What is the jewishist thing you did today?

[StealthFan]

Crushed dreams and held onto my money for dear life.

You?

[Am_I_Anonymous]

Bickered about the cost of kosher hotdogs with my butcher.

[bork]

 

[StealthFan]

[jakefromstatefarm]

claimed minority status

[bork]

[StealthFan]

Israeli smuts

[Kara]

Went to an audit.

[lennedsay]

Worked 4 tax accounting schedules.

Refused to spend $5 or more for lunch. Did splurge for the $1 cookie though.

[Am_I_Anonymous]

Sorry boys Vularai wins.....fatality.

[Kara]

Shared a drink with someone I've exchanged bodily fluids with, became neurotic about any possible implied meanings of this as well as whether or not that was sanitary.

[Steve Contra]

Took down a German flight over the Alps to bury a report that we spied on the Americans during negotiations with Iran #protocol42

[Am_I_Anonymous]

Argued over what's the best deli in town.

On the watch list with you sir.

Signed,

Your Republican Congress

[Eel O'Brian]

picked up change off the floor in an empty apartment i was getting ready to paint

[Madrun Badrun]

Made a disturbance at congress* that sickened people

*the thread

[Sausage]

Ate at Taco Bell instead of Freebirds

[I'm a Puppy!]

I occupied someone else's space with little to no justification.

[Phoenix Dark]

Reported this thread to the JDL.

[Cheddahz]

Listening to The Beastie Boys while buying candles

[Mandark]

Not today, but I did get to accuse one of my close friends of antisemitism yesterday.


Me: "Why didn't you invite me to [event]?"

Friend: "I knew you couldn't go." (this is 100% true)

Me: "It's because I'm Jewish."

Friend: "Goddamit, Mike and Jeff are going to be there.  They're Jewish!"

Me: "Jeff is only half-Jewish.  That's one and a half."

Friend: "I'm still counting them as two."

Me: "Oh, so now you're planning on rounding up the Jews?"

Friend: 

[Barry Egan]

Made facile remarks about Martin Heidegger at work because of his political affiliation.

[brob]

Visited my parents who returned from London today so I could pick up the tax-free they bought me.

[tiesto]

Live on Long Island

[Van Cruncheon]

counted money; didn't tip at the froyo joint

[Madrun Badrun]

Mandark, when you said 1 and a half jews were you setting up the rounding joke or did rounding up jews just come naturally to you?

[Mandark]

The pun occurred to me as he brought up our mutual Jewish buddies.  From there it was pure comedic entrapment.


BONUS LEGIT ANSWER TO THREAD: Did not call or e-mail my grandmother and felt guilty about it.

[Reb]

Stepped onto a packed train.

[D3RANG3D]

Complained about the bagels I ate this morning.

[Kara]

Calculated like-kind exchanges of fixed assets.

[Steve Contra]

Took down a German flight over the Alps to bury a report that we spied on the Americans during negotiations with Iran #protocol42

Told u guys

[Human Snorenado]

Accounting

[Am_I_Anonymous]

Accounting

Last night I got back 5 extra dollars than I should of at Taco Bell. Drove away....felt guilty and came back and gave it to them.

[Human Snorenado]

Accounting

Last night I got back 5 extra dollars than I should of at Taco Bell. Drove away....felt guilty and came back and gave it to them.

Last night when I was settling my bar tab at the comedy club, they only charged me for 3 beers instead of the 4 I ordered and drank. Being an evil cacdemon tho, I just paid for the three and left.

(It might have been a case of them just giving me a free beer- I'm on a first name basis with all the bar staff and I'm pretty sure the bartendress wants the D)

[Kara]

Uncovered vendor fraud and reported it.

[nachobro]

Last night I got back 5 extra dollars than I should of at Taco Bell. Drove away....felt guilty and came back and gave it to them.

That isn't jewish at all 

[Kara]

Sat back and remarked how much I really, really like direct banking.

Then I wondered if you could direct bank in Bosnian convertible marks.

[Kara]

Someone asked me what a sabre was but they pronounced it "sabra" because lol French orthography and I said that it was a native born Israeli.

Somewhere Captain Dreyfus is smiling.

[headwalk]

my building has old victorian piping so the shower occasionally smells of gas.

[I'm a Puppy!]

I sent out an email saying "What is this? A college paper? I said NO PIE CHARTS OR GAUGES! Data is a visual language, not a written one. Learn it."

[Madrun Badrun]

Watched a (clip of) an Ilsa video.

[Kara]

my building has old victorian piping so the shower occasionally smells of gas.

I was going to post but, you know.

[I'm a Puppy!]

More like x several million

[Am_I_Anonymous]

Thought about hitting Elaine from Seinfeld.

[Am_I_Anonymous]

Thought about hitting Elaine from Seinfeld.

Makes sense considering she's a shiksa.

Today I learned what a shiksa and a shegetz are. Can't get much more Jewish than that (thanks wikipedia)

[Steve Contra]

Thought about hitting Elaine from Seinfeld.

Makes sense considering she's a shiksa.

[bork]

Complained about the price of a router being $200.  Oy vey.

[Am_I_Anonymous]

Thought about hitting Elaine from Seinfeld.

Makes sense considering she's a shiksa.

Sir I am qualified to speak on this. What our friend Wrath is stating is that she is either a non-jew playing a jew on TV or a jew who doesn't follow her religious doctrine.

 

[Am_I_Anonymous]

Complained about the price of a router being $200.  Oy vey.

That better be the best goddamn router of all time.

[bork]

Thought about hitting Elaine from Seinfeld.

Makes sense considering she's a shiksa.

Sir I am qualified to speak on this. What our friend Wrath is stating is that she is either a non-jew playing a jew on TV or a jew who doesn't follow her religious doctrine.

 

What do you mean she "played a Jew on TV?"  I don't remember anything regarding religion ever coming up.  She's not Jewish, btw.

[Am_I_Anonymous]

Thought about hitting Elaine from Seinfeld.

Makes sense considering she's a shiksa.

Sir I am qualified to speak on this. What our friend Wrath is stating is that she is either a non-jew playing a jew on TV or a jew who doesn't follow her religious doctrine.

 

What do you mean she "played a Jew on TV?"  I don't remember anything regarding religion ever coming up.  She's not Jewish, btw.

[Steve Contra]

She doesn't consider herself Jewish, but yeah, Dreyfus...no mistaking that

[bork]

She doesn't consider herself Jewish, but yeah, Dreyfus...no mistaking that

Nah.

During this time, her father fled to America from France.[5][6] Her paternal grandmother, Dolores (Neubauer), and her mother, were American. Her paternal grandfather was from an Alsatian Jewish family, although Louis-Dreyfus does not consider herself Jewish.[7][8] Her other ancestry is German, Brazilian, Mexican, English, French, Scottish, and Scots-Irish

Only her grandfather was Jewish.  That means she's not.  However Elaine's character is supposedly based on Carol Leifer, who wrote for the show and dated Seinfeld, who is Jewish.  And who is also a lesbian.  Seinfield has that effect on women, I guess. 

Am I the only one who thought she was related to Richard Dreyfus for the longest time?   

[Am_I_Anonymous]

She doesn't consider herself Jewish, but yeah, Dreyfus...no mistaking that

Nah.

During this time, her father fled to America from France.[5][6] Her paternal grandmother, Dolores (Neubauer), and her mother, were American. Her paternal grandfather was from an Alsatian Jewish family, although Louis-Dreyfus does not consider herself Jewish.[7][8] Her other ancestry is German, Brazilian, Mexican, English, French, Scottish, and Scots-Irish

Only her grandfather was Jewish.  That means she's not.

Am I the only one who thought she was related to Richard Dreyfus for the longest time?   

I thought she was his wife   

[bork]

Wikipedia has way too much information on Seinfeld.   

Elaine is confirmed to be a gentile in "The Postponement", when she talked to a rabbi about not being herself after finding out George got engaged before she did. She tells him she is not of his Jewish faith. Elaine also states that she is not Jewish in "The Fatigues." Though her ethnicity is never made clear, the name Beneš (anglicized as Benes) is a common Czech surname.

[Rufus]

During this time, her father fled to America from France.[5][6] Her paternal grandmother, Dolores (Neubauer), and her mother, were American. Her paternal grandfather was from an Alsatian Jewish family, although Louis-Dreyfus does not consider herself Jewish.[7][8] Her other ancestry is German, Brazilian, Mexican, English, French, Scottish, and Scots-Irish

Only her grandfather was Jewish.  That means she's not.

Close enough.

[Steve Contra]

What I'm saying is that with the last name Dreyfus she's considered Jewish by almost everyone.  It's like how Obama is black despite being half white.  This goes doubly in France and Europe in general.

[Madrun Badrun]

Ya.  The one drop rule is the golden rule of racism. 

[Steve Contra]

Ya.  The one drop rule is the golden rule of racism.

Basically this.

[Steve Contra]

Guys I was talking about a Seinfeld episode where jewish guys want her cause she's a shiksa  I wasn't trying to spark a debate on whether she's Jewish or not.

Like we're going to believe you weren't trying to stir up trouble with the Jews

[Madrun Badrun]

Isn't she one of the wealthiest people in the world?  though inheritance?  Just saying.