, super thin skeleton. He looks like an acid-casualty AIDS victim.

[Great Rumbler]

But the guy they got to play the white teacher on the CD is TERRIFYING. He's like a 7 foot, bleach blonde, super thin skeleton. He looks like an acid-casualty AIDS victim.

Post pics please.

[chronovore]

What are your plans afterward, GilloD?

Well, my wife has to finish her graduate thesis before 2/12. So we'll head to Illinois and chillax for the Fall of '11 while she works andI aply to grad schools. I finally decided to go back for game design, which is what I should have done 8 years ago. I hve friends here who work at a game company and, whatever, it's a job and it's not all like fun and rainbows, but it does require a kind of detail-oriented, lke. Well. They were working on this new game and we spent like 2 hours brainstorming settings which is pure imagination, then talking economics in terms of how to balance play and then a bit of philosophy in terms of difficulty curves and what fun is blah blah. I love jobs that kind of require multiple intelligence like that. So! That's that. Plus, I'm all into that McGonigal "games ca solve problems" kind of thing.

Anyway, I'd apply for Fall of '12 and the winter/spring of '12 I think we're going to Hungary to teach English until June, thetaking a month in France to work on a farm. Phew.

Glad to hear you've got a plan for the future, and it involves doing something you like.

[GilloD]

Earlier this year I cut like hundreds of bingo cards, printed and made copies of lots of commonly used worksheets and templates and sorted them all in my supply closet. Folders, tabs, the whole thing. Just now I go to the closet to get my stuff to find out that they threw away EVERYTHING. ALL OF IT. Fuck them, fuck this school, fuck this stupid job. What is wrong with my co-workers?

[Himu]

What program is used for teaching in China?

I ask because my old roommate is interested in such programs, but he doesn't know anything about the China market. I figured since you guys are closer to China you'd be able to give me information for him.

[Mr. Gundam]

Earlier this year I cut like hundreds of bingo cards, printed and made copies of lots of commonly used worksheets and templates and sorted them all in my supply closet. Folders, tabs, the whole thing. Just now I go to the closet to get my stuff to find out that they threw away EVERYTHING. ALL OF IT. Fuck them, fuck this school, fuck this stupid job. What is wrong with my co-workers?

C'mon, GilloD. You know the answer...

Please. Understand.

spoiler (click to show/hide)

That really sucks. You have to do some horribly awesome on your last day of work.

[close]

[chronovore]

Earlier this year I cut like hundreds of bingo cards, printed and made copies of lots of commonly used worksheets and templates and sorted them all in my supply closet. Folders, tabs, the whole thing. Just now I go to the closet to get my stuff to find out that they threw away EVERYTHING. ALL OF IT. Fuck them, fuck this school, fuck this stupid job. What is wrong with my co-workers?

Holy shit. I'd go ballistic.

[GilloD]

Some computer guy came and took my class PC yesterday despite the fact that I have 6 classes today and 0 tomorrow. I made everyone promise it'd be back by 9 AM. It's 8:50 and no sign of him. Soon a horde of 3rd graders will descend on my room and devour me for my sins.

Help.

[Cormacaroni]

Time to start throwing sickies, man. Shit is out of control.

[GilloD]

I literally have like. Nothing to do outside of a computer. I'm mandated to do the CD, so I plan my whole lesson around it. Oh fuckkkkkkk

[GilloD]

Plsu I have no co-teacher because the old one quit and they didn't hire a new one

[Corporal]

I'd have slaughtered the lot of them by now.

So, how did you deal with it? Breaking down and crying in a corner would have been my solution, but I kind of doubt that would have helped.

[chronovore]

You should bring fireworks to class.

When your PC doesn't show up, FLASH, BOOM, and you can disappear in a puff of smoke!

[Tauntaun]

 :usavich

[BobFromPikeCreek]

no co-teacher = mr bean and word searches fulll of long technical nautical terminology with missing words

[bork]

Man, that is the opposite of my "teaching materials" situation in Japan.  Instead of throwing stuff out, they'd just leave everything crammed into all the ALT desks...I found stuff in there going back a DECADE.  Old foods and fly carcasses, too. 

Plsu I have no co-teacher because the old one quit and they didn't hire a new one

There isn't someone higher-up you can talk to about your situation?  If the school isn't providing for you, how the hell are you supposed to teach?

...but I guess that's where "please understand" comes in.   

[GilloD]

So, our new Principal is a kind of crazy dictator and came down to our office and bitched us out for A: Damage going back 10 years that none of us had been here to inflict including but not limited to water damage B: Dirty Windows. She went on to say, translated, "I do not care about teaching, only look".

So we spent like 2 days fucking hardcore cleaning it top to bottom. They even canceled classes so we could clean. Nice priorities. I leave for the weekend and when I come back on Monday, I see this:

There is a room where our projector is. It's hidden. Why? I have no idea. I have to like climb over a half wall and crawl through this little space to get to it. I have to do this 3-4 times a day. There is no other way to turn the projector on/off.

Today, the little room has been walled off. The principal apparently had it like dry walled or plastered shut. Why? No clue. So before I could start teaching today I had to take a screwdriver and like in the Shawshank Redemption chisel a hole in the wall so I could start to break it down with a crowbar from the supply closet.

What the fuck.

[GilloD]

Then you remembered the remote control

아뇨

[Great Rumbler]

Crazy Dictator Principal: "Why is everything all dirty and messed up?! This is totally unacceptable!!"

GilloD: "Please understand."

[GilloD]

Some kids just made my day- I handed out a worksheet with some pixel art on it and some kid was like "Teacher...Minecraft-u? You Minecraft-u?". It turns out a bunch of my students have a MC server. He ended up sticking around after class and I showed him my stupid fence bridge project.

[GilloD]

THE SHOCKING TWIST ENDING:

My friends work at a game dev studio. They were looking to hire. I interviewed and got the gig. It's better in every possible way. I have to resign on Monday.

As a bonus-u: The Gov't just announced a hiring freeze. No more English-ee monkey to play tricks for the kiddos.

[Joe Molotov]

[lennedsay]

[pilonv1]

what an amazing ending.

[demi]

What did you interview for?

[jiji]

<Principal> WHYEE YOU QUIT ON SUCH SHORT NOTICE-U
<GilloD> Please understand.

[Joe Molotov]

<Principal> WHYEE YOU QUIT ON SUCH SHORT NOTICE-U
<GilloD> Please understand.

[BlackMage]

that's awesome, dude. I hope for the best for you 

[T234]

<Principal> WHYEE YOU QUIT ON SUCH SHORT NOTICE-U
<GilloD> Please understand.

DO THIS

AND UPPER DECK EVERY TOILET YOU COME ACROSS ON YOUR WAY OUT OF THE COUNTRY

[Joe Molotov]

<Principal> WHYEE YOU QUIT ON SUCH SHORT NOTICE-U
<GilloD> Please understand.

DO THIS

AND UPPER DECK EVERY TOILET YOU COME ACROSS ON YOUR WAY OUT OF THE COUNTRY

 

[Human Snorenado]

GilloD's long nightmare has come to a close

I will miss your amusing stories but this is probably better for your mental health.  Is your wife staying in the teaching gig or no?

[Barry Egan]