I thought you guys might like some more CRAZY WORK STORIES.

[GilloD]

So, after I got that divorce and up ended the table on my fucking life, I got a job doing Game Design at a Non-Profit gaming start up. I'm gonna redact the name for now because I am broke as a joke and I'm only there for 5 more weeks. If we're Facebook bros I guess you can look it up.

Anyway, I've kept from telling these stories because its kind of been my lifeline for the last few months and I was chugging the Kool Aid pretty hard, but now I'm gonna tell a few because there was some serious straw that broke the camel's back bullshit today. THE GIST: My boss is an epic moron. Its like the movie Big- He's basically 8 years old and somehow magically turned into an adult. Theres no other explanation. But the dude has a silver toungue and he keeps pulling in giant grants. But the whole company is basically an excuse for him to blow a fuckload of money talking out his ass to people. Here's bullshit from TODAY. Keep in mind, all this occured in 8 hours:

BACKGROUND: Despite having TWO 2500$+ projectors, he says we need a Plasma TV. He does the research (i.e., looks at price tags) and announces we need a TOP OF THE LINE model. He selects a 3,000$ Plasma from the Magnolia section in Best Buy. It weighs 130 pounds. We have to special order a $500 stand to hold it, because all the other stands are "not up my design standards". Keep in mind we had to BEG for months to get THREE Unity licenses to do actual game programming. Also, he fired our only 3D artist becausehe was "too expensive" at $17/hr.

#1:
THE SCENE: I'm walking between the Dev Room and the Kitchen. We have an office so small that some people work outside. The Plasma has been wheeled to the center of the room.

THE EVENT: He stops me: "GilloD, this is unacceptable.". "What is?" "I asked to you have this TV set up so I could use it 24/7 when I want to show someone content" "It is ready. Just hit the power button". "I can't be expected to have to turn something on everytime I want to show content. Fix this so the TV is on 24/7".

#2:
THE SCENE: He's sitting in his office fucking with his iPad which was paid for with COMPANY MONEY. This guy makes 180k, which is literally more than 2/3 of the entire salary budget for the company. He also insisted on having a cellular data plan- This month alone he's used FORTY GIGS paid for by, you got it, the company.

The Event: He calls me in. "It says I'm out of data again. I need you to buy me more data." "That's over 40 gigs you used this month" "I have to use it. I need to be able to see Netflix, it gives me ideas for the games" "Well, look. Here's how you connect to the WiFi" "No, the wifi is too slow. I'm only going to use 3G". We have about 30 people on a residential line because he refuses to upgrade the connection.

#3
BACKGROUND: Earlier in the day he let our environment artist go. The dude was beloved, a stout, fat, loud motherfucker with terrible taste in music who everyone loved. My boss once made him LEAD SOUND DESIGNER because "he listens to a lot of music". Anyway, everyone was bummed about this. Earlier in the week he decided he needed a new computer paid for by, TA-DA, the company. He demands a TOP OF THE LINE retina Macbook. So, I do the homework and one of the only real major differences between the $2100 and $2700 models is the size of the SSD disk. It makes no fucking sense to pay $600 for an extra 300 gigs of SSD space when an external drive is like. 100 bucks or whatever. So I get him the $2100 one because I'm not dropping another $600 on more dumb shit.

The Scene: "This is not top of the line. I need top of the line". "Well, let's look at this. Would you pay $600 for a $90 product?" "I would if it was top of the line. I can't use this. I already filled up 40 gigs from my old computer". "Well that gives you 160 gigs left". "But what if I use it all" "Then we'll get an external SSD for like a tenth of the cost" "Is that one I have to plug in?" "Its like the size of an iPhone, you just plug the USB in" "I cant do that. I cant carry that around. I have to plug it in? I cant plug something in everytime I want to work. Carrie" (His assistant)", I need you to go the Apple store and get the most expensive Macbook they have, I can't use this one".

Quick Math: This would have paid for 158 hours of the W9, non-benefits, no perks work by the beloved employee he terminated.

Thank god I'm out in 5 weeks. I have like 400 more of these stories.

[Vizzys]

Big is my favorite tom hanks movie

[brawndolicious]

OMG this sounds like ShootMyMonkey's posts about his boss in this thread:

http://forum.beyond3d.com/showthread.php?t=30308&highlight=shoot+monkey

It seems like crazy egomaniacs just love managing game companies for some reason.

Gillo, sorry about your divorce and your current job. What's your bail-out plan after this?

[Phoenix Dark]

holy shit. he should have a reality show with Len's MIL

[GilloD]

A good quote, direct from Le Boss. We have this aerodynamics game and its based on a very complex, accurate flight model: "I want to totally change the way the wind works, it should be like (stupid fucking idea)". "Okay, well that's going to add at least a week to the schedule and cost another 2 or 3 grand". "I don't care how long it'll take, it should be done  by the end of the day. And just have an intern do it, its just a boolean".

He says "Its just a boolean" a lot. This is a man who cant even check his own e-mail.

[Human Snorenado]

I will never understand how people like that can get into the positions they do.  It's absolutely fucking mind boggling.  Maybe because I have always immediately shit-canned any employee who displayed like 1/100th of that sort of flakiness.  Awesome memory- an assistant manager from like 12 years ago who smoked a lot of dope yet somehow still managed to be more surly and disagreeable than me came to me a week before his review and was like, "So, I don't want to work full time anymore."  "Bummer man, you're a pretty integral part of the staff but we can figure out a reduced role for you to play that suits you better if that's what you like."  "No, I want to still retain my rank, and in fact want the maximum possible raise I can get for my review."  "That's awesome, I want a pony and also apparently a new assistant manager, because you are fired."

[GilloD]

Here's another good one. We've had this same game in development for 18 months because he keeps adding and removing features. During one of these re-inventions he decided to add "Learning Levels". For one of these levels, he wanted to add gems in rows- Like 10 in a row, then 10 maybe 5 feet higher, on and on. We created this level, but he weirdly kept telling us it was wrong, to the point where we designed a special camera in-game to show him how it matched his illustration to scale.

He then spawned this chestnut: "Here's how I want it to look: DING DING DING, ding ding ding, DING DI- Is someone recording this? I want someone to record me saying the level". So we record him just saying DING DING DING, at which point he takes this RECORDING of himself saying DING DING DING to the Lead Engineer so that the he can design the level based on this VOICE RECORDING. We did no work, turned in the same level the next day and he goes "FINALLY, why did this take so long?".

Oh man. I have a good one about a wedding our co-worker invited him to.

[tiesto]

Love your work stories, GilloD... can't wait to hear some more!

[Barry Egan]

These threads are great, you have a real knack for depicting abysmally dysfunctional work environments (have you ever worked in another kind?) and I thank you for it.

[Great Rumbler]

The Event: He calls me in. "It says I'm out of data again. I need you to buy me more data." "That's over 40 gigs you used this month" "I have to use it. I need to be able to see Netflix, it gives me ideas for the games" "Well, look. Here's how you connect to the WiFi" "No, the wifi is too slow. I'm only going to use 3G". We have about 30 people on a residential line because he refuses to upgrade the connection.

[Mupepe]

Here's another good one. We've had this same game in development for 18 months because he keeps adding and removing features. During one of these re-inventions he decided to add "Learning Levels". For one of these levels, he wanted to add gems in rows- Like 10 in a row, then 10 maybe 5 feet higher, on and on. We created this level, but he weirdly kept telling us it was wrong, to the point where we designed a special camera in-game to show him how it matched his illustration to scale.

He then spawned this chestnut: "Here's how I want it to look: DING DING DING, ding ding ding, DING DI- Is someone recording this? I want someone to record me saying the level". So we record him just saying DING DING DING, at which point he takes this RECORDING of himself saying DING DING DING to the Lead Engineer so that the he can design the level based on this VOICE RECORDING. We did no work, turned in the same level the next day and he goes "FINALLY, why did this take so long?".

Oh man. I have a good one about a wedding our co-worker invited him to.

This is my favorite so far

[Dickie Dee]

As a "non-profit" is any of this illegal? Could you burn him?

[T234]

Sounds like Gillo could make that dude's life hell if he wanted to drop the hammer.

After your contract, drop the hammer on him.

[Phoenix Dark]

Sounds like Gillo could make that dude's life hell if he wanted to drop the hammer.

After your contract, drop the hammer on him.

T234 advocating snitching? Why I never

[Tasty]

If he wants top of the line, why would he get a Macbook?

Sounds like a crappy place but at least you have an end date in sight. Are you lining up anything right now for when this job is over? Can you do that?

[Mr. Gundam]

GilloD, I hope you're penning some sitcom scripts based on this guy. It's brilliant.

[Boogie]

Sounds like Gillo could make that dude's life hell if he wanted to drop the hammer.

After your contract, drop the hammer on him.

T234 advocating snitching? Why I never

All part of the game, bro

[Madrun Badrun]

If he wants top of the line, why would he get a Macbook?

This.  Start making comments about macs being 2 years behind in tech.  See if he buys another computer.

[Reb]

Sounds like Gillo could make that dude's life hell if he wanted to drop the hammer.

After your contract, drop the hammer on him.

T234 advocating snitching? Why I never

All part of the game, bro

I heard that if you snitch on him, and then give him a few weeks, he'll snitch back 5 times as much.

[chronovore]

You always have the killer stories, GilloD.

[T234]

I was talking about going into his house and upper-decking his toilet. It is mighty effective at sending a message of great displeasure, I've found. I went to a party recently where everybody there was a fucking dickhole, ESPECIALLY the host, so I proceded to upper-deck the toilet. When somebody yelled "Who shit in the tank?", I yelled back, (they made of the stupidest jokes about my name ever all night, and I've heard em ALL)"I DROPPED MY HAMMER IN IT, COCKSUCKERS!", and STRUTTED SLOW AS FUCK out the door while everybody stood around speechless.

[Positive Touch]

wtf is a non-profit gaming company?

[Phoenix Dark]

wtf is a non-profit gaming company?

a company that does it for the art and the culture. Like Nintendo

[Human Snorenado]

wtf is a non-profit gaming company?

Yeah, Gillo you need to stop working for COOL people/companies and try being a cog in the machine at a large, unimaginative soulless corporate behemoth.  Sell out.

[benjipwns]

wtf is a non-profit gaming company?

THQ?

[BobFromPikeCreek]

wtf is a non-profit gaming company?

THQ?

[chronovore]

wtf is a non-profit gaming company?

THQ?

 

[bork]

wtf is a non-profit gaming company?

THQ?

[Sho Nuff]

wtf is a non-profit gaming company?

THQ?

KO

[demi]

GilloD post more, thanks.

[Tasty]

GilloD post more, thanks.

This.

[brawndolicious]

I was talking about going into his house and upper-decking his toilet. It is mighty effective at sending a message of great displeasure, I've found. I went to a party recently where everybody there was a fucking dickhole, ESPECIALLY the host, so I proceded to upper-deck the toilet. When somebody yelled "Who shit in the tank?", I yelled back, (they made of the stupidest jokes about my name ever all night, and I've heard em ALL)"I DROPPED MY HAMMER IN IT, COCKSUCKERS!", and STRUTTED SLOW AS FUCK out the door while everybody stood around speechless.

I stand in awe of your magnificence.

[GilloD]

2 more quickies:

So, I quit last week because I'm off to USC to do my Masters. Which rules. Anyway, they call me up yesterday and are like "Hey, you made this QR Code Inventory Tracking system a couple months ago and we ignored it, but now we want you to finish it" and I'm like "Great! It'll take about 5 hours and I'll discount my rate to $20/hr since it was unfinished when I left." and they go "Oh, there's no budget for this project, but (boss) wants you to finish it". At which point I laughed at them. They offered $10/hr and I told them it'd take 10 hours, which they accepted. Hahahahaha.

Also, our lead engineer just took another contract and is taking a leave of absence from (company) and this conversation unfolded: "Lead, we want you to sign this contract to promise to come back." "Why?" "Because we're afraid you won't want to come back" "Okay, the way this works is that you try and incentivize me to come back. More pay or something." "Well, we wont do that, so we want you to sign this contract to promise to come back". At least they're honest? Keep in mind, my boss ordered at least $4000 worth of designer furniture and dumb shit from MOMA last month alone.

[Bebpo]

I dunno why I hadn't seen this thread before.  GilloD, you have the best stories   Glad you got out of there. 

[Pringo]

They offered $10/hr

You're getting ripped off man.

[Great Rumbler]

They offered $10/hr

You're getting ripped off man.

Not if he only works for five hours and lies about the rest.

[GilloD]

They offered $10/hr

You're getting ripped off man.

Not if he only works for five hours and lies about the rest.

I worked for 2 and quoted 10.

[MrAngryFace]

Once one of the toilets in the bathroom was literally crushed- and they hadnt flushed their poop before doing it- wtf people.

[Pringo]

They offered $10/hr

You're getting ripped off man.

Not if he only works for five hours and lies about the rest.

I worked for 2 and quoted 10.

I guess it might be different because this is a non-profit but I've heard it's pretty normal when doing independent contract work like this that it's pretty standard to jack up your hourly rate exponentially (like 10x what you would have normally worked for). Seeing you get charged less than what is minimum wage where I live seems kinda crazy to me, regardless if the work didn't actually take that long to complete.

[Great Rumbler]

$100 for two hours is less than minimum wage where you live? Geez, bro, I'm coming to stay at your house!

[demi]

I certainly wouldnt have charged a meager $100

[Pringo]

$100 for two hours is less than minimum wage where you live? Geez, bro, I'm coming to stay at your house!

I realize you're joking around but I was referencing the $10/h.

[Great Rumbler]

Yeah, but he was only taking the $10/h because he intended to work for two hours but say that it was ten [thus actually getting paid $50/h].

[chronovore]

FYI, the next time someone wants your time and you don't work for them, and it's critical to their mission... and they are ordering MOMA furniture, start at $50/hr and if they give you any shit, go to $100.

Enjoy your school!

[GilloD]

ANother tale:

We got a major grant from a big telecom. They probably supply your cellular service. Anyway, this grant was millions of bucks. We'd been waiting a few months for it to come in and my boss kept telling us that as soon as it came in, we'd all be made employees (Everyone was a W9. He said I'd be employee #2, after him. By the time I left, I was still W9, but I would have been employee #25 or so), we'd get a bigger office space etc etc.

So we finally get the news. The telecom wants to come and shoot footage of the office to use in PR stuff. My boss asks everyone- every single person- to be there at 7 AM. Now, let me reiterate that our office is small. It has 4 rooms- A largeish main room that seats maybe 12-15. A development room that seats 6, but is usually full withe 10-12. 2 offices for my boss and the dev director and a small kitchen.

So everyone packs into the main room on this day, probably about 20 of us. It's a tight fit, but fine. It's 7 AM, everyone feels shitty but then! Pastries and coffee arrive! As we prepare to descend on the treats, the Dev Director shows up screaming. Those pastries are for the Telecom people. If we want breakfast, we need to go buy it ourselves. Additonally, the telecom people need to film in the main room, so everyone has to pack into the dev room. Like 15 of us in a room made for 8.

Telecom sets up in the main room and now no one can leave because they have lights and cameras set up all over the place. We pass the time by playing TF2 and swapping off whenever someone dies. If a conversation starts up, someone comes in to tell us to keep it down. My boss is outside being jerked off by telecom dudes who are like HOW DID YOU COME UP WITH THE IDEA FOR X, when he had 0 to do with any of it.

Lunch arrives! Sandwiches show up in the dev room. And everyone is grumpy, but it goes a long way towards making us feel better. Until the Dev Director pops in and says: Those sandwiches are for telecom, but there's no room for them in the main room, so just hold on to them. The rest of the company walks out and doesn't come back for the rest of the day. Boss' day-long ego handjob continues.

The next day we come in and the place is a mess- empty beer bottles, sandwich wrappers, garbage all over the place. Nobody in charge- my boss, the telecom rep or the dev director- comes in that day. None of them answer e-mails. We watch Netflix and I use the company card to order food and buy XBLA games.

The following day my boss wants to know why we all walked out. He is honestly, earnestly confused about our discontent.

[Pringo]

I thought you quit?

[GilloD]

I did! This was back in. March? April?

[Tasty]

Post some of the PR stuff they made.

[chronovore]

That story makes me feel so grateful for my current work environment.

[Tasty]

That story makes me feel so grateful for my current work environment.

At mine one of the companies had an ice cream social thing on the ground floor today.







Makes me feel kind of guilty my work/life is better than most everyone I know IRL.

[MrAngryFace]

I dunno there's something depressing about ice cream events at work- I mean all of the intangible things that make an ice cream party fun just arent there- instead you get what's essentially a play at an ice cream party in a corporate environment that does it not because its fun, but because it meets some health metric only the higher ups care about- look too closely and you see the bits that actually make it sad.

Even in your pictures- the plastic gloved hand that belongs to the sad 'I serve ice cream stored cheaply and hastily in plastic coolers to middle aged people' person, the generic instant whipped cream cans, and even that last shot- the half destroyed serving of your 'reward'- it doesn't even look appetizing anymore- instead its an ugly mess that probably represents that moment for most people in the room where they realized that this will go straight to their waist.

Then again I am not into the idea of morale events.

[demi]

We get free food from reps from companies all the time. Just comes with the territory.

And yes our "work lives" are better than most because that's the glorious comfort of technology.

If I had my own office I'd probably jerk off in it. Home away from home.

[Tasty]

I dunno there's something depressing about ice cream events at work- I mean all of the intangible things that make an ice cream party fun just arent there- instead you get what's essentially a play at an ice cream party in a corporate environment that does it not because its fun, but because it meets some health metric only the higher ups care about- look too closely and you see the bits that actually make it sad.

Even in your pictures- the plastic gloved hand that belongs to the sad 'I serve ice cream stored cheaply and hastily in plastic coolers to middle aged people' person, the generic instant whipped cream cans, and even that last shot- the half destroyed serving of your 'reward'- it doesn't even look appetizing anymore- instead its an ugly mess that probably represents that moment for most people in the room where they realized that this will go straight to their waist.

Then again I am not into the idea of morale events.

Well it was another company doing it and it wasn't this big extravagant thing, they were basically just serving ice cream in the entrance.

We get free food from reps from companies all the time. Just comes with the territory.

And yes our "work lives" are better than most because that's the glorious comfort of technology.

If I had my own office I'd probably jerk off in it. Home away from home.

What is your work demi? Some kind of systems programmer?

I dunno, everybody in my family is working retail or some restaurant thing. Feels bad.

[demi]

Something like that, sure.

[Tasty]

I ask cause you made fun of web development as babby stuff.

[GilloD]

Bump. Things are so different now. Life is hilarious. Keep on truckin' and you can be a real game maker boy just like me.

 

[Tasty]

I'm finally leaving the company I posted about up above this week.

[toku]

Bump. Things are so different now. Life is hilarious. Keep on truckin' and you can be a real game maker boy just like me.

 

we need the whole story fam

[CrazyDiamond]

I worked at game development while in college a couple years ago and I thought my boss was bad.

Glad you managed, though.