the lineup:
veronica's closet: a pair of fat chicks ironically run a fashion business and write romantic advice books. i vaguely remember there being a gay assistant that got all the subplots to himself. to be honest, i couldn't get past rebecca from cheers' fat chick angst. the plots were largely the same: veronica whines a lot, dates a hot guy, and then whines some more, shoving her porcine snout full of bon bons. occasionally we'd get a sort of office comedy plot involving her uglier, fatter friend.
- high points: hey, fat ugly chick dates/marries hot duder is a nice reversal from fat ugly dude dates/marries hot chick that typifies most american family sitcoms; only three seasons compared to the other two offerings.
- low points: anus h0g empowerment; trite romantic and sexual observations are an audiovisual ipecac; you remember when kirstie alley was hot in that movie with john larroquette and you weep, because l. ron hubbard stuffed her dull face with chocolate-covered thetans.
just shoot me: steven levitan produced this screwball office comedy about a bunch of two-dimensional misfits running a fashion magazine. george segal shits on his own career by playing a white collar homer simpson, and veronica mars' dad plays an aids victim-cum-playboy. the plots generally ignored the actual magazine business and focused primarily on trying to get david spade and enrico colatoni to slapfight, or jokes about wendy malick's withered vagina.
- high points: david cross played a faux-distinguished mentally-challenged fellow, little donny, who admittedly was one of the best recurring characters in an american sitcom.
- low points: brian posehn as a romantic interest for wendy malick's character; david spade's all-too-frequent falsetto; any father-daughter subplot involving tv's second worst actress, laura san giacomo; enrico colatoni boning supermodels and then crying after sex.
suddenly susan: how this series got greenlighted -- and then ran for FOUR FUCKING SEASONS -- is beyond me. the plot's primary conceit is that a dumb talentless twat named brooke shields gets a writing job at a san francisco newspaper, and she is very goofy and everyone lols and then kathy griffin shows up and everyone hangs themselves with power cords when she opens her terrier's yapping maw. really, i know i've seen a few episodes, but all i remember is kathy griffin's ear-grating chatter and brooke shield's monstrously uncomfortable small screen presence. i think there was a wop that made sexual innuendo all the time. i don't remember. in fact, thinking about this show makes me wanna die.
- high points: can't think of any, except that one of the cast members killed himself out of shame.
- low points: seasons 1 through 4; introduced kathy griffin to the world and increased self-inflicted gunshot wounds across regular nbc viewership by 3%
Poll
