RELATIONSHIPS: helping wizards deplete their mana since 2011

[Atramental]

The only prob with me & single moms is that I don’t look like dad material. Like at all. 

[CatsCatsCats]

Maybe the problem is you’re assuming you need to be dad material 🤷‍♀️

[Atramental]

"Hey kid, wanna buy some cough syrup?" 

[toku]

cart before horse

[toku]

And it looks like “pyschonaut” is not an acceptable term to put in a tinder profile.

At least not in South Carolina 

#smokesweedonce

[BlueTsunami]

The only prob with me & single moms is that I don’t look like dad material. Like at all. 

I will be your father figure
(Oh baby)
Put your tiny hand in mine
(I'd love to)
I will be your preacher teacher
(Be your daddy)
Anything you have in mind
(It would make me)
I will be your father figure
(Very happy)
I have had enough of crime
(Please let me)
I will be the one who loves you
'Til the end of



time

[toku]

https://twitter.com/aestheticsweeb/status/994572605142298624

[Mupepe]

I’m just gonna go ahead and be an honest pig and say I’m attracted to what motherhood does to a body

Fuck yeah dude

[Assimilate]

I’m just gonna go ahead and be an honest pig and say I’m attracted to what motherhood does to a body

 

let's not go that far.

[toku]

I’m just gonna go ahead and be an honest pig and say I’m attracted to what motherhood does to a body

#hornyonmain

[CatsCatsCats]

You do you, Assi, I like what I like

[Assimilate]

You do you, Assi, I like what I like

Post some pics of that

[Atramental]

Matched with a Disney fangirl... 

edit: I should've stuck with the opiate addict

[BlueTsunami]

edit: I should've stuck with the opiate addict

Would have been a good way to meet other girls too. Say what you will about drug addicts but they know how to network.

[VomKriege]

Just read an hilarious profile on OkCupid while browsing "women from anywhere", an exercice in reactionary edginess really : a massive nesting doll of rants against polyamourous and all the trending sexual labels, Buddhist converts, men who claim to be intersectional feminists, apolitical people, post structuralism, vegans, cheaters, etc... with some self depreciation thrown in and Stalin, Talibans and the Tcheka name dropped.

Should have been lame but the whole thing is so long and genuine it got a good laugh out of me. And also turned me on a bit, to be honest  . Sent a message to compliment her. Forgot to embed a link to register to The Bore.

Not a half bad looking lady either.

[Atramental]

Oh christ, just shoot me in the face...

spoiler (click to show/hide)

B E A K P O S T I N G 

[close]

edit: She actually responded back. Wow.



Typical.

[Assimilate]

try not being such a nice guy. match with a girl, don't say anything for 3 days and then hit her with "help me, i'm bored' or something more demanding like "hi, entertain me"

these nice guy convos don't get you anywhere

[Atramental]

That sometimes works.

Can't wait too long or an army of Chads will beat you to the punch and she'll forget you ever existed. 

[BlueTsunami]

In other words, hit her with the hentai

[Atramental]

"I'm fapping to daisy rule 34 porn right this second, actually. If you want I can skype my jerk sesh for your viewing pleasure." 

spoiler (click to show/hide)

spoiler (click to show/hide)

spoiler (click to show/hide)

No. I didn't actually write that. 

[close]

[close]

[close]

[BlueTsunami]

"Haha, I actually cosplayed as Daisy at some event... Brb let me let me put it on"

spoiler (click to show/hide)

[close]

[CatsCatsCats]

It is weird, but you should give it a shot, why not?

[I'm a Puppy!]

Tinder seems so fucking weird.

Legit thinking of signing up for it though.

Please do.
And post results

[shosta]

jack is a normal person with functioning social skills, so it would be a refreshing break from the pathetic shitshow that this thread is

[I'm a Puppy!]

jack is a normal person with functioning social skills, so it would be a refreshing break from the pathetic shitshow that this thread is

I think the words you're looking for is "comparatively more normal with comparatively functioning social skills"

[Atramental]

If this was MTG Jack would be a blue deck and I would be a black deck as far as how our crazy manifests. 

[Atramental]

Absolutely.

edit: most of the time I’m just asking questions about things in their profiles since it’s tougher to get any social traction by asking out of the blue questions that may or may not relate to the girl I’ve matched with.

edit2:


Oh, and she's not dressed as a cartoon duck. She's posing with a statue of one.

spoiler (click to show/hide)

Huh. Daisy does actually look better than her in this pic.

[close]

[team filler]

I guess it's single mom season or something. Christ.

Every other profile is a single mom. 

Don't neglect single moms. Those can be a lot of fun with very little commitment. They'll be busy most days but then when they come out, they come out ready to get fucking wild.

#SingleMomsMatter

[Atramental]

Got another match.


So, fellas... I'm a bit out of my depth here. What do I say? 

"Name the time and place and I'll choke you so good I might end up in jail." 

[shosta]

Please send that.

[Atramental]

Nah.

spoiler (click to show/hide)

Nah.

[close]

[nudemacusers]

Post baby mom bods

Big nips 

Oversized firm milky breasts 

Soft supple skin moisturized in cocoa butter oils 

Thicc booty from pregnancy 

Y’all questioning this don’t even know

[nudemacusers]

Absolutely.

edit: most of the time I’m just asking questions about things in their profiles since it’s tougher to get any social traction by asking out of the blue questions that may or may not relate to the girl I’ve matched with.

edit2:
(Image removed from quote.)

Oh, and she's not dressed as a cartoon duck. She's posing with a statue of one.

spoiler (click to show/hide)

Huh. Daisy does actually look better than her in this pic.

[close]

Looks wise she’s about your tier so I dunno why you’re putting up such a front tbh

[shosta]

A lot of people fall into a variation on the old Groucho Marx joke. "I'd never date a person who'd want to date me."

[VomKriege]

Marx, the man, the author, the meme.

[VomKriege]

Nah.

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Nah.

[close]

I mean it's literally all her profile (?) so... I would probably make a joke about it. Don't be crass but I would think some witty innuendo would be fine in that context.

[BlueTsunami]

It seems like Atra is being matched with clones of the same chunky white girl wtf. On some Orphan Black shit

[VomKriege]

Browsing OKCupid profile from anywhere still.
Women 

[Olivia Wilde Homo]

It seems like Atra is being matched with clones of the same chunky white girl wtf. On some Orphan Black shit

That is Atramental’s league on the meat market known as Tinder: kinda cute and kinda chubby

He could do a lot better IRL but I don’t think the girls he’s shown pictures of are that bad

[VomKriege]

That choking girl looks just fine to me on that pic.

[Huff]

He’s already blown it

[nudemacusers]

He needs to indulge in other kinks first. Going straight to choking is how we get psychosexual serial killers.

[Huff]

I mean there’s choking and then there’s choking choking.

He’d be fine with a girl that just wants choking

[Assimilate]

Post baby mom bods

Big nips 

Oversized firm milky breasts 

Soft supple skin moisturized in cocoa butter oils 

Thicc booty from pregnancy 

Y’all questioning this don’t even know

Well when you put it that way....

Ended up hanging out at a gay bar on my long binge two days ago and was hit on by a lot of dudes and one non-binary person. It was flattering but if I had any doubt I was straight guess I don't anymore.

Be boring, brehs.

I honestly thought you were part of the bore's gay group this whole time.

[BlueTsunami]

Protip for Atra: you're supposed to apply pressure to the main arteries on the sides of the neck. Don't be a novice and go for the trachea. You're not the Undertaker.

[Assimilate]

Protip for Atra: you're supposed to apply pressure to the main arteries on the sides of the neck. Don't be a novice and go for the trachea. You're not the Undertaker.

Unless you're choking with two hands that's hard to do. That's why it's usually always wrong in pornos.


I wonder if i'd like getting choked while the girl was riding me. 

[BlueTsunami]

Protip for Atra: you're supposed to apply pressure to the main arteries on the sides of the neck. Don't be a novice and go for the trachea. You're not the Undertaker.

Unless you're choking with two hands that's hard to do. That's why it's usually always wrong in pornos.


I wonder if i'd like getting choked while the girl was riding me. 

Yeah I have smaller hands so you're relying on your finger tips to hit the g spots. Larger span hands can kind of close around the neck easier obviously. Better yet find a girl with a classical petite neckline 

Or just go two handed like you said but that feels a million times more agressive than one handed.




*shivers*

[Assimilate]

Just add a few slaps in and she won't be complaining.

I'm not into that. Slaps on the ass ok, but on the face? Too weird.

Plus, i have a hard time knowing my own strength. I could easily see myself knocking the bitch out with a hard palm to the face.

[Assimilate]

If a girl wants to get choked, chances are she wants to get slapped.

Go for broke or go home.

i swear if i get arrested 

[Skullfuckers Anonymous]

Why are you guys trying to get Atra to become Amir0x's cellmate?

[Atramental]

Hey, Jordyn. Would I be correct to assume that most guys you’ve been with haven’t choked you properly? I usually apply pressure to the main arteries on the sides of the neck and sometimes use my other hand to get a super firm grasp on the back of the neck (since it’s mostly muscle back there).

 Yay? Nay?

Please tell me if I should change something...

[shosta]

"Hello, miss. I'd like to speak with you today about the possibility of me 'putting it inside of you'."

[mormapope]

Nay! You sound like Dennis from Its Always Sunny lmao.

If you're gonna address choking immediately, make a joke about about whats more blue, your balls from her profile pic or her face when she has a strong hand around her throat.

[Atramental]

What would a non-clinical version be like?

Hey, Jordyn. I take it most guys you’ve been with haven’t choked you properly? Most assume it’s the wind pipe you go for but actually it’s the arteries on the sides of the neck.

 

[BlueTsunami]

Jesus lmao

You just made Jordyn check her locks a second time

Reduce that down to a quip, or two sentences. A cold open about a sexual kink can be a fine line.

Something like... Choke kink? Good for you I can palm a basketball! or something

[Atramental]

Fuck it. I’m gonna use blue’s line.

[shosta]

And don't start off with "Hey, Jordyn." Probably don't use any puncutation marks at all actually. Your goal with a tinder convo is to show you're 1) funny 2) normal 3) interesting and to get them digits as soon as possible.

[BlueTsunami]

Bear hug that neck until you turn into a better looking man

[VomKriege]

I'm getting slightly better at "the getting matches" part. Works way better to message people currently online for one. Still a long way away from a drink, but you know... Progress.

[Atramental]

It seems like Atra is being matched with clones of the same chunky white girl wtf. On some Orphan Black shit

The gene pool isn’t very diverse in certain parts of my region. 

There’s basically 6 or 7 different types of white girl clones in my state.

edit: it also helps that my family is from up north originally so I look different from the typical southern guys.