Ode to my Spam filter

[TVC15]

I'm at work and bored, so I've been checking the email that Gmail has labeled as spam.  Highlights include:

WARNING:  I recommend not clicking on any of the links.  Unless I don't like you.  In that case click them all.

Not very good erecxction? You are welcome - http://ukerandesinmawa.com

How is ur zeal been feeling?
perfect, U still hoping to get into losing it all?
Hope ur cause I saw these guys

http://rds.yahoo.com/_ylt=/*http://www.createdreamland.org/de/

and it only takes 43 sec to start the process.
It's the in all the news and what the papers you've been seeing about that
all the bicyclists are using.

frequently path apply which wound northward
cavern puzzle with a flat roof
fit head toward tomato the north. "Be Galus," he concluded.

mustard beetle mountain fever nail filer pattern box North pole part song ore car open-minded opera cloak much-discussed

less fear of learning than any gull I've seen in ten thousand years.  "The

(yes, it just ends there)

Hi, boris !
Yours free USD900 are waiting for you!
Dont go to Vegas, vegas is going to you!
http://djonstroll.com/fortune/

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

sea oxeye she-salmon
feather star
finish-form re-edify
slide tongs

(My name is nothing close to Boris)

I have just over 1800 spam messages.  Anyone have any particular dingers they'd like to share with the team?

[Mondain]

Not very good erecxction? You are welcome - http://ukerandesinmawa.com

Ah finally some site to help!

[Vizzys]

How is ur zeal been feeling?

Heh

[heavy liquid]

Re: new ba

Hi,
 
PHRMACY , economize up to 50 % with us http://hukujinmdefunhase.com

He jumped back quite smartly when I leaped at him. But the chain on
my ankle would not quite reach. My fingers snapped ineffectually just
in front of his throat.

 

[cloudwalking]

I got this one a while ago, and I thought it was hilarious:

"A dead cat, a heap of clothes. Writing may be masturbatory, but God forbid it should be an act off autocannibalism.
[The answer to that was also no.]

Or is it only wishful thinking? It was summer vacation, his father working, his mother gone to spend the day in Boston with Mrs Kaspbrak from across the street. Below the knees your legs look like a four-year-olds stick-drawing, but yau are healing up. He dreamed of Annie Wilkes in the court of some fabulous Arabian caliph, conjuring imps and genies from bottles and then flying around the court on a magic carpet.

Knowing that door must lead to the cellar and seeing that there were no locks on it had made the idea of torching the place seem momentarily more rational — he could maybe shelter there. "Rocket Man was my favorite.

Hed never needed to HAVE AN IDEA to start a book, but he understood instinctively that it could be done. It was as if he had been given control of the moon and the tides — or had just reached up and taken it."

It was for weight loss pills!

[Phoenix Dark]

The ones I get are usually for pills. But they're really clever. The subject will always something eye-grabbing, and include the name of people I know

RE: "Martin climaxed as he slowly pushed"

That's my brother's name. When I click the link it's just advertising a Rolex watch

RE: "He slowly kissed Anastasia"

I know someone named Anastasia; but once again when I click the link, it's advertising pills wtf

[The Fake Shemp]

E-MAIL FROM 1969?  TITOR IS A SPAMMER!

[Mondain]

Hi,
 
Economize on your FARMACY 50 % - buy online at http://www.defasuhekinmadin.com

 

 

 

Floyd stopped playing and his jaw gaped. You guys been smoking
something I dont know about.
Not smoking, Steengo said. Sipping at the font of ancient wisdom.

EL GORDO SPANISH SWEEPSTAKE
GATE WAY LOTTERY COMPANY
CALLE AROYO NO 44-47, PISO 4G 28030 MADRID ESPAÑA
FROM: THE DESK OF THE VICE PRESIDENT.
INTERNATIONAL PROMOTIONS/PRIZE AWARD..
BATCH: EGGS-545-608-987: REFERENCE: 33/6757/IPD

                           AWARD NOTIFICATION.
This is to inform you of the release of the EL-GORDO DE LA PRIMITIVA
LOTTERY held on the 8th of JULY 2006. The results were released on
the
28th, JULY, 2006. Your email address was attached to ticket number
766-553-550-189 with serial number 375-876-775-431 that drew the lucky
numbers of 90-52-55-26-49, which consequently won the lottery in the
1st
category. You have therefore been approved for a lump sum of payent of
Euros 1,950,000.39c (ONE MILLION, NINE HUNDRED AND FIFTY THOUSAND
EURO,THIRTY NINE = CENTIMOS ONLY)in cash. credited to file with
REF:N=BA.EGS/3254-9847/1343.
CONGRATULATIONS!!! Your fund is now deposited with our Security Company
and insured in your name. Due to mix up of some numbers and names, we
ask
that you keep this award from public notice untill your claims has been
processed and the money remitted to your account as this is part of our
security protocol to avoid double claiming of unwarranted taking
advantage
of this program by participants as it has happened in the past.
All participants were selected through a computer ballot system drawn
from25,000 names from Asia, Australia, New Zealand, Europe, North and
South America, Middle East and Africa as part of our International
Promotions Program. We hope your lucky name will draw a bigger cash
prize
in the subsequent programs. To begin your lottery claims , please
contact
your claims agent, MR.PARTHY  MACARTHY( lotteryclaim2006@netscape.net 
)
on
Telephone number: 0034-696-846-453.
Remember, all prize money must be claimed not later than two weeks from
the day you receive this notification. Any claim not made before this
date
will be returned to the MINISTERIO DE ECONOMIA Y HACIENDA. And also be
informed that 2% of your lottery winning belongs to your agent because
they are the company that bought your ticket and played the lottery on
your name, NOTE this 2% will be remitted. AFTER you have received your
winnings prize because the money is insured in your name already.
NOTE: In order to avoid unnecessary delays and complications, please
remember to quote your reference and batch numbers in every
correspondenc
with us or your claim agent. furthermore, should there be any change of
address, please do inform your claim agent as soon as possible. A copy
of
your lucky winning ticket and your deposit certificate will be sent
to you by your claim agent, MR.PARTHY MACARTHY CONGRATULATIONS!!!
Once again from all members of our staff and thank you for being a part
of
our International promotions program. we wish you continued good
fortunes.
Sincerely ,
MRS FELICIA  ELE
LOTTERY COORDINATOR.

Is it just me, or is spam incredibly fascinating to analyze? Because, you know that the goals of the people who concoct these messages is to make something that catters to the lowest common denominator possible in order to bait a few dumb fishes.

Like, recent spams include all kinds of hot keywords that people might be looking for.

Also I wonder why so many of these messages include passages from novels... would it just be to make it all look legit?