Michael Bay and the new Turtles movie - the Turtles are now aliens wtf

[Himu]

WTF

This makes no sense. What about their Brooklyn accents? What about their names? What about their weapons? This makes no SENSE.

http://www.superherohype.com/news/articles/169903-platinum-dunes-teenage-mutant-ninja-turtles-to-feature-alien-origin?fb_ref=.T2ZmHiEifU8.like&fb_source=home_multiline

[FlameofCallandorReturns]

I had a friend on FB that is 27 and was completely going off the wall over this announcement. I laughed at his nerd rage.

[Himu]

I'm not enraged or anything, but this makes no sense at all.

[Great Rumbler]

lol

[Himu]

Raph will talk in ebonics and appear in black face

[Great Rumbler]

Someone needs to figure out a way to harness nerd rage as a power source. It's cheap, renewable, and relatively clean!

[Himu]

[Himu]

The Thor situation with Idris Elba was hilarious

[FlameofCallandorReturns]

Someone needs to figure out a way to harness nerd rage as a power source. It's cheap, renewable, and relatively clean!

genius

[Himu]

First they came for the Transformers, and I didn't speak out because I never liked the Transformers.
Then they came for the Smurfs, and I didn't speak out because my nostalgia had waned.
Then they came for the Jews, and I didn't speak out because it's the Jews.
Then they came for the Ninja Turtles and there was no one left to cry with me.

[FlameofCallandorReturns]

First they came for the Transformers, and I didn't speak out because I never liked the Transformers.
Then they came for the Smurfs, and I didn't speak out because my nostalgia had waned.
Then they came for the Jews, and I didn't speak out because it's the Jews.
Then they came for the Ninja Turtles and there was no one left to cry with me.

Nope. Nobody cares about ninja turtles either. Didn't they already reboot the franchise 6 or 7 years ago with a terrible movie?

[Himu]

I don't know, I ctrl+c'd that post from reddit because it was fucking hilarious

[Great Rumbler]

As long as Splinter remains a radical rat, then I'm fine with whatever they do.

[Himu]

Michael Bay makes the most boring action films I've ever witnessed.

Bad Boys 2 put me to sleep. It's like 2 and a half hours of tedium despite the amount of ammo consumed and explosion ratio per minute.

The director of the new film directed Battle: Los Angeles and the recent Texas Chainsaw Massacre. So this movie is fucked out of the get go even without Bay as producer.

[Mupepe]

Michael Bay makes the most boring action films I've ever witnessed.

Bad Boys 2 put me to sleep. It's like 2 and a half hours of tedium despite the amount of ammo consumed and explosion ratio per minute.

The director of the new film directed Battle: Los Angeles and the recent Texas Chainsaw Massacre. So this movie is fucked out of the get go even without Bay as producer.

Terrible fucking movies

[Himu]

We still have Turtles 1990, guys.

[Bebpo]

Has about as much chance of being realistic as a mutation causing turtles to grow into humanoid pizza loving skateboarding vigilantes does.

[Himu]

The point isn't realism, Bebpo. Nothing is realistic about talking humanoid turtles. However, the fact they're mutations, born and bred on Earth, is the very core of their characters and one of the main points of the story.

It's like changing Superman's origin story to him being born from a Olympian God. Sure, it doesn't change the fact it's a man who can shoot laser beams out of his eyes, but it changes the entire identity of the character.

[Himu]

[Phoenix Dark]

I'm just not going to see the film, fuck it. No used in getting upset with Bay's bullshit

[Tasty]

I'm not enraged or anything, but this makes no sense at all.

A movie about anthropomorphized rat and his adopted turtle sons fighting a bunch of Japanese ninjas inexplicably in New York City, and that's the part that makes no sense to you?

[Tasty]

First they came for the Transformers, and I didn't speak out because I never liked the Transformers.
Then they came for the Smurfs, and I didn't speak out because my nostalgia had waned.
Then they came for the Jews, and I didn't speak out because it's the Jews.
Then they came for the Ninja Turtles and there was no one left to cry with me.

Nope. Nobody cares about ninja turtles either. Didn't they already reboot the franchise 6 or 7 years ago with a terrible movie?

The CG movie wasn't bad, it just felt like it was made for TV.

Turtles was before my time so I can't help but see them as some lame product of the 80s, their popularity always perplexed me. Transformers I sort of got but maybe that's only because Transformers kept going into the 90s and 00s whereas Turtles for the most part became a fossilized part of 80s children's culture.

I did watch and enjoy the 1990 movie when I was younger, though.

[Enl]

The CG movie wasn't bad, it just felt like it was made for TV.

Turtles was before my time so I can't help but see them as some lame product of the 80s, their popularity always perplexed me. Transformers I sort of got but maybe that's only because Transformers kept going into the 90s and 00s whereas Turtles for the most part became a fossilized part of 80s children's culture.

I did watch and enjoy the 1990 movie when I was younger, though.

Some of us didn't get into TMNT because of the show.  Originally they were a series gritty, bloody, and very demented comics that weren't really aimed for kids (Casey Jones in the comics was practically a mentally unstable psychopath).  It wasn't until the first cartoon series when they became the cheesy radical talking, multicolored bandana wearing mutants that was more for children. The first movie was a bit closer to the original comics, which is why you probably liked it, but still had a bunch of influences from the show. I do think the original TMNT style would be better suited for today's audience than the continuing use of the late 80's cartoon style.

[Dickie Dee]

Raph will talk in ebonics and appear in black face

3 Turtles will be black with the exception being Leonardo (who leads)

[Robo]

The cartoon is essentially the result of mainstreaming alternative surf/skate culture in the late-80s, early-90s and the burgeoning adaptability of all things ninja. 

It really couldn't have come together more perfectly.

[Himu]

I'm not enraged or anything, but this makes no sense at all.

A movie about anthropomorphized rat and his adopted turtle sons fighting a bunch of Japanese ninjas inexplicably in New York City, and that's the part that makes no sense to you?

Uhh you can't be this dense.

[fistfulofmetal]

they weren't aliens originally?

[Himu]

Raph will talk in ebonics and appear in black face

3 Turtles will be black with the exception being Leonardo (who leads)

Leonardo leads,
Donatello cooks collard greens

[Himu]

First they came for the Transformers, and I didn't speak out because I never liked the Transformers.
Then they came for the Smurfs, and I didn't speak out because my nostalgia had waned.
Then they came for the Jews, and I didn't speak out because it's the Jews.
Then they came for the Ninja Turtles and there was no one left to cry with me.

Nope. Nobody cares about ninja turtles either. Didn't they already reboot the franchise 6 or 7 years ago with a terrible movie?

The CG movie wasn't bad, it just felt like it was made for TV.

Turtles was before my time so I can't help but see them as some lame product of the 80s, their popularity always perplexed me. Transformers I sort of got but maybe that's only because Transformers kept going into the 90s and 00s whereas Turtles for the most part became a fossilized part of 80s children's culture.

I did watch and enjoy the 1990 movie when I was younger, though.

lol

90's baby

[Dickie Dee]

Raph will talk in ebonics and appear in black face

3 Turtles will be black with the exception being Leonardo (who leads)

Leonardo leads,
Donatello cooks collard greens

Raphael is still cool but crude tho

[cool breeze]

I don't see why this is a problem.

Aliens come to Earth.  Learn of Earth culture through television.  Michelangelo yells "come at me, bro" at Shredder.

[Himu]

I don't see why this is a problem.

Aliens come to Earth.  Learn of Earth culture through television.  Michelangelo yells "come at me, bro" at Shredder.

I don't see why this is a problem.

Peter Parker was born on the planet Arachnagora. One day while playing with his webs he found a pod that sent him to Earth. He learns how to be human by watching tv and his adopted parents. He dons the moniker of Spider-Man after Uncle Ben fell down a flight of stairs instead of being murdered because Peter was an immature kid playing with powers he didn't understand. Spider-Man shoots webs into Doc Ock's eyes and bangs Gwen Stacy.

[Olivia Wilde Homo]

I'll just buy the original movie for $3 at some Walmart clearance bin and not even pretend to acknowledge this movie.

[Boogie]

I guess this is what we get for Eastman and Laird selling the rights and walking away from all things TMNT.

The 2003 series kicked ass, btw.

[Huff]

First they came for the Transformers, and I didn't speak out because I never liked the Transformers.
Then they came for the Smurfs, and I didn't speak out because my nostalgia had waned.
Then they came for the Jews, and I didn't speak out because it's the Jews.
Then they came for the Ninja Turtles and there was no one left to cry with me.

Nope. Nobody cares about ninja turtles either. Didn't they already reboot the franchise 6 or 7 years ago with a terrible movie?

The CG movie wasn't bad, it just felt like it was made for TV.

Turtles was before my time so I can't help but see them as some lame product of the 80s, their popularity always perplexed me. Transformers I sort of got but maybe that's only because Transformers kept going into the 90s and 00s whereas Turtles for the most part became a fossilized part of 80s children's culture.

I did watch and enjoy the 1990 movie when I was younger, though.

The first series was from 87 - 96. That was before your time?

[Himu]

I guess this is what we get for Eastman and Laird selling the rights and walking away from all things TMNT.

Eastman writes for the new IDW TMNT comic, which owns btw. It reboots the origin and makes it more interesting too.

[Olivia Wilde Homo]

I can't wait to see what vapid bimbo Michael Bay will cast as April O'Neil

[Himu]

Thankfully Bay is only the producer but the director doesn't give me much hope. I was really excited for a new live action Turtles film too.

[Boogie]

I guess this is what we get for Eastman and Laird selling the rights and walking away from all things TMNT.

Eastman writes for the new IDW TMNT comic, which owns btw. It reboots the origin and makes it more interesting too.

Yes, I see I slightly overspoke.  Still, this is the sort of fuckery that you can expect when you sell the rights to Nickelodeon.

[Himu]

Tin Tin was good.

[Boogie]

Tin Tin was good.

yeeeah, and Tin Tin was directed by Spielberg, written by Edgar Wright and had friggin' Andy Serkis, Daniel Craig, Nick Frost, and Simon Pegg in it.

[Himu]

If only the turtles had that kind of backing.

[Great Rumbler]

And Tin Tin wasn't even that great, just kinda okay.

[Joe Molotov]

First they came for the Transformers, and I didn't speak out because I never liked the Transformers.
Then they came for the Smurfs, and I didn't speak out because my nostalgia had waned.
Then they came for the Jews, and I didn't speak out because it's the Jews.
Then they came for the Ninja Turtles and there was no one left to cry with me.

Nope. Nobody cares about ninja turtles either. Didn't they already reboot the franchise 6 or 7 years ago with a terrible movie?

The CG movie wasn't bad, it just felt like it was made for TV.

Turtles was before my time so I can't help but see them as some lame product of the 80s, their popularity always perplexed me. Transformers I sort of got but maybe that's only because Transformers kept going into the 90s and 00s whereas Turtles for the most part became a fossilized part of 80s children's culture.

I did watch and enjoy the 1990 movie when I was younger, though.

The first series was from 87 - 96. That was before your time?

Andrex is 12, so yes.

[Flannel Boy]

I can't wait to see what vapid bimbo Michael Bay will cast as April O'Neil

Christina Hendricks, please.

If I had to guess, I'd say Andrex is about 20.  So, born in 1992, thereabouts.  The TMNT series did run until 1996 but it was definitely over the hill by then.  I'd say as an actual "cool" thing, the turtles were done by about 1992-93.  I honestly can't imagine anyone born later than say... '84/85 seeing the "pop culture" version of the turtles as cool.  So yeah, the TMNT generation is only a few years away from being 30 at the youngest. 

We be old, fools.

I have a memory of some punk-kid telling April to chill out because it's the 80s.

So old.

[Himu]

My last hope is a Rocksteady developed Turtles game

At least there's the IDW comic and Image comics reprints

[Himu]

If I had to guess, I'd say Andrex is about 20.  So, born in 1992, thereabouts.  The TMNT series did run until 1996 but it was definitely over the hill by then.  I'd say as an actual "cool" thing, the turtles were done by about 1992-93.  I honestly can't imagine anyone born later than say... '84/85 seeing the "pop culture" version of the turtles as cool.  So yeah, the TMNT generation is only a few years away from being 30 at the youngest. 

We be old, fools.

I saw the original movie in theatres release day.

My dad bought me some cartoon vhs tapes the very next day.

The following week we went to the drive in to watch Ghost. I just watched TMNT all over again just one screen away.

I later got into the comics via reprints available in the 90's. I ate those mother fucking ninja turtle pies and even the cereal.

Memories. 

[Positive Touch]

THE PIES AND CEREAL WERE THE BEST PART

[Tasty]

lol

90's baby

(Image removed from quote.)

They're Back and More Dangerous than Ever

The first series was from 87 - 96. That was before your time?

Not strictly before I was born, but the fad had already passed by the time I could have cared.

If I had to guess, I'd say Andrex is about 20.  So, born in 1992, thereabouts.  The TMNT series did run until 1996 but it was definitely over the hill by then.  I'd say as an actual "cool" thing, the turtles were done by about 1992-93.  I honestly can't imagine anyone born later than say... '84/85 seeing the "pop culture" version of the turtles as cool.  So yeah, the TMNT generation is only a few years away from being 30 at the youngest. 

We be old, fools.

Close! You're pretty good.

[Diunx]

I used to have TMNT bed dresses and an obscene amount of turtle toys! not to mention the countless times I finished turtles in time in coop with the cousins

[Momo]

Nothing makes nerds madder than making beloved white characters black.  People are still tearing their eyes out over black Green Lantern.

I know people that still has a weekly rage at Nick Fury

[Momo]

Okay since we are here and there likely never will be another turtles thread on the bore I have 2 questions to ask.

1) Why the fuck do they wear masks? It's not like they can take them off and people WONT notice they are giant turtles.
2) Has April EVER done anything useful? I mean shit, shes always fucking things up in some form or another. Does she give good head or what?

[Momo]

It looks weird, I mean I can understand if it's there to identify them, but it's ass backwards

I had these turtles audiobooks as a kid and whenever the narrator mentioned April, bullshit was happening. These things/turtles live in danger of being killed/abducted for science all the time, one would think the last thing they need is a loud mouthed incapable human being like April around. Well not all friendships need cock sucking, but it's never a bad bonus.

I agree her shit got messed up because of them as much as the reverse, that's why I don't get the friendship.

[Momo]

The April I know was always spouting bullshit on broadcast pissing off shredder and trying to act cool while being kidnapped 5 mins later. I was 4/5 when I listened to those books, thats all I can remember of her.

I'll try and get the archie comics version, will sit nicely beside the clusterfuck that is Sonic the hedgehog archie comics.

[Momo]

Noted. Mirage it will be then. Great thanks for your guidance, my knowledge on these matters is minimal at best D:

[Dickie Dee]

The April I know was always spouting bullshit on broadcast pissing off shredder and trying to act cool while being kidnapped 5 mins later. I was 4/5 when I listened to those books, thats all I can remember of her.

I'll try and get the archie comics version, will sit nicely beside the clusterfuck that is Sonic the hedgehog archie comics.

If you're going to go digging for comics, get the Mirage original series.  It's pretty awesome and unique although when it finally goes down, it goes down in horrifying flames, haha.  The Archies aren't awful and considering their root is the TUBULAR 80s animated series, it's surprising how decent they are, but the real deal is the Mirage series.

I still remember reading when Splinter's Master's rival attacked the Master's woman and was all BOOBIEEE 

/10 year old self

[Momo]

^I think we got the TMNT stuff way later than america hence our time seemingly timewarped tastes

[Momo]

South of the Border

spoiler (click to show/hide)

Africa South

[close]

[tiesto]

Raph will talk in ebonics and appear in black face

3 Turtles will be black with the exception being Leonardo (who leads)

Leonardo leads,
Donatello cooks collard greens

Raphael is still cool but crude tho

Michaelangelo raps like Devin tha Dude

[Himu]

Yup, I stopped watch the cartoon in 92/93. I attended a private daycare that went all the up to 1st grade. So when we "graduated" from 1st grade, I got to stay home for a bit, and I remember I watched my last ep of the cartoon that day. "Wow this show sucks now" and I turned it to Bobby's World or Batman: TAS or something on Fox.

Fall that year, Power Rangers aired and TMNT was pretty much done.

By 93, they put out the crappy sports turtles figures and the figures where you squeeze their legs and their heads pop out of their shells!!!!!!