When I was younger, I convinced my brother he was adopted by an old, one-legged Russian prostitute that swam to America in a milk jug. She died and the government gave him sanctuary, and my mom took him in. I told him that's why he looked nothing like me (he was too young to realize that genetically speaking, the fact that we have different fathers is the reason) and mom won't admit to it because it's a deep dark secret.
