Statler & Waldorf had a thing where they previewed new movies called From the Balcony. Some bits.
W: Each week, we'll be telling you what to see and what to avoid.
S: Avoid Paris Hilton!
W: I stayed there once.
S: Who hasn't?
(while previewing "Just Like Heaven")
W: (notices Statler crying) What's wrong?
S: I miss... Uh... I miss...
W: Relax! Reese Witherspoon isn't really dead!
S: No, I miss my ten bucks!
S: If this movie is just like heaven, I'm glad I've been a bad person.
S: If I wanted to see outlandish stories about the military, I'd turn on Fox News.
(after previewing "Stealth")
S: In "Stealth", Jamie Fox does what many academy award-winning have done with their follow-up films.
W: You mean, he stretches further as an actor?
S: No, he cashes in!
(They laugh.)
W: Wait. If this plane was really super-intelligent, why did it choose this screenplay?
(They laugh.)
S: I even heard Jamie Fox almost walked off the set.
W: Why?
S: He was mad that the plane had a bigger hanger.
(after previewing "Duece Bigalow: European Jiggalo")
W: Next year, look for part 3, entitled "Duece Bigalow: Straight-to-video Jiggalo"!
W: I am so sick of Johnny Depp!
S: Well, even in claymation, he can get more women than you!
W: Oh, yeah? Well, even Clay Aiken can get more women than you!
S: Ouch!
W: Oh, yeah. That might've been too mean.
S: Up first, Jessica Alba and Paul Walker star in "Into the Blue".
W: They play beautiful people hunting for treasure who are being hunted by other beautiful people and, of course, the result is...
Both: Ugly!
(after previewing "Into the Blue")
W: If I found Jessica Alba underwater, I'd stop looking for Nemo.
S: Director Cameron Crowe always makes these lyrical, thoughtful movies.
W: There's a perfect name for the genre: Naptime.
(while previewing "Jarhead")
S: That's "Don't Worry, Be Happy"! Maybe this is a feel-good war movie.
(after previewing "Jarhead")
S: So much for feeling good.
W: Given the current world climate, "Jarhead" seems a little too heavy for me.
S: What?! You want to avoid this movie and just ignore the world's problems?!
W: No, I want to heckle this movie and avoid the world's problems!
S: Sounds like a plan.
S: People are saying that this movie really does capture what it's like to be at war.
W: Yeah! After watching it for 10 minutes, you want to shoot yourself in the foot and get sent home!
S: I heard Donald Rumsfeld went to go see "Jarhead".
W: Oh, yeah? What did he think?
S: No one knows! He's still stuck in the theater because he has no exit strategy!
