I ended up having even LESS money to spend on a laptop due to having to replace a couple tires on my car, so that meant I had to downgrade my expectations to the $500ish range. I found this, which was a pretty awesome deal all things considered:
http://www.microsoftstore.com/store/msstore/pd/Dell-Inspiron-14z-i14z-3003sLV/productID.256223700/parentCategoryID.44066900/categoryID.50787200/list.trueOf course I bought it and then the MS store cancelled my order because it was out of stock. FUCK.
Which brings us to here:
http://slickdeals.net/f/5575894-Dell-Inspiron-I15-2728BK-Laptop-Core-i5-3210M-2-5GHz-15-6-LED-1366x768-4GB-DDR3-500GB-HDD-WiFi-N-DVDRW-HDMI-6-Cell-Win-8-25-Savings-Code-400-Free-In-Store-PickupYes, it's a shitty Dell, but it does what I need it to do: runs office and browses the web. Of course as soon as I got it today, the first thing I did was download classic shell and a few other things to give me a W7 experience while using W8. So far I can't even tell the fucking difference. The next thing I did was purge all of the fucking bloatware on this thing.
Pros:
-runs office
-browses web
-has an i5 but was only $400
-the Intel HD 4000 integrated graphics gpu is surprisingly not terrible! I downloaded Path of Exile and while this thing won't wow you, it's playable! Which means D3 is too, plus a bunch of shitty indie games on Steam, and likely a bunch of older shit like Fallout 3, NV, Dragon Age Origins, etc. Wouldn't want to play NEW HOLLYWOOD AAA games on it, but it will suffice in a pinch.
Con:
-looks awful
-is a Dell
-case feels cheap and shitty, I know I can't treat this fucker too rough or it will break on me
-case is glossy black, which means it picks up finger prints and grease like nobody's business
All in all, it's not a bad deal on a laptop if you just need it for school or light number crunching work. I still feel vaguely dirty for owning it, but whatevs, gotta do what you gotta do.
Edit: forgot to say, battery is about 3-3.5 hours, so that's shitty too but about par for the course for this class of machine (ie you get what you pay for, always and forever)