This is a rant I get to post instead of showing off a shiny new iPhone 4S in the "What did you buy?" thread.
Now that I'm in America, I need to get myself a cell phone. As a long-time Apple aficionado, it has been a little strange that I'm the only person I know who doesn't have an iPhone. I determine to get myself one, and find that there's a "monthly rates 10% off" coupon for Sprint in my stack of credit union snailmail.
I applied for the Sprint discount and an iPhone 4S through the website they'd set up specifically for the credit union members, and finalized my order after confirming that my US bank account had funds available to cover the whole cost and that the daily debit card limit was sufficient. Everything was cleared and fine.
A few hours later, I check my gmail account and there are FOUR new mails from Sprint, telling me that they've put my order on Hold until I can answer some questions, and that they'll cancel the order if they don't hear from me in the next five days. OK, no problem, I call. They say their credit department cannot find enough information on me to confirm that I'm who I say I am, so I need to present two pieces of valid photo identification to a clerk at any one of their corporate stores. Again, OK, no problem, I will go in the next day since shops are closed already. The nearest one is two freeways away, but I can make it in the morning.
The next morning, at 8:40 a.m. I get a call from Sprint about my order. It's the same thing as the previous night, they need me to present photo ID at store. I ask the guy if this is the same thing from the previous night. If so, am I in their system twice, am I about to be charged twice, or did someone just forget to set a flag on my order that says that contact has already been made? "Oh, it's probably just overlap, these calls go out at pre-set times..." Alright, but are you aware that THE STORES HERE ARE NOT EVEN OPEN YET? I can't even do what you're asking me AGAIN to do until the store opens.
When the store opens, I go there with my valid CA drivers license and an international passport; if I go to Uzbekistan, this single document is enough to prove that I am me. It's generally accepted to be proof of identity on its own, but I've also got this state's driver's license featuring my current address.
There are 3 employees at Sprint, and 1 customer. One of the employees is acting as a greeter at a podium at the front of the store. "Can I have your name?" I give it to him, and tell him I need to identify myself to the Sprint credit office. I proceed to tell him my application number, but he says, "No, I'm just checking you in to the system. We'll call you in a few minutes."
I look past him at the other two employees, one of whom is serving a customer, then back at him. "OK."
I wander around the store at the various accessories and stuff, just killing time until I can present my identification. It's a full 10 minutes later that, from directly behind me, I hear my name shouted. Barked at me. Seriously, I just about jumped out of my skin. The other clerk, a muscly, shaved-head-and-goatee type, has finally showed up. I explain my situation to him. He immediately recites it all back to the one remaining clerk, except he gets just about every conceivable detail wrong.
Finally, with this last clerk, I am able to present my IDs. She reviews them, and then calls Sprint Credit to confirm. "They just want to talk to you now." OK, sure. The Sprint Credit rep on the other end of the line says, "We are going to ask you some questions, gathered from the public record, to confirm that you are really you. Is that acceptable?" Sure.
"Which of the following cities have you lived in?" (she recites a string of cities I have not lived in ) "...or none of the above?"
None of the above.
"Which of the following street names have you lived on?" (recites a series of streets on which I have not lived)
...'Prospect" sounds familiar, I may have known someone who lived on 'a Prospect street,' but I don't believe I've lived on Prospect. Um, none of the above...? I don't understand how these questions can be useful if they're all "none of the above."
"Which of the following people have you lived with, or have lived at the same address as you?" (string of people whom I do not know)
None of the above. I am really confused by these questions. Is there...
"Please pass the phone back to the Sprint representative."
OK...
Clerk: "I'm sorry, sir. You've been declined." They didn't believe it was me, even though I had showed up with a passport and CDL.
I later realized that "Prospect" was an address I stayed at for 5 weeks after graduating college, while looking for work. TWENTY YEARS AGO. FIVE WEEKS. Yeah, I some contract work during that time, and it must have shown up on a W-2 somewhere. But, yeah, the other two questions, I can only assume they were for other people with my same name, or something like that.
I'll cut out the additional part where I had to call them again to have my declined application canceled, so the "hold" is removed on the funds in my bank account. I'll note that Sprint told me "you can apply again in 60 days," to which I responded "In 60 days, I will have owned a phone for 58 days, since I'll be going with a different carrier."
Anyway, yeah, Sprint will never see a dime of my money.
