Author Topic: Netflix's The Witcher (a sfw porn parody) - teaser trailer.  (Read 2395 times)

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Don Rumata

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Looks cheap, and Cavill still can't act, but i'll still watch at least the pilot.

Tripon

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Re: Netflix's The Witcher (a sfw porn parody) - teaser trailer.
« Reply #1 on: July 19, 2019, 07:10:11 PM »
Lol at people saying this is the next Game of Thrones.

Don Rumata

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Re: Netflix's The Witcher (a sfw porn parody) - teaser trailer.
« Reply #2 on: July 19, 2019, 07:13:59 PM »
Doesn't look too bad. Was expecting lower end SyFy type budget
Those orange&teal shots look real cheap to me, art direction looks really weak in general.

I'm kind of interested in seeing Yennefer's arc from deformed to hottie, i hope the writing will at least be able to carry it.
I also liked Myanna Buring in Kill List, so it was cool to see her here.

TEEEPO

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Re: Netflix's The Witcher (a sfw porn parody) - teaser trailer.
« Reply #3 on: July 19, 2019, 07:19:43 PM »
 :yuck

nudemacusers

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Re: Netflix's The Witcher (a sfw porn parody) - teaser trailer.
« Reply #4 on: July 19, 2019, 07:20:18 PM »
Looks the same as game of thrones tbh. :trumps
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toku

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Re: Netflix's The Witcher (a sfw porn parody) - teaser trailer.
« Reply #5 on: July 19, 2019, 08:33:41 PM »
I know you didn't care for it but I just finished the last expansion after like 3 three years Esch. Hearts of Stone was definitely better you were right but Blood & Wine had vampires so I fucked with on a couple levels. In a lot of ways both expansions are kind of examples of what CDP did best and them at their worst? Stone had all the subtle and not so subtle horror shit which is what CDP does best I think (euro devs from that region in general I think). Where B&W was them trying to make cheesey fantasy shit and it was mostly bleh with a lot of terrible fetch quests that felt like padding. It evens out by the end a bit since they kinda pull a whole "the whole point is this is all fake pompous bullshit" but it didn't make it more enjoyable that they were poking holes in this stuff the long way.

spoiler (click to show/hide)
Do like how the big bad of Blood and Wine was basically an angry incel tho, that seems kinda prophetic 3-4 years later
[close]

Olgeird had so much swag tho


headwalk

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Re: Netflix's The Witcher (a sfw porn parody) - teaser trailer.
« Reply #6 on: July 19, 2019, 08:41:27 PM »
looks shite in all the ways you'd expect a netlfix adaption of the witcher to look shite. tedious tropes, fan mod tier dialog, that soft CG straight to DVD look when you want to do a big SFX production without the render budget.

"chaos is the most dangerous thing in this world, but without control chaos will kill you" is such a gloriously nonsencial vapid mess of a line that it's probably a good barometer for what to expect.

haven't read the books mind. actually heard that the game is a fair bit more morally grey than the books which are a bit more fantasy standard, so that's netflix's out if they reduce it to HUMANS BAD, ELVES GOOD pocahontas bollocks like it seems.

this might be sacrilege but the whole witcher IP isn't nearly as interesting to me as specifically what CDPR did with it.

« Last Edit: July 20, 2019, 05:53:58 AM by headwalk »

toku

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Re: Netflix's The Witcher (a sfw porn parody) - teaser trailer.
« Reply #7 on: July 19, 2019, 11:13:14 PM »
B+W is only worth it for the ending but its slog to get through. I hated the flower enemies too (and they reuse them a TON in the fucking side quests jesus christ) but the last bits of the main quest are great, last boss is cool and you get a proper goodbye to geralt/the witcher at the very end.

I appreciate them throwing another lady of the lake/aerondight quest for all of us who suffered through Witcher 1s brokenness  :'(

thisismyusername

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Re: Netflix's The Witcher (a sfw porn parody) - teaser trailer.
« Reply #8 on: July 20, 2019, 12:28:23 AM »
B+W is only worth it for the ending but its slog to get through.

Bullshit

B&W is for Regis and the ending. If you haven't read the books (which the Witcher 3 leans HEAVILY into) then I can understand it not being special, but Toussaint is featured in one of the novels so seeing CD Project bring that to life (even with the princess) was amazing. Them
spoiler (click to show/hide)
bringing Regis back from the dead of the books
[close]
was :gladbron material.

In fact, I wish we had a Regis expansion after that, but it'll never happen because CD Project is done with Geralt.

toku

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Re: Netflix's The Witcher (a sfw porn parody) - teaser trailer.
« Reply #9 on: July 20, 2019, 12:34:41 AM »
Actually you're right he was absolutely a highlight and the princess stuff but so much of that was bogged down with shit quest and design. It really felt like they were scraping the bottom of the barrel for most of the 20ish hrs it lasts. I liked a lot of the vampire stuff in general and the expansion gets significantly better around the party.

Kara

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Re: Netflix's The Witcher (a sfw porn parody) - teaser trailer.
« Reply #10 on: July 20, 2019, 01:15:33 AM »
I hope the Magic: the Gathering Netflix show looks as bad as this does. :whew

TVC15

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Re: Netflix's The Witcher (a sfw porn parody) - teaser trailer.
« Reply #11 on: July 20, 2019, 01:26:01 AM »
That Gerald wig looks like something on my bathroom floor.
serge

OnlyRegret

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Re: Netflix's The Witcher (a sfw porn parody) - teaser trailer.
« Reply #12 on: July 20, 2019, 01:31:27 AM »
looks shite in all the ways you'd expect a netlfix adaption of the witcher to look shite. tedious tropes, fan mod tier dialog, that soft CG straight to DVD look when you want to do a big SFX production without the render budget.

"chaos is the most dangerous thing in this world, but without control chaos will kill you" is such a gloriously nonsencial vapid mess of a line that it's probably a good barometer for what to expect.

haven't read the books mind. actually heard that the game is a fair bit more morally grey than the books which are a bit more fantasy standard, so that's netflix's out if they reduce it HUMANS BAD, ELVES GOOD pocahontas bollocks like it seems.

this might be sacrilege but the whole witcher IP isn't nearly as interesting to me as specifically what CDPR did with it.

god bless the poles

bluemax

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Re: Netflix's The Witcher (a sfw porn parody) - teaser trailer.
« Reply #13 on: July 20, 2019, 01:32:17 AM »
Doesn't look too bad. Was expecting lower end SyFy type budget
Those orange&teal shots look real cheap to me, art direction looks really weak in general.

I'm kind of interested in seeing Yennefer's arc from deformed to hottie, i hope the writing will at least be able to carry it.
I also liked Myanna Buring in Kill List, so it was cool to see her here.

It's Netflix and a video game adapt - 85% chance of being unwatchable triddash just based on what it is so all things considered it's not too bad.

IIRC, the novels are really bare bones as well from a world building perspective so unless they're combing the games for art assets it's not gonna look great.

spoiler (click to show/hide)
on top of that the Witcher has generic fantasy art direction in general so :doge
[close]

It's a book adaptation!
NO

Human Snorenado

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Re: Netflix's The Witcher (a sfw porn parody) - teaser trailer.
« Reply #14 on: July 20, 2019, 01:42:10 AM »
I hope the Magic: the Gathering Netflix show looks as bad as this does. :whew

Haha, it will be worse, easily, and you know this
yar

Don Rumata

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Re: Netflix's The Witcher (a sfw porn parody) - teaser trailer.
« Reply #15 on: July 20, 2019, 01:52:47 AM »
Doesn't look too bad. Was expecting lower end SyFy type budget
Those orange&teal shots look real cheap to me, art direction looks really weak in general.

I'm kind of interested in seeing Yennefer's arc from deformed to hottie, i hope the writing will at least be able to carry it.
I also liked Myanna Buring in Kill List, so it was cool to see her here.

It's Netflix and a video game adapt - 85% chance of being unwatchable triddash just based on what it is so all things considered it's not too bad.

IIRC, the novels are really bare bones as well from a world building perspective so unless they're combing the games for art assets it's not gonna look great.

spoiler (click to show/hide)
on top of that the Witcher has generic fantasy art direction in general so :doge
[close]
Generic Fantasy art direction doesn't mean much when you have to shoot a scene in a forest, and you fill it up with eye cancer color correction and obnoxious post-effects, though.
You can shoot a guy with a sword on a horse in many different ways, and this made it looks real cheap.  :doge

I mean how do you make a videogame look more natural than a live action adaptation?

Transhuman

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Re: Netflix's The Witcher (a sfw porn parody) - teaser trailer.
« Reply #16 on: July 20, 2019, 02:10:31 AM »
Maybe Netflix could do that sort of Black Mirror chose-your-own adventure thing and you get to decide what order you fuck them in?

Don Rumata

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Re: Netflix's The Witcher (a sfw porn parody) - teaser trailer.
« Reply #17 on: July 20, 2019, 02:36:58 AM »
I mean how do you make a videogame look more natural than a live action adaptation?

The power of CDPR slave labor :rejoice
That, and also Netflix should slow down on the number of trash TV shows they put out, and focus on a few good ones.  :doge

Coax

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Re: Netflix's The Witcher (a sfw porn parody) - teaser trailer.
« Reply #18 on: July 20, 2019, 04:23:53 AM »
Not sure how many read the Dark Horse comics that were released with TW3 but owners of the physical received a copy of the first issue free so I read it at the time. I liked the direction of focusing on small, dark stories as the lone, wandering muscle for hire. I wonder how much of that type of thing will be conveyed in this. Visually it isn't doing anything for me.

Potato

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Re: Netflix's The Witcher (a sfw porn parody) - teaser trailer.
« Reply #19 on: July 20, 2019, 05:48:01 PM »
Looks ok. I'll give the first episode a watch.

I'll pretty much be going in blind as I couldn't stand more than 2 hours of the jank-fest game.
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