Things you thought as a kid

[Cerveza mas fina]

1. I asked my parents if I could still be black when very little, my idol was Carl Lewis and I wanted to sprint like him  :'(

2. I though people dying in movies where actual convicts being punished for their crimes

3. I couldn't understand how they found some many families to act in movies (i.e. I thought they were real families)

[BlackMage]

When I found out sex made babies, I thought you had to pee in a woman to get her pregnant.

[Beezy]

I didn't know what carpool meant. I thought there were actually cars with pools built in. Like a pick up truck but with the back filled with water.

[Himu]

I thought I would go to jail for ripping off one of those tags on a mattress. I ended up ripping one off and was scared for my life.

I had nightmares I was going to be dragged to hell because I used the middle finger one time and a friend said it was the sign of the devil.

I thought I was going to be put in jail because I accidentally took a pecan from farmers market. My dad was buying something and I was playing with one, and had it in my hand. I forgot I had it in my hand when we got in the car, when I realized what I had done I threw it out of the window and cried.

I thought there were alligators under neath my bed trying to eat my feet.

I thought there little men inside my pillow because when I put my ear to the pillow I'd hear that noise of the material rubbing against your ear.

I thought Santa was real until I was 8 years old when outside a store while Christmas shopping my mom told me flatly that Santa wasn't real. I cried.

When i was around 6-7 we went to Las Vegas and stayed in the Excalibur hotel, I got this puppet thing that was bigger than me. It scared the absolute shit out of me. I thought it'd come alive and kill me in my sleep so I stuffed it in my closet.

When I learned about what sex was, I scared to grow up because I thought it would hurt to go through puberty and to "grow" sperm in your penis.

[Tasty]

When I saw Jaws as a kid, in the skinny dipping scene at the beginning I thought she was just wearing a really thin string bikini . It didn't occurred to me people would willingly be naked on film.

[Momo]

I referred to pictures of the globe as the "www ball" and genuinely thought they all provide internet access.

[Beezy]

I heard 'AIDS' and 'needles' associated with each other a lot, so I thought that you could get AIDS if you were pricked by any random needle. My mom kept her sewing needles on the curtain in her room and once I got pricked by one when closing her curtain. I was terrified and worrying the whole day. Imagine how pissed off I was when I explained why to my mom and all she did was laugh uncontrollably. She eventually explained everything to me once she was able to catch her breath.

[Himu]

I didn't know what "gay" was until 5th grade when I was 11. When someone explained it to me, I didn't understand why they considered that a bad thing if they loved each other.

[Himu]

my dad told me freddie mercury died of drugs.

i guess drugs > a disease that affects millions

[Beezy]

Years before the whole needle thing, I thought stretchmarks were an indicator for AIDs. I have a REALLY fat cousin. Easily 300+ and the stretchmarks on her legs and arms were impossible to hide. I always stayed away from her and at some point my older brother and sister finally asked me why. I explained about the stretchmarks... and they still laugh at me about that to this day.

[Himu]

Beezy

[Human Snorenado]

  I imagine Beezy's entire childhood was spent dodging AIDS for some reason now

[Himu]

It's innocent stuff like this why I love kids.

[Beezy]

  I imagine Beezy's entire childhood was spent dodging AIDS for some reason now

I wish I knew what put these ideas into my head.

[Himu]

well the early 90's was pretty rife with aids fear so it's understandable.

[Momo]

Beezy

Coincidentally in grade 11 I got pricked by a needle a friend was using to jab everyone in English class because he was really stupid and thought it was funny. I remember I kept thinking this guy was spreading AIDS because I was aware of a few people that were -addicts -irresponsibly sexually active. I was pissed as all hell and decked him when he did it, a small scuffle broke out afterwards and I knocked him out. I was panicked for days after and was shit scared of what my mother would say Luckily it was not too far from my 16th birthday and I got a sly AIDS test as part of a blood drive. To this day no one really knows why I went ape shit and people started avoiding me because they thought I had roid rage.

And I still donate blood to this day 

[Beezy]

[Cerveza mas fina]

When I learned about what sex was, I scared to grow up because I thought it would hurt to go through puberty and to "grow" sperm in your penis.

 

[Diunx]

I thought there were a god and a demon judging us.

And that to have babies you had to do some kind of ritual involving giving your wife a ring which explained why my mother got three rings.

[tiesto]

-I thought that black skin was just a random genetic thing, like hair color, and that 2 white people could have a black kid. (chalk it up from living in a town with very very few black people )

-I thought that radio stations hired the singers to come in and perform live every time a song was played

-Sex involved 2 people kissing naked on a bed

-I could draw a book of all maps for a game and send it in to Square USA and have them actually make the game

[Mupepe]

-I thought that black skin was just a random genetic thing, like hair color, and that 2 white people could have a black kid. (chalk it up from living in a town with very very few black people )

-I thought that radio stations hired the singers to come in and perform live every time a song was played
-Sex involved 2 people kissing naked on a bed

-I could draw a book of all maps for a game and send it in to Square USA and have them actually make the game

I used to think this too.  Same with movies and tv shows.

My dad used to have one of those huge old satellites.  We used to climb on it and my dad would yell at us and tell us to stay off of it.  I thought it was because people saw us if we got on there.  So we'd climb on it and cuss into it and run off.  Seconds later my dad would come out and yell at us.  Turns out he was just pissed because we were fucking up his reception.

[Madrun Badrun]

front butts that don't poop

[Cerveza mas fina]

Monkeys were human beings who ate too much pork.

Wtf man, must be some weird muslim thing 

[Himu]

Monkeys were human beings who ate too much pork.

I am laughing the fuck out loud ahahahaha

[DCharlieJP]

Because tv footage of everything old tended to be in black and white and was seemingly consistantly so up until a rough date in the early 70s, as a young kid I was under the impression that the entire world was black and white then , suddenly, at some point in time the world flipped over to being in colour and TV footage simply reflected that fact :/

[Human Snorenado]

Because tv footage of everything old tended to be in black and white and was seemingly consistantly so up until a rough date in the early 70s, as a young kid I was under the impression that the entire world was black and white then , suddenly, at some point in time the world flipped over to being in colour and TV footage simply reflected that fact :/

I thought the same thing, which is why seeing the Wizard of Oz always fucked with me.

[DCharlieJP]

oh yeah, and my grandfather told me that a Ferry worked by attaching itself to a huge underwater cable that then pulled it along to it's destination after i asked him what the difference was between a regular old boat and a Ferry  :/

[Atramental]

Replace "mouth" with "butt" and you've got my 10 year old self's understanding of sex.

[Enl]

I thought masturbation had something to do with credit cards.

I was told the red buttons we had throughout the house (our alarm system) summoned the Red Bull (from The Last Unicorn) that lived in the woods near our house.

I thought brothers and sisters were supposed to get married. When I found out the truth I immediately filed for a divorce.

[naff]

I thought every time you spent money you got change. I was so mad when I bought something for the first time and didnt get change, my cousin had to explain it to my dumbass self before I would leave the dairy.

[Madrun Badrun]

I was told the red buttons we had throughout the house (our alarm system) summoned the Red Bull (from The Last Unicorn) that lived in the woods near our house.

terrifying.

[Joe Molotov]

When I was a kid, I was scared of burglars breaking into our house and stabbing me in my bed, but if it was raining I wasn't afraid because I figured burglars wouldn't wanna be out in the rain.

[fistfulofmetal]

  I imagine Beezy's entire childhood was spent dodging AIDS for some reason now

well it's pretty common in africa so it's probably not far off from the truth.

[Himu]

I thought that if i went to Africa i would get a disease and die. When my aunt and uncle went to Africa when I was around 9, I feared for their safety and that I would never see them again.

[Mandark]

Because tv footage of everything old tended to be in black and white and was seemingly consistantly so up until a rough date in the early 70s, as a young kid I was under the impression that the entire world was black and white then , suddenly, at some point in time the world flipped over to being in colour and TV footage simply reflected that fact :/

I thought the same thing, which is why seeing the Wizard of Oz always fucked with me.

There was a Calvin and Hobbes strip where Calvin gets that exact explanation from his father for the B&W pictures in their photo album.

[FoneBone]

I thought oral sex was the same thing as phone sex, except face-to-face

[pickle]

I thought that police offices ate people who broke the law (what else would they do with all those prisoners?)

I also thought that vaginas were perpendicular to the body like penises are, so that sex was basically like doing push-ups.

[Yeti]

I thought that when women got pregnant, their bellies filled up with water (like filling up a water balloon) and then the baby swam around in the water like a goldfish in a fishbowl

[Phoenix Dark]

When I was about four, my uncle told me that my grandma had a black belt in karate, and that her spankings would nearly kill me if I misbehaved. Needless to say I never did anything wrong at her house

Some asshole told me that in 11th grade you learn W is a vowel. Despite my parents assuring me it was not true, I believed this until at least 8th grade

My parents were post-tribulation Christians when I was little, meaning they believed Christians would live through a couple years of the tribulation/doom/etc before being raptured. I used to get scared as fuck at night if I heard any loud noises that sounded like horns being blown

[Stoney Mason]

For some reason I confused the words "rake" and "rape". This lasted for a few years until I asked about it.

I thought I once saw a miniature airplane fly over my head. Like 20 feet above my head.  Like the size of a bird. I still remember it although no such thing could have happened based on where I was at the time. (Even the model airplane type)

This isn't a though but more of a phobia. When I was a kid I was around a lot of elevated sprinklers. Like sprinklers that were on poles that were like 5 feet tall. Well when you take the sprinkler off the pole (really its like a hollow pipe through which the water comes) the water shoots up like 10 or 15 feet into the air. For some reason as a kid this phenomenon scared me shitless.

[Great Rumbler]

I thought that people could shrink if they stayed in the water too long, like how clothes do.

[brawndolicious]

I thought countries would have to call each other and set something up before going to war. How else would you know where to do the battle?

I thought the vagina was like straight on up until high school I think. I don't know what I thought boobs looked like when I was a little kid, but when I finally saw some in a National Geographic I thought they looked weird. Somehow less beautiful than what I imagined.

I had no idea that sex involved thrusting until I watched hardcore pornography like in 7th grade. So I was always confused by the motions and sounds people made in sex scenes in movies.

I thought the world was spinning because people were walking/driving on it. So I figured that in general, people/cars/trains/etc are moving in one particular direction, and so I was trying to figure out how that was possible. Maybe people were taking trains in one direction, and planes in the other?

I was also pretty confused how accents existed.

[Beezy]

My mother told me if I swallowed seeds from fruits the fruit would grow inside of my stomach.  I remember I swallowed a watermelon seed accidentally once and I was freaking out because I thought I was going to explode from the watermelon growing in my stomach.

Haha, the same happened to me. I think it was an episode of Rugrats which made me think that.

[Momo]

I was a lazy ass kid growing up, I would lay down and eat. One day my mom told me if I lay down and eat I'm going to grow horns. From that day forward I went out of my way to lay down and eat since horns became the coolest thing for me. When I figured out my mom was fibbing I was depressed

[Mupepe]

When I first learned about the internet in the mid 90's I thought that it existed in the same space we do and when people talked about "running out of space" they meant that the world was filled up and internet traffic was when too many cars were driving and messing up the internet in that area.

[Groogrux]

Because tv footage of everything old tended to be in black and white and was seemingly consistantly so up until a rough date in the early 70s, as a young kid I was under the impression that the entire world was black and white then , suddenly, at some point in time the world flipped over to being in colour and TV footage simply reflected that fact :/

I thought the same thing.  I even asked my mom what it was like when the world went to color.  She laughed at me.

I was terrified of ejaculating.  When I was in the fifth grade, a kid told me white stuff would come out of my penis when it got too hard.  I was afraid it would bleed out through a bunch of opening holes (like pores) on my dick.  Thank god that turned out not to be true.

I was also afraid of bunk beds, but with good reason.  My parents got me a set of bunk beds when I was little and literally a week after I got them I stopped sleeping in them after watching an episode of Unsolved Mysteries.  They sat in my room for three years after that, hardly ever slept in.  We finally gave them to my cousin, who thankfully never got to watch that show.

[Joe Molotov]

Apparently you weren't the only one.
http://www.the-back-row.com/index.php/2010/08/21/tallman-s-ghost-the-most-traumatic-viewing-experience-of-my-childhood

Edit: The one thing that always gets me about shows and movies like that, is that after all this crazy stuff goes down, the people keep living in the house. The parents tell the kids to go back to sleep because the evil glowing old lady they saw behind the door was just a dream, eff that, I would never be able to sleep again.

[Groogrux]

I watch a show on Youtube all the time and one of the hosts of the show talked about it a few weeks back.  I thought it was just me for so long...

[chronovore]

I wanted to be an assassin due to a shitty assassin movie I saw with my older cousins as a kid. I used to wait in trees and jump people or shoot them with bb guns and slingshots. Then when my cousin pointed out that I had a limp therefor I won't be accepted as a ninja, assassin, hitman or anything of the sort I cried. Still the saddest day of my life.

You could have been a badass hit man. You should've killed him, then said cooly to the corpse, "The first hit is free."