Author Topic: birds are dicks (Read 2267 times)

nudemacusers · « **on:** May 29, 2015, 09:49:05 PM »

for a bit of time, my in-laws' rear porch gable has been home to a small family of recently hatched little chirpy birds. so i'm chillin with the fam at grandma/grandpa's house this eve, and I noticed there wasn't any chirping. as it so happens, my father in law heard some bird chaos this afternoon, goes out to check it out, and watches another bird divebombing the hole the birds had set up shelter in. in just a few moments, said bird ripped 4 chicks and quite heartlessly tossed them to their death about 30 feet below to make room for his/her own nest. so now there are dead decaying birds on their back porch and i'm drinking a beer and deciding where to chuck them with a shovel. nature... goddamn.

nudemacusers · « **Reply #1 on:** May 29, 2015, 09:53:13 PM »

says the city boi

wait

editing ass mothafucka I see you

Kara · « **Reply #2 on:** May 29, 2015, 09:55:11 PM »

u keep what u kill, u have to return those babby birds to their killer

nudemacusers · « **Reply #3 on:** May 29, 2015, 10:10:29 PM »

goddamnit i just spent 10 minutes choking on a dead baby bird fly fml

toku · « **Reply #4 on:** May 29, 2015, 10:18:57 PM »

My older sister has been deathly afraid of all kinds of birds since she came out the womb. There are pictures/stories of me as a toddler, barely able to walk, having her launch me into the backyard to scare birds away. This one time when she was like 15 a bird got caught in our room and kept banging itself against the ceiling like an idiot and shie was like 95% of the way to an aneurysm. She's a lot better now but if we're together and a bird gets kinda close she'll still kinda freak the fuck out and get on the other side of me or my mother. She'll play it cool but im certain that if a bird ever actually landed on her now her heart would just stop.

benjipwns · « **Reply #5 on:** May 29, 2015, 10:21:04 PM »

nudemacusers · « **Reply #6 on:** May 29, 2015, 10:23:28 PM »

Quote from: benjipwns on May 29, 2015, 10:21:04 PM

(Image removed from quote.)

i call bullshit since I hear birds constantly divebombing my windows and getting KTFO or self-murked and there is nary a scratch on my pristine glass.

benjipwns · « **Reply #7 on:** May 29, 2015, 10:27:43 PM »

I think the hole was there first and he was just...you know...sticking his beak in as a curiosity. And whatever happens, happens. It's 2015.

Great Rumbler · « **Reply #8 on:** May 29, 2015, 10:29:33 PM »

benjipwns · « **Reply #9 on:** May 29, 2015, 10:31:54 PM »

Kara · « **Reply #10 on:** May 29, 2015, 10:39:53 PM »

My sibling chased some geese in an archetypal British field once when they were a toddler and eventually they were encircled by a whole menacing gaggle. Shit was hilarious.

recursivelyenumerable · « **Reply #11 on:** May 29, 2015, 11:03:42 PM »

I got rammed in the back of the head by a big crow just yesterday. I don't think it was a head-on collision and it didn't dig its claws into me or anything, so it wasn't actually painful, but

. It proceeded to swoop seemingly at my head again right away too, I had to jerk/dodge not to get nailed again.

Joe Molotov · « **Reply #12 on:** May 30, 2015, 10:20:26 AM »

A goose beat the crap out of me once when I was kid; geese are legit dickheads.

nudemacusers · « **Reply #13 on:** May 30, 2015, 11:19:09 AM »

yeah geese are assholes but man, getting "your arm broken by a goose" is just a great sentence to whip out for situational L delivery.

nudemacusers · « **Reply #14 on:** May 30, 2015, 11:34:42 AM »

Quote from: Joe Molotov on May 30, 2015, 10:20:26 AM

A goose beat the crap out of me once when I was kid; geese are legit dickheads.

well that goose is dead now and you admin a site full of closeted game dorks. look who has the last laugh.

Joe Molotov · « **Reply #15 on:** May 30, 2015, 10:13:09 PM »

Quote from: nudemacusers on May 30, 2015, 11:34:42 AM

Quote from: Joe Molotov on May 30, 2015, 10:20:26 AM
A goose beat the crap out of me once when I was kid; geese are legit dickheads.
well that goose is dead now and you admin a site full of closeted game dorks. look who has the last laugh.

king of the internet · « **Reply #16 on:** May 31, 2015, 12:15:39 AM »

https://twitter.com/ProBirdRights

Kara · « **Reply #17 on:** May 31, 2015, 12:38:53 AM »

I love that account.

Nibel · « **Reply #18 on:** June 01, 2015, 04:24:35 PM »

My dad is a bird fanatic, literally the console-warrior equivalent when it comes to birds

He had all kind of birds, and as you've obviously noticed by now he spent more time with them than with me, feeding them and building shit and that, but it was cool and his passion and I liked that.
When you step in our living room there is a disturbing amount of bird items, a bird clock that plays a different bird-soundfile each hour , some giant ass plastic hawk that oozes freedom and so on.

Every time birds come into our garden he tries to communicate with them and claims he understands them and tbh I'm convinced for some reason

My dad is the real Birdman, not that hipster Oscar movie or that fat fuck with a star tattooed on his head

Dickie Dee · « **Reply #19 on:** June 01, 2015, 04:28:45 PM »

Quote from: nudemacusers on May 30, 2015, 11:19:09 AM

yeah geese are assholes but man, getting "your arm broken by a goose" is just a great sentence to whip out for situational L delivery.

Real killa dickheads are Swans. Fuck Swans. Don't fuck with Swans.

nudemacusers · « **Reply #20 on:** June 01, 2015, 04:56:12 PM »

Quote from: Mamacint on June 01, 2015, 04:28:45 PM

Quote from: nudemacusers on May 30, 2015, 11:19:09 AM
yeah geese are assholes but man, getting "your arm broken by a goose" is just a great sentence to whip out for situational L delivery.

Real killa dickheads are Swans. Fuck Swans. Don't fuck with Swans.

swans are also freakishly large.

Van Cruncheon · « **Reply #21 on:** June 01, 2015, 05:56:33 PM »

my wife's hs boyfriend got bit on the junk by a goose. not sure what to think about that

nudemacusers · « **Reply #22 on:** June 01, 2015, 06:01:32 PM »

Quote from: Van Cruncheon on June 01, 2015, 05:56:33 PM

my wife's hs boyfriend got bit on the junk by a goose. not sure what to think about that

geese tend to bite objects that look like long necked birds. seems you're safe

Van Cruncheon · « **Reply #23 on:** June 01, 2015, 06:08:05 PM »

i do believe i have the goosebait advantage on him

Human Snorenado · « **Reply #24 on:** June 01, 2015, 06:52:48 PM »

Believe what your wife tells you about that subject, brehs

Van Cruncheon · « **Reply #25 on:** June 01, 2015, 07:01:57 PM »

not complainin' myself

Tasty · « **Reply #26 on:** June 02, 2015, 02:26:44 PM »

Quote from: recursivelyenumerable on May 29, 2015, 11:03:42 PM

I got rammed in the back of the head by a big crow just yesterday. I don't think it was a head-on collision and it didn't dig its claws into me or anything, so it wasn't actually painful, but . It proceeded to swoop seemingly at my head again right away too, I had to jerk/dodge not to get nailed again.

chronovore · « **Reply #27 on:** June 04, 2015, 04:40:01 AM »

Quote from: Van Cruncheon on June 01, 2015, 05:56:33 PM

my wife's hs boyfriend got bit on the junk by a goose. not sure what to think about that

Too bad it wasn't his ass; would've made the whole thing a lot easier to verb-ify.

nudemacusers · « **Reply #28 on:** June 05, 2015, 10:53:56 PM »

Quote from: Van Cruncheon on June 01, 2015, 07:01:57 PM

not complainin' myself

yeah no birds are gonna rub their beaks on that nubbin

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Author Topic: birds are dicks (Read 2267 times)