Author Topic: Video Games Are For Children: A Trollporium of Bad Posts and Gifs  (Read 21510 times)

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MyNameIsMethodis

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:drudge I GOT MOD PERMISSION FOR THIS DONT BAN ME :drudge
http://www.thebore.com/forum/index.php?topic=36641.msg1620531#msg1620531



Welcome to the troll thread all holds barred dont fukkin post unles syou ready to fukkin bout men.

the 3ds is the worst system i've ever owned literally. there isn't a single good game on the system that isn't a port / knock off. its where you can see the last vestiges of nintendo dieing. it's almost as bad as the xbox 360s library which is nothing but mediocre trash after mediocre trash. sometimes it's hard for me to realize that sony wont be on this plane tmuch longer and there wont be anymore classy games like heavy rain or uncahrted, you know real experiences where emotions matter and it isn't just "point here hold r trigger derp win"  i am right you're all wrong

xbox fans go back to your cubes


nintendo fans i'd offer a cube for you but you guys are messy
« Last Edit: January 20, 2013, 11:34:59 PM by MyNameIsMethodis »
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Great Rumbler

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Re: Video Games Are For Children: A Trollporium of Bad Posts and Gifs
« Reply #1 on: January 20, 2013, 11:25:30 PM »
this thread sucks
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MyNameIsMethodis

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Re: Video Games Are For Children: A Trollporium of Bad Posts and Gifs
« Reply #2 on: January 20, 2013, 11:26:38 PM »
so does nitnendo owned lol get out
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Himu

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Re: Video Games Are For Children: A Trollporium of Bad Posts and Gifs
« Reply #3 on: January 20, 2013, 11:27:28 PM »
Don't post unless you're ready to fuck bout men?
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Van Cruncheon

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Re: Video Games Are For Children: A Trollporium of Bad Posts and Gifs
« Reply #4 on: January 20, 2013, 11:27:40 PM »
shite binne this

duc

Olivia Wilde Homo

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Re: Video Games Are For Children: A Trollporium of Bad Posts and Gifs
« Reply #5 on: January 20, 2013, 11:29:27 PM »
So if I were to gift Joe a Steam game, can I have it so all of Andrex's posts are relocated here and he is forever quarantined to this thread?
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Human Snorenado

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Re: Video Games Are For Children: A Trollporium of Bad Posts and Gifs
« Reply #6 on: January 20, 2013, 11:30:25 PM »
shite binne this

this

this is exhibit a on why methodis should have never been unlepered
yar

MyNameIsMethodis

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Re: Video Games Are For Children: A Trollporium of Bad Posts and Gifs
« Reply #7 on: January 20, 2013, 11:30:29 PM »
just throw up the andrex system and he'll show up

:drudge MONSTER HUNTER IS SHITE ON WII U AND 3DS :drudge:
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Van Cruncheon

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Re: Video Games Are For Children: A Trollporium of Bad Posts and Gifs
« Reply #8 on: January 20, 2013, 11:30:49 PM »
what's the going mod rate for getting methodis relepered
duc

MyNameIsMethodis

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Re: Video Games Are For Children: A Trollporium of Bad Posts and Gifs
« Reply #9 on: January 20, 2013, 11:31:51 PM »
um excuse me I got mod permission to make this thread
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Smooth Groove

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Re: Video Games Are For Children: A Trollporium of Bad Posts and Gifs
« Reply #10 on: January 20, 2013, 11:32:51 PM »
Methodis beasting as usual

MyNameIsMethodis

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Re: Video Games Are For Children: A Trollporium of Bad Posts and Gifs
« Reply #11 on: January 20, 2013, 11:36:05 PM »
no one wants to go manos es manos i guess i win think about it XBOTS


-every xbot on the bore
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Raban

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Re: Video Games Are For Children: A Trollporium of Bad Posts and Gifs
« Reply #12 on: January 20, 2013, 11:36:20 PM »
the ps3 is the most worthless hunk of shit ever pathetically squeezed from sonys necrotic anus. mandatory installs for every fuckin game? i just dragged my ass to the shop to pay sixty of my hard earned american dosh just so i can watch the progress bar slowly tick up like the sea of rage welling inside me when i realized i dropped three hundred goddamn dollars for what might as well be a paperweight. ever game the gets hype is just a movie where you get to tocuh the buttons a lil bit between scenes.

heavy rain, basically a run-of-the-mill adventure game with buttons all over the fucking screen like wtf im tryin to watch tuhis movie and you want me to do shit? more like heavy golden rain when i thru the disc in my toilet and let loose :piss

and dont get me started on all the shitty knockoff WHOA SO INNOVATOIVE download games that are either weaksauce ripoffs of xbla classics like geo wars or gay shit like journey press-up-to-win zzzzz GET SOME REAL GAMES like mushihimesama you casual

:piss sony

MyNameIsMethodis

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Re: Video Games Are For Children: A Trollporium of Bad Posts and Gifs
« Reply #13 on: January 20, 2013, 11:37:49 PM »
you seem to know alot about gay shits, been spending time at himuros house????
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Raban

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Re: Video Games Are For Children: A Trollporium of Bad Posts and Gifs
« Reply #14 on: January 20, 2013, 11:39:22 PM »
i dint think bout it but clearly it stuck in ur mind if that's the best comeback u got, sfeg

MyNameIsMethodis

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Re: Video Games Are For Children: A Trollporium of Bad Posts and Gifs
« Reply #15 on: January 20, 2013, 11:40:15 PM »
id say i'd play you like a new wii u exclusive but both of us know those dont exist
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Raban

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Re: Video Games Are For Children: A Trollporium of Bad Posts and Gifs
« Reply #16 on: January 20, 2013, 11:41:04 PM »
haha aint dat the truth

:poop wiiu :poop

MyNameIsMethodis

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Re: Video Games Are For Children: A Trollporium of Bad Posts and Gifs
« Reply #17 on: January 20, 2013, 11:43:15 PM »
i'd rather play gears of borezzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz then play another mario game
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demi

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Re: Video Games Are For Children: A Trollporium of Bad Posts and Gifs
« Reply #18 on: January 20, 2013, 11:44:08 PM »
dark souls is shit
fat

MyNameIsMethodis

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Raban

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Re: Video Games Are For Children: A Trollporium of Bad Posts and Gifs
« Reply #20 on: January 20, 2013, 11:46:57 PM »
clearly the nindicks are too deep in nintendo taint to show there faces and fight back

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Smooth Groove

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Re: Video Games Are For Children: A Trollporium of Bad Posts and Gifs
« Reply #22 on: January 20, 2013, 11:47:46 PM »
dark souls is shit

shit sequel to shit game


MyNameIsMethodis

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Re: Video Games Are For Children: A Trollporium of Bad Posts and Gifs
« Reply #23 on: January 20, 2013, 11:48:45 PM »
hi guys im a nintendo fa=

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Raban

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Re: Video Games Are For Children: A Trollporium of Bad Posts and Gifs
« Reply #24 on: January 20, 2013, 11:49:16 PM »
:rofl

Positive Touch

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Re: Video Games Are For Children: A Trollporium of Bad Posts and Gifs
« Reply #25 on: January 20, 2013, 11:51:50 PM »
 :rofl :rofl :rofl ladies and gentleman i think we have a new icon
pcp

Human Snorenado

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Re: Video Games Are For Children: A Trollporium of Bad Posts and Gifs
« Reply #26 on: January 20, 2013, 11:52:27 PM »
Ok I mostly forgive you Methodis

...you're still white though
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Beezy

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Re: Video Games Are For Children: A Trollporium of Bad Posts and Gifs
« Reply #27 on: January 20, 2013, 11:53:42 PM »
you seem to know alot about gay shits, been spending time at himuros house????
:rofl

demi

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Re: Video Games Are For Children: A Trollporium of Bad Posts and Gifs
« Reply #28 on: January 20, 2013, 11:58:15 PM »
arent you supposed to knock that into the volcano and it evolves to charizard?
fat

Great Rumbler

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Re: Video Games Are For Children: A Trollporium of Bad Posts and Gifs
« Reply #29 on: January 21, 2013, 12:02:29 AM »
joe help
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MyNameIsMethodis

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Re: Video Games Are For Children: A Trollporium of Bad Posts and Gifs
« Reply #30 on: January 21, 2013, 12:16:36 AM »
arent you supposed to knock that into the volcano and it evolves to charizard?

-says the Nintendo fan when asked to describe vaginal penetration
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bork

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Re: Video Games Are For Children: A Trollporium of Bad Posts and Gifs
« Reply #31 on: January 21, 2013, 12:19:11 AM »
:rofl
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Eel O'Brian

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Re: Video Games Are For Children: A Trollporium of Bad Posts and Gifs
« Reply #32 on: January 21, 2013, 12:33:01 AM »
fat hulk comin' at ya

sup

MyNameIsMethodis

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Re: Video Games Are For Children: A Trollporium of Bad Posts and Gifs
« Reply #33 on: January 21, 2013, 12:33:48 AM »
finally Andrex makes a appearance i was wondering where he was
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Eel O'Brian

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Re: Video Games Are For Children: A Trollporium of Bad Posts and Gifs
« Reply #34 on: January 21, 2013, 12:35:42 AM »
HAW HAW
sup

Himu

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Re: Video Games Are For Children: A Trollporium of Bad Posts and Gifs
« Reply #35 on: January 21, 2013, 12:46:27 AM »
:rofl
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Great Rumbler

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Re: Video Games Are For Children: A Trollporium of Bad Posts and Gifs
« Reply #36 on: January 21, 2013, 12:48:50 AM »
POSTIN IN THIS THREA DLIKE IT SLIHTNO129812OIJ GO OUT AND HAVE SOME FUNW ITH MY FRIENDS LOLOLOL THIS THREA THOSUCK SUSO BAD I CAN'T EVEN THINK STRAIGHT RIGHT NOWIENIJ MII'M JUST TYUPING WHAT EVER I CAN AND NOT EINVEN THINKING AOBUITIJT
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Momo

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Re: Video Games Are For Children: A Trollporium of Bad Posts and Gifs
« Reply #38 on: January 21, 2013, 05:09:22 AM »
what a gif
w/e

Diunx

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Re: Video Games Are For Children: A Trollporium of Bad Posts and Gifs
« Reply #39 on: January 21, 2013, 09:06:42 AM »
:rofl that gif omg! i'ts gonna get sooooo much use at E3
Drunk

MyNameIsMethodis

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Re: Video Games Are For Children: A Trollporium of Bad Posts and Gifs
« Reply #40 on: January 21, 2013, 10:27:51 AM »
POSTIN IN THIS THREA DLIKE IT SLIHTNO129812OIJ GO OUT AND HAVE SOME FUNW ITH MY FRIENDS LOLOLOL THIS THREA THOSUCK SUSO BAD I CAN'T EVEN THINK STRAIGHT RIGHT NOWIENIJ MII'M JUST TYUPING WHAT EVER I CAN AND NOT EINVEN THINKING AOBUITIJT

i like to post without thinking alot here let me try it:

You will die alone, hugging a Nintendo 64.

 :o
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Joe Molotov

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Re: Video Games Are For Children: A Trollporium of Bad Posts and Gifs
« Reply #41 on: January 21, 2013, 10:41:31 AM »
posting in a legendary thread
©@©™

bork

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Re: Video Games Are For Children: A Trollporium of Bad Posts and Gifs
« Reply #42 on: January 21, 2013, 11:15:59 AM »
posting in a legendary thread

Since some people did not get the memo last time I gave a warning, and weren't able to catch on to my subtle hint a few pages ago, users may wish to look over the past two pages and take note of the people who were banned. For the same reason there is a topic about thread-whining still stickied in the OT, complaining about things not being funny (particularly if your post has no other content) is not wise. If you don't like it, ignore it. Also take note that harassing and/or complaining about users is equally unwise. If somebody is violating the rules, let a moderator know. If somebody is just being dumb or posting things you don't enjoy, let it be, or add them to your ignore list if it's really bothering you.

Examples of posts you should not make:

"Not funny"

"This is something you'd see on Reddit"

"This is less funny than a post from -insert user-"

"What a shitty thread"

"Posting in a legendary thread"

In case that was too general for you, Aguirre Methodis is a user, not a meme. Posts randomly complaining about her him, or how you think she's not a real girl guy will earn you a short vacation from GAF The Bore. This does not mean you now find a new Public Enemy #1, like you did last time Aguirre Methodis was banned and it started being all about shitting on RockXLight. Now, get back to work, peasants.

P.S. Although I can't pretend I don't enjoy them, don't just post generic hot girl pics. At least try to make them something funny.
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Brehvolution

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Re: Video Games Are For Children: A Trollporium of Bad Posts and Gifs
« Reply #43 on: January 21, 2013, 01:19:49 PM »
Mods help
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Smooth Groove

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Re: Video Games Are For Children: A Trollporium of Bad Posts and Gifs
« Reply #44 on: January 21, 2013, 02:07:34 PM »

Don Flamenco

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Re: Video Games Are For Children: A Trollporium of Bad Posts and Gifs
« Reply #45 on: January 21, 2013, 02:12:04 PM »
Did you even read my whole post? I think you got to the part about genetics and stopped reading. My argument is more one of terminology. IVs, because of their name "Inherent Values," cannot and should not be changeable. If you didn't know, the definition of inherent is "existing in someone or something as a permanent and inseparable element, quality, or attribute." So permanent. Inseparable. Unchangeable.

I said I would even understand you calling for the elimination of IVs (I didnt say why, but yes its because of its tie to RNGers, hackers etc). And I also said changing EVs even more would also be understandable.
However, on a personal level I like how things are. I am not a competitive battler. And I imagine you aren't either. So IVs for me are more of a fun post game distraction. It gives me hours of extra content once I finish a game, seeing how close I can get to breeding a perfect Pokemon.

Brehvolution

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MyNameIsMethodis

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Re: Video Games Are For Children: A Trollporium of Bad Posts and Gifs
« Reply #47 on: January 21, 2013, 04:04:43 PM »
i sure feel like playing a video game right now, let me go play one

*walks to the living room the only console is a wiiu*

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MyNameIsMethodis

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Re: Video Games Are For Children: A Trollporium of Bad Posts and Gifs
« Reply #48 on: January 21, 2013, 06:55:29 PM »
so upset with that GI number... im not one for review scores, but that one 70 brings the MC average from 93 to 87.

i just feel upset for the game in general.
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Don Flamenco

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Re: Video Games Are For Children: A Trollporium of Bad Posts and Gifs
« Reply #49 on: January 21, 2013, 06:56:41 PM »
Style Savvy is definately THE best game out on the system that's a fact and anybody that disagrees simply hasn't played it.

There's a light story involving making the town fashionable and getting to know friends and stuff.
You're in charge of your fashion boutique which you can decorate anyway you want so you can resonate with different styles of people. Wanna go elegant and modern? Wanna go cutesy and girly? Wanna go punk and bold? Go ahead!
You also need to stock up on the different clothes and accesories so when a costumer walks in and asks for certain types of items you're prepared.
There's also fashion contests where you gotta follow a certain theme to come out on top, choose a model, do her make up and hair to really win it.
There's also other places to go like the café, the park or downtown to meet up and talk with other people.

It's incredibly fun and addictive, "just one more outfit"


bork

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Re: Video Games Are For Children: A Trollporium of Bad Posts and Gifs
« Reply #50 on: January 22, 2013, 08:14:28 AM »

I normally don't make posts like this but in light of CES, I feel compelled to do so. This is not a buyers remorse thread, but rather what I intend to be a look at mismanagement at Nintendo.

To begin, we must look at the problems.

First is the state of third party console support that has been a problem for Nintendo since the days of the N64. Wii U is already starting off on the same foot that has plagued them for 16 years. We are seeing a lot of evidence that third party support for the system has no sign of improving the situation. From a business stand point (and consumer as well) how is this acceptable? How can Nintendo continue to keep making the same mistakes?

Next, we must look at the state of the 3DS. Everyone knows about it's troubled start and the drastic measures that had to be taken to turn that situation around. I don't have all the figures, but from going off of Wikipedia, 3DS is on track to match or possibly pass the number of sales the DS achieved in it's first two years. While this is good, it's troubling that Nintendo didn't have the foresight to predict some of the problems that caused this. Some will blame this on price, but I think there's a deeper problem here considering kids (and parents) have no problems shelling out $200 for an iPod. My opinion is that functionality more than price is what has hurt the 3DS and despite it's turn around, I'm not convinced the 3DS is still in the clear.

Now, we must look at Nintendo's software development. They were able to avoid a lot of the growing cost and man power needed to create modern games during the DS/Wii era. We know that this year though, they will undergo a major restructure. This is likely do to the fact that they don't currently have or are not aligned properly to support their two systems with the output needed for success. Again, another problem that looks like it's being addressed, but it's still a problem that at this moment we have no idea what the outcome will be.

To summarize, Nintendo doesn't have the third party support needed for Wii U to be a market leader and they don't have the internal resources to support 3DS and Wii U.

If you take these two issues into account, you have to ask why something wasn't done to address this before things got to this point. What's even more perplexing is the fact that the controller for the Wii U looks an awful lot like one of their hand held.

Missed opportunities.

Simply looking at the Wii U, one has to ask why Nintendo didn't just go with a hybrid portable/console solution. This tech has been evolving for a while now - we've seen this started with PS3, PSP and Vita for years. What's alarming was it's significant trend and advancement at CES this year. We are now seeing devices like Ouya and Project Shield from Nvidia that will offer comparable graphics to Wii U.

How could Nintendo have missed this? They could have made a portable and a console with virtually the same tech. They both could have played the exact same games, but one would be made to hook up to a TV and the other as a dedicated handheld.

By taking this approach, Nintendo would have almost single-handedly solved their third party and first party problems.

I realize that this would have pushed back the 3DS quite a bit, but that could also have been less of an issue had Nintendo released a proper successor to the DS in 2008 rather than the DSi. By the time 2012 rolled around, people would not only have been ready for an upgrade but it would have been expected because it would be 4 year increments of upgrades going back to GBA. Again, the problem here is foresight and mismanagement imo.

Perhaps I missing something here, but I'd really like to know what other people think about this. If Nintendo were not going for a high end machine to compete against Sony and Microsoft, do you think they missed an opportunity by not going a hybrid route?

If they weren't going that route, I also think they missed an opportunity on making a Super Wii. Basically, they could have gone the high end route like Sony and Microsoft and simply added Motion + and head tracking like in the Johnny Lee Chung video. All that would have been needed are some IR sensors on a cheap headset (like what comes with Xbox 360) and an extra camera in the sensor bar. If a guy can make it for next to nothing in his basement, it couldn't possibly cost that much in R&D and it would still be a huge hit with consumers and devs imo.

I'm glad I bought a Wii U and can't wait to play Zelda, Metroid and hopefully F-Zero and Star Fox in HD, but after CES I can't help but feel what we're left with instead is an idea that is only reaching half of it's full potential.

I guess my point is that people at Nintendo are supposed to be looking at and researching future tech that is supposed to be coming out and determine what course to take based on that tech and industry trends. After seeing what was previewed at CES - some of which is coming out in just a few months - I can't help but feel that not only should Nintendo have taken more advantage of some of this new tech, but that they outright dropped the ball on it. What are your thoughts?
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Olivia Wilde Homo

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Re: Video Games Are For Children: A Trollporium of Bad Posts and Gifs
« Reply #51 on: January 22, 2013, 08:16:10 AM »
With drew annihilating Mandark and this awesome thread, 2013 is starting off to be a crazy ass year for The Bore.
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Don Flamenco

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Re: Video Games Are For Children: A Trollporium of Bad Posts and Gifs
« Reply #52 on: January 22, 2013, 07:36:32 PM »
It really is fucking amazing, that since the PS3 released in 2006, now going into it's 7th year, the FUCKING STORE still has not had a definitive time to update
It's always the update, when it updates process

Most companies want money, fuck MS worldwide @Noon like fucking clockwork has shit ready to go

Sony in Japan is a weekly clusterfuck, EU Wednesday, most of the time missing key games/apps always, NA Tuesday, whenever they fucking feel like it

I seriously think Wednesday till Monday, they just go get their paychecks

Monday morning when the PSN store updates need to be released is when they start working and planing for next day launch, which is how we get this thread every fucking week

Fucking kas is more consistent with his PSN store update threads than SCEA, fuck if a monkey fucked up many times like this, I would just blast it with a shotgun blast to the fucking face and hire a competent team of monkeys taht can at least release content on a regular scheduled basis

MyNameIsMethodis

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Re: Video Games Are For Children: A Trollporium of Bad Posts and Gifs
« Reply #53 on: January 22, 2013, 07:39:41 PM »
UGH i just cant understand americans. youd think theyd be jumping all over Ni No Kunai but they just dont get it! i mean what do you expect with their dumb brains and all they do is play madden NFL and big babe sex 5 2 1 they just dont understand how DEEP ni no kunai is i am just disgusted hey does anyone play with marbles?
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The Sceneman

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Re: Video Games Are For Children: A Trollporium of Bad Posts and Gifs
« Reply #54 on: January 22, 2013, 07:42:11 PM »
more gifs pls
#1

MyNameIsMethodis

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Re: Video Games Are For Children: A Trollporium of Bad Posts and Gifs
« Reply #55 on: January 22, 2013, 07:46:39 PM »
i have gifs for every great wiiu game

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bork

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Re: Video Games Are For Children: A Trollporium of Bad Posts and Gifs
« Reply #56 on: January 22, 2013, 08:10:11 PM »


spoiler (click to show/hide)
I can't believe this guy has an almost 30 second intro devoted to himself.  It's nothing but audio from WWE and TNA.   :lol
[close]
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bork

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Re: Video Games Are For Children: A Trollporium of Bad Posts and Gifs
« Reply #57 on: January 22, 2013, 09:09:33 PM »
Hey, I was thinking about Halo 5's plot yesterday and decided to write up a brief treatment of something that I'd like to see.  Any inaccuracies within the plot concerning canon material are likely due to my ignorance of all the material of the Halo universe.  It's a bit long but I plead with you guys to read it and tell me what you think.  You can read it in segments if you wish.  Also, you can make posts of your own idealized plots of either Halo 5 or any other game you wish.  Thank you for reading.  Sorry for lack of pictures.



In 2557, John 117 returns to Earth and is placed on administrative leave while an investigation is conducted into the events surrounding his 4 year absence from humanity, his breach of Captain Del Rio’s command upon rediscovery, the significance of the Didact and the Promethean threat, and the destruction of the Ivanoff Research Station.  By this time, the Chief’s status as a legendary hero has been solidified among most of the UNSC, but here and there are detractors such as Captian Del Rio, who wish to place blame on the Master Chief for his swashbuckling, reckless behavior.  These critics argue that John 117’s time away from humanity and his increasingly abnormal attachment to the rampant AI Cortana has rendered him incapable of performing his duties.  His refusal to obey orders has been cited as evidence of this claim.  With nearly all of his past associates dead (including Admiral Hood), John 117 is publicly hailed as a hero but is privately discharged (honorably) and encouraged to retreat from military affairs.

Meanwhile, Dr. Catherine Halsey is working hard on new data uncovered by the Ivanoff Research Station team.  Their last transmission before being “composed” by the Didact was an encrypted data set detailing holy artifacts most likely located on High Charity, the moving capital of the now fragmented Covenant civilization.  Following the events of Halo 3, High Charity was transported away from the Sol System and designated a quarantine zone due to ongoing Flood Infestation (from the events of Halo 2).  The holy artifacts are believed by the researchers to be markers/keys that will help unlock certain barred areas of Installation 03, including the Library.  The UNSC hopes to learn more information about the Didact and the Prometheans from data stored on the Halo.

A team of twelve Spartan IVs is deployed to High Charity to locate the artifacts and retrieve them.  Despite Dr. Halsey’s repeated requests, John 117 is not involved in the program, not even in an advisory capacity.  The Spartan IVs are under the command of Captain Del Rio of the Infinity.  During the course of the journey into the dark, infested corners of the abandoned city, the Spartan IVs lose contact with the ship and are slowly separated from one another by pockets of infestation.  One Spartan manages to make it into the Throne Room, where the Prophets resided during council.  In the darkness, he finds an indented palm print in the wall, indicating that some kind of compartment can be activated and opened by a Prophet’s hand.  Suddenly, from the dark corner of the room, a voice breaks the silence of space.  Moving into the light, the figure reveals itself to be… the Prophet of Mercy (who supposedly died at the end of the Halo 2).  But he’s not intact.  The Prophet’s corpse has been infected by a Flood spore.  He has become conduit of the Gravemind.  The scene ends, with the player assuming that the final Spartan (the playable character) will be killed.

Captain Del Rio and the Infinity fail to reestablish contact with the Spartans on High Charity, and it is assumed that they are MIA.  The mission is disavowed from the records and Captian Del Rio is demoted.  Meanwhile, Dr. Halsey pleads with the UNSC to allow her an audience with John 117.  She is desperate to know the details of Cortana’s rampancy.  She also believes that John 117 is the key to finding the artifact.  The UNSC  finally bends to her will, afraid that further inaction on their part could result in a Promethean invasion.

Meanwhile, John 117 lives a life of seclusion on the outskirts of Germany (or some place, it doesn’t really matter).  His war scars have left him virtually handicapped.  Without his MJOLNIR armor, he is decrepit.  But his bodily damage is nothing compared to his mental state.  He had been connected to Cortana so long that his brain is suffering from severe withdrawal symptoms:  migraines, auditory and visual hallucinations, delirious thoughts, etc.  John is not in any capacity to reenter service.  Dr. Halsey arrives to coax him into helping the UNSC with a vital mission to retrieve the artifacts from High Charity.  She was under orders not to divulge any details regarding the previous failed mission.  But she tells John anyway.  John begins to recite Gravemind’s poetic statements.  Halsey’s similarity to Cortana triggers an episode.  He descends into a conversation he had with Cortana many years before, while they traversed the narrow halls of High Charity.  Halsey notices this, and fears for John’s sanity, but she doesn’t say anything because she knows that John’s involvement in the mission is an imperative. 

There is only one other person alive whose involvement in the Covenant Wars can help the UNSC complete their mission:  the Arbiter.  After the Covenant War ended, the Elites returned to their home world.  Diplomatic affairs with the Elites remained a shaky proposition, and the apparent loss of the Chief dissolved any possibility of a longstanding friendship between the humans and the Elites.  The Elites who participated in the war against the Brutes and the Flood considered John 117 to be the most formidable warrior of the human race, and the only one worthy of their respect.  When the Arbiter returned to his home world, he was appointed their first leader in a long time (since the Prophets had reigned for many centuries up until that point). 

The Chief is tasked with recruiting the Arbiter and returning to High Charity to retrieve the artifacts believed to be hidden there.  Dr. Halsey has also asked John to look into the disappearance of the twelve Spartan IVs who went missing.  She surreptitiously injects John with neuroleptics to keep him stable for as long as possible.  He is refitted with his old MJOLNIR armor with some new additions to his arsenal.  At this time, Dr. Halsey has decided not to pair him with a new AI for fear of the side effects.  When the Master Chief arrives at the Sangheili home world, known as Sangheilios, his presence is met with aggression and confusion, but when the Elite leader (the Arbiter) is informed of his presence, the warriors stand down.  During this portion of the game, the Chief and by extension the player, is exposed to the Elite culture.  The Arbiter tells the Chief that his coming was somewhat well-timed.  A few months ago, ancient Forerunner shrines built on Sangheilios began to quake, and the animal life of the planet began to behave erratically.  Massive disturbances caused cave openings to break open near the shrines.  The Chief and the Arbiter and a squadron of Sangheili warriors head out to the caves to discern the nature of the disturbance. 

Within the caves, the group encounters violent creatures somewhat similar to the monsters from the film “Pitch Black.”  The creatures have signs of Flood infection; however, there are no spore forms.  Within the depths of the caverns, they discover a lake of liquid methane, and in the center of the lake, a small Forerunner structure.  Disturbing the lake awakens more creatures, this time amphibious flood forms that rise out of the methane.  The Forerunner structure contains an ancient logic puzzle meant to test the one who activates it.  A series of questions are asked and the user must answer correctly to unlock a code.  Incorrect answers are met with more waves of creatures and earthquakes that threaten to collapse the cave ceiling.  The compartment contains an ancient artifact (which will later be used to open up new areas of installation 3.  At this time, the Chief is unaware of the artifact’s purpose.  His only goal is to appease the Arbiter so that they can go to High Charity and investigate the disappearance of the other Spartans, as well as find whatever the researchers are looking for.

Upon returning from the cave with the newly found artifact, the Master Chief and the Arbiter discover that their planet has been invaded.  A battalion of Jiralhanae ships dot the sky and millions of Brutes rain down on smaller cruisers toward the surface.  Shocked by what he is seeing, the Arbiter goes berserk and tears forward with his warrior guard.  At this point the player plays as the Arbiter.  The Chief plays an assistive role.  The player must navigate his way toward his palace at the top of an ancient tree (think Kashyyyk architecture).  The Arbiter wishes to save his family from the Brutes.  Most importantly, his son, the heir, must survive.  But when he gets to the palace, what does he see?  Tartarus.  Tartarus is alive, though somewhat changed.  He appears to be infected by the Flood but his personality is more or less sound.  The Arbiter’s wife and daughters lay dead on the floor of the throne room.  His son is on his knees.  Tartarus, the Arbiter, and John exchange a few words.  Then Tartarus personally decapitates the Arbiter’s son. 

The Arbiter roars with rage and grief.  He lunges forward to avenge his family but is beaten down by half a dozen Brutes.  The Master Chief is also incapacitated.  When they come to, the Arbiter and the Chief are on a ship heading toward some unknown location.  They are in chains (or future equivalent).   All hope seems lost when Dr. Halsey establishes communication with the Chief and informs him that the UNSC Infinity has been overrun.  The Chief tells her that he is imprisoned.  It is at this moment that Halsey decides she must do something drastic.  What the player didn’t know was that Halsey had implanted a newly created AI into the Master Chief’s cortical input.  She had decided not to activate the AI unless the situation absolutely demanded it.  She does so now.  AI Apollo (working name) introduces himself to the Chief and completely revamps his HUD system. 

Apollo is a highly experimental AI in that it can rework the Chief’s operational memory to give him reflexes and skills he’s never honed before.  There are limits to this that I haven’t thought of yet.  Needless to say, Apollo helps the Chief hack and disengage the locks.  John frees the Arbiter and they dispatch of the ship’s crew.  However, by the time they make it to the cockpit of the ship, a familiar voice echoes throughout the ship and sends it careening into space.  It is Gravemind.  He is alive and growing in power.  The game takes on a darker tone at this point.  Gravemind has resurrected old foes to haunt the Chief and Arbiter.  He sends the ship toward Installation 03 and breaks it up in atmosphere.  Mimicking the end of Halo 3, the Arbiter and the John are separated by two halves.  Installation 03 has properties similar to the planet Venus, so it is not filled with lush green wildlife as many other halos were.  Instead, there are dust storms and tall mountains that stretch their shadows across the desolate orange/red landscape.  When the Chief comes to, he sees Cortana standing before him, not in her usual transparent blue hue, but as a real, solid woman.  He has a lengthy conversation with her about the weather and then about people and their treachery and insignificance.  Cortana begins to shimmer and walks away beneath a dune.  Apollo jolts the Chief back into coherence and attempts to establish a communication channel with Halsey.  It is unable to do so.  Halsey is holed up in an air vent somewhere on the Infinity.  Brutes are scouring the ship in search of humans.  Back in the desert, Apollo predicts that an oncoming sandstorm will tear everything on the surface apart and that the Chief must find shelter somewhere underground.  The local animal life consists of giant carnivorous scarab beetles.  Apollo detects a highly concentrated heat signature from off in the distance, and the Chief heads off in hopes of finding a place of hide.  When he gets, there, he sees that the heat signature is coming from a very deep pit (think the pit in 300).  With the razor sharp storm howling at their backs, the Chief takes a leap of faith into the darkness.

The game shifts to the Arbiter.  Although he is on the same Installation as the Chief, the scenery around him is much different.  He has crash-landed in a valley deep within the tallest mountain on this Halo.  The peaks surrounding him are capped with snow and vines trail from tall trees all around.  The sky above is blocked out in places by canopies of leaves.  Strange wildlife inhabits the area, including mosquitoes the size of birds and large elephant-like creatures with many mouths.  The Arbiter can hear Gravemind’s disembodied voice reciting iambic poems of events that are eons past.  He vocally vows to destroy Gravemind and a rasp of laughter booms through the air in response.  Without any AI to accompany him, the Arbiter is alone to travel around the area in search of some way out; he has the artifact from his home planet with him.  He finds moss-covered structures that may be Forerunner structures, but are very different than what we’ve seen in previous Halos.  After killing some of the aggressive wildlife, the Arbiter follows a river, expecting to find an opening, but instead, the river has led him to the face of a mountain, and it disappears within a closed-off opening.  A terminal near the bank of the river interests him.  He inserts the artifact into a slot, and the terminal begins to speak aloud to him, but it is in a language he cannot understand.  He curses out loud and the terminal registers his language and begins to ask him logic questions.  Upon answering these questions correctly, the face of the mountain will slide open, revealing a dark cave.  The Arbiter enters.
The game shifts back to the Chief.  He has landed many hundreds of feet below the surface of the planet, and is met with the sight of an interconnected series of passageways that are lit by Forerunner tech.  The walls contain many pictures that tell the story of the universe and the Forerunner civilization.  The Chief encounters what appear to be living quarters, left perfectly preserved for who knows how many eons.  He goes on further and begins experiencing more hallucinations.  Apollo’s voice distorts and sounds like Cortana’s.  Nonexistent enemies run toward the Chief, prompting him to fire bullets and waste ammo.  Apollo tries to stabilize the Chief by administering logic questions.  At this point, the player can activate little minigames that can help aid the Chief in regaining sanity.  This helps to make the game less tedious.  With the Chief’s ammo wasted, he is forced to mentally train in martial arts combat using Apollo’s applications.  Although John is well-versed in martial arts, his age and body deterioration have forced Apollo t make adjustments so he can conserve energy.  This, too, can give players something to do beyond the typical shooter fare. 

At some point in his exploration of the tunnels, the Chief comes across royal tombs of the early Forerunner kings.  Glyphic stories on the walls depict the kings as gods, but above them is a depiction very similar to that of Gravemind.  A shriek sounds off from somewhere deep within the caves.  Large, slithering black creatures (think Aliens from Aliens) mount the walls and claw their way toward Chief.  He must use hand to hand combat to kill them.  When he gets to a closed-off door, the Chief is met with more logic puzzles and a hand scanner for unlocking a large door.  He doubles back to the tombs and breaks off the hand of a mummified ruler.  He solves the puzzle and activates the hand scanner.  The door opens.  Behind that door, the Chief cannot see through the impenetrable green fog that clouds the world beyond.  A single Flood spore skitters toward his foot and he crushes it with his boot.  An inhuman growl echoes from beyond and both the Chief and Apollo realize that they’ve made a big mistake in unsealing the door.   Gravemind’s disembodied laugh rings through the tunnel.

The game shifts back to the Arbiter.  The Arbiter has entered the cave opening and sees that he has found the antechamber to the Library.  The interior of the mountain opens up around him to become a vast, expansive cavern (think Mines of Moria).  A long narrow walkway made of stone rather than light (as in previous Halos) suggests that these structures are far older than those of the other installations.  Tall statues redolent of Egyptian art stand in rows on either side of the walkway.  Their arms hold up the cavern ceilings and their legs descend down into darkness.  Gravemind begins to speak again, in iambic verse, telling a story of how things began and his position within the universe.  The Arbiter argues with him but finds himself unsure of what to believe.  Gravemind claims that he is the father of all things, including the Forerunners.
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bork

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Re: Video Games Are For Children: A Trollporium of Bad Posts and Gifs
« Reply #58 on: January 22, 2013, 09:10:01 PM »
The Arbiter continues on through the antechamber, traversing through various grand rooms containing monuments and statues that belie the majesty of the Forerunner race.  Several booby traps and puzzles keep him on his toes.  This section of the game is meant to inform the player as well as challenge his intellect in a way that most other Halos failed to do.  There is one puzzle that is hard enough that the player should certainly fail to answer it.  When he does, a giant creature resembling a daddy long legs with a humanoid head will unfurl from the ceiling and try to kill the Arbiter.  The Arbiter will have an advantage because the monster’s legs are so long it is unable to lean in to kill the Arbiter.  However, it will call in waves of smaller spiders (it’s children) to try and kill the Arbiter.  The Arbiter must kill the waves of smaller spiders and dismember the daddy long legs one leg at a time.  Once sufficiently incapacitated, the monster thanks the Arbiter for ending his torment and gives him the answer to the question.  Once the Arbiter makes it through this area he will come to the entrance of the library, an enormous gate that can only be opened with two markers.  The Arbiter has only one and curses his fortune.  However, from the depths of the shadows emerges the Prophet of Mercy, holding the second artifact/marker/key from High Charity.  Furthermore, he is accompanied by the 12 Spartan IVs.  They have been assimilated into the Flood.  They will now become a major enemy of the game because their advanced strength and armor make them stronger than any other Flood form. 

The game shifts back to the Master Chief.  Having accidentally unleashed the Flood (again), and without sufficient weapons to fight them, the Chief beats a hasty retreat back through the tunnels, hoping to find someplace to barricade himself for safety.  The Flood forms chasing him are unlike anything we’ve seen before.  They are very tall and very thin humanoids.  They are Forerunner flood, the first ever infected.  And although their brethren Forerunners locked them away, they were worshipped as gods.  The Apollo AI tells the Chief this from analyzing the glyphs they had seen earlier.  The Chief ends up in a domicile built into the side of the tunnels.  He uses ancient furniture to bar the opening.  As the Flood forms try to break their way into the room, the Chief uses all of his strength to punch a hole in the wall opposite.  Apollo tells him that there are hollowed out areas behind the walls.  So, once the Chief breaks through, he enters into the darkened regions of the caves.  This area is very moist.  Rivulets of war drip down the walls and the Chief’s boots slap against the ground with every step.  The narrow tunnel begins to widen and opens out to a promontory.  Chief stands at the edge of the promontory and looks down to see a field before him illuminated by light coming through cracks in the ceiling above.  At this point, the Gravemind initiates conversation with the Chief in its usual poetic tone.  The Chief begins to hallucinate events during his training sessions with the other Spartans in his generation (as described in the book The Fall of Reach).  He sees himself and the other Spartans performing combat exercises; he can hear Cortana’s voice echoing in the cave walls and then transitioning smoothly into Gravemind’s poetry.  The scene below him changes.  He can see his parents and himself a young child.  At this time, the player is free to move around.  The promontory has a pathway leading down along the walls and onto the field below.  The Chief makes his way down to the field where his younger self and parents are beginning to diminish.  Cortana’s voice begins a statement we’ve heard at the beginning of Halo 3.  “Like the others, you were strong and swift and brave.  A natural leader.  But you had something they didn’t.”  At this point, the voice changes to Gravemind’s voice.  And the sentence continues.  “Something no one saw… but me.  Can you guess?  Destiny.”  So, instead of saying “luck,” as Cortana had said, the Gravemind establishes Chief’s significance as a matter of fate.  The Chief notices the field darkening.  He looks up in time to see Gravemind’s tentacles slithering down towards him.  The scene ends.

The scene changes to Dr. Halsey.  This is most likely a cutscene for the game, but I would prefer it if Halsey was made a playable character, if only for a brief while.  Halsey is still trapped in an air vent in an attempt to evade capture or death at the hands of the Brutes.  She decides that the ship is a lost cause and must be destroyed.  Her attempts to establish communication with the Master Chief or anyone within the UNSC have all failed.  She wishes to destroy the Infinity and make a bid to escape on a small cruiser ship or emergency pod.  She finds a bomb in the cargo bay, arms is, and grabs the remote detonator.  However, upon suiting up (space suit) and navigating stealthily through the ship (stealth element to the game), she is disheartened to see that the UNSC Infinity has arrived at High Charity.  High Charity is a beautiful, sprawling locale.  Despite being abandoned for years, the city is being brought back to former glory by the Brutes.  The Brutes have enslaved the Unggoy and Jackals, who are worked to death in rebuilding the ruins.  Grunts and Jackals can now be infected by the Flood forms.  As Halsey, the player must traverse High Charity.  This section of the game contains vertical platforming gameplay, stealth, and rescue operations.  It turns out that many Sangheili hostages were acquired from the invasion on Sangheilios.  The Brutes are systematically torturing and executing them at their pleasure.  Halsey watches as Elites are made to kill each other in gladiatorial combat in an arena not unlike the Coliseum.  The leader of the Brutes, Tartarus, sits upon a throne like Caesar and watches gleefully as his archenemies disembowel one another.  Halsey finds a corral holding the Elites, both males and females and children, and hacks a terminal to free them.  Arming themselves with weapons, Halsey and the freed Elites stage a coup to kill Tartarus and escape from High Charity on a ship.  It is important to note that at this time, Halsey is completely unaware of the Flood’s existence.  Her belief is that the 12 Spartan IVs from the failed mission were killed by the Brutes.  Their attempt to kill Tartarus fails and many Elites die, but Halsey and some survivors manage to escape from the arena and head through the streets (or equivalent) toward a ship.  Once inside, Halsey detonates the bomb on the Infinity and this creates enough of a diversion that they are able to fly away unchallenged. 

Halsey’s plan is to fly as close enough to Earth as possible to establish a communication with the UNSC and alert them of the situation.  The Chief is lost and the Brutes are becoming a threat.  This part of the game can be a cutscene or a flying mission with ship-to-ship combat against Brute enemy ships.  Halsey fails to contact Earth and decides on a hunch to fly toward Installation 03.

The game shifts back to the Arbiter.  The Prophet of Mercy uses his artifact to open the Library.  The Arbiter is escorted inside by the Spartan Flood forms.  It is here that Gravemind tells the details of the creation of the Precursors.  Long ago, Gravemind created the first lifeforms in the universe.  They worshipped him as a god and lived alongside him as equals.  They experienced no toil and no suffering; their technology was unsurpassed.  When they died, peacefully, they were assimilated into the Gravemind.  The next race of lifeformthe Gravemind created was the Forerunners.  They worshipped the Precursors and deified them.  However, they feared the Gravemind and believed him to be an abomination.  Gravemind claims they were arrogant.  Among them was the Didact.  He attempted to destroy the Flood forms of his Forerunner Brethren.  The Gravemind decided to unleash the Flood in full force among his living creations as punishment for their pride.  But the Didact was successful in sealing in the Flood, for a time.  The existence of humans came as a surprise to the Forerunners.  They wondered who had created them.  Was it Gravemind?  A war was fought between Forerunners and humans.  The Didact believed that the humans would unleash the Gravemind and doom them all.  The Didact transferred his memories into another being, a non-organic being immune to the Flood.  He later fired the rings from a safe location and ended Forerunner life to prevent the Flood, and Gravemind, from spreading.

Years later, the next race of lifeform, the Covenant, were fated to discover the rings and encounter the humans.  Gravemind had waited 100,000 years to assume his mantle as god.  The Arbiter doesn’t know what to make of the information.  The Prophet of Mercy admits his failure and the failure of the Covenant to understand the true purpose of the rings, and the glory of the Gravemind.  Of course, at this point, the Prophet’s mind is infused with that of the Gravemind, so it is unclear whose opinion is being expressed.  This entire scene is told in real time as the player walks through the library halls, examining more glyphs and artifacts.

The game shifts back to the Master Chief.  Gravemind finishes telling the Chief nearly everything the Prophet of Mercy was telling the Arbiter.  The Chief refuses to believe it and attempts to extricate himself from the Gravemind’s tentacular grasp.  Suddenly, AI Apollo sends a jolt of electricity coursing through the surface of the Chief’s MJOLNIR armor.  The Gravemind is momentarily shocked and lets the Chief fall.  Using thrusters, the Chief flies up and out of the cavern’s cracked ceiling and emerges in the desert.  The Gravemind roars in anger, but the Chief is already tearing through the desert to head back to the ship in an attempt to send out an emergency beacon from the downed half of his ship.  Because the ship is of alien (Brute) origin, the player must hack the system to get the signal out.  Once this is accomplished, Apollo is able to establish contact with Dr. Halsey, who flies down to the Installation to retrieve John.

Meanwhile, back at the Library with the Arbiter, the Prophet of Mercy and the infected Spartans become aware of the Gravemind’s anger.  The Prophet of Mercy claims that the Gravemind forgave him, and that he is also willing to forgive the Arbiter for his transgressions.  The Prophet activates a wall, which slides away to reveal an ancient Forerunner ship.  The Arbiter’s new task is to chase after the Master Chief.  The Arbiter lies and agrees to do this so he can get on the ship and escape.  As they begin to board the ship, the Arbiter draws out an energy sword and decapitates the Prophet of Mercy.  The Spartan IV flood forms charge out at him, but the Arbiter briskly enters the ship and flies through an opening. As he is flying above the surface of Installation 03, he is attacked by other ships, flown by the Spartans.  This part of the game is a combat flying mission, but the unprecedented agility of the ships should make it different than the kinds of flying missions in Halo Reach and Halo 4.  Upon, destroying 3 of 6 ships, the other Spartans mysteriously retreat and the Arbiter is able to communicate with Halsey’s ship and set up a rendezvous point near the Chief’s downed ship. 

Meanwhile, the game shifts back to the Master Chief.  The Gravemind’s bellow awakens the large scarab beetles from the dunes of the desert.  They are driven into a frenzy and attack the Chief.  The Chief finds a Brute equivalent to an RPG inside the wreckage and stands atop the ship to fire rockets at the incoming creatures.  After a few successful hits, the remaining beetles spread their wings and reveal that they can fly.  The Chief uses his thrusters to level the playing field.  In the mean time, the Gravemind is getting closer and closer to the ship.  His main body is hidden beneath the sands, but his tentacles approach like snakes fondling the sky.  The sands begin to shift and sink.  A volcanic eruption from the mountain nearby was triggered by the Gravemind’s growling.  The air fills with raining ash.  Halsey’s ship arrives just in time to pick up the Chief, while the Arbiter arrives just as soon to provide cover fire against the Gravemind.  The two ships fly out of the Installation and head for Earth. 

They arrive at the Sol System and hail the UNSC but receive no response.  Once they get closer, they realize that Earth’s outer defenses have been penetrated by none other than the Prometheans.  The Prometheans have arrived in search of the Didact, their leader.  They have begun composing the humans on Earth.  From the other direction, High Charity erupts from slipspace and Tartarus’s voice is heard on the ships’ radio.  And just as soon as that happens, another Slipspace opens up and from it emerges a mysterious fleet of ships that look unlike anything seen before.  It is the Precursors.  They have returned. 

The game ends like this, on a cliffhanger.

spoiler (click to show/hide)
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Re: Video Games Are For Children: A Trollporium of Bad Posts and Gifs
« Reply #59 on: January 22, 2013, 09:15:57 PM »
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