Let's Talk About the Plot to Those Thor Movies

[Steve Contra]

This is Chris Hemsworth in the movie Rush, which was terrible and despite seeing it on an airplane and not caring about f1 at all I remember way more than those 2 Thor movies (you should totally see that documentary about that f1 guy Senna tho, it's way good and called Senna and it's on Netflix)

I was thinking about seeing a movie today and I passed on Captain America because it looked overserious and dumb and then I was thinking about the other Marvel movies I've seen and I realized that I can't remember almost anything about the two Thor movies.  I've seen them both but no shit, I couldn't tell anything but a handful of facts about them. Help me out Bore, or don't, the movies were obviously terrible.  Here's what I remember and don't

1. Tom Hiddleston is definitely the bad guy in the first movie.
2. Tom Hiddleston is maybe the bad guy in the second one.  Or a good guy who goes bad, or the reverse.
3. Thor falls in love in Natalie Portman in the first one.  This is the thing I remember most about the first movie because it was kind of rom-commy and weird and super incongruous.
4. Natalie Portman is a scientist.
5. Natalie Portman may not have been a scientist, but there was a science in the movie for sure.
6. Thor was sent to Earth in the first movie by someone.  I honestly have no idea by who.  It may have been an accident or the above science.
7. Idris Elba is in the movie and he looks cool because of course he does.
8. Idris Elba gets stabbed in one of the movies, or both.  Can't tell you who stabbed him.
9. The above plot point may not have happened.
10. Anthony Hopkins needed to pay some debts and is slumming it in these movies.
11. Anthony Hopkins gets stabbed in one of the movies, or both. 
12. The above plot point may not have happened
13. Some of the bad guys in the second movie were "dark elves" or some shit.  I can't tell you how little of this movie I remember.  Like nearly nothing.
14. The dark elves or whoever were trying to crash the moon into the Earth or something like that.
15. I think I'm getting confused with Majora's Mask.  Does anything like that happen in the second movie?  Does that make sense at all?
16. Natalie Portman made this movie right after Black Swan and probably regretted it and looked sad in the movies.
17. Someone tries to steal Thor's hammer but can't lift it because they're not Thor.  I don't remember this happening but it seems like something that would happen in a Thor movie.
18. Did Kenneth Branagh direct these?  Why?
19. I had to look up the title to the second movie and it was the "Dark World" so I think the dark elves bit is way off base.
20. Does Natalie Portman die in the second one?

This is the totality of my knowledge of Marvel's Thor movies, which I apparently watched.  Discuss.

[Great Rumbler]

Do we have to?

[Steve Contra]

No, I make that clear in the opening post that we don't since I can't remember anything about them.

[Joe Molotov]

I know Natalie Portman doesn't die in the second one because I read an article on the Internet that said she wasn't going to be in the third movie and they had to come up with some bullshit reason for her not to be in it.

[Phoenix Dark]

I was going to say Thor>Ron Howard, despite having never seen a Thor movie, BUT I just remembered Ron Howard was involved in Arrested Development. So I guess Thor isn't better than anything.

[Steve Contra]

I was going to say Thor>Ron Howard, despite having never seen a Thor movie, BUT I just remembered Ron Howard was involved in Arrested Development. So I guess Thor isn't better than anything.

You can not watch a Thor a movie and have an identical experience to the one I had watching them.

[Steve Contra]

In the first one, Thor gets banished to Earth and stripped of his powers by Anthony Hopkins for being a huge douche, but will get his powers back if he proves himself worthy. Someone (Loki?) sends that massive armor robot The Destroyer to Earth to wreck shit. It kicks the crap out of Thor's friends. Thor proves himself worthy by sacrificing himself for his friends (he takes a near-fatal blow, but doesn't die). Then he gets his powers back and wins the fight.

He does fall in love with Natalie Portman at some point. I think he also gets taken prisoner by the army for a bit.

Edit: oh yeah, I think he then makes it back to Asgard and uncovers Loki's conspiracy to kill off Odin and take the throne. I can't remember all the details, but Loki was behind everything.

Huh, seems plausible and dumb.  Is Natalie Portman a scientist?

[Mupepe]

I really liked Rush

[Joe Molotov]

She's a scientist and she has some wacky scientist friends and they do science stuff in one of the movies. The first one I think, or maybe both of them.

[Steve Contra]

I really liked Rush

Better than Thor?

[Phoenix Dark]

I really liked Rush

Better than Thor?

And are either better than Rush, the band?

[Kara]

I remember much of the movies, but I have no passion about those memories. For example, if you made a Jurassic World equivalent in 10 years for Thor, I wouldn't be happy about recognizing anything.

[Mandark]

A few months ago Thor came up in a conversation I was having and we spent 10-15 minutes trying to reconstruct the plots of the movies so we could remember who the bad guys in the second one were.

[jakefromstatefarm]

stellan skarsgard spends the second half of the first movie and the entirety of the second movie naked

there's an underground military (Shield?) complex surrounding his hammer in the first movie

Kat Dennings is insufferable in both, but moreso in the second

[toku]

I like the second one.

[recursivelyenumerable]

i met a girl who had a serious thing for norse mythology couple weeks ago, who explained the plot of ragnarok (original myth version) to me in some detail.
she was p. cool, super nerdy, was reading a book on constructed languages.
she gave me her number. i haven't called her. the statute of limitations has probably run out.

[Positive Touch]

you forgot to add that Chris Hemsworth takes off his shirt which is where i think a lot of the box office gross comes from

[Mupepe]

I really liked Rush

Better than Thor?

And are either better than Rush, the band?

Yes

I really liked Rush

Better than Thor?

God Yes

[Oblivion]

But the Thor movies have Kat Dennings...

spoiler (click to show/hide)

...' boobs.

[close]

[brob]

you forgot to add that Chris Hemsworth takes off his shirt which is where i think a lot of the box office gross comes from

this gif and the gif of thor liking a drink (a beer? a coffee? i dont remember) and smashing it into the restaurant floor as a way of asking for another one are the two good thor things.

[Joe Molotov]

i met a girl who had a serious thing for norse mythology couple weeks ago, who explained the plot of ragnarok (original myth version) to me in some detail.
she was p. cool, super nerdy, was reading a book on constructed languages.
she gave me her number. i haven't called her. the statute of limitations has probably run out.

Call her up and ask her to explain the plot of Thor 1 & 2. Post your findings here.

[chronovore]

I like Hemsworth just fine, so I'm sad that the Thor movies are easily the weakest of the MCU offerings.

Natalie Portman /is/ ostensibly a scientist in the movie series, and they excuse her absence away in Avengers by SHIELD telling Thor they've got her off doing research somewhere out of the way. Portman's dossier photo makes an appearance in the scene, just in case Thor has forgotten what his girlfriend looks like.

Just imagine, instead, if Stellan Skarsgaaärd's role had instead been filled by Portman's strong-woman scientist character. We not only would have had continuity, we also could have had the entirety of the second film watching her run around in men's briefs.