Coping with Infidelity

[Eschaton]

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/coping-infidelity/

I finally installed a recorder in wifes car. I got all I needed in one day plus something I wish I never heard. She said she was ashamed to me seen in public with her and she would walk several feet away Married 25 years next month.I am fhicially ill now. I have call and cancelled the rest of my chemo and radiation. I now officially don't care anymore. I am doneWhen she leaves I lose all heat insurance. and home.

[StealthFan]

I can't get hard to this

[Olivia Wilde Homo]

So I was sitting at my desk one day working and my secretary leans over and I can see down her shirt. She asks me if I want to see them. Being a dumb guy I say sure. Now every once in a while she will come in and will flash me when no one is looking. Is this cheating on my wife? We have never had sex and to be honest, it can be quite addicting. Should I tell my wife. What do you advise. I'd like to tell her to stop, but it is hard and we aren't having sex.

Sounds hot

I feel sorry for the poor bastard because this isn't going to turn out well for him at all.

[Madrun Badrun]

Why just cope when you can go all jihad on the infidels?

[StealthFan]

Maybe soon to be ex?

Divorce that cunt and casting couch some young puss, you fucking putz.

[nudemacusers]

i dunno man, too often i hear this weird sentiment from dudes (in the meatspace and online) that marriage means you can just coast and let yourself go, since you 'don't need to impress anyone anymore'.

women do this too, i suppose. i just sounds more pathetic from dudes i guess 

[Atramental]

*phew* So many dark vibes getting dumped on that forum. 

[Phoenix Dark]

nope

[Atramental]

Any of you read the book Sex at Dawn by Christopher Ryan & Cacilda Jethá?
http://www.amazon.com/Sex-Dawn-Stray-Modern-Relationships/dp/0061707813

I'm thinking about reading (or rather listening because I really don't have the time nor the attention span to read...) that next after I finish with my audio book of You're it! by Alan Watts.

[StealthFan]

thanks for awaring me on this forum, breh.

[StealthFan]

thanks for awaring me on this forum, breh.

Honestly, I thought it might be too dark even for you. This shit is like soul cancer.

Nah breh. Unless it involves literal cancer like the one you posted in the OP I love this shit. Such trauma

[Atramental]

An endless parade of 's



It's so abysmal, brehs.

[Shadow Mod]

Take one make a thread out of it over there so we can get some stories from members.

[nudemacusers]

thanks for awaring me on this forum, breh.

Honestly, I thought it might be too dark even for you. This shit is like soul cancer.

Nah breh. Unless it involves literal cancer like the one you posted in the OP I love this shit. Such trauma

imagine cucking some of these dudes

[nudemacusers]

actually i wonder how much of this is fetish fantasy posting. wouldn't that be something.

[Joe Molotov]

Those posts are probably as fake as Dark_Chris's sugar mommas. Just a bunch of bored peeps trying to one-up each other with the most feelbad cheating stories. You guys will believe anything.

[Shadow Mod]

actually i wonder how much of this is fetish fantasy posting. wouldn't that be something.

Or just a race to the bottom like Joe said. Wonder which one is G.

[Human Snorenado]

I dated a girl in college where I finally just asked her, "Could you please stop fucking my friends at least?"

Girl was cray

But in my adult life, I honestly haven't had to deal with infidelity, really. Everytime a relationship got to that point one of us just proactively ended things.

[StealthFan]

Those posts are probably as fake as Dark_Chris's sugar mommas. Just a bunch of bored peeps trying to one-up each other with the most feelbad cheating stories. You guys will believe anything.

Let a man have a boner you joyless bastard.

[benjipwns]

Sorry long post...I'm know in my heart that I'm most likely being irrational and stupid. My wife and I have been married over 23 yrs, together for over 25 yrs. Like most marriages we've had our ups and downs. However, I think our ups greatly surpasses our downs. We have 4 children together, ages 8,11,15, and 19. We both are successful professionals and have a great life together. You're probably wondering why then am I posting here?…which is a great question.

I've been lurking on this site now for quite sometime, reading post of others in hopes of affair proofing my marriage. There have been no suspicions or red flags, just thought that I would make sure that I do what I can to make the best of our marriage. Now, getting to the crux of my post today…20 years ago when my wife was doing a lot of traveling for her job, she was assigned to a project that kept her in Hawaii for 3 months. During that time we were having some arguments, mostly about the amount of travel her job required.

Anyway, I went to visit and stay with her for a week after she'd been there a couple of months. She seemed a little distant, but I just attributed that to the issues that we were dealing with. At that time I didn't see or sense anything out of the norm. Fast forward a couple of months after she returned from her trip, we had recently moved to another state where she would be permanently working out, which meant no more travel. Things were really going good for us and we were getting along famously.

One evening she asked me to attend a function with her that I didn’t want to go to, I'm not sure if it was guilt or what, but she kind of jokingly said that her friend would have taken her. I enquired as to who this friend was. This is when she told me about her affair while in Hawaii. She said that they had not had sex but that they had kissed and it was over. She was not in-love with this guy and wanted to be with me. I repeatedly questioned her about the extent of the affair, but she always and still says that there was no sex.

We were really young in our early 20's and had only been married for 2 years. It took some time but I decided to stay with her and make a life with her. It took years to get to the point that I could fully trust her again. She was remorseful and did all that I ask and still does to be open and transparent with me. I truly love this woman, even if it's not the way that it was prior to this incident.

Now to the crux of my issue and why I'm posting my story. As I've mentioned, I've been on this site reading a lot of post. It appears that there is a common theme where WS tells the BS that the affair only consisted of a kiss, only to be informed by the veterans on this forum that it was probably much more and later discovered through FB, Text, email, that sex was indeed part of the affair. Unfortunately, during my time, we didn't have all of these tools to catch a lying spouse. All I had was her word to rely on.

Now to my question, at this point, after all of these years, should I even care? She's been a model wife for the most part for over 20 years. If it went beyond kissing to making out with petting and fondling minus the act of sexual intercourse, does it matter now that I have already decided to reconcile and have created a family with her.

If I were to discover that it went well beyond kissing, should I say that this would have been a deal breaker for me then and I should no longer feel obliged to continue with our marriage? Or am I being a douche bag and should just let it go and move on and enjoy the life we've built?

You guys give really insightful advice and I would be greatly appreciative of some good counsel from you learned posters.

GAF posters in 25 years.

[benjipwns]

Met my current wife seven years ago when I started my new job. We were both married, became friends after I met her daughter (who also worked there). We fell in love, but never acted on it because we knew we just couldn’t go there. We both respected the other’s situation.

Two years later she got divorced. After she divorced she hooked up with another guy, and we sorta lost contact. There was no EA during that time as we were being respectful.

She broke up with that guy. A couple months later, she was having business trips with her married boss, and she’d already started an EA with him some months before. It went PA. This was totally out of character for her. They were hot and heavy for about four months, then he told her he had to recommit to his family. They still went on two 'business' trips even after that.

It was the most hypocritical thing she could’ve done; the woman I knew wasn’t wired that way. When I found out he was married, I was shocked, and her boss on top of that, I was dumbfounded. She had told everyone (including me at the time) that she didn’t know he was married when they started.

There’s other stuff but fast forward to me filing for divorce early that next year. Being “home” had only showed me I had nothing left there. I didn’t divorce to be with this woman; I knew she was involved at the time and I could only hope sometime maybe we’d get together. I did my own thing. Through various reasons, we got together finally late that year.

Turns out she never got over the guy (no longer her boss now) and when she and I got together we agreed to not write or contact any exes. I wrote anyone who had been interested in me that I was finally with the ONE. Except… I kept writing one gal who lived overseas, whom I had never met, was not emotional about at all. She was a curiosity because she lived in China and I had interests in China. Much later, reading my W’s emails (I hacked into their private affair email account), she never even slowed down her rate of contacting him when we got together. The tone of the emails was she missed him, loved him more than anyone, they reminisced and so on. He was on a two year overseas gig and I thought (at the time) a non-factor.

After a year of us being together, things came to a head. I had given her my email account passwords and she was supposed to have given me hers, but mine worked and hers never did, so she read all my emails that year. She knew everything I was writing, and to whom. I trusted her, so never looked at hers till way late in the summer on her phone, not computer as I had no working password).

She accused me of having an online affair with the “ch*nk” and I felt really crappy about it, even though I had always considered it just a friendship (but I hadn’t asked my girl what she thought). I sent a NC right away, deleted my email accounts, changed my cell phone number and in fact she crushed my laptop and iPhone in her anger.

But … I hadn’t hacked into their special affair email account until a couple months ago and discovered, amongst all the other painful things I read, they’d met up three or four times in a one week time span, and at least the last time it’s clear to me they’d had sex. So this late into the game I now know it went physical. I have remained physically and emotionally faithful and know within myself that my online crap was not truly an EA, although I am sure folks here will tell me it was.

She stopped contacting him, she says, on Dday. I believe her, even though her last text to him was “Updating my Yahoo, hope to see you…”. But she has beat me up over my affair while, whenever I bring up her stuff she deflects or lies. I have not confronted her directly about her physical unfaithfulness in 2011 but asked her what happened then – she said oh you must be thinking 2010 (when we weren’t together). I know she’s ashamed about the whole thing, and I don’t want to bring stuff up just to hurt her, but I keep thinking damn, I hurt. That’s why I hacked their email I guess. Oh, and there were no more emails or chats after that last one. Trust but verify...


Ugh, I’m not perfect, but every time she sees an Asian woman she feels stabbed, acting like I had a PA on her. Every time I hear this guy’s name, see the model car he drove, etc, I get triggers too. But I keep mine to myself while she pokes at me with the Asians. And no, I don’t have an Asian fetish. She says my affair is penance/karma for the pain she put in the OW.

Today we’re very much in love, committed to being together forever, married each other under God and I’ve forgiven her but I do hurt a lot from her part of it. With all the time that’s passed, I am wondering if I should just suck it up and forget it or get her to admit to the PA (she’s admitted to the EA enough for that to be real).

Dday, she made me say out loud “I had an online affair on you for 14 months” yet she’s never said the same about her full-blown affair. I told my parents about it, and one good friend. She's told no one. It feels uneven, and when you add in the physical part I feel really hosed.

That said, she once again is like the woman I fell in love with, the one with the golden heart and beautiful, warm soul. We’ve done a lot of work since those ugly days, and it’s been working. I just fall down into these “rabbit holes” sometimes and try as I may to avoid them, there they are.

Should I confront her about the PA? If not, how do I work past the pain of it by myself? I have no family to talk to and don’t want my friends to lose respect for her. Also, although I have been told that their affair was discovered by the BW, I am not sure of it. I saw no evidence of it in the emails. So at this late date do I tell the other BS? The affair technically ended last December (2011).

dat yellow fever

[Mupepe]

Jesus christ at some of these. Its not hot when the husband is pathetic

[Shadow Mod]

Jesus christ at some of these. Its not hot when the husband is pathetic

That's probably why she cheatin' yo.

[Eel O'Brian]

"You fucked around? Next thing you need to fuck around with is a suitcase and a change of address card."

 

Seven billion people in the world, find another one. 

[Atramental]

I think a lot of these marriages could be remedied if these people were in mutual agreement with one another that it's okay for them to see other people on the side so long as they are completely open and honest about it. 

But that's probably not a possibility in their minds because they've been socially conditioned to believe that a monogamous marriage is the only true and right way to go about things.

[Shadow Mod]

I'd say a lot of these are well past fucking people outside the marriage saving it. At some point there is just a lack of genuine respect, intimacy and feeling desired by a partner that makes people seek it out elsewhere.

[Atramental]

Another thought:

Marriage being a life long commitment seems rather... unwise in my opinion. We are not the same people after 10 years or, at the least, 5 years. I know for sure that I'm a completely different person now than I was back in 2009.

That being said, I believe marriage should be a 5 year contract that needs to be renewed once it reaches its expiration date. Not a very romantic notion but... I think it could save a lot of people a ton of trouble without having to get into very destructive/messy divorces.

*sips another glass of wine*

[Human Snorenado]

Fuck marriage. Why does anyone wanna ruin a perfectly good relationship with a marriage?

[Phoenix Dark]

Married couples should get 3 open relationship nuts, like 3 hearts in Zelda. You can either use those 3 nuts to bang three women (or be banged by three men), to bang the same person 3 times, etc.

Set it up like insurance. So at the end of the calender year your nuts are renewed. However you cannot stack nuts, ie not use 3 nuts in 2012, thus giving you 6 nuts in 2013. Nah, all that you don't use you lose.

[Shadow Mod]

Another thought:

Marriage being a life long commitment seems rather... unwise in my opinion. We are not the same people after 10 years or, at the least, 5 years. I know for sure that I'm a completely different person now than I was back in 2009.

That being said, I believe marriage should be a 5 year contract that needs to be renewed once it reaches its expiration date. Not very romantic notion but... I think it could save a lot of people a ton of trouble without having to get into very destructive/messy divorces.

*sips another glass of wine*

Married couples should get 3 nuts, like 3 hearts in Zelda. You can either use those 3 nuts to bang three women (or be banged by three men), to bang the same person 3 times, etc.

Set it up like insurance. So at the end of the calender year your nuts are renewed. However you cannot stack nuts, ie not use 3 nuts in 2012, thus giving you 6 nuts in 2013. Nah, all that you don't use you lose.

[Atramental]

I'd say a lot of these are well past fucking people outside the marriage saving it. At some point there is just a lack of genuine respect, intimacy and feeling desired by a partner that makes people seek it out elsewhere.

Indeed.

And man, it's funny yet sad when we see these guy gaffers who pretty much married the first woman that would let them put it in them. 

[benjipwns]

I won't get into the long story yet but just want to get some thoughts...

Found wife's text to a girlfriend of hers that someone at work might like her. .. (read a text while using her phone to text my brother.. in emergency). Didn't say anything as we were on our way to vacation at our honeymoon spot with our little son and then see her dad. First vacation in 15 months, didn't want to ruin it. Wanted to also see if she would say anything. 3 months later, caught her telling her mom via phone (mom hates me, has causes too many problems in our marriage... more on that later.)

We go to marriage counselling. The guy did kiss her on my birthday when I was out of town. 2 weeks later on our anniversary, after supper she wanted to go to a co-workers birthday party... thought that was a little low... since I knew something could be up I played about how had a bad feeling. She said nothing was going on. 2 weeks later, was the phone call to her mom.

So 2 weeks later we start marriage counselling. I let her know upfront about how much I trust her, given our work schedules are opposite. She assures me she'd never sleep with anybody else. She also buys a couples devotional book. We read it for 10 days, then we were on our own for 7 days... she stopped reading it. Didn't say much. 1.5 months later, she goes to another birthday party... mentions how she was the designated driver, also that she gave POS a ride home last, as he lives out of town. I lay in hard, she says nothing happened. I say if I were him, I would have tried something. Later find out they fooled around that night.

Then 4 months later, she goes out with coworkers to celebrate her birthday 3 days afterwards. (given she works until 11:30 pm and I have to be out of the house by 6 am, it is not unusual for her to go out without me). Anyways, drinks a lot, on the drive home she gets a text from him asking if she wants to make out? She meets him in a parking lot and they end up having sex. (only time). HE wouldn't talk to her after. Tells me 2 months later. Life was ****ty for a long time. Not easy to leave as we have a 4 year old kid and know one else to help. We did talk about splitting up, we were okay with it. I knew I wasn't going to chase her if she left. Came home a few days later and she is a bawling mess. So I say don't leave.

Took about 3 months to realize I don't love her anymore, have no respect for her, etc. It's been 6 months since I last said I love you. We kind out agreed to give it a year. She's been trying, I haven't put in much effort.

We are now 9 months out, birthday is in 3 months. Thanks to a naturopathic I feel pretty good. Still feel liked she ruined our marriage and there is little chance of recovery.

Anybody have any advice... I'd been doing some 'protective things' incase we split but wondering if her birthday will be too big of a reminder. Debating myself if I should wait for her birthday, then let her know since she slept with someone on her birthday a year ago, I need to make a new memory, so I want a divorce.

[Atramental]

I was keeping these thoughts to myself until I had an excuse to spout them (i.e. drinking).

[benjipwns]

Last week, I couldn't imagine that I would be in this painful situation, but here I am and I badly need advice. I have been in a long distance relationship with a woman in her early 40s since April 2012. She lives in another country. We first met as friends in 2011, then decided to continue to get to know each other. The following April, I visited her for two weeks and fell in love. I am also in my early 40s and never married. We become close during those two weeks and slept together. However when I left, I felt sad because I could sense that her feelings were not the same strong feelings I had. During the next month we tried to continue with our communication. She did not have the passionate feelings about me yet, but gradually felt that she did not want to leave me, but she still wanted to date others. On June 1 we decided to have an exclusive relationship. She still had her profiles up on dating sites. After I explained my situation to business friend, he told me that it doesn't look good for me. Therefore he used the same dating sight and told he that he would like to meet her. He is a good looking man and sadly she was excited to receive his message an fly to her city to meet. My friend sent me her reponse and told me that this should teach me that she is not someone I can trust.

After that, she seemed somewhat remorseful. Later she After a slow process, she one day said that she realized that I am the man she wants. She would then come to visit me in my city for a few weeks in September. I quickly agreed to try again because I loved her much. After that we exchanged messages everyday and saw each other on Skype every weekend. She made plans to visit me in Sepember for a month. We got along well and after that trip, she began to tell me she loves me everyday.

I visited her an in January 2013. She introduced me to her parent's friends and siblings. However I could still sense that she did not have much passion for me.

In summer 2013, she came to be with me for four months. During that time we discussed how to get married and the visa issues. We get along well, but she is still generally not so romantic with me. The sex was ok, but not so often and often not high on her priority.

After our summer together, she seemed to be a little more distant. She went to a south Asian country for a business meeting, and before she left, she did not tell me that she was going to stay there an extra 10 days for vacation. During her extended vacation, she did not make an effort to contact often, so we became very distant.

When she returned to her city, we had several long tops about me ending the relationship. However we worked it out and both agreed to try to have a happier more passionate relationship.

After two months of improving our relation, I went to her country for four weeks to officially ask her to marry me and I gave her a diamond ring on New Year's Eve. This had been the best time we had been together.

Then during my last evening with her before I needed to return back to the US, her Iphone alarm came on while she was not there. Her phone was opened I looked in her phone to see if she still has my old messages. I was stunned when I discovered that she had sever other men during the first summer that we were dating. I have proof that she slept with one man from a few weeks before I first visited her in April until mid August. After her and I made love in April, 30 minutes later, she sent the other guy a text message saying that she wishes she was with him now.

She had continue to have sex with him (Kim) from time to time for four 1/2 months while being in the boyfriend/girlfriend relationship with me. She said that she didn't love him, but enjoyed the sex. He wasn't looking for a serious relationship. Also during that summer she had lied to me about closing all of her dating accounts because she also met a few other men during that time - meetings arranged through a dating site.

I also saw a previous email that was before me in which she expressed how much she enjoyed the sex and wrote long excited emails about how they will enjoy their time together.

She never sent me messages that the messages she sent to those two men. She had always claimed that she did not know how to express romantic words and that she did not have much experience to talk about sex. That is clearly not true. She was a much more wild lover with the other two men.

Our sex and her response to sex did improve during the past four weeks with her. I was more confident that she loves me now. After we got engaged, we broke the news to my family and her family. The plan was for her to move to my home this summer to get married.

Then the final night I learned that our first summer was a big lie.
It strong seems that she hasn't cheated on me after summer 2012, but the two biggest problems is that I don't know if I should ever trust someone who was so selfish during our first months together. Also it appears that the sex with the other men was much more exciting for her. I don't know if I can get passed that even though she says I am a good lover now.

This is very stressful for me now because I love her much and because my whole family is excited for me that I'm finally going to get married.

This site, it's so GAF's OT aged 25 years.  :deadpos

[Atramental]

If the current batch of gaffers are still on GAF in 25 years... holy shit, man.

It's going to a fucking black hole of pure unmitigated misery. Even more so than it is now. 

edit: when you see 40+ somethings complaining about how they never got laid you've got yourself a dark comedy .

but those types seem to "an hero" themselves out of existence before that happens tho. Or become wizards.

edit2: oh wait, I'm getting virgins and sad dads mixed up. That calls for another glass of wine.

[benjipwns]

So, I have been in a long distance relationship for about 2 years now and everything was going great for about a year and then suddenly out of the blue he says he doesn't know how much longer he can take being in a LDR. At the time, both of us were not able to move closer to each other because of work/school. We worked everything out and decided to stay together and try to make it work. Fast forward to today, 8 months later. Everything has been more than perfect and I'm happy and he seems happy as well. I'm visiting him for the new year and my visit has been great so far. Today he leaves for work and I started snooping (I know this is so wrong but I couldn't help myself) and went through his sent e-mails. He has been answering craigslist ads from women seeking male companions for a night. These stretch out for about 3 months in between each one and no telling how far they went as he deleted his inbox and not his sent folder. Some of them I was willing to cut him some slack on because they were during a time we hadn't seen each other in over a year and were going through some problems. But the very last one was the one that was the biggest problem. It November 2013 (just before our most recent visit) and it was him answering an ad for not only a man but a transvestite. I'm not sure how far it went because as far as I can see, he sent his picture to the guy and didn't get a reply. But there was also one other ad that he answered in February 2013 with a man looking for a man and they exchanged a few e-mails. The last one was him asking if the guy wanted to play today, and the guy saying yes. Nothing else.. I'm not sure if they went through with it or not but.. it's clear that my boyfriend is bi and has probably been with other guys.

[benjipwns]

Beta Male is just a Betrayed Husband in training
This will probably be controversial, but my time here (as well as my own experience with infidelity) leads me more and more to believe that the main propellant of female infidelity is the weak, waffling, Nice Guy beta male.

This post-feminist notion, that men should be soft and effete and complacent and nearly apologetic for having been born male is the cause of so much of society's ills today.

It isn't that women are in the workplace that is causing the rise in female infidelity. It's that women in the workplace are seeing Alphas all day and coming home to a panty-folding Beta.

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/coping-infidelity/148050-beta-male-just-betrayed-husband-training.html

[Atramental]

Benji finding the gold. 

[Shadow Mod]

There isn't a big enough or enough of them to convey my thoughts on "alphas" not being cheated on. Or wives somehow not cheating on the past because "men were men."

[benjipwns]

There isn't a big enough or enough of them to convey my thoughts on "alphas" not being cheated on. Or wives somehow not cheating on the past because "men were men."

Come on, you know when the alpha sales man at work gets that big contract with the local furniture warehouse you get wet.

Then you go home and the only thing your "man" has conquered and dominated that day is to setup his themed tablescape for dinner. (And it's shitty because he didn't have time to run to Michael's for more craft items because the  Sarah McLachlan dog ad kept coming on.  )

[Shadow Mod]

Is there an alpha site or article that really goes in on gamers. It would be excellent schadenfreude. Like "of course she doesn't want your pokemon brief wearing ass" type vibe.

[Phoenix Dark]

you can't let them break your heart brehs

[benjipwns]

omg

[Himu]

Last week, I couldn't imagine that I would be in this painful situation, but here I am and I badly need advice. I have been in a long distance relationship with a woman in her early 40s since April 2012. She lives in another country. We first met as friends in 2011, then decided to continue to get to know each other. The following April, I visited her for two weeks and fell in love. I am also in my early 40s and never married. We become close during those two weeks and slept together. However when I left, I felt sad because I could sense that her feelings were not the same strong feelings I had. During the next month we tried to continue with our communication. She did not have the passionate feelings about me yet, but gradually felt that she did not want to leave me, but she still wanted to date others. On June 1 we decided to have an exclusive relationship. She still had her profiles up on dating sites. After I explained my situation to business friend, he told me that it doesn't look good for me. Therefore he used the same dating sight and told he that he would like to meet her. He is a good looking man and sadly she was excited to receive his message an fly to her city to meet. My friend sent me her reponse and told me that this should teach me that she is not someone I can trust.

After that, she seemed somewhat remorseful. Later she After a slow process, she one day said that she realized that I am the man she wants. She would then come to visit me in my city for a few weeks in September. I quickly agreed to try again because I loved her much. After that we exchanged messages everyday and saw each other on Skype every weekend. She made plans to visit me in Sepember for a month. We got along well and after that trip, she began to tell me she loves me everyday.

I visited her an in January 2013. She introduced me to her parent's friends and siblings. However I could still sense that she did not have much passion for me.

In summer 2013, she came to be with me for four months. During that time we discussed how to get married and the visa issues. We get along well, but she is still generally not so romantic with me. The sex was ok, but not so often and often not high on her priority.

After our summer together, she seemed to be a little more distant. She went to a south Asian country for a business meeting, and before she left, she did not tell me that she was going to stay there an extra 10 days for vacation. During her extended vacation, she did not make an effort to contact often, so we became very distant.

When she returned to her city, we had several long tops about me ending the relationship. However we worked it out and both agreed to try to have a happier more passionate relationship.

After two months of improving our relation, I went to her country for four weeks to officially ask her to marry me and I gave her a diamond ring on New Year's Eve. This had been the best time we had been together.

Then during my last evening with her before I needed to return back to the US, her Iphone alarm came on while she was not there. Her phone was opened I looked in her phone to see if she still has my old messages. I was stunned when I discovered that she had sever other men during the first summer that we were dating. I have proof that she slept with one man from a few weeks before I first visited her in April until mid August. After her and I made love in April, 30 minutes later, she sent the other guy a text message saying that she wishes she was with him now.

She had continue to have sex with him (Kim) from time to time for four 1/2 months while being in the boyfriend/girlfriend relationship with me. She said that she didn't love him, but enjoyed the sex. He wasn't looking for a serious relationship. Also during that summer she had lied to me about closing all of her dating accounts because she also met a few other men during that time - meetings arranged through a dating site.

I also saw a previous email that was before me in which she expressed how much she enjoyed the sex and wrote long excited emails about how they will enjoy their time together.

She never sent me messages that the messages she sent to those two men. She had always claimed that she did not know how to express romantic words and that she did not have much experience to talk about sex. That is clearly not true. She was a much more wild lover with the other two men.

Our sex and her response to sex did improve during the past four weeks with her. I was more confident that she loves me now. After we got engaged, we broke the news to my family and her family. The plan was for her to move to my home this summer to get married.

Then the final night I learned that our first summer was a big lie.
It strong seems that she hasn't cheated on me after summer 2012, but the two biggest problems is that I don't know if I should ever trust someone who was so selfish during our first months together. Also it appears that the sex with the other men was much more exciting for her. I don't know if I can get passed that even though she says I am a good lover now.

This is very stressful for me now because I love her much and because my whole family is excited for me that I'm finally going to get married.

This site, it's so GAF's OT aged 25 years.  :deadpos

What's the tldr version please

[benjipwns]

Basically take a GAF thread where the guy has met a foreigner who he's in epic love with after two weeks and wants to instantly marry, but she's still bangin and he's having second thoughts, and make everyone 40+ years old.

[nudemacusers]

Basically take a GAF thread where the guy has met a foreigner who he's in epic love with after two weeks and wants to instantly marry, but she's still bangin and he's having second thoughts, and make everyone 40+ years old.

http://www.neogaf.com/forum/showthread.php?t=392909