Author Topic: Would some one be so kind to edit my essay?  (Read 1203 times)

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

Madrun Badrun

  • twin-anused mascot
  • Senior Member
Would some one be so kind to edit my essay?
« on: February 07, 2007, 12:47:11 AM »
ok as many of you know I sucks at grammar and spelling and unfortunately I don't have anyone that can help me, so I posting it here.     

Its misssing an opening and a middle paragraph, and ita about Chaucer's knight from Canterbury tales. 




The Knight has become disenfranchised with life.  He is unhappy even though he is seen as having everything. He hides himself under the guise of being a true Knight, virtuous, generous, and brave.  That is what he lets people see but sometimes he does let down his guard and shows what he thinks of him self.  “He possessed fine horses, but he was not gaily dressed”.  He does what is required of him, but dresses down so that he will not draw attention.  He wears cloth stained from his armor - acceptable when he’s fighting long over seas campaigns - but he is home now and still does not change because he does not fit into society or at least the high ranking social status as a knight.  He has grown to a point where he realizes he has made a wrong choice in life.   He worked so hard to become a knight, having to prove him self over and over in battle, enlisting three separate times but he now realizes it is not what he wants, that the job leaves him not only with demons while he is alive, but it will also take his life and more importantly his sons.       


   The Knight has lost his faith in his son, his country and is questioning God.  He has spent most of his life on campaigns for God and country all across Europe.  He barley knows his son; leaving the young squire in the care of the Yeoman. “Just home from service he joined our ranks” He does not feel right at home so he is trying to get away again.  A pilgrimage is just an extension of the Crusades to him. The battle field has been his home for so long that going back  to England feels like the foreign place.  The few things that did tie him to this place - his king, family, and Church - are not what he remembers.  God and king make great symbols too fight for, but then he has to return to see the Summoner and the Reeve and all the other wrongs that he had forgotten or tried to forget when he left.  Then he sees his son who is arrogant, average, and selfish.  He is suppose to be the Knight’s legacy but he is nothing like the Knight.  The Knight also has demons for doing the work of god.  Not only is he travailing for the escape, he is also going to Canterbury to pray for change.  He still has faith in God - though maybe not the Church- and he is looking to find strength to find a new life and to set his son straight.         

   The Knight is confused and has lost his purpose in life, fighting which was what he is good at.  He is too old to be at the front of the vanguard anymore.  He is introverted because this is not his society anymore.  He doesn’t know how to make the transition from warrior to father, teacher, and civilian.  He is going though a mid-life crisis.   

Christopher

  • Justin Timberlake's #1 Fan
  • Senior Member
Re: Would some one be so kind to edit my essay?
« Reply #1 on: February 07, 2007, 12:48:35 AM »
eh I don't do this kind of writing - when you want an expository academic paper revised, i'll without a doubt, help you out.

FlameOfCallandor

  • The Walking Dead
Re: Would some one be so kind to edit my essay?
« Reply #2 on: February 07, 2007, 12:51:35 AM »
You need a unicorn and at least one mention of the wii. C-

Madrun Badrun

  • twin-anused mascot
  • Senior Member
Re: Would some one be so kind to edit my essay?
« Reply #3 on: February 07, 2007, 01:05:51 AM »
eh I don't do this kind of writing - when you want an expository academic paper revised, i'll without a doubt, help you out.

whats a expository academic paper? and whats mine?

cloudwalking

  • I LIVE IN SWITZERLAND I LIVE IN SWITZERLAND I LIVE IN SWITZERLAND I LIVE IN SWITZERLAND
  • Forum Princess
Re: Would some one be so kind to edit my essay?
« Reply #4 on: February 07, 2007, 01:25:46 AM »
this is really rushed, mostly all i did was fixed the punctuation and spelling, switched up the paragraphs (not sure where you were heading with the quotes), and took a few superfluous things out, i didn't do much actual editing, more like quick proofreading. i hate changing other people's stuff too much anyway.

i think it reads better, nonetheless.

* * *

The knight has become disenfranchised with life. He is unhappy, even though he is seen as having everything. He hides himself under the guise of being a true knight: virtuous, generous, and brave.  That is what the others see, but sometimes he lets down his guard and reveals what he thinks of himself. 

“He possessed fine horses, but he was not gaily dressed." 

He does what is required of him, but dresses down so that he will not draw attention.  He wears cloth stained from his armor - acceptable when he’s fighting long, overseas campaigns - but he is home now. He still does not change because he does not fit into society or the high ranking social status of a knight.  He has grown to a point where he realizes he has made a wrong choice in life. He worked hard to become a knight, having to prove himself over and over in battle, enlisting three separate times. But he now realizes it is not what he wants. The job leaves him not only with demons while he is alive, but it will also take his life, and more importantly, his son's.

The knight has lost his faith in his son, his country, and is questioning God. He has spent most of his life on campaigns for God and country all across Europe.  He barely knows his own son; leaving the young squire in the care of the Yeoman.

“Just home from service, he joined our ranks.”

He does not feel comfortable at home, so he is trying to get away again.  A pilgrimage is just an extension of the Crusades to him. The battlefield has been his home for so long that going back to England feels foreign.  The few things that did tie him to this place - his king, family, and Church - are not what he remembers.  God and king make great symbols to fight for, but then he has to return to see the Summoner and the Reeve and all the other wrongs that he had forgotten, or tried to forget, when he left. 

Then he sees his son, who is arrogant, average, and selfish.  He is supposed to be the knight’s legacy, but he is nothing like the knight.  The knight also has demons for doing the work of God.  Not only is he travelling for the escape, he is also going to Canterbury to pray for change.  He still has faith in God - though maybe not the Church - and he is looking to find strength to find a new life and to set his son straight.         

The knight is confused and has lost his purpose in life. He is too old to be at the front of the vanguard anymore.  He is introverted because this is not his society anymore.  He doesn’t know how to make the transition from warrior to father, teacher, and civilian. He is going though a mid-life crisis.   
« Last Edit: February 07, 2007, 01:27:29 AM by cloudwalking »

CajoleJuice

  • kill me
  • Icon
Re: Would some one be so kind to edit my essay?
« Reply #5 on: February 07, 2007, 01:27:33 AM »
I don't feel like reading that whole thing, but just in the first sentence - I think "disenfranchised from life" sounds better.
AMC

Madrun Badrun

  • twin-anused mascot
  • Senior Member
Re: Would some one be so kind to edit my essay?
« Reply #6 on: February 07, 2007, 01:34:13 AM »
  :) thanks Cloud.  :heart

Tauntaun

  • I'm cute, you should be too.
  • Senior Member
Re: Would some one be so kind to edit my essay?
« Reply #7 on: February 07, 2007, 05:03:13 PM »
  :) thanks Cloud.  :heart

You mom goes to college.

:)

Madrun Badrun

  • twin-anused mascot
  • Senior Member

Tauntaun

  • I'm cute, you should be too.
  • Senior Member
Re: Would some one be so kind to edit my essay?
« Reply #9 on: February 07, 2007, 05:15:42 PM »
 :heartbeat
:)

Bacon

  • MEMBER #37
  • Senior Member
Re: Would some one be so kind to edit my essay?
« Reply #10 on: February 07, 2007, 05:17:48 PM »
I'm still waiting for redWOOD to finish my homework.