Author Topic: Let's talk about how awesome taking a shit is (Read 2479 times)

Himu · « **on:** July 03, 2011, 10:18:06 PM »

It's the best thing in the world. You feel free, you feel lighter, healthier. It's relaxing, too. And if you're a male, it feels good!

Taking a dump has been one of my favorite things since I was a kid and I look forward to it daily. You should truly cherish be able to shit a good one because it gets worse with age.

Vertigo · « **Reply #1 on:** July 03, 2011, 10:24:09 PM »

I regale my lady with tales of my bowel movements. A good shit is a great way to start the day. Or as an afternoon treat.

My favorites are the ones that just drop out with no effort at all. My diet was pretty crappy for a while. And my stomach paid for it with some very frustrating toilet trips,where i would not feel truly emptied and horribly bloated but now i have a good balance, i'm eating much better and my shits are marvellous.

Positive Touch · « **Reply #2 on:** July 03, 2011, 10:45:56 PM »

ive gotten shit (lol) all my life for take 20-30 min shits. sorry people but it feels great and i just wanna relax afterward with a magazine or my computer; sometimes i even hang out with my cat in there. i shit every morning and right after i get off work like clockwork and unless i ate too much hot food it always feels totally satisfying.

i do have to say tho, ive been constipated a few times in my life and that is some of the worst pain ive ever felt. for some reason had myself convinced that laxatives were worthless and so i ended up passing a few GIANT shits unassisted. i dont think any of you guys can accurately imagine what it feels like to shit out something the size and firmness of a baseball but let me tell you IT SUCKS. i bit into a shampoo bottle, grabbed my feet, and squeezed until it shot out. afterwards all i could do was scream and flail around until i collapsed from exhaustion and layed on the cold bathroom floor as i felt my asshole slowly shrink back to its regular size. ever since then i havent hesitated to go grab some lax when i get backed up.

BlackMage · « **Reply #3 on:** July 03, 2011, 10:49:49 PM »

I can't stay on the shitter too long or my legs fall asleep.

Human Snorenado · « **Reply #4 on:** July 03, 2011, 10:56:02 PM »

pro-tip: cut down on the red meat and dairy and you won't get so backed up, kids

Narag · « **Reply #5 on:** July 03, 2011, 10:57:19 PM »

I can see my tv from my toilet so sometimes I just leave the door open. It's all about convergence.

Himu · « **Reply #6 on:** July 03, 2011, 10:57:36 PM »

Quote from: Creepy Old Guy on July 03, 2011, 10:56:02 PM

pro-tip: cut down on the red meat and dairy and you won't get so backed up, kids

said like the token hippy mchipster

Diunx · « **Reply #7 on:** July 03, 2011, 11:00:08 PM »

I haven't take shit today, time to fix that

Human Snorenado · « **Reply #8 on:** July 03, 2011, 11:22:32 PM »

Quote from: Stringer Bell on July 03, 2011, 10:57:36 PM

Quote from: Creepy Old Guy on July 03, 2011, 10:56:02 PM
pro-tip: cut down on the red meat and dairy and you won't get so backed up, kids

said like the token hippy mchipster

It's pretty much common sense, dude. The only time I ever have monstrous, painful shits are when I've been eating a bunch of dairy products. I don't eat red meat so there you go.

BlackMage · « **Reply #9 on:** July 03, 2011, 11:49:34 PM »

cut down on red meat, he says. Like asking me to stop breathing.

Bildi · « **Reply #10 on:** July 04, 2011, 12:16:50 AM »

I was just researching which wacky countries like to squat - and discovered dual-use toilets.

Van Cruncheon · « **Reply #11 on:** July 04, 2011, 01:02:48 AM »

Quote from: Creepy Old Guy on July 03, 2011, 11:22:32 PM

Quote from: Stringer Bell on July 03, 2011, 10:57:36 PM
Quote from: Creepy Old Guy on July 03, 2011, 10:56:02 PM
pro-tip: cut down on the red meat and dairy and you won't get so backed up, kids

said like the token hippy mchipster

It's pretty much common sense, dude. The only time I ever have monstrous, painful shits are when I've been eating a bunch of dairy products. I don't eat red meat so there you go.

we call this "lactose intolerance"

CajoleJuice · « **Reply #12 on:** July 04, 2011, 01:44:08 AM »

Quote from: Van Cruncheon on July 04, 2011, 01:02:48 AM

Quote from: Creepy Old Guy on July 03, 2011, 11:22:32 PM
Quote from: Stringer Bell on July 03, 2011, 10:57:36 PM
Quote from: Creepy Old Guy on July 03, 2011, 10:56:02 PM
pro-tip: cut down on the red meat and dairy and you won't get so backed up, kids

said like the token hippy mchipster

It's pretty much common sense, dude. The only time I ever have monstrous, painful shits are when I've been eating a bunch of dairy products. I don't eat red meat so there you go.

we call this "lactose intolerance"

Human Snorenado · « **Reply #13 on:** July 04, 2011, 01:48:14 AM »

I'm not lactose intolerant, tho. Like, I'm talking if I eat like an entire pizza and have a couple bowls of cereal. All that dairy just turns into a fucking rock.

The Sceneman · « **Reply #14 on:** July 04, 2011, 02:21:24 AM »

the worst shits in my memory were after I ate Subway. Seriously. The nastiest, stinkiest monsters ever. I'd hate to visit Jared's bathroom.

Bildi · « **Reply #15 on:** July 04, 2011, 02:49:51 AM »

I'm surprised you guys know so intimately how different foods affect the consistency of your faeces.

All I know is beetroot makes my pee red.

Cerveza mas fina · « **Reply #16 on:** July 04, 2011, 03:15:34 AM »

one thing I hate about asia is that my shit is always a bit loose, not like bangkok belly, but there's almost never a big nice turd like you can get in europe

Himu · « **Reply #17 on:** July 04, 2011, 03:54:11 AM »

Worst shit I've had in recent months was after a trip to Taco Bell. I was walking home after the "meal" and had to take a monstrous dump. This was just 5 minutes after leaving the place so I walked for like 10-15 minutes before I could to a place that would let me use their restroom.

I was on that toilet for 20 minutes.

Goddamn, never again.

Cerveza mas fina · « **Reply #18 on:** July 04, 2011, 04:09:19 AM »

Worst shits are when your food was so spicy your ass actually burns when you poo.

Quote from: AWESOM-O on July 04, 2011, 03:19:57 AM

I had a hell of a time in India. Worst was that the hotels all had squat toilets, so I couldn't even relax with a bowl of hash or anything.

Squat toilets suck if you wanna relax, but I swear to god chinamen can read a newspaper while taking a dump!

Good thing about squats is that they are more hygienc in public places then sitting toilets.

Cerveza mas fina · « **Reply #19 on:** July 04, 2011, 04:12:48 AM »

Oh yeah sure, but at least you dont need to touch anything.

Human Snorenado · « **Reply #20 on:** July 04, 2011, 08:36:22 AM »

Squat toilets would never work in America, Land of the Fatties.

Cerveza mas fina · « **Reply #21 on:** July 04, 2011, 09:25:41 AM »

Oh man I never thought of fat people on a squat toilet lol

Man I hope they don't visit China!

Diunx · « **Reply #22 on:** July 04, 2011, 09:54:41 AM »

Squat toilets sounds like something a barbaric culture would use.

I have been to taco bells both in the states and here plenty of times and have never suffered this "taco bell revenge" there is something fucked up with americans digestive system.

Cerveza mas fina · « **Reply #23 on:** July 04, 2011, 10:08:42 AM »

Id rather squat in a public toilet then sit down on the plastic. Too bad the fact they are easy to clean doesnt mean they are actually clean in asia.

Cerveza mas fina · « **Reply #24 on:** July 04, 2011, 10:25:07 AM »

Werent you only in Hong Kong?

EmCeeGrammar · « **Reply #25 on:** July 04, 2011, 10:25:43 AM »

Ever since I stopped eating bread and dairy I shit far less often. Also, they aren't incredible anymore.

Cerveza mas fina · « **Reply #26 on:** July 04, 2011, 10:31:37 AM »

You still post a lot of shit though.

EmCeeGrammar · « **Reply #27 on:** July 04, 2011, 10:33:53 AM »

What's the opposite of touche'? I'll just call you an std infested racist and be on my way.

Cerveza mas fina · « **Reply #28 on:** July 04, 2011, 10:36:13 AM »

In the time of chimpansee you are a monkey

EmCeeGrammar · « **Reply #29 on:** July 04, 2011, 10:43:29 AM »

I didn't major in history

But anyway, racist ignorant syphillic sluts aside, I use to take some glorious bms. It was kinda a bummer in my last home because the previous owner installed those water conservation toilets. Would always always get clogged unless you delivered it piecemeal. Which is equatable with stopping your piss midstream.

ferrarimanf355 · « **Reply #30 on:** July 04, 2011, 10:45:14 AM »

This thread is a piece of shit.

HEYOOOOOH!

Cerveza mas fina · « **Reply #31 on:** July 04, 2011, 11:02:27 AM »

Your laughing and the history remark don't even make sense. You prob didnt major in anything so.

Human Snorenado · « **Reply #32 on:** July 04, 2011, 11:06:42 AM »

Will the slut and the autistic kid please quit non-shitting up this thread? This thread is for talk of actual shit, not your bullshit.

Vertigo · « **Reply #33 on:** July 04, 2011, 11:18:46 AM »

Quote from: Positive Touch on July 03, 2011, 10:45:56 PM

ive gotten shit (lol) all my life for take 20-30 min shits. sorry people but it feels great and i just wanna relax afterward with a magazine or my computer; sometimes i even hang out with my cat in there. i shit every morning and right after i get off work like clockwork and unless i ate too much hot food it always feels totally satisfying.

i do have to say tho, ive been constipated a few times in my life and that is some of the worst pain ive ever felt. for some reason had myself convinced that laxatives were worthless and so i ended up passing a few GIANT shits unassisted. i dont think any of you guys can accurately imagine what it feels like to shit out something the size and firmness of a baseball but let me tell you IT SUCKS. i bit into a shampoo bottle, grabbed my feet, and squeezed until it shot out. afterwards all i could do was scream and flail around until i collapsed from exhaustion and layed on the cold bathroom floor as i felt my asshole slowly shrink back to its regular size. ever since then i havent hesitated to go grab some lax when i get backed up.

I've only had one case of real constipation and i'll agree and say that the pain is something you'll never forget. I had it from friday to tuesday. I spent the whole weekend feeling like utter crap bloated and my stomach was aching couldn't even sit down properly as my ass hurt. Each time i attempted to go to the toilet the pain was too much and i'd have to give up.

On the tuesday morning i awoke and said lets do this. Imagine a montage sequence with me preparing to get this shit out of me.

I sat on the toilet and began. I strained and sweated and could feel it getting to it's usual point. The pain by now was eye watering but i was adamant it was coming out, after 10 mins of tooing and froing i felt it sliding out as it stretched my ass to an ungodly size and plopped in the bowel, i actually rose my arms in the air and looked back at it. It was huge and looked absolutely solid.

I could hardly walk afterwards, and had to go lie down.

EmCeeGrammar · « **Reply #34 on:** July 04, 2011, 12:03:19 PM »

Quote from: Creepy Old Guy on July 04, 2011, 11:06:42 AM

Will the slut and the autistic kid please quit non-shitting up this thread? This thread is for talk of actual shit, not your bullshit.

Hey, I'm trying to stay on the topic of passing feces. I had one of those chocolate ice cream dispenser shits the other day, felt good man.

edit: Oh one time I was at summercamp and wouldn't shit for a whole week because they didn't have doors on the stalls. Suffice to say I delivered a positively orange 5 pound mud baby when I got home.

Cerveza mas fina · « **Reply #35 on:** July 04, 2011, 01:53:43 PM »

Im posting this while i shit

Cerveza mas fina · « **Reply #36 on:** July 04, 2011, 01:54:23 PM »

So good im holding some back in

Diunx · « **Reply #37 on:** July 04, 2011, 04:47:57 PM »

Have taken two shits today so far, will probable take another one when I get home from work.

The Sceneman · « **Reply #38 on:** July 04, 2011, 11:28:07 PM »

Quote from: Premium Lager on July 04, 2011, 04:09:19 AM

Worst shits are when your food was so spicy your ass actually burns when you poo.

My mum calls that the "ring of fire"

Joe Molotov · « **Reply #39 on:** July 04, 2011, 11:32:52 PM »

There's nothing worse than being constipated. I mean being well and truly clogged up. It makes you kinda want to die.

BlueTsunami · « **Reply #40 on:** July 04, 2011, 11:39:02 PM »

The most unsatisfying ones are ghost shits

Human Snorenado · « **Reply #41 on:** July 04, 2011, 11:43:58 PM »

Eh, the most unsatisfying ones to me are always the first instance of diarrhea, cause it's disgusting, messy to clean up and you know there's probably more where that came from.

EmCeeGrammar · « **Reply #42 on:** July 04, 2011, 11:44:52 PM »

Quote from: BlueTsunami on July 04, 2011, 11:39:02 PM

The most unsatisfying ones are ghost shits

Sometimes I think I have these but then I just give it 5 minutes. I will have my satisfaction.

Himu · « **Reply #43 on:** July 04, 2011, 11:47:37 PM »

Diarrhea is the worst thing.

Human Snorenado · « **Reply #44 on:** July 05, 2011, 12:28:35 AM »

Quote from: Stringer Bell on July 04, 2011, 11:47:37 PM

Diarrhea is the worst thing.

Black and white people agreeing

Robo · « **Reply #45 on:** July 05, 2011, 02:38:07 AM »

if this was a facebook page, I would like it so hard.

Joe Molotov · « **Reply #46 on:** July 05, 2011, 02:52:30 AM »

Quote from: Robo on July 05, 2011, 02:38:07 AM

if this was a facebook page, I would like it so hard.

Make a facebook page called "Evilbore Talks About Taking a Shit" and then like that.

Himu · « **Reply #47 on:** July 05, 2011, 03:14:24 AM »

Quote from: Creepy Old Guy on July 05, 2011, 12:28:35 AM

Quote from: Stringer Bell on July 04, 2011, 11:47:37 PM
Diarrhea is the worst thing.

Black and white people agreeing

All we have left is to embrace the cookie.

CajoleJuice · « **Reply #48 on:** July 05, 2011, 03:19:04 AM »

Himu · « **Reply #49 on:** July 05, 2011, 03:21:58 AM »

THE CURE TO RACE RELATIONS

BlackMage · « **Reply #50 on:** July 05, 2011, 09:08:33 AM »

the worst kind of shit is when you think you are gonna have a good one, and all that comes out are rabbit pellets.

naff · « **Reply #51 on:** July 05, 2011, 09:19:56 AM »

Always eat what I want, always have healthy good shits

Diunx · « **Reply #52 on:** July 05, 2011, 10:18:08 AM »

Where are eb females? I want to read women's perspective on this.

lennedsay · « **Reply #53 on:** July 07, 2011, 12:27:04 AM »

We don't take shits, sweetheart. Didn't you get the memo?

Himu · « **Reply #54 on:** July 07, 2011, 12:33:02 AM »

Bullshit. I smell a lady the other day at the greeting card aisle. Your secret's out, honey.

lennedsay · « **Reply #55 on:** July 07, 2011, 12:39:09 AM »

Was this at Walmart? The things that come out of women in Walmart is the most vile substances ever in existence.

At my last job, we had to set up a kiosk in Walmart for awhile and I had to go check on it every day. They placed it across from the bathroom so for the duration of my employees' shifts and my short trips were spent in complete disgust. Evil motherfuckers. When I'd excuse myself to go to the bathroom, I used to tell my employees (who were awesome and I'm still friends with them) that I was going to go take a shit and make it smell better for them.

Himu · « **Reply #56 on:** July 07, 2011, 12:40:46 AM »

it was at walgreens

lennedsay · « **Reply #57 on:** July 07, 2011, 12:41:22 AM »

$:-\$

Nothing's sacred any longer...

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Author Topic: Let's talk about how awesome taking a shit is (Read 2479 times)