I posted this on /r/deadbedrooms today because that's what this situation has become. I am hoping the good people of /r/relationships can help me out as well.
I never posted because I was too insecure and embarrassed and took solace in the fact that there was possibly some way that we could dig ourselves out of this hole. But lately things have been very VERY bad, and last night was the cherry on top of a horrendous year.
We had our third child on February 2nd (last time we did anything sexual was a week or so before that, and the passionate kissing stopped shortly after). Intimacy and our relationship were perfectly fine after the first and second childbirths, there was no sign that things would suddenly go sour after our third was born.
Lately, whenever my wife feels that I might be wanting sex or hoping for it, she makes overt references to her period coming up or being on it... which is strange because I feel like she was saying the same thing a week or two prior. Two periods a month? Okay.
A few months after things started to go downhill, I turned to masturbating in our bathroom to clips and images on my phone. I never thought it would come to this, but there was just a lot of pent up frustration and longing for fulfillment that I missed. there's nothing wrong with that, is there?
Last week was our coldest week yet. Dead pecks on the cheek, forced embraces before we left for work and a lot of cold shouldering and short answers all day, every day.
The worst offender was last night, and it caused me to finally post here. It was a horrendous, impersonal evening as always. After dinner and putting the kids to bed, I went to the bathroom for my nightly shower and wank. Mid way through, my wife barges in (I forgot to lock), stares at me for a few seconds, cackles and walks out of the bathroom, shaking her head disapprovingly.
I jumped into the shower without finishing, my body tingling of shame and anxiety.
She didn't say a word about it (or any words at all, for that matter), when I came back into the room and got in bed. She was reading a book and I was browsing reddit. When I put my phone aside to turn in, I laid down on my side and closed my eyes. A few moments of silence later, she said "Just so you know, your dick is getting small".
I sobbed myself to sleep without responding, and haven't seen her or spoken to her since last night.
Is the marriage over? Are my young children oblivious to the lack of chemistry? How do I communicate with her and where should I see this going from here?
I feel like such a waste of air and space.
tl;dr: Me and my wife's (27 years old) bedroom has gone cold and dead sexually since nine months ago when we had our third child. Lately I have been masturbating before bed. My wife caught me in the act, cackled and later told me my dick has been getting smaller. Don't know where to go from here.
