I have a pimple on my ass.
And I think I may have aids.
No joke.
Both of them are not jokes?
I'm not joking about either, in fact I'm very serious. As serioius and informed as a paranoid man child can be.
Weeks ago maybe two months ago I had oral sex with some condom coated penetration. Maybe 5 mins at most. They say it's harder to get it through oral, but it's still possible.
I thought nothing of it.
But then I got a cold. I thought it was harmless. The weather is changing, I sleep in a basement near the wall, and with no shirt. Some people were sick at school. In fact my mother got sick right after me. Yet, I was still paranoid because I am paranoid. I read some quick things about aids, but I'm too afraid to read and look up more concrete things and you know how everything sticks out to you more when you go in all paranoid and shit? Well the fact that I had a cold soon after intercourse scared me. The fact that I've felt unwell since. Nothing serious, but I feel like I'm going to hurl after each meal and pretty much everyday. I don't throw up and maybe since it's all in my head I'm making myself sick, yet it's a cycle and I feel like everything is confirming my own psychosis. Since my cold I've felt unwell, but nothing offensive. Nothing thats impeded my day and I feel ok sometimes. I haven't had mono or a rash as of today either or really anything beyond the fell of hurling. My poop has been fine.
But my throat has that feeling of roughness. It's there ever so slightly. I haven't had a sore throat or anything yet, but my throat in general has felt somewhat rough and that has never left me. I keep looking at my tongue and I can't remember if my tongue was always this white. Now I don't have white spots or even pain in my tongue(though I can feel like some pain is coming, though again that could just be because I'm being paranoid). But because of all this I've put more thought and anylyzation in how much of a white tint my tounge has. I've asked my mom if my tounge looks strange and she says no it dosen't. Her tonge has the same whitish tint as well.
Yet it's today after drinking some coffe that I looked at it and it looked a bit more prickly I guess you could say. Red spots looked more pronounced. It just freaked me out because all of this is on my mind and I'm scared. But since I'm so secretive, I don't want to tell anyone or do anything. I also simply don't know anything about aids and this could all be in my head. Then again don't people not notice these things until it's too late? I feel like I keep noticing more and more problems and blowing them out of proportion because of this. I feel like this feeling of wanting to throw up is nothing new, but hey because I'm currently paranoid this is now a big deal. I feel like my tounge has always looked like this, but now it's a big deal.
I don't know. I'm sorry for telling you this, but because you don't know me personally it's much easier for me to say these things even if i sound stupid.
