After Earth - Will Smith drags Shyamalan and Whitta into the Scientology abyss

[Great Rumbler]

Basically, this is Smith and his real-life son, Jaden (both affecting ridiculous mid-Atlantic accents) talking the audience to death for something like 90 minutes before the closing credits.

Shyamalan is clearly a director-for-hire here, his disinterest palpable from first frame to last.

After Earth is no Titan A.E.

Childish

Well, it's not as bad as Wild, Wild West.

Had the ad mentioned him, it probably would have said, 'An M. Night Shyamalan film. Sorry.'

This would be a difficult film even for the charismatic Papa Smith to carry. That he spends nearly the entire movie in a chair doesn't help matters.

http://www.rottentomatoes.com/m/after_earth/

39 reviews, 7 positive. Average rating: 3.8/10.

[Polari]

lol. This looks terrible.

[Mupepe]

After you have a few drinks in you the extended trailer makes it look kinda cool.  Then you remember the "talent" that's involved.  I'll pirate it or redbox it at best.

[hampster]

Sounds like Gary will be a regular on the Tested podcast again

[Momo]

But can it beat Fast and the Furious 6 for worst movie of the year, that is the question.

[MyNameIsMethodis]

remember when i called gary a shit hack and everyon here fellated him fummy how im the one always right

[Eric P]

Rashomethodis

[bork]

But can it beat Fast and the Furious 6 for worst movie of the year, that is the question.

\

[Great Rumbler]

Joe, please leper-ban Momo.

[Flannel Boy]

remember when i called gary a shit hack and everyon here fellated him fummy how im the one always right

I think you're confusing this place with GAF.

[Momo]

But can it beat Fast and the Furious 6 for worst movie of the year, that is the question.

leper this filth

But can it beat Fast and the Furious 6 for worst movie of the year, that is the question.

\

Joe, please leper-ban Momo.

[bork]

Momo-perception:


Reality: 

[Great Rumbler]

After Earth tells the story of an inexperienced boy trying desperately to please his father while making one mistake after another, and as such, it becomes an uncomfortable metaphor for itself.

 

[Eel O'Brian]

fummy

[Steve Contra]

At what point do you have Will Smith on board and decide that M. Night Shyamalan is going to direct?

[Great Rumbler]

At what point do you have Will Smith on board and decide that M. Night Shyamalan is going to direct?

AND co-write the screenplay.

[Eel O'Brian]

"We love you here at Columbia Pictures, Mr. Smith, but your son simply isn't worth the cost of a good director."

[Steve Contra]

"Hey guys this could be a hit!"

"Nah lets put the director of The Happening on it and take longer lunches"

[Phoenix Dark]

Pretty sure Will Smith doesn't  give a fuck as long as

A) He's the lead actor
B) He gets paid

that Django story made me lose what little bit of respect I had for him (as an actor)

[Great Rumbler]

The Happening maybe could have been brushed off as a fluke [except that Lady in the Water and The Village were also kinda terrible, too], but after totally and completely botching what should have been an easy slam dunk with The Last Airbender? Come on.

[Phoenix Dark]

Plus most of M Night's films have been successful at the box office, so he'll always get work.

[Eel O'Brian]

I'd like his movies a lot better if they were 50 minute Masters of Horror episodes

[Great Rumbler]

Right now he's still riding the fumes of The Sixth Sense and Signs [$1 billion worldwide total between the two of them], but none of his other movies have seen anywhere close to that level of success.

[Mupepe]

Shyamalamadingdong would be great reigned in.  He usually has interesting ideas that he fails to execute.  I love Lady in the Water for the idea, but the execution was pretty bad.  Signs and The Happening are the two of his movies I hate (haven't seen the last airbender).  But the others were at least interesting and had some great moments within them.

[Steve Contra]

Also what's the twist on this one?  Is Will Smith his own son and he travels back in time to help himself out of a tight spot?

[Great Rumbler]

Is Will Smith his own son and he travels back in time to help himself out of a tight spot?

[demi]

Also what's the twist on this one?  Is Will Smith his own son and he travels back in time to help himself out of a tight spot?

http://www.themoviespoiler.com/Spoilers/afterearth.html

[Steve Contra]

That's stinkier than my fake twist ever could be

[Great Rumbler]

The twist is that they were really ON EARTH THE WHOLE TIME.

[Steve Contra]

WELCOME TO AFTER URF

[Phoenix Dark]

The twist is that they're both actors on a sci fi television show in the future. The original actors died 100 years ago, and the producers keeps cloning them to continue the show.

[Joe Molotov]

So basically there's no twist and it's just a terrible movie? Well, I already predicted one of those two things.

[Brehvolution]

The twist is that Will Smith had nothing to do with the soundtrack.

[Howard Alan Treesong]

The twist is that Will Smith had nothing to do with the soundtrack.

"After, After Earth"

[king of the internet]

Also what's the twist on this one?  Is Will Smith his own son and he travels back in time to help himself out of a tight spot?

http://www.themoviespoiler.com/Spoilers/afterearth.html

I lasted a couple paragraphs and said 'fuck it'. Not even worth it.

[Joe Molotov]

Also what's the twist on this one?  Is Will Smith his own son and he travels back in time to help himself out of a tight spot?

http://www.themoviespoiler.com/Spoilers/afterearth.html

I lasted a couple paragraphs and said 'fuck it'. Not even worth it.

There's a TL;DR version at the bottom:

spoiler (click to show/hide)

Cypher Raige is an emotionally cold, military leader whose relationship with his son, Kitai, is fractured by the violent death of his daughter. In an attempt to bond with his son, they travel together only to be marooned on Earth, which had been abandoned after centuries of environmental havoc. Now, with his injured father helping him from the damaged ship, Kitai must retrieve a beacon 100 kilometers away on a hostile planet with ravenous beasts, freakish weather patterns and a monster that can smell his fear. Kitai succeeds, saving the day and earning his father's love and respect.

[close]

And reading that, I just remembered Will Smith's name in the movie is Cypher Raige.

[Steve Contra]

RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA(i)GGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

[Steve Contra]

Also please change Methodis' name to Cypher Raige and put a serious looking pic of Will Smith as his avatar

[demi]

The guy who wrote that couldn't even take it seriously, lots of snark in it. lol

[Phoenix Dark]

Not only is his name Cypher Raige, he has an Old Virginia southern accent.

[Cerveza mas fina]

Well at least this movie brought us a mini reunion of the fresh prince, jazzy jeff and carlton on the graham norton show.

[Momo]

Jesus Christ Raven looks horrendous, I feel like the mark thing whoosed on by, but thats okay

[bluemax]

Cypher Raige sounds like a character out of a 13 year old's first cyber punk novel.

[Rahxephon91]

Well Book of Eli sucked too, so why did anyone expect anything good when the writer and director are so so at best?

[Joe Molotov]

Cypher Raige sounds like a character out of a 13 year old's first cyber punk novel.

"The neon lights crackled like lightning as Cypher Raige made his way down the rain-soaked Akiba streets, his black leather trench coat pulled tightly around his muscular frame and his fedora pulled low over his dark, piercing eyes. He was a cyber-cowboy, this was his Techno Wild West, and the USB drive in his pocket was his pocket containing the encrypted bank account information of over 1000 wealthy Chinese businessmen was his herd of electronic steers, and he had to get them to Neo Dodge City before the cyber rustlers showed up. He nervously stroked the stun-phaser in his pocket; you had to be packing more than 8GB of GDDR5 RAM to last 5 minutes in this town, as Cypher knew better than anyone. There was good, there was great, then there was Cypher."

[Smooth Groove]

You know it's bad when they can't even make a good trailer out of the best parts

[Shadow Mod]

Cypher Raige. 

Also Book of Eli was decent but nothing that lead me to think "wow what a unique and interesting story." I just saw the damn thing because it was the closest thing to Fallout on the big screen.

[Great Rumbler]

I just saw the damn thing because it was the closest thing to Fallout on the big screen.

Yep.

[Phoenix Dark]

My parents saw a super bootleg copy of Book of Eli and didn't realize the "twist" because the color/contrast was so dark. When I complained about Denzel's character being

spoiler (click to show/hide)

blind they were like "wut, he wasn't blind. What are you talking about?

[close]

[demi]

http://www.reddit.com/r/movies/comments/1feqis/just_watched_after_earth_it_is_beyond_a_shadow_of/

[ManaByte]

http://www.reddit.com/r/movies/comments/1feqis/just_watched_after_earth_it_is_beyond_a_shadow_of/

Another one:
http://www.vulture.com/2013/05/after-earth-will-smith-love-letter-to-scientology.html

[Joe Molotov]

I guess the only thing keeping this from being Will Smith's Battlefield Earth is the lack of dreadlocks. Still, that accent, though... 

[Polari]

Battlefield Earth is great. It's all about the leverage.

[Great Rumbler]

[ManaByte]

Scientology propaganda beat by a indie heist movie with magicians.

http://www.boxofficemojo.com/daily/chart/?view=1day&sortdate=2013-5-31&p=.htm

[Eric P]

so is Whitta a Scientologist or.....

[ManaByte]

so is Whitta a Scientologist or.....

No, but Will Smith is and Smith came up with the story. Actually is credited with the the story for the first time.

[Eric P]

gotcha

[Joe Molotov]

so is Whitta a Scientologist or.....

Gary Whitta and M Night Shyamalan had to get Scientology baptized before they'd let them make the movie.

Also, this is the best review of After Eath I've read so far:
http://www.theonion.com/articles/perhaps-the-gimmick-of-my-father-and-i-starring-in,32649/

Come to think of it, I suppose it is entirely possible that there are a few moviegoers out there right now who are saying something along the lines of, “Actually, this whole movie seems really cold, calculated, and designed purely to raise the media profile of the film’s millionaire movie star and his young, precociously famous son. And, because of these things, I do not want to see After Earth at all. I’d much rather go see that dumb magician movie this weekend instead.”

[Great Rumbler]

I'd rather just go watch Furious 6 again.