Poll

Who is the big winner?

Methodis
3 (27.3%)
Drew
8 (72.7%)

Total Members Voted: 8

Author Topic: Methodis vs Drew, an epic battle in three rounds  (Read 973 times)

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AWESOM-O

  • Guest
Methodis vs Drew, an epic battle in three rounds
« on: April 25, 2014, 12:37:07 PM »
In this hypothetical clash of the titans, we pit Drew, the Mandark Slayer himself, against one of the forum's mightiest rogues, the one and only Methodis.

The battle takes place over three rounds.

Round 1: Forest Combat
Both contestants are given their choice of semiautomatic weapons and placed at opposite ends of a 1 square mile forest arena. The first to put the other contestant down wins this round. Should either contestant run out of ammunition, he will also have a combat knife for close-quarters action. Contestants can use the knife and other materials they find to fashion spears, traps, etc. At the end of the round, the loser is resurrected in a cloned body, and both go on to...

Round 2: Soccer Competition
Our heroes get to display their fancy footwork in this round. Each contestant is given his choice of athletic shoes, and then the games begin! The events include a skills course, a dribbling contest, and a shootout. Whoever amasses the most total points takes this round. Finally, we move onto...

Round 3: The Battle of Wits
After testing the limits of their physical and tactical abilities, our contestants go head to head in an epic match of minds. We start with Jeopardy, and the categories include political philosophy, black history, transgender issues, testicular cancer, and nutrition. From there we go on to Math Olympics, where our heroes race to solve challenging quantitative problems on paper. Finally, both contestants submit a 5 paragraph essay on the topic of their choice. Whoever amasses the most points takes the round.


Who wins? How close is each round? Is any round a blowout? Let me know your thoughts.

Momo

  • Nebuchadnezzar
  • Senior Member
Re: Methodis vs Drew, an epic battle in three rounds
« Reply #1 on: April 25, 2014, 12:43:14 PM »
This contest has the same appeal as midget wrestling doesnt it

Human Snorenado

  • Stay out of Malibu, Lebowski
  • Icon
Re: Methodis vs Drew, an epic battle in three rounds
« Reply #2 on: April 25, 2014, 12:47:39 PM »
...if the loser is put to death, we're all winners either way.
yar

Olivia Wilde Homo

  • Proud Kinkshamer
  • Senior Member
Re: Methodis vs Drew, an epic battle in three rounds
« Reply #3 on: April 25, 2014, 01:09:55 PM »
Round 1: Both will end up killing themselves.  Methodis will stare down the gun barrel and pull the trigger to see if the gun is real or not.  Drew will try to pull some sick ninja moves and fatally stab himself by accident.

Round 2: Both will end up dead before either one of them makes a goal.  Methodis will die due to morbid obesity.  Drew will die of a heart attack due to his pill usage.  Any strenuous activity will take them both out quickly.

Round 3: Neither will win.  Methodis legitimately wouldn't know any answers and Drew would try his hardest to pretend that he doesn't give a fuck.  The score will be 0-0.  After several tiebreaker rounds, people will just give up.
🍆🍆

Phoenix Dark

  • I got no game it's just some bitches understand my story
  • Senior Member
Re: Methodis vs Drew, an epic battle in three rounds
« Reply #4 on: April 25, 2014, 05:16:33 PM »
Battle 1:

The days were nearly as dark as the nights.

Drew took a labored breath as he stood at the top of a hill of matted grass and branches. Instictively he reached into his pocket for a cigarette before remembering they were gone. Taken, like everything else. The battle had lasted for days, or was it weeks? He had lost track of time, and the loss of his gear only heightened his confusion. As he tried to catch his breath, his stomach began to groan. Drew glanced around and saw a few red berries on a low hanging branch to his left. Not going to risk it, he though. Just a day ago (or was it a week?) he had eaten similar berries, and had shat for hours afterwards. That was when Methodis first struck.

Drew had spent years reading survival guides, studying pamphlets, and preparing for the end  times. Yet when it came time to act, when he found himself first dropped into the jungle arena and given an objective to kill or be killed, he panicked. And when first faced with his opponent, he was left brutally beaten with his gear stolen and his own shit on his thighs. An honorable man would not attack an opponent as he shat, but Methodis was not an honorable man.

Methodis had cut his teeth in the gutters of the ghettos of Boston. When he was five his mother had dropped him off on the black side of town, and he learned how to survive amongst panhandlers, whores, and hustlers; by the time he was 13 he had mastered their ways. So when he was dropped into the jungle arena he felt at home. It didn't take him long to find Drew, and it took even less time to steal Drew's supplies and leave him starving in the woods.

The sound of a branch snapping brought Drew back to reality. He quickly turned and saw Methodis sanding at the bottom of the hill. Methodis brandished a knife and began walking up the hill. Drew fell to his knees. "Please," he cried. Fumbling on the ground, Drew grasped a sharp branch and held it up in defense. Methodis let forth a laugh before giving Drew a black man's nod. Drew had seen that nod before. In times past he had responded to it by crossing the street, but there was no street to cross in the jungle. He feebly rose to his feet as Methodis rushed towards him. Drew threw the branch, hoping to skewer his opponent - but the branch sailed wide to the right. Methodis closed in and punched him in the stomach. Drew fell to his knees and grabbed Methodis' Sean Jean pants. "I'll suck your dick if you let me live." Methodis laughed again. "And emasculate me, in my hour of triumph?" Methodis stabbed Drew in the arm, then leg, leg, arm, and head.

Drew fell down the hill and burst into flames. Methodis slowly made his way down the hill to inspect the body, but only found an amulet. The cacdemon chalcedony. Methodis shivered. "It's so demonic, my friends" he said as he pulled out a cigarette and took a puff.
010

Himu

  • Senior Member
Re: Methodis vs Drew, an epic battle in three rounds
« Reply #5 on: April 25, 2014, 05:21:14 PM »
This contest has the same appeal as midget wrestling doesnt it

I fucking hate that shit.
IYKYK