Post crazy ex stories!

[Himu]

Last girlfriend was a total whacko. I ended up breaking up with her maybe three weeks of dating. I told her flat out that we don't click, we have different interests and goals, that she's vapid and embarrassing without one ounce of class in her (one time I went out with her family to eat and she tried to cut her steak by STABBING it, I also asked her what hand she writes with because I was just curious and she's asks her MOM what hand she writes with for clarification).

So we break up, and she breaks down giving me the usual sob story.

"Why are you breaking up with me?!" (after I explained why)
"Because I'm not attracted to you."
"You think I'm UGLY?!"
"Huh? I didn't say anything about looks!"

So this goes on and on and I just drop it, say I can't do this anymore and leave. When I get home I check my cell to find she has sent me at least 20 text messages. Stuff like,"You're a jerk! I can't believe you just left!" We broke up, bitch, what do you expect? So she continues to text me while I do my hardest to ignore them.

She continues to confess her feelings for me,"I love you! Don't leave me!" despite barely knowing each other and this evolves into stalking me. I'd have art classes and I'd go there every Tuesday night. She would go with a friend and I'd roll my eyes, take her to the side and ask her what the fuck she was doing there and to stop stalking me. She plays coy saying,"I'm not stalking you! I wanted to be here!" which is pure bullshit.

At one art class, she painted something for me. It was something a first grader would paint for someone. It was "I love you" pap smeared in pink and red and farty hearts across it. She gave it to me as a "gift", to which I promptly threw away.

So despite not returning her calls, ignoring her in real life AND via text, this crazy bitch still thinks we have a future together, refusing to let go. Before the break up, we did everything BUT intercourse despite the time allotted and I performed pretty well, so she's like,"I'll have sex with you if you become my boyfriend!" so I just decided enough was enough and that ignoring gained nothing and I had to legitimately hurt her feelings in order for her to get past this bs.

So I called her up for a round of phone sex since she was so fucking desperate.

She was into it and after that she thought we were back together.

Thing is, I didn't respond to not a single one of those messages after the phone sex making her realize how much of an idiot she is and that I used her. This made her realize I don't give a fuck about her.

I had been dealing with this psycho bitch for at least four months prior to this, but I haven't heard from her for over a month since the phone sex stunt and goddamn does it feel good.

I tried everything. I tried being blunt, I told her in her face that I hated her, my friends defended me from her, I tried being nice, I tried giving her the silent treatment but the only thing that made this chick grow a fucking spine was being a total dick to her. Christ.

[Mupepe]

Being mean to chicks is the best thing ever.

As far as crazy ex's though?  My favorite was the one who broke into my apartment while I was at work and cut up pictures of my then girlfriend, poked holes in my condoms and poured a bottle of lube down my sink.  I don't think anything will top that.

[Himu]

WHAT WAS THAT ALL ABOUT??

[Mupepe]

The mother of my child :'(

[Himu]

[lennedsay]

@ himu and mups


I had one stalker. He was this deaf kid that followed me around for over a year. He was really creepy.

Then there's the ex that delivered pizzas to my house. Heard he finally got another vehicle (other was repo'd I'm assuming). I use the term vehicle loosely - he's sporting a sweet scooter now.

[tehjaybo]

See: 20 Dollar Nacho Story

[Akala]

my first real gf was a real learning experience. it was one of those twee love the hell out of this girl through most of high school and then she finally breaks up with that asshole boyfriend and you get together and it's wonderful things.

and then it was one of those condom breaks second or third try and she's pregnant things.

and then it was a do nothing but stress and drama and work total shit job like crazy to start saving money and do the right thing kind of things.

and then it was a "I was never pregnant" wtf are you smoking bitch things.

and it culminated in one of those "oh yeah I never really broke up with my boyfriend, he collects guns and is really distraught about all this" things.

to be 16 again. pretty smooth sailing ever since tho.

[Mupepe]

my first real gf was a real learning experience. it was one of those twee love the hell out of this girl through most of high school and then she finally breaks up with that asshole boyfriend and you get together and it's wonderful things.

and then it was one of those condom breaks second or third try and she's pregnant things.

and then it was a do nothing but stress and drama and work total shit job like crazy to start saving money and do the right thing kind of things.

and then it was a "I was never pregnant" wtf are you smoking bitch things.

and it culminated in one of those "oh yeah I never really broke up with my boyfriend, he collects guns and is really distraught about all this" things.

to be 16 again. pretty smooth sailing ever since tho.

  wtf 

@ himu and mups


I had one stalker. He was this deaf kid that followed me around for over a year. He was really creepy.

Then there's the ex that delivered pizzas to my house. Heard he finally got another vehicle (other was repo'd I'm assuming). I use the term vehicle loosely - he's sporting a sweet scooter now.

hahaha  homos and their vespas

[Himu]

@ all these posts

[lennedsay]

I do have a derp story or two about an ex I actually like. He's not a bad guy, but he was young when we dated so it just didn't work out....

Him: "Hey, did you hear?! There was this crazy wave that hit all these places in Asian!! All these people are dead... "
Me: "Uh.... Yea I heard."
Him: "Really?! You heard already?!"
Me: "That happened 3 weeks ago."

Him: "OMG the pope is really sick, probably going to die..."
Me: "Yea... Been sick for a few weeks, it'll be any day now."
Him: "Really?! I just heard... It's so weird that every time they show pictures of the Pope, they all look the same!!"
Me: "...There's only one Pope at a time... It is the same guy..."
Him: "Really?! Oh that makes sense now."

2 weeks later...
Him: "Hey the Pope finally died..."
Me: "Yea I saw that."
Him: "They're burying him in St Peters! Isn't that crazy?!"
Me: "In Europe, a lot of people are buried right in the church. It's kind of creepy."
Him: "Oh he's being buried in a church? Which one?"
Me: "St Peter's Basilica in Rome..."
Him: "Oh it's in Rome?! I thought they were talking about St Peters, MO. I wondered why they were bringing him all the way here to St Louis to bury him in the suburbs. Thought maybe he grew up here or something."

Not to mention all the times we had to stop for "FREE COUCH" signs at the local furniture store. I had to prove to him that they aren't giving away a couch. It's a store that sells furniture. He walked out like Charlie Brown when the store employee told us it was free with a purchase of a loveseat and recliner...

Sweet guy though. He always told me how smart I was. poor guy

[Mr. Gundam]

FREE COUCH!

1. I dated a girl for six years before she finally broke up with me because she is a Lesbian. ON MY 21ST BIRTHDAY.

• Yeah, I should've seen that coming. Ah, to be young and stupid in college.

2. I dated a girl who had just recently got divorced. Oh wait, she really never got divorced and her crazy ex was waiting to fight me in the parking lot of the Lowe's where he worked. It was a fun summer of crazy sex, but I'm glad that it ended.

[Cormacaroni]

FREE COUCH!

1. I dated a girl for six years before she finally broke up with me because she is a Lesbian. ON MY 21ST BIRTHDAY.

• Yeah, I should've seen that coming. Ah, to be young and stupid in college.

2. I dated a girl who had just recently got divorced. Oh wait, she really never got divorced and her crazy ex was waiting to fight me in the parking lot of the Lowe's where he worked. It was a fun summer of crazy sex, but I'm glad that it ended.

in fact, this entire thread

EB non-virgins

[Brehvolution]

How about some crazy sex stories?

[chronovore]

How about some crazy sex stories?

You first, Zero Hero.

[Himu]

How about some crazy sex stories?

One time I was getting a hand job. We were laying down on our backs and she's rubbing my dick and I let it all out.

Next thing I know there's sticky stuff in my ear.

[tiesto]

After 4 months of dating:

"I can't date a non-Christian! What would our future kids think, with both their dad and mom believing in different things [ed: I'm agnostic]? I wanted to send our kids to Jesus camp!!!"

[Positive Touch]

Turns out she had an abortion [...] without even telling me she got pregnant.

must... resist... urge to get political...

[Olivia Wilde Homo]

I briefly dated an Evangelical Christian girl while in school.  Of course, I didn't know that until the 10th or 11th time we fucked.  She oscillated between "down to fuck 24/7" and Pat Robertson.  Her friends were all bonafide holy rollers so I wasn't allowed to meet them except by chance.  I didn't care because the sex was good and I didn't care to meet her evolution and global warming denying friends.  I felt I could deal with the brief moments of The 700 Club if it meant lots of good sex for the remainder.  After all, my strident left wing views could make some people uncomfortable as well and didn't want to be hypocritical.  It all came to an end when she went to some crazy ass weekend religious camp where the sex ended and she wanted to convert me instead.  I dropped her real quick like.  Her parents weren't evangelical at all, which is confusing.  Oh well.

I also was seeing a girl who after five weeks in was starting to talk about moving in together and marriage.  When I told her how I felt about it, she went apeshit.  I figured the best thing to do was to ignore her as I was busy as fuck at that time with work and classes.  She gave up after a while except one time when my dorm roommate was napping and she crept in, apparently with the intentions of trashing my shit.  After that plot was foiled, she left forever except to send me a text two years later out of the blue stating that she's getting married to another guy and she's having his baby.  I replied "good for him" and that was that!

Nothing too insane like a fake pregnancy or an ex that needed a restraining order.  I've always kept a casual attitude towards dating and fucking, probably because I was a forever alone 19 year old when I lost my virginity, hardening a cynical view on long term relationships and marriage.  My loss I'm sure but for right now, I'm fine where I am.

[Mr. Spinnington]

once this girl got off on pain and had some serious rape fantasies she felt should be acted out


after four months i was done with that, but we never actually dated anyway

[Mupepe]

eh.  almost every girl I've met has had some rape fantasies and pain fascinations.  Nothing crazy.  But slapping, choking and rape play seem to be fairly normal for hispanic women in the south. 

[Mr. Spinnington]

so i guess i know where i'm moving to

[chronovore]

lol - whilst discussing sexual fantasies with my second girlfriend, she said that she wanted me to dress up as Frankenfurter from the Rocky Horror Picture Show.

 

If you ever tried dressing up that way, you can bet it'd be the one time you walk into a surprise party.

Note: not a costume one.

[bork]

See: 20 Dollar Nacho Story

Got a link?  I wanna re-read that now.   

EDIT: http://www.evilbore.com/forum/index.php?topic=28727.0

[tehjaybo]

I think the best part of that story is that she e-stalked me here and read the story, then cried to people that I was a horrible person and saying bad (read:true) things about her online.   

[lennedsay]

Hey Monica, did you ever get your livejournal password back? I've been on the edge of my seat for 2 years.