Author Topic: Help! I need to cultivate a "talent" for a talent show. (Read 2727 times)

The Business · « **on:** September 23, 2013, 07:13:47 PM »

Possible ideas:

Poetry recitation in foreign language - Goethe? Quranic reading?
Sing and play guitar - I can't do either well so it'd have to be something really funny/charismatic. Miley Cyrus?
Cooking - Is this possible to do on stage?
Sharpshooting - All around bad idea

Help me, Bore!

brob · « **Reply #1 on:** September 23, 2013, 07:15:31 PM »

handstand archery

Tasty · « **Reply #2 on:** September 23, 2013, 07:16:53 PM »

Full penetration.

Olivia Wilde Homo · « **Reply #3 on:** September 23, 2013, 07:18:39 PM »

See if you can put a traffic cone up your ass

Phoenix Dark · « **Reply #4 on:** September 23, 2013, 07:20:17 PM »

You should wear your best suit on stage, then judge the audience by criticizing their clothes and theorize on their personal faults.

Madrun Badrun · « **Reply #5 on:** September 23, 2013, 07:23:40 PM »

Quote from: Brobzoid on September 23, 2013, 07:15:31 PM

handstand archery

Or just handsome archery

Great Rumbler · « **Reply #6 on:** September 23, 2013, 08:24:46 PM »

Peeing six feet in the air without getting wet.

Raban · « **Reply #7 on:** September 23, 2013, 09:03:40 PM »

If they allow it, cooking sounds like it'd be a lot of fun to do on a stage. Obviously it'd have to be something simple. You could serve the food to the judges afterward to sweeten the deal

Steve Contra · « **Reply #8 on:** September 23, 2013, 09:30:30 PM »

Kill someone on stage

Barry Egan · « **Reply #9 on:** September 23, 2013, 09:35:23 PM »

wasn't this basically the plot to Miss Congeniality? Nice troll thread, The Business. Here's what you should do for the "talent show".

Positive Touch · « **Reply #10 on:** September 23, 2013, 09:36:38 PM »

Quote from: Steve Contra on September 23, 2013, 09:30:30 PM

Kill someone on stage

kill a terrorist on stage

Phoenix Dark · « **Reply #11 on:** September 23, 2013, 09:57:15 PM »

Quote from: Steve Contra on September 23, 2013, 09:30:30 PM

Kill someone on stage

Better yet, put someone else on stage and kill them from 100 miles away.

Shadow Mod · « **Reply #12 on:** September 23, 2013, 10:00:21 PM »

Learn to pole dance.

I don't see many men doing this.

brawndolicious · « **Reply #13 on:** September 23, 2013, 10:10:41 PM »

Lip-sync porn sounds while showing how to tie a tie.

Shadow Mod · « **Reply #14 on:** September 23, 2013, 10:11:56 PM »

Quote from: Eschaton on September 23, 2013, 10:06:50 PM

Quote from: Needs More Cowbell on September 23, 2013, 10:00:21 PM
Learn to pole dance.

I don't see many men doing this.

Don't Ask Don't Talent

Considering all the love of pole around here I figured it would be a good suggestion.

Tasty · « **Reply #15 on:** September 23, 2013, 10:13:37 PM »

Quote from: Needs More Cowbell on September 23, 2013, 10:11:56 PM

Quote from: Eschaton on September 23, 2013, 10:06:50 PM
Quote from: Needs More Cowbell on September 23, 2013, 10:00:21 PM
Learn to pole dance.

I don't see many men doing this.

Don't Ask Don't Talent

Considering all the love of pole around here I figured it would be a good suggestion.

Wait I thought everyone here hated the Poles?

Shadow Mod · « **Reply #16 on:** September 23, 2013, 10:15:41 PM »

BBPoles

EUPoles

Joe Molotov · « **Reply #17 on:** September 23, 2013, 10:48:59 PM »

Quote from: Positive Touch on September 23, 2013, 09:36:38 PM

Quote from: Steve Contra on September 23, 2013, 09:30:30 PM
Kill someone on stage

kill a terrorist on stage

Kill yourself on stage.

Yeti · « **Reply #18 on:** September 23, 2013, 11:24:49 PM »

Quote from: The Business on September 23, 2013, 10:26:21 PM

Quote from: Barry Egan on September 23, 2013, 09:35:23 PM
wasn't this basically the plot to Miss Congeniality? Nice troll thread, The Business. Here's what you should do for the "talent show".

[youtube]97JIFQzw8NM[youtube]

Nailed it. I'm entering my university's "Mr OU" pageant as representative of the Student Veterans Association. I'm thinking of doing the opposite of that video: a combat first aid demonstration. A little Hawes carry and treatment of a tension pneumothorax in full kit should have the civilian judges eating out of my hand.

But cinnamon challenge is actually a great one too. People love that shit and this isn't as serious as a woman's pageant. It's a tough choice.

Do them both at the same time.

Huff · « **Reply #19 on:** September 24, 2013, 12:43:24 AM »

we always just sent our buffest dude to do dumb stuff on stage with as little clothes on as possible. Like how to make a great pbj sandwich

Huff · « **Reply #20 on:** September 24, 2013, 01:21:00 AM »

He was up there but I'm not sure if he won. It was judged mostly by undergrad girls, which helped.

nudemacusers · « **Reply #21 on:** September 24, 2013, 03:16:02 AM »

a style-off would be tres fab

Brehvolution · « **Reply #22 on:** September 24, 2013, 09:25:46 AM »

Powerpoint presentation about the benefits of Obamacare in Oklahoma.

CatsCatsCats · « **Reply #23 on:** September 24, 2013, 10:45:25 AM »

Do an original comedy routine/song with your guitar, if you're lacking in either one the other can pick up the slack. Get the audience involved with some clapping to get them into it.

Madrun Badrun · « **Reply #24 on:** September 24, 2013, 10:48:08 AM »

Do a performance art piece where you masturbate on stage and right when you come, look the judges in the eye and say "War is hell"

Tasty · « **Reply #25 on:** September 24, 2013, 11:39:23 AM »

Do a recitation of "The Aristocrats." Knock em dead.

Steve Contra · « **Reply #26 on:** September 24, 2013, 06:17:31 PM »

Did we decide on a public display of killing force? Or the powerpoint presentation?

Tasty · « **Reply #27 on:** September 24, 2013, 06:35:41 PM »

I was robbed. My Always Sunny reference was A+.

chronovore · « **Reply #28 on:** September 24, 2013, 09:37:52 PM »

Do some impressions! Start with "wet blanket."

spoiler (click to show/hide)

[close]

ToxicAdam · « **Reply #29 on:** September 25, 2013, 10:26:58 PM »

A knife throwing demonstration with your wife as the assistant.

Either you will win or you will be a newly single man. There is no downside here.

Shaka Khan · « **Reply #30 on:** September 25, 2013, 11:02:19 PM »

Are you still on the fitness wagon? Do something with that. High or long jumps (boxes? People? Chairs?) Or bench press your wife or something.

Rusty Shackleford · « **Reply #31 on:** September 25, 2013, 11:06:13 PM »

Quote from: chronovore on September 24, 2013, 09:37:52 PM

Do some impressions! Start with "wet blanket."
spoiler (click to show/hide)

[close]

I'd start with "Paul Lynde." He's got all of the snark and most of the swish already.

Shaka Khan · « **Reply #32 on:** September 25, 2013, 11:11:29 PM »

In our university's Mr. U some hot shirtless jock drew a dinosaur with a brush in his mouth while performing a crazy number of pushups and I think he won that category. The dinosaur ended up looking distinguished mentally-challenged but no paid attention when there's a glistening sculpted body next to it.

Madrun Badrun · « **Reply #33 on:** September 25, 2013, 11:39:39 PM »

And what rank is the business?

chronovore · « **Reply #34 on:** September 26, 2013, 01:59:46 AM »

Grade-A beefcake.

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Author Topic: Help! I need to cultivate a "talent" for a talent show. (Read 2727 times)