All of this is ice cold truth. I made my bed, now I'm laying in it.
What happened was this: While in Korea, I had serious doubts about the marriage, as did she. It was getting pretty clear that we were going in opposite directions and needed/wanted more than the other person was willing to provide. In that time, I met a woman I fell for like crazy. I've basically never been that into anyone, it freaked me out, but lemme be clear: I never cheated. I felt like I might, and so I called it. It was kind of a relief for both of us.
We formally separated, a few weeks went by and then I started seeing that woman. It was amazing and awesome, totally the best time I've ever had with anyone. I'll spare you the details, but it went really fucking well and then it just didn't. She swapped teams at work, started working like 12 hour days and just shut off like a light switch. I went from seeing her like 3 times a week to literally not getting so much as a text for 3 days.
I finally kind of tracked her down and we actually had an amazingly pleasant breakup, which I now hate, because it was also amazingly ambiguous. She kept apologizing, but just said she was too busy and this was the way she handles things mentally, etc etc. It was a little weird after that because our mutual friends were like "Dude, last week she was telling me how excited she was to do all this stuff with you, I dont know what happened" . Anyway, I saw her last night for the first time in a month and it was fine, but I was already drunk by the time she was there.
I've been fishing the OKCupid pond with some success.
It's a weird time. I'm really on my own for the first time in 6 years. I live in a city where I don't know a lot of people. Or, I did when I moved here, but because alot of INDIE GAMES DRAMA people are moving or not speaking. I'm dealing with a weird, big, ugly heartbreak. I am sort of figuring out how to put myself back together and sometimes that's an exciting, thrilling project and sometimes I feel like I'm just staring at a box of parts and I get that EXACT sensation when you took something apart and have no idea how to put it back together again. Dread and regret.