Obama's America: Apple-tard wants to marry MacBook

[benjipwns]

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/worldnews/northamerica/usa/10814098/marriage-gay-marriage-mac-wedding-computer-Florida-Utah.html

Chris Sevier, a man from Florida, believes he should be allowed to wed his Macbook.

Mr Sevier argues that if gays should be allowed to marry, then so should other sexual minorities.

Mr Sevier states he has fallen in love with a pornography laden computer.

“Over time, I began preferring sex with my computer over sex with real women,” he told a court in Florida.

...

If gays have the right to “marry their object of sexual desire, even if they lack corresponding sexual parts, then I should have the right to marry my preferred sexual object”, he said.

Mr Sevier, who describes himself as “a former judge advocate and combat veteran”, is persistent, filing claims not only in Florida but also Utah.

...

Mr Sevier argues that allowing gays to marry but denying him the same right amounts to discrimination.

“We are in different classes of sexual orientation,” he told the court in Utah.

If gays feel as is they are second class citizens, Mr Sevier argues then “those of us in the real minority, who want to marry machines and animals, certainly feel like third class citizens”.

Mr Sevier apparently sought a marriage licence for himself and his “machine spouse”, but for some reason was denied.

“The exclusion from marriage to a machine denies myself a dignity and status of immense import,” he argues in his motion.

Mr Sevier cites legal precedents around the world - including a case where a woman married a dolphin and a Chinese man wed a cardboard cutout of himself.

“Allowing my marriage to go forward will not adversely impact the fertility rate any more or less than a same sex couples.

“If there is a risk that is posed to traditional marriage and children, both man-man couples and man-machine couples pose it equally.

“In considering the equal protection clause, there are no fewer policy reasons for preventing man-machine couples from marrying than there are for same-sex couples.”

His filing:
http://www.scribd.com/doc/221662625/Motion-to-intervene-as-plaintiff-filed-by-Movant-Chris-Sevier

Articles on his previous suits against Apple and President Obama:
http://www.techdirt.com/articles/20130712/13065523783/lawyer-apple-should-protect-me-my-porn-addiction.shtml
http://www.techdirt.com/articles/20131227/12044225696/guy-who-sued-apple-not-preventing-him-accessing-porn-now-suing-ae-obama-religious-persecution.shtml

[benjipwns]

 

In June, Sevier was arrested in Nashville and charged with stalking country music star John Rich, The Tennessean reported.

A warrant for his arrest accused him of stalking Rich for years despite restraining orders. It also accused him of emailing Rich a picture of him barely clothed while draped in an American flag and a red substance resembling blood.

[benjipwns]

nudecacuser annihilated (Image removed from quote.)

I'd like it if you don't respond to my threads with charged reactionary responses instead of informative or rational responses. Raise your communication values.

[Joe Molotov]

"I-I'm sorry Obama-dono won't let us get married, master."

[nudemacusers]

nudecacuser annihilated (Image removed from quote.)

i always pictured you as an open minded and accepting individual, esch. sad to see such bigoted posting from you.

[Madrun Badrun]

I wish you could marry an object.  If you could, I'd make a legitimate woman out of whiteman.

spoiler (click to show/hide)

#postingliketheoldwhiteman.

[close]

[nudemacusers]

i'm feeling very unwelcome in this community. mods help.

[Raban]

img

"I-I'm sorry Obama-dono won't let us get married, master."

the bore is getting irresistibly these days

[Shadow Mod]

The worst part of design school was the amount of apple fanatics. Fuck what a bunch of annoying wankers.

[nudemacusers]

now i truly know what it's like to be a black man in america

[headwalk]

i saw a black guy wearing both shorts and a full brim indiana jones fedora walking down oxford street earlier. maybe it was the thousand yard stare and chiselled model looks, but dude made it work in a way i never thought possible.

[Rufus]

You haven't heard about black fashion magic?

[Madrun Badrun]

You haven't heard about black fashion magic?

Seriously, giant cocks and ability to pull of what can only be call ridiculous on a white dude seems like just compensation for a heritage of slavery and repression. 

I'm sure Vikings took some of my ancestors and all I got was a 5 inch and the inability to wear hot pink fuzzy cowboy hats with sun glasses.  Shit aint right. 

[Shadow Mod]

dark-skinned sex magicians

 

[chronovore]

The worst part of design school was the amount of apple fanatics. Fuck what a bunch of annoying wankers.

As a guy whose house features two Macs, three iPhones, an AppleTV, and an iPad... I'm forced to agree with you.

[Trent Dole]

Machinery and animals are not capable of the consent that two human adults are, this guy is a massive tool for even trying to draw a parallel between the three.

[chronovore]

Right! Who will protect the MacBook?

[nudemacusers]

The worst part of design school was the amount of apple fanatics. Fuck what a bunch of annoying wankers.

As a guy whose house features two Macs, three iPhones, an AppleTV, and an iPad... I'm forced to agree with you.

platform wankers of any stripe are annoying. I was checking out the ipad, many years ago, at best buy or some shit, and I kid you not a fedora trenchcoat bro comes up to me and starts telling me to get a droid tablet because you can root it, no walled garden, apple tax, etc etc. basically all the usual shit you see on forums. it's like he wanted to debate me right there. I just said 'thanks'. it was totally bizarre, especially if I were a person who knew little about computers.

the only thing that 100% annoys me across the board are apple stickers on cars. congrats you have an ipod/iphone like 50% of humanity.

[benjipwns]

platform wankers of any stripe are annoying. I was checking out the ipad, many years ago, at best buy or some shit, and I kid you not a fedora trenchcoat bro comes up to me and starts telling me to get a droid tablet because you can root it, no walled garden, apple tax, etc etc. basically all the usual shit you see on forums. it's like he wanted to debate me right there. I just said 'thanks'. it was totally bizarre, especially if I were a person who knew little about computers.

I think I saw his post on GAF.

[nudemacusers]

nah this guy was at least 18

[recursivelyenumerable]

Microsoft is full of apple fanthings 

[nudemacusers]

Microsoft is full of apple fanthings 

I knew a dude who worked on encarta and took a newton with him everywhere. a newton! even I would never stoop so low.

[recursivelyenumerable]

Newton is one of the few Apple products with legit alt-hipster cred, tho. Especially b/c it was designed by Jony Ive before he sold out

[Joe Molotov]

[recursivelyenumerable]

The apple has a worm in it, lol

[Tasty]

The worst part of design school was the amount of apple fanatics. Fuck what a bunch of annoying wankers.

Say it devo

Say hipsters

[chronovore]

Microsoft is full of apple fanthings 

No shit. That's been true since Windows 95.