share stupid stories of stuff you believed when you were a kid

[Himu]

So like in third grade pizza hut came out with these buffalo wings. I had never heard of buffalo wings before this but I knew a lot about buffalo and I knew they didn't have wings so I figured it was some marketing gag about the wings, but the thing about the buffalo was TOTALLY real and I refused to eat them cuz of it. "White people murdered all the buffalo and now pizza hut are selling their meat?!" So I channelled my inner Lisa Simpson and any time someone ordered buffalo wings I refused to eat them.

Then someone told me they were made out of chicken.

[Kara]

Imagine how blown the mind of Lil' Himu would be if he could come to 2014 where you can buy ground buffalo at the supermarket. 

[Madrun Badrun]

I can't think of anything I believed like this.  I guess I wasn't dumb as a child.

[cool breeze]

I thought lunchables were edible

 

[Himu]

HAHAHAHA

Fucking crackers, a small slice of cheese, and like...manufactured ham.

Yet I thought stuff was delicious.

[Kara]

I thought Indonesia was a fictional country, and one I had made up at that.

To make matters worse, a suburban upbringing before widespread internet adoption allowed me to maintain this intellectual charade for an embarrassing amount of time. It wasn't until we were on vacation one year in the early 90s and bought a little wooden frog tchotchke that had a "Made in Indonesia" sticker on it that I learned the shocking truth about the nation-states that comprise Southeast Asia.

And for the coup de grace, while growing up, when encountering someone living extravagantly my family would mockingly accuse them of being the Sultan of Brunei behind closed doors. So I knew Brunei existed, but not Indonesia.  :'(

The same thing happened with Micronesia but that was seaQuest's fucking fault.

[Raban]

I used to think learning a new language just meant that you heard it as English eventually.

[Stoney Mason]

I think I told this example years ago back in the GAF version of this thread but when I was a kid, I somehow got the words "rape" and "rake" confused. So I thought if a woman was "raped" it meant she was rolled around on the ground with a rake.

I was a dumb child.

[Kara]

I think I told this example years ago back in the GAF version of this thread but when I was a kid, I somehow got the words "rape" and "rake" confused. So I thought if a woman was "raped" it meant she was rolled around on the ground with a rake.

I was a dumb child.

I thought that word meant being attacked with a rapier.   

[Phoenix Dark]

I thought W was the last vowel because some asshole 18 year old at church told me I'd learn about it in high school

[Rufus]

"Why else would it be called double u", huh?

I thought Japan was a city in China or vice versa, can't remember. Asians were all from one place in my mind.

[Himu]

Really? That's one of the first lessons you learn as a dark skin person. My mom bought a book on it and everything.

[Phoenix Dark]

I can imagine Mrs. Esch taking our young nicca Esch to the playground one day. A bunch of kids are on the swing sets, going down the slides, playing jump rope. Mrs. Esch points to the young light skinned Indian girls skipping rope and says "Esch you see those girls, the light girls?" Esch licks his lips and nods "ya, mama, I see them." Then Mrs. Esch shakes her head and says "you'll never be able to marry them, dear."

The first L of a dark Indian

[Himu]

It wasn't a book on how to be a nicca, it was a book on knowing that we're all different and shit

I can't find it on amazon.

[Himu]

You mean you didn't draw white superheroes as a kid?

[Himu]

drugs happened

[Phoenix Dark]

My mom claims that I once came to her crying and said I wanted to be white so I could see myself in the dark


might just be hearsay, but I don't remember

[Himu]

My mom claims that I once came to her crying and said I wanted to be white so I could see myself in the dark


might just be hearsay, but I don't remember

ahahahaha

[nudemacusers]

can't think of much offhand, but definitely that bloody mary mirror in the dark thing.

Jurassic Park had me so shook that I took extremely anxious poops from age 3 to 5.

I bet you still have a really tight butthole

[Phoenix Dark]

young Exodust asking the Mustachioed Man if he marched with MLK in Riyadh.

[Beezy]

I didn't know what carpool meant. I thought there were actually cars with pools built in. Like a pick up truck but with the back filled with water.

I heard 'AIDS' and 'needles' associated with each other a lot, so I thought that you could get AIDS if you were pricked by any random needle. My mom kept her sewing needles on the curtain in her room and once I got pricked by one when closing her curtain. I was terrified and worrying the whole day. Imagine how pissed off I was when I explained why to my mom and all she did was laugh uncontrollably. She eventually explained everything to me once she was able to catch her breath.

Years before the whole needle thing, I thought stretchmarks were an indicator for AIDs. I have a REALLY fat cousin. Easily 300+ and the stretchmarks on her legs and arms were impossible to hide. I always stayed away from her and at some point my older brother and sister finally asked me why. I explained about the stretchmarks... and they still laugh at me about that to this day.

 

[Himu]

i thought trucks with the dark exhaust had poop inside them

[Atramental]

As a child I used to believe:
-That poor people were poor because they were extremely lazy. 
-That girls did not have vaginas. There was just nothing there. Like Barbie.
-Which led to my belief that all babies were born via C-section.
-There was nothing in Canada except ice, snow, polar bears, and the city of Toronto because my dad went there once for a business trip.
-That TV commercials were "mini-shows".

[Human Snorenado]

I can't remember anything specifically, I was always a little shit of a kid, more apt to convince other people of dumb shit that I made up than the other way around.

I got that from my dad, who for years had my mother convinced that Captain Kangaroo was actually Frank Zappa's father.

 

[Raban]

When I was in middle school I thought about doing that arms-thrown-behind-back-while-running thing because it looks so cool in anime but then a super dorky kid did it in PE and the reactions it got out of people made me realize that it is, in fact, not cool at all.

[Beezy]

I too share the "ninja anime run" disappointment. Felt like such a dumbass when I tried it.

[DCharlieJP]

When i was very young i'd seen a fair amount of black and white tv, so i was under the impression that at some point the world itself had become colour

Again , at a very young age, I was under the impression that one of my uncles had, at some point, been the Pope

[Great Rumbler]

I thought George W Bush was a good President.

[Rufus]

Serious weaboo confession. I thought the way they ninja ran in anime could make you faster. I wasnt too young to know better, of course.

There's some sort of ninja breathing technique that supposedly lets you run more efficiently. You exhale twice, then inhale, then exhale, then inhale twice, etc. Something like that.

Didn't feel any different to me when I tried it in middle school or so.

[Kara]

I believed the David Lynch Dune movie was good until I was 21.

The Atlantic: from Letter from Birmingham Jail to this: http://www.theatlantic.com/entertainment/archive/2014/03/the-messy-misunderstood-glory-of-david-lynchs-em-dune-em/284316/

[Great Rumbler]

I wish Alejandro Jodorowsky had been able to finish his version, though.

[Kara]

The best part of Lynch's Dune is Patrick Stewart holding a little dog and shouting, "LONG LIVE DUKE LETO!" before leading a doomed charge against Sardaukar (iirc). Whenever I'm feeling blue I just watch that clip and can't stop laughing. 

[Joe Molotov]

I believed the David Lynch Dune movie was good until I was 21.

21 was about how old I was when I finally realized how awesome David Lynch's Dune was. I used to prefer the Sci-Fi Channel version.

[recursivelyenumerable]

I thought lunchables were edible

I never thought this.

[Phoenix Dark]

I keep saying I'm gonna read Dune and never get around to doing it.

[Great Rumbler]

The Dune movie is like the cliff-notes version of the book that somebody spilled coffee on. The Dune mini-series is like the cliff-notes version of the book read to you by a robot.

[recursivelyenumerable]

tbh I could never keep track of wtf was going on in Dune the books anyway, but I still enjoyed reading them. They seemed to get vaguer and vaguer as they went on too (stopped somewhere in the middle of the third book, not because they got "bad" per se but just felt I'd gotten enough out of them)

[TakingBackSunday]

I thought that when I was listening to the radio, I was listening to the band playing live, every single time, from the studio.