I wanna jump of a cliff

[WrikaWrek]

Man, i'm actually reaching out. Or trying to i don't know.

I seem to have little interest in most things...i never cared for highschool, and i took 2 years extra to finish it on the basis of me being a slacker. Stopped for 2 years, my father died meanwhile due to a lung disease and at the time i decided to enter a university so that i could make my father proud, because i have 2 older brothers and they quit studying after highschool. 1st week of classes i get the news, had to travel to spain (i'm in portugal) and well, that was that. When the doctor told us there was no coming back, that lung transplant hadn't worked so well, i didn't even cry i was just struck like "well...what now...". My interest for the university dropped to nearly zero once i came back, lost a semester, and i've been always flunking classes because i skip them a lot and they have a requirement, can't skip more than 8 or 9 times per class. I'm 4 years into it and the only good memories i have is from erasmus, and that set me back another semester...

Last semester was dog shit, this semester is turning into another dog shit. It seems like the relationship with my gf is going into the shitter too, i live alone"" but my mother still pays for shit. Next year i'm gonna stop university and work on something so that i can take off the heavy load from my mother and then hopefully i'll be able to come back and finish the damn thing.

I used to have a couple of dreams, being a director, work in game development, heck i wasn't far from going to study in england but my father shut that door down back then. I've been steadily losing friends of the years, and my best friend, knew him since we were 3, went to work in 3D animation  to london....and it was because of me that he even developed an interest in such an area. Well now he's gone and we didn't part in the best terms.

Recently i did some work, you know, put on the suit and go to those fine shows and take people to their seats and shit. People seemed to like me, but went there 2 or 3 times and haven't been called ever since. I fucked up my aquiles heel too because of the borrowed shoes.

Weird, it's not like my problems are huge but it feels so fucking empty, like life simply sucks...it's not terrible, i'm not in a wheel chair or starving, i don't have a ton to complain about but it just seems like it all just sucks.

Yesterday i had this dream, i throw myself through the window and blam in the goddamn car in the street. You know you always gotta fuck it up for somebody else! Even when you jump for your death. It felt real, and i got scared. I wish i could let it all go, and start over, say fuck it to the life i have and start over. Anybody here ever felt like this?

It's grinding on me.

[bud]

i am kinda sorta the same way, but i feel like a better life is only a very small step away, but i'm just lazy. christ, why am i so lazy? like, i'll start working out, but then after two weeks or so, i'll stop. i have a couple of exams left in june, but i have yet to begin studying for them. why? because i'm lazy.

it feels like some sort of disease for which the cure is within reach yet so far away.

fml

[bud]

and my condolences on your father's death.

[Himu]

Buckle down in your studies.

Uni sucks. I don't know what it's like in Europe but in America it blows.

Consider this, you went to school to please your father. Even if you don't believe in heaven or whatever, at the very least, continue to study at uni for the sake of his memory both to you and your family. He may be dead, but he's still your father. Losing your father must be tough, but if you become a slacker because of it, there would be no point in having gone in the first place.

It gets better. Try to stay in contact with your best friend and try to make things better between the two of you. Go to school and get that diploma. Even if things aren't looking up after uni, at the very least, you can say to yourself that you worked your ass off to get there. Never lose confidence in yourself or your achievements.

Life has these hills and valleys. It sucks. Very quite often. But if you make the most of it, you'll do fine.

[Akala]

I would think the majority would like a do-over. That doesn't happen though. Just gotta sack up and keep going. That or give up, I guess. One offers a chance at happiness, the other does not!

[naff]

I feel the same lack of motivation this semester, so I'm out as soon as it's over to work in IT or whatever, and I'll be back when I get my shit sorted. I've always found working, in anything, more therapeutic than study which gives me way to much time and ways to sabotage myself and think about negative shit, which I do if I have no motivation in what I'm doing and aren't hitting what I think is my potential.

Seriously think about seeing a good therapist. Sounds like a classic case of depression. Pushing your friends away, lack of motivation, it's common to get this at some point in your life, especially when the shit's hitting the fan and you feel helpless. With a little effort and time you'll get better, no one needs to suffer with depression these days, don't do something dumb to 'start over', take some simple steps to change your living situation, I moved city's when I was in a bad place when I was younger and that fixed a lot of shit for me. Good luck anyway bro. Hope you sort things out!

[Himu]

I do think he sounds depressed. Get some help and see a therapist.

[CajoleJuice]

If this is a classic case of depression, I've pretty much had it forever.

[cool breeze]

do you skip classes because you dislike them or you have other things to do?

[Olivia Wilde Homo]

About every couple of years, I find myself in these situations.  I think EB witnessed the most recent bout of it (happened back in 2009).  It sucks.  Next time it happens, I'm not hesitating to get some professional help.

[WrikaWrek]

Thanks guys, really.

do you skip classes because you dislike them or you have other things to do?

Because i dislike them i think. Just a boring place to be at.

[cool breeze]

ok, because if you get over this and just show up for classes and do the work, you're almost guaranteed a good grade.  depends on the professor because some only care about you doing the work. 

As for getting over the boredom, just try to be interested in the topic.  You'll be amazed by how you can trick yourself into liking topics that seem boring.  It's lame advice, yeah, but you can surprise yourself.

[Skidmark]

I think talking about it helps, talk about it with some friends who you know and just let it all out, it helps me, and talk to a therapist or someone at uni.
If you find yourself thinking a lot, write your thoughts down instead, it somehow helps.
if you find yourself not being able to sleep until you are really really tired, or eat until you are starving then start working out, it somehow kills laziness too.

Try to do more things that you enjoy, things you enjoyed doing as a kid maybe, random stuff, get a childish friend with you, try paintball, buy a shit tone of candy. Don't be too harsh on yourself and learn to forgive yourself for the mistakes that you have done.

[Maximus]

I do think he sounds depressed. Get some help and see a therapist.

therapist.

the rapist.

You heard the man get yourself a rapist

[chronovore]

I think talking about it helps, talk about it with some friends who you know and just let it all out, it helps me, and talk to a therapist or someone at uni.
If you find yourself thinking a lot, write your thoughts down instead, it somehow helps.
if you find yourself not being able to sleep until you are really really tired, or eat until you are starving then start working out, it somehow kills laziness too.

Try to do more things that you enjoy, things you enjoyed doing as a kid maybe, random stuff, get a childish friend with you, try paintball, buy a shit tone of candy. Don't be too harsh on yourself and learn to forgive yourself for the mistakes that you have done.

This. All of this. (Except the candy.)

Movement, moving your own body, even just going for walks in the sun, is very good for anyone's spirits.

You need to talk to someone, but believe it or not, venting in text to anonymous peeps on a message board is not the same as vocalizing to another human being. If you're in school, they've got counselors on staff to help you with this. If you're not comfortable with that, and you're insured, you have other options. Even in the worst-case scenario, you've still got support hotlines to call. Choose one which deals with depression or suicide. Best Buy technical support and Fry's Customer Service will likely only amplify your feelings of anger, boredom, rejection, and abandonment.

Everyone has pain; just because someone else has it worse doesn't mean yours is any less valid.

[drew]

thongs always get better

[Diunx]

Uni fucking sucks, four years in and no end in sight thanks to fucking calculus, the fact that I'm extremely lazy doesn't help, for example I came home from work with the intention of doing some homework and instead I'm on my bed watching a Bowie concert on TCM.

[Cormacaroni]

I had a ball at Uni. I guess the trick is to avoid calculus.

[Diunx]

Holy fuck there's a giant spider on stage! This concert rocks.

[WrikaWrek]

Thanks for the words. I'm feeling better now even though my gf had some sort of epileptic attack yesterday, was 5 hours in the hospital. She has to see a specialist now.

Definitely gonna start moving more, and i wanna take the summer as an opportunity for that and re focus. Thinking of taking less classes next year and get a part time job or something. Figure it out, maybe take some risks, believe that life can get better.

[The Sceneman]

the best advice I can give you after everyone else's comments, (I think Rebiak said this to me a couple of years ago, it really helped me.):

Just remember that your life can ALWAYS get better. I've been in some serious situational shitholes myself, felt completely worthless, wanted to seriously hurt myself, etc.

Just know that things can ALWAYS get better. You can triumph over seemingly unsurmountable shit. Things WILL be good over time. You just gotta pick yourself up and do the best you can.

[Shaka Khan]

I had a longer post, but decided against it. So I'm just gonna go with:

I hope things pick up for you soon. I'm not about to compare situations with you, but the universe has recently turned my groin in mush from all the kicking. The internet is a good place to vent, but if you're reaching out and seeking help, forum posts can only do so much. If you want to set things in motion, and you're at the point where you can't pick yourself and shake things up yourself, then seek help from the people who can REALLY help, are WILLING to help, and who have your best interest at heart. Whether it's family, friends, or as a last resort, professionals.

I used to shut people out thinking I can solve my own problems, but when things got out of hand and I sought help, I was fortunate enough to find a couple of people not only willing to help, but were desperately waiting for me to ask for help (unsurprisingly, they're not many). I thought I was sparing them the trouble, then found out I'm causing them trouble just the same by obviously looking in pain while refusing help.

I hope you can find a similar or a better support system, and things turn around for you mate, best of luck.

[CajoleJuice]

This thread  

Shit will pick up for all you guys, especially you, Mojo. You really do seem to have your head on straight and try to be proactive and shit most of the time.

[CajoleJuice]

Well, first I have to find a job and I'm terrible at that. My old job was great, but it kept me from specializing in one domain, which is what everyone is looking for. I'll admit I'm easily defeated with this kind of stuff, but I don't see anything to encourage me either.

Maybe the variety of tasks at your old job gives you a bigger pool of jobs you can get? Trying my best here.

[T234]

Hey man, things CAN AND DO get better.

A couple of months ago, I was looking at doing 11 months for working at the porn shop. Now I won't do day 1 in the county jail (for that anyway  )!

[Madrun Badrun]

How did you get out of it T?

[T234]

I did a favor for somebody who's opinion carries alotta drift in this part of the country.

[CajoleJuice]

T234's life is basically some shit straight out of Justified.

[Himu]

Mojo You guys can DO THIS SHIT. It's okay to feel discouraged. Today after this shitty job fair I went to I felt completely WORTHLESS, but on the way home a Michael Jackson song played and I perked right the fuck up.

This is for you, my loves!

[youtube=560,345]_-3JYuv9w4U[/youtube]

[T234]

T234's life is basically some shit straight out of Justified.

Oh god I wish I could tell you how true that is at times.

[lennedsay]

After officially being unemployed for two weeks, I'd say it's pretty awesome. 

Should get my first unemployment check within the next week. 

[Positive Touch]

I did a favor for somebody who's opinion carries alotta drift in this part of the country.

suckin a senators dick

[T234]

More like intimidating a secretly pederast organization to not hold a rally in my fair city.

[Olivia Wilde Homo]

T234 needs to write a book about his life someday.

Regarding mojovonio, things will get better but it can take time.  While 2+ years of being in a slump can get bad I more or less was in a slump for a decade.  Nothing ever got better and nothing ever got me out of the hole after trying to climb out of.  I was deeply in debt before I even turned 18, I worked two jobs, both were shitty, and still found myself having little or nothing to my name.  I went into a shitty major that I did badly at and to make things worse, I was 275 lbs or really fat.  Not really dick waving here but I was in a real bad place for a very long time and any attempts to get myself out were often met by getting in deeper.  The only way things turned around was strokes of luck.  Nothing more than being in the right place at the right time.  If things were as bad now as they were at their worst points still at my age, I'd have long since killed myself.  Sad but true.

Things will turn around but it can be a very cold winter until that does.  Keep trying though because wallowing in self defeat and pity isn't going to do you any favors, even as the shit keeps piling on you.

[T234]

I will the second I hit a non-extradition country!

[Boogie]

Life is pain.  Anyone who says differently is selling something.

[chronovore]

I will the second I hit a non-extradition country!

Will buy. Day one.

[Cormacaroni]

Almighty Power of Thor ITT

[CajoleJuice]

Good luck.

[lennedsay]

Good luck!

I just applied at a small firm down the street from my house. Doubt I'll get it, but eh.

[CajoleJuice]

If you get the job, I'm coming up to Montreal to party.

[Himu]

Someone from Washington DC is expressing interest in me, but I know I won't get it.

Good luck on that job mojo and len.

[Barry Egan]

hmmmm looks like all the EB dude-bros are feeling down.  Time to discover your inner femininity brosephs.   

[Bebpo]

mojovonio, good luck man.  I think working at Eidos would be nice.  IIRC they have a big staff and make good games.

[Dickie Dee]

Shit, I thought mojo had shit mad together and pulled down tail like no ones business  :'(

[CajoleJuice]

Shit, I thought mojo had shit mad together and pulled down tail like no ones business  :'(

I think the latter is still true.

[Himu]

I'm just tired of it. I feel so lonely. Every person I know seems to have ill intentions towards me or is two-faced.  I don't and can't trust anyone, because I'm always thinking what they're hiding and what their true intentions of me are. I guess I've felt like this ever since my previous roommate who tried to take advantage of me while I was drunk. I hate to be an emo cigarillo, but I think after that, I began to have zero faith in people or friendships despite being an already cynical individual.

I just don't see the point anymore. People who claim to be friends never really try to contact me, I try to talk to people I've known my whole life and they constantly give me the cold shoulder as if I'm worthless.

At this point I'm beyond stressed, and I've even started to pick up cigarettes smoking due to the stress and the sense of hopelessness. I have no job, I feel empty, I have had severe depression for years but I try not to think about it and always try to convince myself I'm fine, every time I look in the mirror I get depressed wishing I were someone else -- preferably a different gender, my father lambasts and criticisms me for everything I do -- probably because I'm not the son he wish he had, or maybe because he's afraid of me or something (he has admitted on numerous occasions that I'm smarter and more skilled than he ever will be and that he feels small).

I sick and tired of feeling like I have to validate my very existence to people. I'm just sick of it.

I need to smoke another cigarette. Fuck.

[magus]

http://www.evilbore.com/forum/index.php?topic=36547.0

GEEEEEE