Those of us from rural south know how to handle toilet paper shortage. Eat more corn on the cob! The corn isn't important, but the cobs are free and work great! (Just don't flush them!) You're welcome!
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I remember going to church with my family as a kid and it finished and we all got in the car and I dropped a big eggy and we all had to evacuate and wait outside of the car for 10 minutes with the doors open till it was safe to get back in. Man my mum was angry.