Author Topic: Possibly the GREATEST NEWS STORY EVER - I'm writing the screenplay, right now!  (Read 1521 times)

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The Fake Shemp

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Astronaut charged with kidnap attempt
By MIKE SCHNEIDER, Associated Press Writer

ORLANDO, Fla. - A NASA astronaut charged with attempting to kidnap a romantic rival in a love triangle with another astronaut was allowed to go free on bail Tuesday on the condition that she not contact the alleged victim.

The judge told Lisa Marie Nowak she could be released on $15,500 bond, then asked if she understood the conditions. She responded "yes."

Nowak, a married mother of three, stood in a jail uniform, looking down during most of the hearing. She planned to return home to Houston, and the judge ordered her to wear a tracking device.

The 43-year-old robotics specialist faces charges including attempted kidnapping, attempted vehicle burglary with battery, destruction of evidence and battery.

Police said she drove 900 miles, donned a disguise and was armed with a BB gun and pepper spray when she confronted a woman she believed was a competitor for the affections of Navy Cmdr. William Oefelein, an unmarried fellow astronaut.

Nowak rode aboard Discovery in July. Oefelein, 41, piloted the space shuttle Discovery in December. They trained together but never flew together.

Nowak told police that her relationship with Oefelein was "more than a working relationship but less than a romantic relationship," according to an arrest affidavit. Police found a love letter to Oefelein in her car.

According to authorities, Nowak believed another woman, Colleen Shipman, was romantically involved with Oefelein. When Nowak found out Shipman was flying to Orlando from Houston, Nowak decided to confront her early Monday, according to the arrest affidavit.

Nowak raced from Houston to Orlando wearing diapers in the car so she wouldn't have to stop to go to the bathroom, authorities said. Astronauts wear diapers during launch and re-entry. (editor's note: :lol)

Dressed in a wig and a trench coat, she waited for Shipman's plane to land and then boarded the same airport shuttle bus Shipman took to get to her car, police said. Shipman told police she noticed someone following her, hurried inside the car and locked the doors, according to the arrest affidavit.

Nowak rapped on the window, tried to open the car door and asked for a ride. Shipman refused but rolled down the car window a few inches when Nowak started crying, the statement said. Nowak then sprayed a chemical into Shipman's car, the affidavit said. Shipman drove to the parking lot booth and police were called.

An officer reported following Nowak and watching her throw away a bag containing the wig and BB gun. Police also found a steel mallet, a 4-inch folding knife, rubber tubing, $600 and garbage bags inside a bag Nowak was carrying when she was arrested, authorities said.

Two other astronauts attended the hearing. Steve Lindsey, commander of Nowak's Discovery flight last July, testified that Nowak would obey the conditions of her release.

Chris Ferguson, a pilot on the mission, also attended the hearing. Asked afterward about Nowak's behavior, Ferguson said "perplexed is the word I'm sticking with."

Oefelein and Shipman, who the Houston Chronicle said worked at Patrick Air Force Base near the        Kennedy Space Center, did not immediately return calls seeking comment.

NASA spokesman James Hartsfield in Houston said that, as of Monday, Nowak's status with the astronaut corps remained unchanged. "What will happen beyond that, I will not speculate," he said.

Hartsfield said he couldn't recall the last time an astronaut was arrested and said there were no rules against fraternizing among astronauts.

Police said Nowak told them that she only wanted to scare Shipman into talking to her about her relationship with Oefelein and didn't want to harm her physically.

"If you were just going to talk to someone, I don't know that you would need a wig, a trench coat, an air cartridge BB gun and pepper spray," said Orlando police Sgt. Barbara Jones. "It's just really a very sad case."

According to NASA's official biography, Nowak is a Naval Academy graduate who has a master's degree in aeronautical engineering. She has a teenage son and younger twin girls.

Oefelein has two children and began his aviation career as a teenager flying floatplanes in Alaska, according to a NASA biography. He studied electrical engineering at Oregon State University and later earned a master's degree in aviation systems at the University of Tennessee Space Institute. He has been an astronaut since 1998.
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bud

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can you actually write a screenplay?

show some stuff you did
zzz

The Miles Trahan Burger Experiment

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Yeah.
BKO

The Fake Shemp

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Quote from: bud
can you actually write a screenplay?

Anyone can write a screenplay.

Quote
show some stuff you did

No.
PSP

bud

  • a smudge of excrement on a tissue surging out to sea with a million tons of raw sewage
  • Senior Member
not anyone can write good ones
zzz

The Miles Trahan Burger Experiment

  • Can he only eat just one?
  • The Walking Dead
not anyone can write good ones

Yeah, ask FoC.
BKO

The Fake Shemp

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Yeah, I write bad ones.
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bud

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 ::)

i'm just asking...
zzz

The Fake Shemp

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I am writing this and calling it THE ASTRONAUT'S WIFE 2: ROAD TRIP.  It'll star Cameron Diaz as the crazy, obsessed single mom who falls head over heels for Lost's Matthew Fox as Cmdr. Oefelein.  When she is alerted to her rival, played by Catherine Zeta Jones, she begins to infiltrate her life and kill everyone she loves 'till she finally faces her rival bitch-to-slut in a daring death race.

Directed by Michael Bay.
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bud

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  • Senior Member
ok
zzz

FlameOfCallandor

  • The Walking Dead
I am writing this and calling it THE ASTRONAUT'S WIFE 2: ROAD TRIP.  It'll star Cameron Diaz as the crazy, obsessed single mom who falls head over heels for Lost's Matthew Fox as Cmdr. Oefelein.  When she is alerted to her rival, played by Catherine Zeta Jones, she begins to infiltrate her life and kill everyone she loves 'till she finally faces her rival bitch-to-slut in a daring death race.

Directed by Michael Bay.


It really needs to be a comedy directed by Ben Stiller.

FlameOfCallandor

  • The Walking Dead
not anyone can write good ones

Yeah, ask FoC.

Have you even seen any of my movies or scripts?

The Fake Shemp

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NO, THIS IS A EROTIC THRILLER THAT PAYS HOMAGE TO THE HAPPENIN' 90s GENRE
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Mupepe

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NO, THIS IS A EROTIC THRILLER THAT PAYS HOMAGE TO THE HAPPENIN' 90s GENRE
For once I think we agee on something that has to do with films.  It should be so bad that it's good.  Like House of the Dead.  Except that House of the Dead isn't good.  It's just bad.  So really, make it nothing like that.

Van Cruncheon

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hush, you. House of the Dead is brilliant satire -- you're just too sober to get it!
duc

Mupepe

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hush, you. House of the Dead is brilliant satire -- you're just too sober to get it!
Oh, Drinky.  The best thing that came out of that movie is Erica's tits.  Satire is at least supposed to entertain you.