Those of us from rural south know how to handle toilet paper shortage. Eat more corn on the cob! The corn isn't important, but the cobs are free and work great! (Just don't flush them!) You're welcome!
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You should experiment with apples. You never know what you will end up liking. Why I remember the first time I lubed one up and stuck it in my ass like it was yesterday.
pink ladies make my top three
pink ladies are fairly easy to get, even in the flyover states, but they tend to be the B tier stuff. WA gets the goods for sure. never had a golden russett, i have seen them in nicer supermarkets.
But apples are not a very good fruit.