A first date isn't a partner, but telling him or her on the first date will spare later heartache or worse. If he is not okay with dating me despite my trans status, then what's the point of dating him? This needs to be cleared immediately. Safety depends upon it and any other option is fantastical and idyllic. Going on dates with someone who doesn't know might as well be lying and being manipulative despite the necessary precaution and need for safety. Of course, I say this purely in regards to pre or non-ops, but it's far better to tell on the first date than to put yourself in a bad situation.
I agree, and yes I am speaking in the ideal (and from a position of privilege as someone who is cis), but (especially regarding safety), the situation won't change if we don't put the onus on the people who behave wrongly (and criminally) instead of the people who just are who they are. (I am reminded of the "be safe ladies" vs. "stop raping women, men" messaging debate, and my apologies for tossing that "shouldn't be loaded but is loaded" subject into this conversation but I can't think of another parallel.)
I definitely don't agree that it's lying by omission. A woman who is trans is a woman, there's no misconception being furthered by her not coming out as being trans except to people who assume all women are cis and that's an actual misconception.
