MSN's Stupid Article of the Day - The Summer's Best Love Boosters (20 Tips!)

[The Fake Shemp]

Have a private starlit screening

Ditch the crowds and hold your own alfresco film festival. Just plug your TV and VCR into an extension cord and bring them out to your porch or backyard. Then set up a pair of lawn chairs or spread a blanket on the grass and snuggle up while you enjoy a little summer-inspired cinema. Try a classic surf flick, such as Beach Blanket Bingo or Elvis's Blue Hawaii; get scared silly with The Beach or Jaws; or soak up the stunning sunset scenes in How Stella Got Her Groove Back, Cocktail or Stealing Beauty.

Rope him into a rodeo

Take your guy to see a bucking-bronco show near you: Check out www.prorodeo.com or www.rodeo.about.com. If you're lucky, you may even be able to sweet-talk your handsome stallion into wearing his tightest pair of jeans while you promise to sport a fetching cowboy hat. Yee-haw!

Lay it on thick

When he walks into the house all hot and sweaty after mowing the lawn, tell him how sexy he looks.

Plumb forget your panties

When you're at an outdoor concert, a play or a picnic (basically, anyplace you're surrounded by people), whisper in your lover-boy's ear that -- oops! -- you "forgot" to wear panties. Trust us: You'll reap the benefits of his eager anticipation later!

Give each other a head rush

Next time the two of you are on a secluded stretch of beach or alone beside a lake, wade into the deep end and exchange sensual scalp massages.

Make a grape escape

On one of those sticky, sweltering dog days of summer, feed each other frozen grapes.

Try a new kind of love note

When the moon is just a sliver in the sky, take a pack of sparklers outside and try to guess the mushy messages you're writing to each other in the air. Try "You light up my life," "You are my firecracker" or (our personal favorite) "Meet me in the bedroom now!"

Seekest some Shakespeare

Behold one of the bard's frisky romantic comedies on an outdoor stage: You can't go wrong with A Midsummer Night's Dream, Twelfth Night, or As You Like It. To find a performance near you, try running a Web keyword search for "Shakespeare in the Park" and your city, or call your local arts council.

Pack a predawn picnic

Before the sun comes up, coax your man out of bed and take him to a private spot for a wonderfully serene breakfast picnic. Bring along bagels with strawberry cream cheese, fresh fruit salad and last but not least, a Thermos full of premixed mimosas made with champagne and fresh-squeezed orange juice.

Entice with ice

On a sultry day, turn off the A.C. and give each other tingly, tantalizing ice-cube caresses. Run a melting cube over the back of your man's neck and across his shoulders -- and all the way down to his toes if he can stand it. Then let him return the favor. What to do once the cube's gone? We'll leave that up to you.

Watch the perfect storm

Next time a summer storm rolls in, pretend there's a power outage -- even if the electricity is A-OK. Shut off all the lights, burn a candle or two, cuddle on the sofa with your sweetie as you take in the lightning show; then watch the sparks fly.

Ride for romance

Take pedal fun up a notch by renting a bicycle built for two. It's a carefree way to get your blood pumping -- which, by the way, can shift your sex drive into high gear.

Host a one-on-one luau

No, you don't have to learn to hula or spit-roast a pig to have Hawaiian-style fun. Simply nibble on fresh pineapple while you dip your tootsies in a blow-up kiddie pool and toast each other with piña coladas (complete with hot pink paper umbrellas, of course). While you're at it, serenade yourselves with tropical tunes (try The Music of Hawaii or Best of Hawaii, available at www.cdnow.com).

Put your best foot forward

Go to bed in your strappiest, sexiest come-hither summer sandals. Period.

Spell something sexy

Take a Scrabble board to a park, find a shady, out-of-the-way spot and turn up the heat by awarding extra points for spelling intimate and erotic words and phrases. Oh, and one more thing: The winner's prize must involve at least three of those terms.

Get ready for your close-up

Pop quiz: When was the last time the two of you took pictures of each other without the kiddies? If you racked your brain, then answered, "On our honeymoon," pick a clear, sunny day and go camera crazy. Frolic in flowery fields at a botanical garden or in foamy ocean waves. Head to a zoo and say cheese next to some wildlife. And don't forget to ask a nice stranger to snap a few shots of you sweethearts. (Plus, when summer's over you can flip through the photos whenever you need a quick love boost.)

Make adults-only milkshakes

Cool down together as you sip this creamy concoction with a kick: Put one peeled and chopped mango, one sliced banana, one quarter of a cup of vanilla-flavored vodka, half a cup of orange juice, one cup of mango sorbet and one cup of ice cubes into a blender. Mix until smooth, then serve -- with a single straw, of course (makes three cups).

Get into the swing of things

The best thing about hanging out together in a hammock: You can't help but get superclose. So string one up and enjoy beautiful breezy nights spent rocking to and fro or catch a bit of shady shut-eye on lazy Sundays.

Spy fireflies

Take a leisurely drive into the country, spread a blanket on the hood of your car and count how many lightning bugs appear. (Whoever spots the most gets a full-body massage back home.)

Say cheers!

Win the Spouse of the Year award by taking him to a beer festival. Click on www.allaboutbeer.com or www.beersweetbeer.com to find a draft-fest in your neck of the woods.

Go to first base

Buy the sky-high bleacher seats at a ball game. Why? They come with primo privacy for a seventh-inning-stretch make-out session.

Have some pre-sun fun

You're supposed to slather on sunscreen before you head to a sunny spot, right? So make sure you and your guy take your sweet time spreading plenty of lotion on each other while you're still at home. Tell him not to forget all the places on your body that have never seen the sun; and if you get distracted and don't end up going outside that day, oh well.

Who has time for all this shit - rich, white people?

[smiles-and-cries]

only one tip you'll need for summer: stick some ice in the coochie and insert the penis use to motion to melt it into a cool heaven, summer heat begone

[Van Cruncheon]

I love these threads.

[The Fake Shemp]

I love these threads.

C'mon, you're a married man.  What would be your reaction to this:

Plumb forget your panties

When you're at an outdoor concert, a play or a picnic (basically, anyplace you're surrounded by people), whisper in your lover-boy's ear that -- oops! -- you "forgot" to wear panties. Trust us: You'll reap the benefits of his eager anticipation later!

YEAH GO TO A PUBLIC PLACE AND ADMIT YOU'RE A WHORE.

[Van Cruncheon]

My wife is cute and all, but after nine years of marriage, I think my reaction would be to take the tequila bottle away from her for the rest of the evening.

[The Fake Shemp]

Try a new kind of love note

When the moon is just a sliver in the sky, take a pack of sparklers outside and try to guess the mushy messages you're writing to each other in the air. Try "You light up my life," "You are my firecracker" or (our personal favorite) "Meet me in the bedroom now!"

C'mon, Drinky!  If my wife did that, I'd punch her in the uterus!

[Van Cruncheon]

If she did THAT, I would punch her in the chickjunk.

If I tried what they're suggesting on HER, she'd probably get a restraining order filed against me and move to Zambia. In fact, she's said that if my clone ever returned from the dead, that's how she'd tell us apart this time: if it says sappy romantic shit, it's obviously not me and her only alternative would be to kill us both to be safe.