oh you want stories
Okay about a year ago, around the Christmas of '05, I ran across this person on myspace who was into videogames and I guess wrote little RPG reviews for her brother's website. I like to keep in touch with female gamers for research purposes, so I added them on myspace, and sent off a questionare on currently played games I think. Anyways, that's it for awhile. At some point, she sends me messages asking about certain parts of my profile and we begin talking. Then it's carried over to IMs and I learn more about her. She is (how typical for gamer girls) troubled. She had lost touch with a lot of friends and she sounded rather lonely and sheltered. We had started to talk on the phone, and I learned more of her problmatic past. I was giving her someone to talk to, because she had been raped and really didn't have many people to talk to about it. She had been complaining about being stuck in her house, but afraid of public places. I offer that we go have some coffee or hang out, saying she could use the social outing and she agreed. At this point, I had no interest in her, I knew geek queens were trouble and I figured she was some gross frumpy slob. Like some anime convention travesty. Anyways we meet for coffee and unfortunately she's pretty. We chitchat and have tea, then walk to a restaurant for tapas, check out a hookhar bar, walk through the capital park and around downtown most of the night. It was.. oddly interesting. I get back to my car, say goodnight, drive home and realize I have her scent on my hands and get that 'feeling' and I'm like FUCK.
Anyways, we hang out some more and keep talking. I start worrying. I start having feelings. One night I get sick as we're driving out to this lookout by her old town. She drives back to a grocery store, takes care of me, holds me while I'm shivering and all this crap. Takes me back home and makes me frijoles and watch Adult Swim. At this point I realize, yeah I like her. I had gone from relaxed, good helpful lending an ear guy to nervous, I like a psycho bitch guy. So after a few weeks, I tell her how I feel and this is met with confusion. She says she has feelings but is afraid, just give her time, to wait for her.
But this is a geek queen. This is a girl fucked in the head. Her story keeps changing and she keeps flaking on me. I try to be patient. The farthest it has ever gone is cuddling on the trampoline at 2am watching the stars in my backyard. Eventually the flaking increases, she backs away and there's like two versions of her, or two personalities. The bad personality starts to move itself to the front. She starts changing and avoiding. Eventually our last meeting is a saturday gallery hopping, with a visit to one of her friend's party afterwards. At the end I decide to bring up the subject and see whats up. I say I feel lead on, she says she never lead me on, so I asked her why she asked me to wait and why she said she had feelings, etc. This is pretty much the end of it and the argument ended in silence. I wasted an entire summer chasing her despite my initial misgivigns and I knowing how wrong geek queens are. I couldn't help it along the way, because from getting to know her she had most of the qualities I wanted and wanted the same things in a relationship (equality, comfort, safeness). She was also smart, a college grad, who loved adventurous foods and multicultral things. But GIRLS ARE STUPID and fuck it up when what they say they want shows up. Geek queens are even stupider. It doesn't help that she had stopped seeing her PTSS counseler either. She shrank into an alternate personality and inside a shell, with a big black blind spot to herself.
Now I found out she's dating a guy. Her qualification for this guy is "He just sits there and listens and doesn't challenge me. He's also not from here!" So basically, a demure and controllable guy who won't challenge her 'shelling' and hiding away, and the out of town thing helps too since she is always thinking of traveling as a way of getting away from her past, thinking she'll be happy and get over the past(abuse, rape) by continually running. Nobody from this town would ever be right, because this town had the rapist or abuser or the memories of it and every guy compared to that. Once she compared me to the guy who raped her just because I liked one of the bands he liked. Needless to say i was rather offended by that and it was one of the many things that turned me away towards the end. I couldn't even be her friend anymore because she only talked when it benefited her. Maybe thats the only reason we got to know each other, because I was so selfless at first and just giving her someoen to drain out her troubles to.
I'm still a little tiffed she's dating now, because she would always say she wasn't ready for guys. I also feel sorry for the new guy, because he's going to run into her mental instability and be in deep shit.
