drinky's kid is 16 today!

[Van Cruncheon]

it's my brat's 16th birthday. now i reflect on my parental scoring (rubric not provided):

positive fathering scores:
- kid loathes and trolls libertarians (+50)
- kid rides a scooter instead of a car (+10)
- kid hates incels (+25)
- kid is a flaming lesbian (+10)
- kid thinks jk rowling is "stank-ass goblin poop" (+10)
- kid is an atheist but not obnoxiously so (+20)
- kid thinks i'm lame and dumb (+50)
- kid hates animal crossing (+20)
total: 195 pts


negative fathering scores:
- kid is a weeb (-200)
- kid likes nintendo products overall (-500)
- kid prefers android over iphone (-10)
- kid likes nightcore (-200)
- kid posts on reddit (-50)
- kid doesn't fully grasp marxist theory yet (-25)
- kid thinks weed is "gross" (-50)
total: -1035

overall drinky parenting evaluation: -840 (dumpster dad, shoot on sight despite white privilege)

happy 16th, brat! if i posted this on r/cursedcomments you'd actually see it and then tell me to "go back to facebook with the disgusting olds"

[james]

kid likes nintendo products

[Mandark]

I remember when you said your wife was pregnant on #ga.

What the fuck we're old.

[Van Cruncheon]

we're fuckin' decrepit! all we have is the scars and shame of our interwebs livin'

[jakefromstatefarm]

lmao, didnt realize it was today 🤣. happy birthday shosta!!

[EchoRin]

[Joe Molotov]

The Bore is a safe space for disgusting olds who can't handle Facebook.

[Himu]

I feel old

[Great Rumbler]

- kid loathes and trolls libertarians (+50)
- kid hates incels (+25)
- kid is a flaming lesbian (+10)

- kid is a weeb (-200)
- kid likes nintendo products overall (-500)
- kid doesn't fully grasp marxist theory yet (-25)

[james]

Is OP really drinky of drink crow fame?

[Mandark]

Is OP really drinky of drink crow fame?

You're thinking of Professor Prole.

This is Castellan.

[nudemacusers]

Weeb and nightcore should net more negative points imo

[james]

Is OP really drinky of drink crow fame?

You're thinking of Professor Prole.

This is Castellan.

 

[Van Cruncheon]

everyone knows drinky crow was andrew vestal, duhhh

[CatsCatsCats]

Have loved seeing your fatherly wisdoms and follies over the years on the bookface, you gotta a lot of heart for an old special fellow 

[Van Cruncheon]

Nightcore

i used to think you were cool /

now you're just a giant dad

- "giant dad", (c) 2018 taylor swift

[Van Cruncheon]

Have loved seeing your fatherly wisdoms and follies over the years on the bookface, you gotta a lot of heart for an old special fellow 

don't you dare make this old special fellow catch feels

spoiler (click to show/hide)

awwwwww, thank you and #blessup <snif>

[close]

spoiler (click to show/hide)

also reeeeeeeeeeeee

[close]

[james]

...wait my female cousin turned 16 today

Are you in the 559?

[nudemacusers]

Nightcore 

Gothic nightcore

Gothic nightstep

[Van Cruncheon]

I feel old

think of it as finally growing into your natural crankiness

[Van Cruncheon]

...wait my female cousin turned 16 today

Are you in the 559?

nope, the 425. SEATTLE SHAT PACK REPRESENT, ACAB

[nudemacusers]

Claim Seattle but be from the Lewis County boonies 

[Van Cruncheon]

i will never deny my trailer park origins you gentrified breeder

[thisismyusername]

Go back to Facebook with the disgusting olds, dad.

[Himu]

I feel old

think of it as finally growing into your natural crankiness

Is life well and are you guys safe

[Van Cruncheon]

you want your child to understand marxist theory but also reject nightcore. this contradiction is an antagonistic one.

in autism, all things are possible*




*except basic self-regulation

[nudemacusers]

i will never deny my trailer park origins you gentrified breeder

this post getting a moblin like is highly offensive tbh

[Van Cruncheon]

I feel old

think of it as finally growing into your natural crankiness

Is life well and are you guys safe

life is tolerable and that's all i aim for. the kid is extroverted so she is not likin' this lockdown at ALL tho

[pilonv1]

lol banned

[Akala]

good job not leaving her in a car for too long

[Tasty]

Nightcore

[brawndolicious]

Nightcore occassionally comes up in some of my spotify algo playlists..........

[ToxicAdam]

Ok, we get it. You had sex almost 17 years ago. No need to rub it in our faces.

[nudemacusers]

good job not leaving her in a car for too long

- kid is a weeb (-200)
- kid likes nintendo products overall (-500)

This child clearly overheated at least once in their life..

[CatsCatsCats]

I full stop don’t even know what nightcore is, will probably have to put that into metacrawler or something

[Transhuman]

Weeb as in Miyazaki or weeb as in bodypillow?

[EchoRin]

Nightcore and happy hardcore are meme music. I have never in my life met someone who listens to it unironically. the levels of brain activity this would require are beyond our understanding.

Oh man. If you are ever in central Europe. Fucking "Scooter" man. That shit I swear was pushed hard on that region from like 1995 to 2010. God damned Germans.

[Tasty]

I full stop don’t even know what nightcore is, will probably have to put that into metacrawler or something

It's normal songs pitched higher...

[CatsCatsCats]

So is the Bernie girl okay boomer song nightcore?

[Oblivion]

- kid likes nintendo products overall (-500)


should never have let her play "the space game" (mario galaxy) all those years ago 

[jakefromstatefarm]

i thought miyazaki didnt count as weeb. am i out of touch? is it good that i dont know this?

[G The Resurrected]

Congrats your progeny has yet to let their frustrations from your failures as a father ruin them. 16 is a great time to start resenting you as human being and begin the process of becoming their own adult with complicated issues. Good luck with that! I'm joshing, tell your kid Happy Birthday from a Dude on the internet. You've done a good job if you got this far without fucking things up too bad.

Thank god forums seem to be so uncool to kids nowadays. Leaves us all a place we can still go on the internet to bitch and moan amongst ourselves.

[Oblivion]

i thought miyazaki didnt count as weeb. am i out of touch? is it good that i dont know this?

i believe, technically he's a weeb that hates weebs

so a bit of a special case

[Rman]

everyone knows drinky crow was andrew vestal, duhhh

LOL.

I love this gag.

[Mandark]

So is the Bernie girl okay boomer song nightcore?

nothing's been right since that video

[Steve Contra]

die already

spoiler (click to show/hide)

you, your kid seems cool

[close]

[naff]

- kid thinks weed is "gross" (-50)

does she drink monster tho?

[Positive Touch]

wow feels like almost 10 years ago you were posting your 6 year old playing pokemon

[Rufus]

Nightcore and happy hardcore are meme music. I have never in my life met someone who listens to it unironically. the levels of brain activity this would require are beyond our understanding.

Oh man. If you are ever in central Europe. Fucking "Scooter" man. That shit I swear was pushed hard on that region from like 1995 to 2010. God damned Germans.

How much is the fish, indeed.

[Tuckers Law]

i thought miyazaki didnt count as weeb. am i out of touch? is it good that i dont know this?

i believe, technically he's a weeb that hates weebs

so a bit of a special case

[T-Short]

Congrats! 

[Himu]

Forgot to say happy birthday

[Brehvolution]

Happy Birthday to her. Bring her on The Cruncheons next podcast.

[Human Snorenado]

LOL U OLD AF THO

Happy birthday Cruncheon spawn, keep trollin dad

[Cerveza mas fina]

Gz

This means you are close to retirement now?

[MMaRsu]

Wow gg happy bd for the kiddo

When does he become a bore member

[Great Rumbler]

When does he become a bore member

 

[MMaRsu]

When does he become a bore member

 

Sorry I just got home and didnt read all of the op

When does she become a bore member

[Transhuman]

I feel like you just answered your own question

[james]

My cousin who also turned 16 posted her bday pics on Instagram and holy shit having a sweet 16 with just immediate family is depressing as fuck.

Hope your kid is mentally ok