The General "Why do these assholes live?" thread

[Am_I_Anonymous]

Seriously man? You had all weekend to play your stupid ass lottery games and now you have 15 people in line waiting for you to play what amounted to be fucking 65 dollars worth of scratch offs? Poor girl taking care of him kept looking at the mass of people waiting to do stuff like..buy gas/coffee/normal stuff with a look of sympathy and scorn that I have only seen on my wife when she deals with our kids.

There should be a rule....no lottery sales between 7-8am. M-F. Fuck you for taking 20 minutes of my life so you can lose 65 bucks. Next time just hand me the money and I'll say you lost...at least you'll know where it went.

Edit: Best part...said asshole, after he received his scratch offs, decided to shift a bit to the left to scratch them off...I not so politely said "enough man, go do that somewhere else"

[Joe Molotov]

Gas station lottery people are literally the worst.

[Am_I_Anonymous]

Gas station lottery people are literally the worst.

The worst part was this fucking assmuffin literally decided to move 2 feet to the left to scratch off his 40 tickets until I stepped in. I mean how do you have 0 ability to understand you just pissed off a mob right behind you?

[Kara]

People who use self-check out and either have a full cart of shit or can't use the machine like the Wehrmacht used panzers in France are worse. The inside of a gas station is for the dregs (e.g. cigarette buyers) so you expect to encounter horseshit. Self-check out was designed for people who know how to get shit done (and also to erode the power of unionized checkers). It's not my fault you suck, please stop taking it out on me in self-check out.

[kick51]

i live in a young, fairly wealthy neighborhood and somehow those strange, hunched over lottery dudes are still always at my usual corner store. 

People who use self-check out and either have a full cart of shit or can't use the machine like the Wehrmacht used panzers in France are worse. The inside of a gas station is for the dregs (e.g. cigarette buyers) so you expect to encounter horseshit. Self-check out was designed for people who know how to get shit done (and also to erode the power of unionized checkers). It's not my fault you suck, please stop taking it out on me in self-check out.

I witnessed a crime against humanity the other day-- some chick got on her phone in the middle of checking out and just stopped everything to stare at her phone for a minute.  The longest minute of my life with the most concentrated stink eye I could give.

[Am_I_Anonymous]

i live in a young, fairly wealthy neighborhood and somehow those strange, hunched over lottery dudes are still always at my usual corner store.

I actually listened to two guys discuss "strategy" once. They find out what stores have a lot of winners and literally travel out there to play.

[kick51]

i live in a young, fairly wealthy neighborhood and somehow those strange, hunched over lottery dudes are still always at my usual corner store.

I actually listened to two guys discuss "strategy" once. They find out what stores have a lot of winners and literally travel out there to play.

is that for real or just superstition

[Am_I_Anonymous]

i live in a young, fairly wealthy neighborhood and somehow those strange, hunched over lottery dudes are still always at my usual corner store.

I actually listened to two guys discuss "strategy" once. They find out what stores have a lot of winners and literally travel out there to play.

is that for real or just superstition

I would have to think that no store gets more winners. I mean if that were found to be true it would fuck up the whole system. Idiot gamblers being idiots.

[Phoenix Dark]

I was at CVS last weekend during the Powerball rush. It felt like I had been transported to the world of Charlie And The Chocolate Factory.

"I heard two people have won."
"No, it's three."
"No one has ever won in Michigan."
"I'm gonna go to Puerto Rico!"

Finally I arrived at the counter with my sparse group of items (some salsa, a Payday, and some chicken broth...). The cashier looked at me and said "not playing huh?" I shook my head and said "no, I'm not going to win anyway." A look of disgust flooded his face for a few seconds, as if my words had briefly knocked him back to reality.

[Kara]

I witnessed a crime against humanity the other day-- some chick got on her phone in the middle of checking out and just stopped everything to stare at her phone for a minute.  The longest minute of my life with the most concentrated stink eye I could give.

One of the patients at my shrink's office is a young parent (with a practically newborn child) who is always glued to Faceyb mobile, even if their gene repository is awake or indicating they require basic assistance with the admittedly difficult to comprehend the purpose of shrill screaming of a baby.

I also read a "first date tips" thing on MSN for yucks awhile back where one of the tips was not to leave your phone on the table during dinner.

[Brehvolution]

[ToxicAdam]

Yea, lottery scratch-off person is pretty bad. If you don't get the counter top vulture, you get the one who spends 40 dollars and then wants to take 10 minutes picking out 30 different types of scratch offs. Has a story for each one, too.

Cigarette connoisseur is a close second.

Clerk brings box of Camels.

Person: "No no .. I need the gold label Camels"

Woman leaves and brings box of Gold Label Camels.

Person: "No no, I need the gold label, menthol, long filter ones."

[sarslip]

The lottery rabbit hole goes deep,

it goes to sad places rarely seen

i have seen one of those places at a friend's house,

i am unable to pertinently describe what i witnessed there

[Joe Molotov]

The lottery rabbit hole goes deep,

it goes to sad places rarely seen

i have seen one of those places at a friend's house,

i am unable to pertinently describe what i witnessed there

He suck your dick for a $2 Lucky Gold 777 Megabux Multiplier scratchoff?

[Am_I_Anonymous]

Yea, lottery scratch-off person is pretty bad. If you don't get the counter top vulture, you get the one who spends 40 dollars and then wants to take 10 minutes picking out 30 different types of scratch offs. Has a story for each one, too.

Cigarette connoisseur is a close second.

Clerk brings box of Camels.

Person: "No no .. I need the gold label Camels"

Woman leaves and brings box of Gold Label Camels.

Person: "No no, I need the gold label, menthol, long filter ones."

I have a list of assholes:

Cigarette guys run a close second to the asshole in front of you at the bar who absolutely has to have a chick name off all 32 beers on tap when he could have simply looked to the left.....then orders a goddamn bud light.

Also considered for nomination:

The 45 year old dude at the bar that takes up all the 22 year old bartenders time because he confuses "I'm in it for the tips" with "she's totally into my drunk at 1pm ass"

The assholes at the gas station who check out while on the phone.

The one item you have that won't scan so the girl tries it 20 more times before just typing it in.

Your one friend who can't be single and reverts into captain rejections roughly 16 minutes after he gets dumped.

Edit:

A couple more:

The "I smoke in the bathroom at the bar/restaurant because I'm too lazy to go outside"

The overly touchy close talker in social situations.

The yeller who has no inside voice.

[Am_I_Anonymous]

one of the worst assholes is the one that is the guy that is insanely neurotic about their own ideal of 'customer service' and flies into a blind rage when they don't receive an exact 1:1 equivalent of whatever they thought they deserve to get in any sort of sales/service interaction. You can always tell who these people are on yelp when you check the reviews for a place and they'll 1 star it cause they didn't get food or whatever in 10 minutes on a saturday night.

They exist in the wild too. We were at home depot getting help buying a metric fuck ton of paint for my house and kept getting interrupted by a guy who kept asking the same question to the salesguy. And by interrupted I mean he would totally ignore that fact we were in a conversation and just talk right over us...he ended buying 1 bucket of paint. We bought 25.  Dick.

[Kara]

one of the worst assholes is the one that is the guy that is insanely neurotic about their own ideal of 'customer service' and flies into a blind rage when they don't receive an exact 1:1 equivalent of whatever they thought they deserve to get in any sort of sales/service interaction. You can always tell who these people are on yelp when you check the reviews for a place and they'll 1 star it cause they didn't get food or whatever in 10 minutes on a saturday night.

I dine with someone like this on the reg.

Whenever I have a complaint about something they always ask me, "Why don't you complain to the waiter?" Well, I ordered absinthe in a fusion cuisine restaurant that only carries it to make sazeracs, I'm taking personal responsibility for my own bad life choices instead of expecting people to just know how to correctly serve obscure spirits, dining confederate.

[kick51]

one of the worst assholes is the one that is the guy that is insanely neurotic about their own ideal of 'customer service' and flies into a blind rage when they don't receive an exact 1:1 equivalent of whatever they thought they deserve to get in any sort of sales/service interaction. You can always tell who these people are on yelp when you check the reviews for a place and they'll 1 star it cause they didn't get food or whatever in 10 minutes on a saturday night.

on a similar note, all the psychiatrists and therapists on yelp in my area have one or two star ratings.  The reviews read like people who are justifying not getting help for whatever pushed them to look into it.  The secretary was mean, they didn't cure me, they tried prescribing me medicine, etc.  Then the 5 star ratings are all "this therapist/psych is god" of course. 

[Am_I_Anonymous]

yeah, restaurant complainer people are horrible.

Dude, you're at outback expecting to be treated like you would at a 5* steak house....stop it.

"Excuse me, yes, this steak seems a little less tender than I prefer. Can you please make me another one?"

Dude you ordered a sirloin for 9.95 the fuck you think you're getting?

[nachobro]

"Drunk dude at the bar who decides the urinal is the best place to tell you the story of his night" is my least favorite of all assholes.

[Kara]

One time I went to a place known for their souffles with that person I just posted about and it's customary there to enquire if you'd be interested in ordering them early on in your meal because they take about an hour to prepare. The first time our waiter asked my confederate told them that we'd be having some, but not for awhile, so not to start preparing them. Our waiter--likely concerned about fucking things up in this sitch--comes by a couple of more times (maybe every 15-20 minutes) to ask about the souffles and I swear by the third time it was one of those "HOLD ME BACK MAN! HOLD ME BACK!" incidents. Over souffles.

[Am_I_Anonymous]

I dine with someone like this on the reg.

Whenever I have a complaint about something they always ask me, "Why don't you complain to the waiter?" Well, I ordered absinthe in a fusion cuisine restaurant that only carries it to make sazeracs, I'm taking personal responsibility for my own bad life choices instead of expecting people to just know how to correctly serve obscure spirits, dining confederate.

I feel like 'special order' guy is a grey area of being an asshole though. Not all special order guys are built alike.

Yeah I don't lump them in the asshole group. Some people just like plain food or whatever. Not even a big deal.

Now the assholes who want something like an appetizer platter where it specifically says "no substitutions" and still waste 15 minutes trying to swap out onion rings for chickens fingers suck though.

[Great Rumbler]

People who take forever in the checkout line and then use a combination of cash, a check, and EBT to pay for their groceries.

[nudemacusers]

lol reminds me of going to some stadium show with my kid, we're in the intermission food line (which is huge and ceaseless), and some garbage person is complaining about it taking awhile for fucking popcorn and soda, goes up to the counter and starts yelling about how easy it is to make popcorn while the employees are running around trying to fill orders. then, to top it off, he drops this gem, loudly:

"huh, and they want $15 an hour to do this, we should pay them less heh heh heh (laughing at own brilliant joke)"

i'm not even going to mention that he looked like someone who should never eat popcorn or soda... but to the world's credit, literally everyone who could hear his stupidity thought he was an asshole.

one of the worst assholes is the one that is the guy that is insanely neurotic about their own ideal of 'customer service' and flies into a blind rage when they don't receive an exact 1:1 equivalent of whatever they thought they deserve to get in any sort of sales/service interaction. You can always tell who these people are on yelp when you check the reviews for a place and they'll 1 star it cause they didn't get food or whatever in 10 minutes on a saturday night.

similarly, if you have to actually say "I thought the customer was always right!" when talking to an employee, you're basically an asshole, since I'm telling you I can't lick your asshole and suck your dick at the same time but you expect me to anyway. Because.

[sarslip]

so much truth, you can tell he's really mad, because he's more reserved than usual

scust at ordering well-done steak and complaining about it being dry and or burnt

[Joe Molotov]

The worst part about that video is that the person ordering the well-done steak was allegedly a "reviewer". Does he write for the foodie version of Kotaku?

[sarslip]

if your answer to the food reviewer test question of Steak Preparation is "well-done" you instantly fail

[Am_I_Anonymous]

if your answer to the food reviewer test question of Steak Preparation is "well-done" you instantly fail

I use to like well done steaks

spoiler (click to show/hide)

When I was 5

[close]

[Am_I_Anonymous]

Well done steaks, Mike's hard cranberry, and a penchant for penises.....PD is a magical snowflake of the highest regard.

[CatsCatsCats]

Ramsey's steak ether

If you order steak well done at a restaurant, you're breaking someone's heart in the back.

[CatsCatsCats]

My dad would grill steaks for us at home on occasion and my mom would always have him make her's and the kid's well done (my mom is borderline OCD and "under cooked" meat grosses her out) but one fateful night my dad was drunk as hell and "fucked up" the steaks. It was rare as fuck and delicious, I made my little voice very clear from that point forward that my steaks were not to be robbed of flavor.

[Eel O'Brian]

The brother of a guy I used to work with won the SC lottery back in 2003, 88 mil (wanna say he cleared 38 mil?), he was poor as fuck when he won it

http://goo.gl/6XbAEC

I get that buying a ticket is gambling, and a one in a million chance, but I disagree with it being a tax on the poor. That one in a million chance was probably a lot better odds than the 0% chance Chuck's brother had of ever doing more than barely scraping by in life before he bought it, so good for him. He'd probably tell John Oliver to kiss his rich black ass

and no, i didn't get any

[Great Rumbler]

My family still thinks that steaks need to be cooked well-done and then drenched in barbecue sauce.

[T234]

I just straight up tell 'em to get the fuck outta the way if they insist on scratching the scratch offs at the counter. One time I had to shove this guy out of the gas station line while screaming "I gotta be to Lexington in 50 minutes, fuck yo lottery!". Never had a problem at that gas station after that.

One time there was this asshole guy (who I knew in passing and didn't like) in front of me in line at walmart badmouthing the lady working the register (who I knew and loved). I told him to to shut up and move. He just kept on so I slapped that motherfucker so hard with my backhand it was heard by everyone in the store. He knew who I worked for at the time, so he started crying like a bitch and left without saying a word.

Another time I was trying to chat up a Cute Single Cougar Lady Teller at the bank and there was this asshole screaming at her until she was almost crying. I knew the guy working security for the bank since we were kids and told him that I'd give him 100 bucks to tase the asshole. He was talking to this other guy in a suit who he apparently knew real well, and the other guy was just like 200 and I'll use all the charge this thing has to give. So they both tased him while I made my deposit and chatted up Miss Teller.

I fucked some console scalpers plans up real bad once. These assholes waited in line in front of circuit city for days just to scalp them, so I had them hassled by the cops right before CC opened, while my friends walked right in and bought the only 3 consoles the store was allotted. It was c-o-l-d too.

[Van Cruncheon]

cunts driving audis or bmw 3 series

[CatsCatsCats]

My family still thinks that steaks need to be cooked well-done and then drenched in barbecue sauce.

I'm sorry, bro  :'(

[Madrun Badrun]

Ya.  Is it too late to be adopted?

[Kara]

The person who makes large cash amount purchases at the dollar store. This morning the person in front of me bought sixty-two pots, then complained that their final total wasn't sixty-two dollars.

[chronovore]

In Japan most people are fastidiously conscientious about how they treat other people, but the rules seem to get shitbinned when they go to CostCo. The aisles there are more-or-less exactly two shopping carts’ width across, allowing single-lane traffic in each direction. So who are these walking hemorrhoids who put their cart at an angle in the middle of the aisle?

Worse still are the shoppers who manage to thing they’re going to scoot around some mythical passing lane to get quickly around a slow shopper, only to have met someone with a similar idea coming from the opposite direction, and the two of them bring ALL traffic to an utter halt, and they stand there, affecting an air of confusion and blamelessness while everyone else stares on.

The brother of a guy I used to work with won the SC lottery back in 2003, 88 mil (wanna say he cleared 38 mil?), he was poor as fuck when he won it

http://goo.gl/6XbAEC

I get that buying a ticket is gambling, and a one in a million chance, but I disagree with it being a tax on the poor. That one in a million chance was probably a lot better odds than the 0% chance Chuck's brother had of ever doing more than barely scraping by in life before he bought it, so good for him. He'd probably tell John Oliver to kiss his rich black ass

and no, i didn't get any

I don’t think it’s a tax on the poor, but it is a tax on those who are poor at math.

cunts driving audis or bmw 3 series

Yeah, what’s the deal with that? It used to be Porsche or Mercedes-Benz, but the nouveau riche entitlement sled now appears to be those two.

[bluemax]

i live in a young, fairly wealthy neighborhood and somehow those strange, hunched over lottery dudes are still always at my usual corner store.

I actually listened to two guys discuss "strategy" once. They find out what stores have a lot of winners and literally travel out there to play.

Just give them this: http://powerballsim.appspot.com/

one of the worst assholes is the one that is the guy that is insanely neurotic about their own ideal of 'customer service' and flies into a blind rage when they don't receive an exact 1:1 equivalent of whatever they thought they deserve to get in any sort of sales/service interaction. You can always tell who these people are on yelp when you check the reviews for a place and they'll 1 star it cause they didn't get food or whatever in 10 minutes on a saturday night.

I hang out with a dude like this. He gets miffed at the slightest perceived slight. Its like dude, we are dining at a place that is like a lower tier Denny's, don't cop an attitude!

[Kara]

Once a server at Denny's asked me if they should call the police because two of my friends were brawling in the parking lot. You shouldn't settle, even at the D.

[Olivia Wilde Homo]

I hate rubberneckers: assholes who slow down to a crawl to gawk at an accident on the highway.  These pricks cause traffic to grind to a halt.  Except it isn't always an accident, I've seen it happen if someone pulled over with a flat tire or even had the hazard lights on.  Is your life so uneventful that some dude changing a flat is revelatory and you must pass by at 10 mph (in a 70 mph area)?  Guess so.  Get moving assholes.

Also if you're driving in the left hand lane and everyone on the right is passing you, move the fuck over to the right hand lanes.  The left hand lane is for people who want to go faster.  They're usually old people or someone who is texting.  What they need to do is anytime someone gets into an accident for texting, their last few texts are posted publicly.  Chances are it is inane conversation or shit that could wait just a minutes until they can find a place to pull off or go home.  Your life is not that important.  Sorry.

[Kara]

There was a PSA awhile back where they shared the final text messages of motorists who died in accidents caused by their texting. The problem was that the texts were incredibly banal.

[Joe Molotov]

There was a PSA awhile back where they shared the final text messages of motorists who died in accidents caused by their texting. The problem was that the texts were incredibly banal.

Nothing good like "Oh yeah baby, I'm opening the front flap on my fursuit"