Author Topic: I think I just witnessed the most obnoxious thing in the world... (Read 2261 times)

The Fake Shemp · « **on:** August 30, 2006, 12:21:01 PM »

... so I had to cross a crosswalk, and I hit that dumb button to tell the traffic light to STOP so I can cross. I hit it, I dunno, like fifty times in front of this other pedestrian. She sees this. So when I stop, she walks around me and then she starts pressing it. As if her magical tough will get the traffic light to change, with her dark magick powers. I almost wanted to punch her in the face.

Phoenix Dark · « **Reply #1 on:** August 30, 2006, 12:23:35 PM »

Quote from: Willco on August 30, 2006, 12:21:01 PM

... so I had to cross a crosswalk, and I hit that dumb button to tell the traffic light to STOP so I can cross. I hit it, I dunno, like fifty times in front of this other pedestrian. She sees this. So when I stop, she walks around me and then she starts pressing it. As if her magical tough will get the traffic light to change, with her dark magick powers. I almost wanted to punch her in the face.

Lolz you really are a Jew

The Fake Shemp · « **Reply #2 on:** August 30, 2006, 12:30:19 PM »

I don't get it.

Van Cruncheon · « **Reply #3 on:** August 30, 2006, 12:33:48 PM »

shitbin

MrAngryFace · « **Reply #4 on:** August 30, 2006, 12:41:45 PM »

Jews are territorial about traffic lights. ITS IN THE BIBLE.

G The Resurrected · « **Reply #5 on:** August 30, 2006, 12:42:00 PM »

I dont know i'm compelled to do the same thing. When i see someone doing it and they stop its cue for me to start pressing the magical button haha its funny cause its something i see all the fucking time.

BlueTsunami · « **Reply #6 on:** August 30, 2006, 12:45:11 PM »

I don't even press those buttons cause I'm pretty sure that some homeless guy probably humped the button in a drunken stupor the night before and may have snotted all over it.

G The Resurrected · « **Reply #7 on:** August 30, 2006, 12:51:30 PM »

But you gotta press the button to get across the street.

I once came across this guy in downtown sanjose that was throwing his hands up in the air and kind of dancing around the pole sweating bullets. I asked him what was wrong, his response was great. "I'm afffraid of the button, i might get sick, i might die, do you know how many people touch that thing? I dont wanna die, please dont let me die press the button" for the fuck of it i left him and went across the street the other way and then crossed. He was still dancing a hour later and he was a buisness type dude.

MrAngryFace · « **Reply #8 on:** August 30, 2006, 12:51:48 PM »

Quote

Why are there pushbuttons at intersections that say "push me and traffic will stop so you can cross quicker," or something like that? It doesn't work! I wouldn't say I'm neurotic about it, but about 15 years ago I quit my job to hitchhike around the USA to find a push-to-walk traffic signal that would actually stop traffic. After countless pairs of shoes and as many near-misses with cars, I can say that without a doubt none of these traffic signals provide the pedestrian with a quicker cross. What's going on? If I'm right maybe we can work some kind of lawsuit scam! -- Markus T. Pellicori, Baltimore

Cecil replies:

I like a man who takes things seriously, Markus, but just the same I'm glad you weren't my partner in chem lab. The usual explanation for the apparent inertness of push-to-walk buttons is the foolish expectations of users, who think the buttons will instantly bring traffic to a screeching halt. Satisfying though many hassled pedestrians would no doubt find this, it would also result in a lot of rear-end collisions. Instead, P-T-W buttons are set up so the "walk" signal lights at some nondisruptive point in the signal cycle, e.g., shortly after the previous signal up the street goes red. Since many suburban stoplights are on a two-minute-plus cycle, many impatient pedestrians erroneously conclude the button is broken.

Or so the engineers say. However, Cecil has been lied to before. I decided the only way to be sure was to stake out an actual P-T-W button, which happened to be at the crosswalk (no cross street) outside the traffic court building in downtown Chicago. During the Friday afternoon rush I spent half an hour pushing that damn button without any observable effect at all. It was 25 seconds "walk," 50 seconds "don't walk," button or no.

At 11 PM it was a different story. The "walk" signal didn't light unless you pushed the button, in which case the signal changed a second or two after the light went red at the previous signal up the street. Problem was, at that hour there were hardly any pedestrians, and the few there were didn't bother to push the button, no doubt having been burned by the signal's nonresponsiveness at 5 that afternoon.

Conclusion: push-to-walk buttons only work when there's nobody around to push them. To put it more charitably, the buttons generally are wired to insert a "walk" phase into an otherwise walkless signal cycle, not speed an existing "walk" phase up.

The Fake Shemp · « **Reply #9 on:** August 30, 2006, 12:54:01 PM »

I don't get it.

MrAngryFace · « **Reply #10 on:** August 30, 2006, 12:56:00 PM »

Basically if there's already a walk phase in a signal cycle at a light, the button will not change anything.

However if a signal cycle is currently without a walk phase to accomodate busy traffic, the button serves to insert a walk phase which will not happen immediately, but at the most appropriate time.

The Fake Shemp · « **Reply #11 on:** August 30, 2006, 12:57:02 PM »

So the button works!

G The Resurrected · « **Reply #12 on:** August 30, 2006, 12:59:40 PM »

Have you ever gotten one thats broken? Buttons that are pushed in too much are the worst cause you never know if they work so i usually just cross the street with traffic. Always walk on the west or north of a street thats what i learned long ago.

BlueTsunami · « **Reply #13 on:** August 30, 2006, 01:00:11 PM »

I just look for patterns in car gappage and anticipate a red light 1000y away from my point of crosswalk entry. This equation works every time! Well, in town with populations less then 10,000