What the fuck? Phoenix Dark says that zombie movies suck

[Himu]

TCM was horrible. All zombie movies suck (although Shaun of the Dead looks good). The Hills Have Eyes actually looks interesting, but I bet it sucks. The Hitcher definitely was trash

WHAT?!

[The Fake Shemp]

BAD TASTE CONFIRMED

[bud]

[BlueTsunami]

He'll change his tune once he realizes that Jesus was the ultimate zombie

[balikeye]

[The Miles Trahan Burger Experiment]

Zombie Movies > Little Miss Sunshine

[BlueTsunami]

God: wrise from yo grave, my son

[The Fake Shemp]

Jesus was a zombie?

[BlueTsunami]

I think so. I had heard a rumor that the Vatican had striken that important fact from The Bible

[Christopher]

Question is...would you shoot him

[The Fake Shemp]

Why hasn't zombie Jesus made into a movie?

You could even cast a bunch of hot, young TV actors.  It'd be kind of like a biblical version of I STILL KNOW WHAT YOU DID LAST SUMMER, but with a zombie Jesus out for revenge instead of a handless fisherman.

THEY THOUGHT THEY KILLED HIM.

THEY WERE WRONG.

[BlueTsunami]

That movie would cause the biggest most awesome uproar ever . This needs to happen, before 2009/12 when Jesus returns.

And @ the Jesus Zombie pic, its so fucken creepy

[The Fake Shemp]

I'M DOING IT.

We can cast that loveable Smallville teen idol as Judas.  Teen girls will cry when zombie Jesus eats his flesh out of revenge, and guys will cheer because they hate Smallville!

[BlueTsunami]

You don't even need to promote it either. Just send a copy of the masters once your done to some Christian loon in Washington. It'll promote itself! Perfect plan initiated

[Madrun Badrun]

zombie movies do suck, besides shaun of the dead.  28 days latter wasn't so bad either. 

[The Fake Shemp]

Night of the Living Dead is considered a classic, both Dawn of the Dead films are awesome, Shaun of the Dead is a modern day classic, Peter Jackson's Dead Alive/Braindead is stellar (and a career starter!) and the sub-genre has a bunch of solid, entertaining films such as:

28 Days Later
Serpent & The Rainbrow
Return of the Living Dead
Re-Animator

and MORE!

[The Miles Trahan Burger Experiment]

Both DotD films? Erm, no.

[The Fake Shemp]

Erm, YEAH.

You're in the minority if you don't think the remake was pretty great.

[The Miles Trahan Burger Experiment]

The remake was decent, but nowhere near the top level for the genre.

Plus, they raped Romero's unwritten zombie laws.

[Himu]

The remake was great. I haven't seen the original yet.

[Phoenix Dark]

Is 28 Days actually good? I heard the zombies are fast in that movie.

My problem with zombie movies is the same problem I have with Halloween movies. Repetitive garbage that features slow ass baddies. I want to see FAST zombies that remember their past life skills. So if a dude who works in demolition turns into a zombie, I want to see him running around with explosives

[The Miles Trahan Burger Experiment]

Watch Land of the Dead, dude. The main zombie remembers his life as a gas station atendee, and has some awesome kills featuring cars/exlplosives.

[The Fake Shemp]

The remake of Dawn of the Dead isn't near the gem that the 70s classic, but it's pretty great.

What Phoenix Dark is describing is different than Land of the Dead and kind of stupid.  By completely humanizing zombies, you kind of remove what makes them actually scary.  You basically just want cannibalistic humans.

[The Miles Trahan Burger Experiment]

Zombies that move fast suck. Give me slow, stupid zombies as kill fodder any day.

[The Fake Shemp]

I don't mind either as long as the implementation is sound.  I've seen both work and both look stupid.  There is something scarier about hundreds and hundreds of slow, decaying corpses that stare at you with their soulless eyes as if you were a snack.

[Robo]

go see Versus hurhuhruhrhhur

it sucks; go see it

[Phoenix Dark]

The remake of Dawn of the Dead isn't near the gem that the 70s classic, but it's pretty great.

What Phoenix Dark is describing is different than Land of the Dead and kind of stupid.  By completely humanizing zombies, you kind of remove what makes them actually scary.  You basically just want cannibalistic humans.

No, I want dangerous zombies. Is anyone honestly afraid of anything that's slower than a turtle? UGH

It's like being afraid of the Boris Karloff mummy

[The Fake Shemp]

Versus is awful.

[Himu]

Fast zombies are much scarier. Slow, dumb zombies are stupid.

"bububut zombies are dead they can't run!"

"then how they would be able to walk in the first place"

stupid stupid stupid.

[Himu]

Is 28 Days actually good?

YES

[Van Cruncheon]

I dunno; the thing about zombies I find frightening is their implacability and omnipresence, rather than their individual characteristics. Plus there's the whole eschatology angle: the world is fucked; you're one of the last few people alive; and a grisly fate is utterly inevitable. The point of zombies is that they exist overwhelmingly en masse, not whether they are fast or slow or rotting or look like goofy vampires. The same thing was true of Cameron's Aliens, which was really just a zombie/survival movie with space guns: you're largely alone against a massively numerous, unstoppable foe who will incessantly hunt you down.

[The Fake Shemp]

No way.  Fast moving zombies aren't scary whatosever, it's the setting that's scary.

At no point in time did fast moving zombies in 28 Days Later or Dawn of the Dead frighten me.  It's not frightening, but the settings they create as a result is what makes the movies work.

Now, slow movie zombies are scary.  The scariest movie monsters and - heck! - the scariest movie moments are usually always slow and tense.  There is always something scarier about your something intent on killing you moving at a slow, methodical pace... because it knows it's going to get you.  You can't escape it.  And that is frightening.

[Phoenix Dark]

Nah, the alien was much scarier. Not only was it uber fast, it had ACID FOR BLOOD. Plus you could get impregnated by it 

Zombies in masse? No problem for me. A far more terrorizing thought would be a movie where all white people in the country turn into FAST zombies and try to kill all the minorities. That would be scary, mainly because whites outnumber everyone by such a large margin

[The Fake Shemp]

Oddly enough, Alien was one of the first things that came to mind when I type that, Drinky.

[Van Cruncheon]

perhaps 28 Days Later didn't do fast zombies RIGHT, then. I've seen plenty of unscary SLOW ZOMBIE LOL movies, too.

[The Fake Shemp]

I have as well.  That's why I said previously I've seen both work in implementation and both fail.

[Robo]

I dunno; the thing about zombies I find frightening is their implacability and omnipresence, rather than their individual characteristics. Plus there's the whole eschatology angle: the world is fucked; you're one of the last few people alive; and a grisly fate is utterly inevitable. The point of zombies is that they exist overwhelmingly en masse, not whether they are fast or slow or rotting or look like goofy vampires. The same thing was true of Cameron's Aliens, which was really just a zombie/survival movie with space guns: you're largely alone against a massively numerous, unstoppable foe who will incessantly hunt you down.

This is why I like Shaun of the Dead so much.  The characters confront typical zombie criticisms of them being slow, easy to kill individually, Down's afflicted, etc. and they still end up weighed down by sheer numbers, incessant in their blood lust.  I love the last third genre shift.  Some great genuine horror moments in there.

[The Fake Shemp]

Yeah, Shaun of the Dead rocks.

[Himu]

Shaun of the Dead is amazing.

[Flannel Boy]

I loved it the first time I watched, but I was pretty bored while watching it a second time. The movie really relied on the element of surprise for its humor, so that might be the problem... can't be really surprised by anything the second time through.

[Robo]

demi is gonna mangle your little red canadian pucker hole when he reads that

[Howard Alan Treesong]

slow zombies > fast zombies

fast zombies are just, I dunno. they're scary, in their way, but they're not zombies.

the thing that makes zombies zombies is that they are a force of nature. an individual slow zombie isn't scary, but a mass of thousands--tens of thousands--is. the thing that makes zombies rule is that you laugh at them because they're so slow and easy to avoid and OH MY GOD they got you anyway.

[Robo]

PD, have you ever played Resident Evil 4?  Those are pretty much the "zombies" you're looking for.

[Ecrofirt]

Jesus fuck, I'm going to start pissing in some mouths here tonight. Some of you dipshits are inept and need to learn your lesson.

[makaveli]

they blow

[Solo]

They can be enjoyable, but Ive yet to see a single one that Id call amazing. 28 Days Later is pretty good, but doesnt cross that barrier.

[Flannel Boy]

Jesus fuck, I'm going to start pissing in some mouths here tonight. Some of you dipshits are inept and need to learn your lesson.

Don't forget to post the vid on youporn

[The Miles Trahan Burger Experiment]

They can be enjoyable, but Ive yet to see a single one that Id call amazing. 28 Days Later is pretty good, but doesnt cross that barrier.

Night of the Living Dead, Dawn of the Dead, and Day of the Dead say "you suck".

[Solo]

They can be enjoyable, but Ive yet to see a single one that Id call amazing. 28 Days Later is pretty good, but doesnt cross that barrier.

Night of the Living Dead, Dawn of the Dead, and Day of the Dead say "you suck".

Funny, thats what I shout right back.

[The Miles Trahan Burger Experiment]

You're dead to me. Cinematic beacon my ass.

[Solo]

Whatever. You like Casino and Crank and Clerks II. I think its fair to say that my beacon's light isnt aiming in your direction.

[The Miles Trahan Burger Experiment]

Whatever. You like Casino and Crank and Clerks II. I think its fair to say that my beacon's light isnt aiming in your direction.

Only commies and distinguished mentally-challenged fellows hate Romero's classics. Which one are you?

[Solo]

I'll take mother Russia anyday over these movies.

[The Fake Shemp]

Whatever. You like Casino and Crank and Clerks II. I think its fair to say that my beacon's light isnt aiming in your direction.

I agree.

[The Miles Trahan Burger Experiment]

I thought Clerks II was your favorite film of the year, Willco? Surely you have more to say than just "I don't agree."

[Cheebs]

If Daniel Craig was in a zombie film then Solo would like it.

WAIT, DANIEL CRAIG IS DOING ONE RIGHT NOW. 

[The Fake Shemp]

I thought Clerks II was your favorite film of the year, Willco? Surely you have more to say than just "I don't agree."

Tsc, tsc.  Reading comprehension for the loss.  And it was never my favorite film of the year.

[The Miles Trahan Burger Experiment]

If Daniel Craig was in a zombie film then Solo would like it.

WAIT, DANIEL CRAIG IS DOING ONE RIGHT NOW. 

James Bond 007: Rising From Thy Grave

[Solo]

Er, no. Ill like Daniel Craig in a zombie movie if, you know, its actually, whats the word, decent? Ah yes!

[The Miles Trahan Burger Experiment]

I thought Clerks II was your favorite film of the year, Willco? Surely you have more to say than just "I don't agree."

Tsc, tsc.  Reading comprehension for the loss.  And it was never my favorite film of the year.

Must I link that thread where you stated it was, in fact, your favorite film of the year?