Not Me This Time!!!

[DeezNutzRBlue]

So, I have a friend whose fiance was messaging a guy on Myspace (they met online through Myspace) and they traded phone numbers.  They went out and had drinks together without telling him.  I told him that it was wrong and she is up to something.  What do you all think?  Are they just friends?

[whiteACID]

It's not wrong to have drinks with someone, I think your friend is overreacting.

[DeezNutzRBlue]

You already know about this and we don't agree.

I forgot to mention that she told this guy that she had an ex boyfriend and never told the guy she was engaged.

[whiteACID]

But you are not telling the whole story, she didn't hide the fact that she went out with a friend for drinks. Her fiance was spying on her and invading her privacy by reading her emails and he confronted her about it before she even had the chance to tell him she went out with a friend.

[whiteACID]

Also, since when do people have the right, engaged or not to tell someone who they can and can't be friends with. That's called a control freak.

[DeezNutzRBlue]

Um, when they hide it.  What does an engaged woman need to meet a dude online to have drinks with him anyways?  Doesn't that sound like the classic cheating story?

[whiteACID]

No, not really. Myspace is commonly used to make friends regardless of sex.

[DeezNutzRBlue]

Well, they usually don't end up meeting and hiding it, jeez.  Can I get someone else in here to make a comment?

[whiteACID]

Yes, but she didn't hide it.

[whiteACID]

Can I get someone else in here to make a comment?

I don't think anyone cares about petty bullshit like this.

[DeezNutzRBlue]

Then quit posting to it

[whiteACID]

Then quit posting to it

I think your friend needs to grow up and realize that he can't be in control of everything.

Also you keep saying she hid it, but she didn't. So if you want candid responses to your inquiry at least be honest in what you are saying.

[MrAngryFace]

I dont think this is a question of WAS MYSPACE USED, this is a question of character. Either the people you know have strong character or they're zoo monkeys that sleep with anything that moves.

In the end its their lives let em fuck em up how they want and go get a beer.

[FlameOfCallandor]

Yes that is something to be concerned about. Not the fact that she had drinks, but that she didnt tell him. He should ask her how she would feel if the situation was reversed.

[Fragamemnon]

I told him that it was wrong and she is up to something.  What do you all think?  Are they just friends?

That's a sort of impossible question to answer without having any kind of context on the people involved, though.

For example, if I personally did that, my wife would be extremely suspect, and for good reason. That kind of behavior would be extremely out of character for me. For other people, it may be natural.

In the end its their lives let em fuck em up how they want and go get a beer.

7AM and wanting a beer. MAFAHOLIC COMFIRMED.

[MrAngryFace]

Drinking is a whenevertime thing!

[G The Resurrected]

uh its cause for concern, and if she's not open to him that just ups the concern in my eyes. i'm what they call a control freak, but as long as you can convincingly tell me why you went out for drinks with someone i'm fine. its more the uncomfortability of not knowing whats going on. causing doubting ones partner sucks ass cause then you get the "what if's" in your brain.

i would feel threatened if there was another male in my playground. just dont shit where you eat.

[MrAngryFace]

Or shit where you sit.. RIGHT G?!? RIGHT?!?! IVE SEEN THE CHAIR!

[DeezNutzRBlue]

If it was chick it wouldn't be a probelm, I think, but the fact that she keep it secret is why I said it was bad.

[whiteACID]

but she didn't keep it a secret, thus making your argument null and void

[G The Resurrected]

Or shit where you sit.. RIGHT G?!? RIGHT?!?! IVE SEEN THE CHAIR!

That chair was white when i got it, how did you know?

[Van Cruncheon]

G IT IS PAST 10AM YESTERDAY WHY ARE YOU STILL HERE

[DeezNutzRBlue]

but she didn't keep it a secret, thus making your argument null and void

OK, the argument is that no one's girlfriend, fiance, or wife should be out meeting guys and going out with them without the significant other knowing.  It's just not right in a relationship and creates problems. 

Am I too old school?

[G The Resurrected]

we're having problems with the contractor for our house, so i'm at home with barely anything at my house. From my understanding they didnt get in the two replacement single door frames from pella or they werent the right size. So were moving ahead with tile stuff now. And that wont get started till next week.

[FlameOfCallandor]

but she didn't keep it a secret, thus making your argument null and void

OK, the argument is that no one's girlfriend, fiance, or wife should be out meeting guys and going out with them without the significant other knowing.  It's just not right in a relationship and creates problems. 

Am I too old school?

You're not old school. I agree 100%

[Cheebs]

If you are engaged you don't go out with a single member of the opposite sex for drinks. Period.

[DJ_Tet]

How old school is hacking your fiancee's myspace?  Just hypothetically speaking.

[Tauntaun]

If you are engaged you don't go out with a single member of the opposite sex for drinks. Period.

quoted and bolded for TROOOFFF!

[Saint Cornelius]

How old school is hacking your fiancee's myspace?  Just hypothetically speaking.

Wow, holy shit.

[whiteACID]

but she didn't keep it a secret, thus making your argument null and void

OK, the argument is that no one's girlfriend, fiance, or wife should be out meeting guys and going out with them without the significant other knowing.  It's just not right in a relationship and creates problems. 

Am I too old school?

He was a friend, there is nothing wrong with going out and meeting a friend for drinks, be it girl or guy. She shouldn't have to check in with him and tell him everything she is doing if she decided to go get a drink.

[FlameOfCallandor]

Someone you meet on myspace is not a friend. It's a potential prospects. Only girls are naive (and distinguished mentally-challenged) enough to think its just friends.

[Saint Cornelius]

He was a friend

(they met online through Myspace)

[G The Resurrected]

Why do women not understand mens jealousy? Men are just as insecure than women are. And theres a certain guilt one should feel for how they're partner feels.

[whiteACID]

You can meet friends through lots of different mediums, I have met friends on myspace and facebook.

[whiteACID]

Why do women not understand mens jealousy? Men are just as insecure than women are. And theres a certain guilt one should feel for how they're partner feels.

I don't understand jealousy because I don't ever get jealous.

This is the 21st Century people, get with the times.

[Saint Cornelius]

You can meet friends through lots of different mediums, I have met friends on myspace and facebook.

So you have no problem with your man meeting chicks on myspace and going out for drinks with them?

[Saint Cornelius]

I don't understand jealousy because I don't ever get jealous.

Bullshit.

[whiteACID]

You can meet friends through lots of different mediums, I have met friends on myspace and facebook.

So you have no problem with your man meeting chicks on myspace and going out for drinks with them?

No I wouldn't.

[Saint Cornelius]

No I wouldn't.

Bullshit.

[G The Resurrected]

So your saying your not insecure about anything when it comes to your relationships? Jealousy is usually dominated by the male ego, but its a reaction from our insecurities.

[whiteACID]

No I'm not. I like having the freedom of doing what I want and not having to check in with anyone, and I would hope my SO would feel the same.

[G The Resurrected]

So basically you dont want anyone? Or really like a non relationship relationship. You only care about your self from the sounds. Your not insecure about anything and you like freedom. That sure does say a lot.

[whiteACID]

No, I'm not saying I don't want anyone. I like having a partner but I also like being in control of what I do. I don't believe that someone should have to check in all the time or ask someone if they can do something. I come from that school of thought, not everyone is like that and I understand. Someone as carefree as me obviously shouldn't be with someone who is a control freak and has a different take on a relationship.

[Saint Cornelius]

No, I'm not saying I don't want anyone. I like having a partner but I also like being in control of what I do. I don't believe that someone should have to check in all the time or ask someone if they can do something. I come from that school of thought, not everyone is like that and I understand. Someone as carefree as me obviously shouldn't be with someone who is a control freak and has a different take on a relationship.

Wow you sound so much like someone I used to know...

[whiteACID]

Cool!

[Saint Cornelius]

Yeah. I'd tell you what happened to her, but you know everything already.

[whiteACID]

She sounds like a smart girl.

[Saint Cornelius]

Not nearly as crafty as you though, I'm sure.

[DeezNutzRBlue]

It's not being a control freak.  It's about making your partner feel secure and accepting and understanding what makes them jealous/insecure and then not doing it.

#1 it's about being honest.

#2 Guys never want to just be friends

http://health.yahoo.com/experts/menlovesex/42819/whos-really-threatening-your-relationship

No matter how well your relationship seems to be going, there are always threats circling: financial stresses that send your harmony off-key. Divergent interests and priorities that make together-time hard to schedule. But perhaps the most potent threat comes in the form of the enemy invader -- the man or woman who has the power to lure your partner into the tempting and dangerous world of  infidelity. And even if your partner is a man or woman of unyielding loyalty, your own jealousy-justified or not-can create a relationship hazard. So, is your jealousy justified? Let's take a look at the prime suspects, and see if we can't figure out what they've been up to.

 
The Co-Worker

In most work settings, your partner has maybe hundreds, probably dozens, or at least a few opportunities to develop good relationships with people who could be potential lovers. In most cases, those relationships are more innocent than baby lambs. Still, the average office has high potential for trouble, because it's where your partner will meet people who think alike, who battle crises side-by-side, who work in close quarters, and who have the opportunity to really get to know (and admire) each other. While it's crazy to obsess over every person your partner works with, chances are that if you have a gut feeling about a lurking somebody, there may be something to it.

Potential Threat Level: 4 stars (out of a possible 5)


The Drunk Stranger

It's the scenario we all fear. Our partner goes out, hangs with friends, flirts with fellow drunks, makes a bad decision, and wakes up with their underwear hanging from some stranger's chandelier. While the scenario lends itself easily to our imaginations, the truth is that the drunk-stranger scenario isn't as much of a threat as we make it out to be. Why? Even drunk, most of us can be savvy enough to know that the momentary adrenaline that may come from said hookup isn't worth the long-term damage that comes later. The exception: If your partner shows a propensity to make bad, dangerous decisions when drinking. In which case, they have to change, or go.

Potential Threat Level: 1 star  (unless...)


The Ex

Tough one. Some of us want nothing more to do with our exes once we break up. And some of us keep have our exes as our desktop background for years after the split. Since we're very sensitive about the status of the ex (according to national surveys I did for Men, Love & Sex, 20 percent of us think that searching the Internet for an ex is cheating, for example), we all know the stakes. We know that our current partner used to find something attractive about the ex-so we're vulnerable to feeling as if we'll never live up to that prior history. While hooking back up with an ex is tempting, most of remember exactly why we broke up in the first place. Novelty is the greatest temptation toward cheating, and that's one thing an old flame can't offer: the lure of something new.

Potential Threat Level: 2 stars


The Opposite-Sex Friend

Drives you crazy, eh? He meets her for coffee every week. She IMs an old college buddy a few times a month. The opposite-sex friend lurks like a hungry wolf, ready to pounce at the next opportunity. While I'm convinced that men and women can both be very good at drawing the line between friendship and romance, the truth is that it's pretty darn easy for a long-lasting friendship to turn into a secretly burning romance. In the aforementioned surveys, one-fifth of men say they secretly love their platonic friend, with many more secretly lusting after them. That doesn't mean that your partner can't have opposite-sex friends, but it does mean that as the friendship grows, so do the odds of trouble.

Potential Threat Level: 5 stars


That's my inventory of lurking love threats. Now it's your turn to share yours-either merging traffic that knocked your main love interest off the road, or exit ramps you've taken, or were tempted to take, for roadside attractions. Do tell...

The harder part, here, is deciding what to do about this phenomenon, whether you're tempter or temptee. My advice is to shine a big light on the situation. Mystery is the shawdowy zone where suspicions take root. So if your partner tends to worry about interoffice correspondence springing up, invite him out for after-work drinks with the gang, or to the company picnic this summer. Familiarity, in this case, breeds understanding and defuses suspicions. And if you're thinking about an extracurricular dalliance, take a step back. The only thing that works is to stick to the one-serious-relationship-at-a-time rule. If you're not satisfied with the primary relationship, either fix it or end it. Then when Paula from accounting or Peter from HR starts hanging around your desk, you'll reject the offer with good reason, or head off into the supply closet with nary a care in the world (unless, of course, there are security cameras and company rules about this sort of stuff).

Wow, the coworker.......

Wow, the Ex.....

[Van Cruncheon]

the issue is that she kept it a secret, which is a fucking colossal communication and trust breakdown. there's only two viable reasons for this behavior: 1) she knew the guy would totally overreact (or that the details might seem a bit sketchy, hmm) and didn't tell him, hence she doesn't trust him yet remains in a potentially long-term relationship with him; or 2) she's cheating on him or plans to cheat on him. either way: DOOMZ0R3D. on the other hand, i fully respect people's right to fuck their lives up in new and hilarious ways, so i shan't offer any solutions!

[whiteACID]

or, she actually didn't keep it secret which I have said about 5 times now. But I'm going with #1

[DeezNutzRBlue]

or, she actually didn't keep it secret which I have said about 5 times now. But I'm going with #1

OK, new question:  Is this a secret:

If you tell your BF/GF that a guy asked you out on myspace and then you tell your BF/GF that you gave a fake number and said no, but you actually flirted with him/her and gave your real number and have been talking to that person, is that keeping secrets?

And then you went out with said person without telling BF/GF?  What is that?  Anyone here not think that's the foundation for cheating?

[FlameOfCallandor]

According to Acid its ok to lie to yor fiancee.

BlueNutz, it is most likely cheating. Heck thats grounds for immediate break up.

[Van Cruncheon]

according to Deez, the duder didn't know she was planning to go out with a single male friend. regardless of how he obtained the information, the fact that she didn't tell him is, in fact, a huge communication breakdown. come on; did she honestly think -- or worse, expect -- him to be cool with it? she can't expect him to say "lol, modern life, i'll deal because we're all free spirits" -- either that, or she clearly didn't know him well enough to accurately anticipate his reaction.

[Phoenix Dark]

She may or may not be honest, but the fact that she didn't tell her fiance about this "meeting" is suspect. Unless both belong to the Vincent Vega Church of Wife/Friend Advice

[DJ_Tet]

Yes, the situation as presented is wrong.

However, it is not an overall look at the relationship (not that I have one).  Deez, why are you surprised that a woman who cheated to get with your 'friend' cheats?

I mean, you already know this.  That's how you, I mean your friend, got her.

[DeezNutzRBlue]

Yes, the situation as presented is wrong.

However, it is not an overall look at the relationship (not that I have one).  Deez, why are you surprised that a woman who cheated to get with your 'friend' cheats?

I mean, you already know this.  That's how you, I mean your friend, got her.

:'(

Um, he sholdn't be surprised, I guess.

[whiteACID]

GTFO

[DeezNutzRBlue]

How old school is hacking your fiancee's myspace?  Just hypothetically speaking.

Well ,that's new school, Myspace has been around a short time.  So I'm a little country and a little rock and roll!

[DJ_Tet]

Fascinating.

Why don't you do this in private?