I would like to set down some rules! I Am why you have a miserable retail job, so listen up!
-I will touch some of your displays. It's not that big of a deal as long as I'm not taking a hammer to the crown jewels.
Oh no! I am touching the precious displaaay. I don't think the display will survive my fingers touching it! Somebody contact the display's family, It's an emergency!
-Yes, I am asking how I look. I am unsure and you look like you think you're really attractive, so you might have an idea. Even though it seems you have no interest in the opposite sex, I am still interested. Infact my gaydar tells me that makes you even more informative on the subject. Please, let your ambercumbyinmygumby opinion fly!
-Why can't you drive?
-Yes, there's a kid touching your stuff. Maybe he's even touching the display! You know why I don't care that he's touching your $400 merchandise? Because I know it's made in some god forsaken country, is laced together by starving children, costs about $15 to make and you yoruself probably only pay say.. oh $80 for it, on employee discount. So slobber away baby! Fuck consumerism! YAARRRRR
-No, I don't want to buy that too. Do you see it in my basket? Hell, I don't even want most of the stuff in my basket, but I feel the need to buy it! I'm compensating here and I don't want your warranty or extra point of sale doodads! Shove it!
-I AM A HUMAN BEING AND AS SUCH I REQUIRE FOOD AND DRINK.
Sorry, can't tell my body to shut off while I browse your goods. Ask me again when I'm comatose.
-Yes, I'm looking at your tits.
