What's the closest you've come to dying?

[Phoenix Dark]

1) I barely survived birth and was in the Ronald McDonald House for the first months of my life, with Meconium aspiration syndrome

2) I almost drowned when I was about seven. My family went on vacation in Canada and I went down a water slide without knowing how to swim. I've never been back to Canada since.

[Great Rumbler]

When I was 3-4 years old, I was at birthday party for one of my brother's friends and everyone thought it would be a cool idea to swim around in this round cattle-trough thing. It wasn't very big and there were a bunch of kids in it, who were all bigger than me. I somehow wound up on the bottom with everyone else standing on me. My mom happened to notice what was going on and dragged me out of the water. If she hadn't noticed...man. Still get chills thinking about that. 

[TakingBackSunday]

I've technically died three separate times in my life (i.e.: no pulse).  Once after birth, once drowning at my uncle's lake house, and once during surgery.

[cool breeze]

Two or three times I blacked out drowning and probably would've died if no one saved me.  I was stabbed once (and almost stabbed more).  I was shot at once.  I was attacked by a bear once (and other animals; was bit by a wolf or feral dog or something once).  Um, other things too like serious car crashes and whatever. 

[Vizzys]

Near collisions at 140mph in teenage racing years.

[Vizzys]

i thought we were copy/pasting neogaf posts

[T234]

Too many times to count. Gunfights, Knife-fights. Been set on fire. Been in some fucked up scenarios for sure. At this point I don't even shake anymore when staring down the barrel of a gun.

[Cormacaroni]

i shot an arrow at this woolly mammoth and this fucking great giant came chasing after me with an enormous club. wait, that was Skyrim

[Himu]

Birth. Born two months premature, was in hospital for two months.

[TEEEPO]

My teacher drove a our school van off the road on a school trip.  We barreled down the mountain for about 20 feet until we high centered.  We were hanging off a cliff loony tunes style.

...

[Van Cruncheon]

severe influenza in college. doctor thought i was gonna die for sure -- even called my parents and told them i probably wouldn't make it. i just remember passing out on the floor of the dorm while violently ill (was that way for the better part of a week and too stupid to go to er), and then woke up in the hospital.

[Cormacaroni]

there was that time I almost had a bagel

[Shaka Khan]

- A couple of car crashes, though I was behind the wheel in one only. No fatal casualties, thankfully.

- A huge... Um, tribal fight 12 years ago in my hometown. 30 (junior) participants. It was us vs some of Wrath's relatives. We triumphed, but a the cost of a brick smashing my head. 6 (7?) stitches and years later, it became a funny story that is constantly being embellished to emphasize the action.

[Human Snorenado]

Two things come to mind. 

First, I was born breach and an emergency caesarian had to be employed to yank me outta my moms.  The doc gave me a 50/50 on living, but well here I am.

Second, I was in a pretty bad car crash my sophomore year at college.  I delivered papers on the weekend and some idiot in a black car with black tinted windows without his lights on pulled in front of me at 3 in the morning as I came over the top of a hill.  I was actually not wearing my seatbelt at the time, which was legal due to delivering papers I believe.  At any rate, I never got cited for it.  Anyway, I hit the dude and at impact my forehead slammed into my windshield pretty hardcore.  Had a bunch of micro-fragments of glass embedded in my head as a result that kept getting pushed out months later, which was pretty awesome.

[Shaka Khan]

I'm noticing a pattern here.

[Diunx]

A couple of years ago I was figthing with a mate and he pushed me to the streets and a car almost ran me over.

When I was little I almost drowned in the beach and my cousin saved me.

[Positive Touch]

never because im unstoppable

[Shaka Khan]

This thread needs more Thor. <3

[Don Flamenco]

car accident when i was 18.  I was in the back middle seat not wearing my seatbelt and got thrown around all in the inside, but the rest of my friends in the full car were fine.  I ended up with a fractured sternum, punctured lung, broken rib, and some various small broken bones.   I had some french onion dip on my lap and it flew all over everything, so that's the smell I remember   (makes me laugh nowadays and I still fucking love eating the stuff.)  Anyway, after the accident, I was seeing the light coming through the sky and passed out, then I was in the ambulance, then the hospital for a while.  Can't even remember off the top of my head how long I was out for. 

it kind of sucked because I was on my way to being a wilderness first responder and I couldn't do any outdoor sports for a long time, which was my thing at the time.  On the other hand, it gave me time to slow down and think about stuff.

Drank water from a fountain at Indira Ghandi airport after surviving close to a month in India. Shat my brains out and spewed up for about two weeks, dropped to around 9 stone in weight (from about 11st 6), hallucinations (visual and aural), inability to have a solid poop for a good month or so, shit self on streets of liverpool on two occassions (fortunately near home) , brief stay in hospital. Nowhere near death i guess, but that's the closest i came.

Giardia?   

[CajoleJuice]

I broke my thumb once. That was scary.

[Cerveza mas fina]

Drank water from a fountain at Indira Ghandi airport after surviving close to a month in India. Shat my brains out and spewed up for about two weeks, dropped to around 9 stone in weight (from about 11st 6), hallucinations (visual and aural), inability to have a solid poop for a good month or so, shit self on streets of liverpool on two occassions (fortunately near home) , brief stay in hospital. Nowhere near death i guess, but that's the closest i came.

We actually had a gun pulled on us when buying train tickets in Dehli (by a ticket agent) but it was done in a really friendly ( i really can't explain what happened, he just casually pulled out the gun whilst he told us there'd be no refunds on misbooked tickets or missed trains with a smile, put it on the desk, stroked it and carried on chatting) - again, not really a death experience.

I'm going next month. Get Hype!

[Shaka Khan]

Arvie was dropped on his head as a baby. It was horrible.

[Cerveza mas fina]

Your avatar is so disturbing Shaka.

[Great Rumbler]

2) I almost drowned when I was about seven. My family went on vacation in Canada and I went down a water slide without knowing how to swim. I've never been back to Canada since.

I somehow wound up on the bottom with everyone else standing on me. My mom happened to notice what was going on and dragged me out of the water.

once drowning at my uncle's lake house

My dad had to pull me out of the ocean when I was like 3 or 4.

Two or three times I blacked out drowning and probably would've died if no one saved me.

Drank water from a fountain at Indira Ghandi airport after surviving close to a month in India.

Stay away from the water!!

[Human Snorenado]

Arvie was dropped on his head as a baby. It was horrible.

That's not true.  I'm pretty sure he was thrown.

[Cheebo]

Born a little over 2 months early, barely made it. Caused lots of medical problems later in life too. Like my digestive system started to fail when I was in second grade and was in the hopsital almost the entire year.

[Shaka Khan]

Your avatar is so disturbing Shaka.

Creepy? That's not what you'll be saying in a few years.

[Mupepe]

I had laryngitis when I was about 6 months old.  I had apparently had it for a day or two and my mom thought it was just a cold.  My dad came home from work and found me burning up in my crib and had me helicoptered from Holloman Air Force Base to Beaumont, TX for medical care.  My entire family from El Paso, Tennessee and New Mexico flew out there as well because the doctors said I wouldn't make it. 

Coming home drunk one night in High School we were followed home by a meth head.  We knew he was following us for a couple of miles and when we pulled into the parking lot for our apartments he got out and pulled a gun on us.  I guess he thought we were someone else but he had the gun pointed at us for a few minutes and he was freaking out about what to do.  After talking him down we convinced him to just put the gun away and go home.  We went inside and smoked a blunt afterwards all while talking about holy shit that was crazy.

That same year in the same apartment complex I got caught between a shoot out between two groups of guys.  I was walking down to the local convenience store for some nachos high as fuck.  I noticed a group of guys arguing with each other on my way there.  On my way back they were still arguing and as I was walking past them and eating a couple chips off my nacho plate they started firing.  I dropped my nachos and booked it home.  I called my mom and I was mostly pissed that I had wasted the last of my money on my now destroyed nachos.

[cool breeze]

Stay away from the water!!

I do  :'(

I can swim if I know I'll be swimming.  If I fell or was pushed into a pool, I'd just freak out and die.  Once time a friend pushed me onto a frozen lake and I damn near shat myself (ice was pretty thick, but still)

[fistfulofmetal]

i was at a go-kart track. i went to get in the go-kart and i put my hand on a bee and it stung me. it hurt a lot so i didn't go for that go-kart session. when i was watching them race from the side of the track the go-kart i was about to get in had some serious mechanical failures and crashed off the track. the chick who was in it was really hurt. i could have been in that go-kart. may have died. all thanks to a bee. thanks bee.

[Brehvolution]

fistfulofbee

[Eel O'Brian]

[pickle]

Holy shit you guys! 

spoiler (click to show/hide)

I'm too much of a shut-in to come anywhere close to dying 

[close]

[Hock]

Can't really think of anything other than one time when I was a kid I ran into the street after arguing with my brother and a car almost hit me. I cried my eyes out and remember it like it was yesterday.

A few years later a friend of mine actually did get hit by a car near the same fucking spot and nearly died. He recovered and never mentioned the incident more than once.

[Mupepe]

oh wait wait wait!  I have a new answer!!!

When I was like 11 I got my first real bike.  One with brakes for the front tires and back tires separately.  Previously I'd only had the kind where you pushed the pedals in reverse to brake.  Well, seeing as how my dad was nowhere to be found and my mom was working two jobs I had no one to tell me anything about using them.  I decided to ride around and use the brakes at full speed.  My first try I went full speed down my neighborhood (trailer park ) street and decided to slam on the front brakes.  I slid off the seat and flew off onto the main bar of the bike crushing both of my nuts.  It was the worst pain I'd ever felt.  I had to walk the bike back home one inch at a time and then I went to bed and held my nuts.  I wasn't in any danger from the bike but I could have killed myself the pain was so intense.  My nuts were black and blue for like 2 weeks and I could barely walk for a couple of days.

[Madrun Badrun]

Arvie was dropped on his head as a baby. It was horrible.

Actually, my grandma dropped me, my head it the wall, but she caught me before I hit the ground. 
How did yuo know?

[Positive Touch]

oh wait wait wait!  I have a new answer!!!

When I was like 11 I got my first real bike.  One with brakes for the front tires and back tires separately.  Previously I'd only had the kind where you pushed the pedals in reverse to brake.  Well, seeing as how my dad was nowhere to be found and my mom was working two jobs I had no one to tell me anything about using them.  I decided to ride around and use the brakes at full speed.  My first try I went full speed down my neighborhood (trailer park ) street and decided to slam on the front brakes.  I slid off the seat and flew off onto the main bar of the bike crushing both of my nuts.  It was the worst pain I'd ever felt.  I had to walk the bike back home one inch at a time and then I went to bed and held my nuts.  I wasn't in any danger from the bike but I could have killed myself the pain was so intense.  My nuts were black and blue for like 2 weeks and I could barely walk for a couple of days.

i did the same thing but it was on a paved street down a huge, steep hill.  i flew off my bike and all the skin on my chin, hands, elbows, and knees was ripped off.  i also tore a huge hole in my hip and had to walk home with one hand on my bike and one holding the elastic from my underwear away from the hole.  at the er they used tweezers to pull a bunch of twigs and gravel from it, and since it was way too big to stitch up they just gave me ointment & pads to put over it.  sometimes the pad would get stuck and i'd have to rip it off like a bandaid, but on a huge seeping wound instead of regular skin.  i of course didnt come close to dying that day, but it hurt like a motherfucker and i still have a big-ass scar on my side because of it.

[Mupepe]

oh wait wait wait!  I have a new answer!!!

When I was like 11 I got my first real bike.  One with brakes for the front tires and back tires separately.  Previously I'd only had the kind where you pushed the pedals in reverse to brake.  Well, seeing as how my dad was nowhere to be found and my mom was working two jobs I had no one to tell me anything about using them.  I decided to ride around and use the brakes at full speed.  My first try I went full speed down my neighborhood (trailer park ) street and decided to slam on the front brakes.  I slid off the seat and flew off onto the main bar of the bike crushing both of my nuts.  It was the worst pain I'd ever felt.  I had to walk the bike back home one inch at a time and then I went to bed and held my nuts.  I wasn't in any danger from the bike but I could have killed myself the pain was so intense.  My nuts were black and blue for like 2 weeks and I could barely walk for a couple of days.

i did the same thing but it was on a paved street down a huge, steep hill.  i flew off my bike and all the skin on my chin, hands, elbows, and knees was ripped off.  i also tore a huge hole in my hip and had to walk home with one hand on my bike and one holding the elastic from my underwear away from the hole.  at the er they used tweezers to pull a bunch of twigs and gravel from it, and since it was way too big to stitch up they just gave me ointment & pads to put over it.  sometimes the pad would get stuck and i'd have to rip it off like a bandaid, but on a huge seeping wound instead of regular skin.  i of course didnt come close to dying that day, but it hurt like a motherfucker and i still have a big-ass scar on my side because of it.

oh snap!  I cringed while reading that

[Cerveza mas fina]

Your avatar is so disturbing Shaka.

Creepy? That's not what you'll be saying in a few years.

huh?

[lennedsay]

Had a severe reaction to my DPT shot as an infant. The doctor said it was an old wives tale that kids could have reactions to shots, and gave me another round. I almost died and my mom found me a new doctor. I was able to finish my DT shots, but I've never been fully vaccinated against pertussis.

My asshole cousin tried to drown me when I was little. Although I grew up with a pool and had tons of swimming classes before this happened, I've had panic attacks nearly every time I've swam in deep or choppy water since.

I caught what started as a cold in August a few years ago and was sick until Christmas. I took three intense rounds of antibiotics, and I just got sicker and sicker. I had this insane fever for months straight, and seriously came to grips with the possibility of my own death. It was supposed to be my last semester of college, but I missed one test in one class due to an incorrect syllabus, and the teacher would not work with me. Even if I took a 0% for that test with no way of making it up, but passed everything else, that wouldn't satisfy her and she made me drop the class. She asked for all these doctor's notes and would lose them and ask for another original, all while I was still sick as fuck, missing other classes to get these notes, and she still wouldn't work with me. I had to appeal to the school that I should get my money back, and they agreed because I was so sick and completely contagious (at that point, I also had a staph infection). I missed so much school that semester because I was so sick and so dizzy that I couldn't drive the 30 mi to school, but I never told my other teachers or asked for leniency. I was still on the Dean's List that semester, so I could've stayed in that bitch's class and been fine... It pushed my graduation back by a semester, and since I only had that one bitch's class to retake, I wasn't considered "half time" and had to start repaying my student loans before I graduated and got a big girl job. My hatred for that woman is probably what kept me alive.

When I was in her class the next semester, I told her, "I'm not going to be here for at least the next class, maybe two. Remember when I was so sick last year? My brother had the same thing and just died. Hopefully I won't have to retake this class for a third time because of this." She gave me no problems that time. Fucking cunt.

[Olivia Wilde Homo]

When I was a teenager and discovering the joys of internet porn, I would jack it 2-3x a day.  Once I was dehydrated and I decided to jack it for a fourth time.  I got such a bad headache that I almost felt like passing out from the pain.

[Jamie]

Almost died when I was 1 year old because of dehydration. Doctor supposedly said I was a day away from being gone. (great parenting skills pop!)

One recent one I remember was that I was probably less than a millisecond away from being hit by a very much speeding car. The realization of how close it was soon after made me fall down on the ground.

[Trent Dole]

Uh, posting on Neogaf?

[chronovore]

Had a severe reaction to my DPT shot as an infant. The doctor said it was an old wives tale that kids could have reactions to shots, and gave me another round. I almost died and my mom found me a new doctor. I was able to finish my DT shots, but I've never been fully vaccinated against pertussis.

My asshole cousin tried to drown me when I was little. Although I grew up with a pool and had tons of swimming classes before this happened, I've had panic attacks nearly every time I've swam in deep or choppy water since.

I caught what started as a cold in August a few years ago and was sick until Christmas. I took three intense rounds of antibiotics, and I just got sicker and sicker. I had this insane fever for months straight, and seriously came to grips with the possibility of my own death. It was supposed to be my last semester of college, but I missed one test in one class due to an incorrect syllabus, and the teacher would not work with me. Even if I took a 0% for that test with no way of making it up, but passed everything else, that wouldn't satisfy her and she made me drop the class. She asked for all these doctor's notes and would lose them and ask for another original, all while I was still sick as fuck, missing other classes to get these notes, and she still wouldn't work with me. I had to appeal to the school that I should get my money back, and they agreed because I was so sick and completely contagious (at that point, I also had a staph infection). I missed so much school that semester because I was so sick and so dizzy that I couldn't drive the 30 mi to school, but I never told my other teachers or asked for leniency. I was still on the Dean's List that semester, so I could've stayed in that bitch's class and been fine... It pushed my graduation back by a semester, and since I only had that one bitch's class to retake, I wasn't considered "half time" and had to start repaying my student loans before I graduated and got a big girl job. My hatred for that woman is probably what kept me alive.

When I was in her class the next semester, I told her, "I'm not going to be here for at least the next class, maybe two. Remember when I was so sick last year? My brother had the same thing and just died. Hopefully I won't have to retake this class for a third time because of this." She gave me no problems that time. Fucking cunt.

Crap, Lennedsay, you lost your brother to that? I'm sorry to hear it. What was the illness? Were they ever able to properly diagnose it?

[CajoleJuice]

Oh yeah I forgot when I almost drank myself to death. Or at least that's what the doc said about how high my BAC was. I was still able to punch a dude in the face while blacked out, though. Couldn't have been that bad.

[cool breeze]

Doctors exaggerate all the time.  Last year I had to do all this medical shit and at the end they're like "lol you just have weird blood."

 

wasting my new vegas time

[CajoleJuice]

Yep, I would have been fine if the students on the floor below me just let me fucking sleep in their hallway. Instead they woke me up and someone's glasses got broken. Idiots.

[cool breeze]

what kind of asshole would wake up someone sleeping in a hallway? that's straight up rude

[lennedsay]

Crap, Lennedsay, you lost your brother to that? I'm sorry to hear it. What was the illness? Were they ever able to properly diagnose it?

Thanks... He refused to go to the doctor and just thought it was a cold he would get over. He was born with spina bifida and a lot of other health problems, so he grew up in hospitals and absolutely hated going. Between the high fever and congestion with absolutely no medicine, his heart couldn't handle it. His official cause of death was Congestive Heart Failure at age 34, where the average age to die from CHF is 65.

He talked to my mom that night, and she tried getting him to go to the hospital, but he refused. So she said if he sounded the same the next morning, she was taking him and he agreed to talk to her the next day, but died in the middle of the night. He started hallucinating that night from the fever, but my moronic sister in law didn't call 911, and eventually went to the living room because his coughing was keeping her up... Yea...

[Phoenix Dark]

Crap, Lennedsay, you lost your brother to that? I'm sorry to hear it. What was the illness? Were they ever able to properly diagnose it?

Thanks... He refused to go to the doctor and just thought it was a cold he would get over. He was born with spina bifida and a lot of other health problems, so he grew up in hospitals and absolutely hated going. Between the high fever and congestion with absolutely no medicine, his heart couldn't handle it. His official cause of death was Congestive Heart Failure at age 34, where the average age to die from CHF is 65.

He talked to my mom that night, and she tried getting him to go to the hospital, but he refused. So she said if he sounded the same the next morning, she was taking him and he agreed to talk to her the next day, but died in the middle of the night. He started hallucinating that night from the fever, but my moronic sister in law didn't call 911, and eventually went to the living room because his coughing was keeping her up... Yea...

fuck sorry to hear that.  :'(

Is the sister-in-law still close to your family?

[lennedsay]

Thanks man...

Lord no. She called us constantly afterward for awhile but I couldn't even bring myself to answer my phone and talk to her. My mom talked to her for awhile because she felt bad not being supportive, but the SIL kept telling her more and more about the events of that night to the point where my mom had to tell her to stop calling. It became more and more apparent that it wasn't a case of my brother dying peacefully in his sleep, and her neglect directly led to a painful, unnecessary death for my only brother.

The day he died, she was concerned because they just bought him a new phone so she wanted to switch to it and cancel her phone. Then every time my mom talked to her, she reminded my mom about her birthday dinner she was planning for herself in June... My brother died at the beginning of April. The last thing I would be concerned about if my husband died would be my birthday 3 months away. Ugh, she's an awful person.

[Phoenix Dark]

Wow. god dammit...

[BobFromPikeCreek]

[lennedsay]

Sorry for the buzzkill..

If it makes you guys feel better, I coped in an incredibly immature and satisfying way... She didn't know this, but I had to pass by her house every day, sometimes several times per day for work. At first it was really hard for me, and I would get upset and mad at what happened. So I started honking obnoxiously every time I passed by. She didn't have a job, so she'd sleep until 1 or 2 in the afternoon, and I had to be at work at like 8:30, so if I had the potential to wake her up multiple times per day, it was a great day for me. I never told anybody about it, because it seemed pretty childish, but it made me feel better to wake her up or just generally annoy her on a daily basis, considering she couldn't be bothered to wake up and take care of my dying brother. Now I can drive by her house without getting upset, and honestly, when we talk about my brother now, I don't focus nearly as much on what happened that night and I've let go of a lot of anger. Maybe it's just been the time that's passed, but maybe the honking helped too.

I was driving with my best friend a few months later, who knew where my brother's house was, and as we start to pass by and I get ready to honk, I tell her, "Hold on, we gotta pay the Troll Toll. FYI: troll currency is obnoxious honking." She has the same sick sense of humor as me, so she was pretty pleased. I'm probably going to hell, but eh, God has a lot of shit on me anyway.

[Oblivion]

I almost died drowning in a swimming pool when I was 11. I was learning how to swim and I had my life jacket on. Somebody got too cocky and thought he could swim even better without it. That didn't work out as planned.  :'(

Never went swimming again. :'(

[lennedsay]

Sorry to hear about that len, its never easy losing someone close to you.

And if it makes you feel any better, if you find yourself in hell you're invited to all my parties.

I'll hold you to that buddy. Hell sounds like a great place where all the fun people go.

[chronovore]

That reminds me of one of my favorite jokes, though maybe it's not entirely appropriate...

A man who had lived his life as a perfect christian; he follows every rule in the bible, and leads a lonely but righteous life. He forgoes all the pleasures of the flesh and is focused on his heavenly reward. When he dies, he finds himself in Heaven. God himself opens the door, and shows him in. "Hey, how are you doing? Welcome to Heaven. Are you hungry? Let me get your supper ready..." and God scuttles off through two large doors into the kitchen.

The newly-departed christian guy looks down from the dining room and, since this is Heaven, he is able to look directly down into Hell. The dining room there is acres large, and full of people screaming and laughing; there are all manner of strange and savory looking dishes being eaten, thrown, and used in a number of unusual ways down in Hell's living room. There is just about every kind of meat, fruit, and vegetable on hand, across the rows and rows of tables.

"Wow," thinks the dead guy, "if this is what Hell gets, we're really in for a treat!"

God comes back in through the doors, carrying a couple plates. On each one is a bologna sandwich on white bread. "Here you go!" says God.

"Wait, you are the Host of Hosts, so where's the feast?!"

God looks incredulous and says, "What, I should cook when there's just the two of us?"

[lennedsay]

 

[chronovore]

One time I was driving around in Saudi Arabia and I was trying to change the radio station from Quranic recitation and I almost hit a guy who who making a U-turn in front of me.  I waved at him to apologize but apparently he was pretty pissed because he followed me for a while.  He was making me nervous so I slowed down and tried to trap him behind a red light but he ran it and kept following me.  I was starting to get scared and then he rammed into the back of my car.  Now I was really scared.  I tried to get away but his car was faster than mine and he rammed me again so I pulled over to try and apologize.  He came up to my driver side window and started screaming at me in Arabic.  I didn't catch exactly what he said but there was some fucks and I got the gist of it.  I tried to tell him that I didn't mean to pull out in front of him but he kept demanding I give him money and pointing to his pants that were wet.  I didn't know what to do so I told him that the devil made me do it and that he should leave my judgement to Allah since Saudis are pretty superstitious and I thought he'd buy it.  Well, he didn't.  He pulled me out of the car and started kicking and punching me.  I didn't do anything to fight back because he was so scary so I just went limp and basically played 'possum.  He didn't stop until I was bleeding all over the pavement and had broken my nose, jaw, and a couple ribs.  I thought he was going to kill me and I bet he wanted to but he probably thought I was already dead and left me there on the road.  I called the cops but they told me I was a bitch for getting beat up.

 

Not what I'd expected from the military guy. Not that I'm judging, just surprised.

[Joe Molotov]

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