RELATIONSHIPS: helping wizards deplete their mana since 2011

[shosta]

something about ducks I guess

[team filler]

what’s a good and simple tinder/bumble profile bio look like for dudes these days?

pretend to be a woman 

[Cryo]

please respond

[Atramental]

Say you’re a fan of The Office, love dogs, enjoy hiking, and eat at Chipotle on a regular basis. Without a hint of irony.

edit: also, I hope you’re 6’ or taller.

If you are great. Mention that in your bio. If not... say nothing.

[VomKriege]

Considering how little feedback I have on my "elaborate" profiles, I'll concur with Atra and that's pretty much what most women do too : funny, outgoing, travels, your cultural past time of choice and hinting at cool social or outdoor hobbies.
Up to you to decide if you want to specify height or smoking (if applicable).

[tiesto]

what’s a good and simple tinder/bumble profile bio look like for dudes these days?

Truthfully, I was just honest with them... didn't shy away from mentioning classic gaming or anime or being way too in love with electronic dance music; very little mentioning of outdoorsy activities (I'm the least outdoorsy person ever). I prefer to lay my cards out on the table, I'm aware I'm an acquired taste.

[BlueTsunami]

what’s a good and simple tinder/bumble profile bio look like for dudes these days?

As its always been, a profile containing a tall good looking rock climber that does missiom work in South America but isnt too chaste to rock out to Bruno Mars on a Thursday night

[Olivia Wilde Homo]

what’s a good and simple tinder/bumble profile bio look like for dudes these days?

As its always been, a profile containing a tall good looking rock climber that does missiom work in South America but isnt too chaste to rock out to Bruno Mars on a Thursday night

Don’t dox me

[Atramental]

https://instagram.com/p/BamtQJ9B-4l/

So it looks like my amateur pornstar doppelgänger can nab a big tiddy goth gf.

I guess that gives me hope that it’s just my personality that sucks a bag of dicks.

[toku]

you're fine, your personality is fine, your confidence however needs work but you're getting there bless up

[tiesto]

And you can probably do with a change in location.

[naff]

i guess if you're thinking indiscriminately/thirstily about who you'd like to hook up with describing generic successful stuff is good, but people will be more awkward talking to you to if you're just some facile blanket statement.

the most common (i'm a fucking expert now) seems to be the pithy "Adjective job doer by day, Quirky normal basic af shit I do by night". You'd be like "Sad, solopsistic graphic designer by day, crypto chad 4chan forum lurker by night!"

[shosta]

For you, Atra.

"moonlighting as a tragic hero. the most masculine cat dad on the face of the planet."

[Atramental]

@naff

I feel like if I put that in my bio I’d get a knock on my door from the feds for being associated with a site that harbors neo-Nazis, incels, tax evaders, potential school shooters, and pedorrific sex perverts. 

[naff]

yeah def don't do that.

reckon you could get into some sports or exercise? imo, that's the hot ticket for good mental health, dad bod and confidence.

[recursivelyenumerable]

I like "crypto-chad", tho maybe in a different sense than that in which it was meant ... ... ... ... ...

[BlueTsunami]

Keep searching, shes out there probably posting on a Game of Thrones message board spinoff

[Assimilate]

https://instagram.com/p/BamtQJ9B-4l/

So it looks like my amateur pornstar doppelgänger can nab a big tiddy goth gf.

I guess that gives me hope that it’s just my personality that sucks a bag of dicks.

No, this tells me you just need a much bigger thicker beard breh.

Do it. Go full out mountain man.

[BlueTsunami]

Checkout the girls twitter link. Lewd. Dudes shes with is 7 and 1/4th inches too. Fate brought them together but that dick planted the flag.

[Assimilate]

Checkout the girls twitter link. Lewd. Dudes shes with is 7 and 1/4th inches too. Fate brought them together but that dick planted the flag.

yeah scratch that Altra, you need more porn dick

 

[Atramental]

Too bad jelqing is ineffective and actually super bad for your dick.

spoiler (click to show/hide)

On the plus side, when I work out a lot my "beak" seems larger than normal due to less gunt fat. 

[close]

[Kara]

I always found the fact that it's called jelqing hilarious because that's just the arabic word for jerking off.

كس still cracks me up.

[Assimilate]

Too bad jelqing is ineffective and actually super bad for your dick.

spoiler (click to show/hide)

On the plus side, when I work out a lot my "beak" seems larger than normal due to less gunt fat. 

[close]

kegels man. kegels.

[Assimilate]

Been doing kegels since I was 7.  Read about it in a Kinsey Guide to Sex my parents had as a coffee table book.  I can shoot an apple off a girls head from 25 yards.

That would be interesting. 

Gonna start doing them. Thanks for your wisdom old man 

Deleted tinder.

Just gonna focus on getting myself fit both mentally and physically until Fall rolls around. 

Focus on you man. Women are just fucking headaches. I'm in a relationship and this bitch is never happy. I bought her a new washer and all she's done is complain about now having to wash more clothes. wtf?

[Kara]

I always found the fact that it's called jelqing hilarious because that's just the arabic word for jerking off.

كس still cracks me up.

Especially when بوسي means to kiss. It's all flipped 

[Assimilate]

Women aren't meant to work. Sorry but most of them aren't. Sure, maybe the butt fucking ugly ones are, the Social Studies Warriors and those fat fucks but most women, the semi-pretty ones and above aren't meant to work a 9-5. They simply aren't.

This damn girl i'm dating doesn't even do a 9-5. This bitch literally gets to go into work at noon and leave around 530-6. She's a judicial clerk, so her job does take brain power but again.... a noon shift till 6? That's a godsend for most people and this girl still has the balls to complain about everything.

She has to cook? Complain
She has to do laundry? Complain
She has to clean her tiny tiny little apartment? Complain

Does she complain when i take her out to expensive dinners all the time? Nope
Does she complain when i buy appliances for her because she desperately needs them? Nope
Does she complain when we take 4 day weekends away on vacation and i buy her nice clothes? Nope
Does she complain when i pay for her uber because she refuses to learn to drive (current trend over here, many younger people do not drive)? Nope

It's like my friend once said to me: Buy a woman dinner, next time you'll have to take her on vacation. Buy a woman a car, next time you'll have to buy her a house. Buy her a house, next time you'll have to get her a boat.

It goes on and on. And it's not just material things, it's everything.


The fucking muslims probably have this whole thing pegged correctly.

[naff]

you freely admitted you stalk your exes online and feel bad because they live better than you, but now women are a monolith and all suck because you are dating a malcontent? grow the fuck up or take your cuck misogyny elsewhere.

[Rahxephon91]

Even I don't say that shit man and I'm a self admitted incel.

[naff]

it's a generalisation and anecdotal also, but it seems self-fulfillling prophecy for men like this. people are v perceptive and intuitive, if you think of women like this you'll end up with women that do behave like this, because women that don't fit the bill will avoid you.

[Assimilate]

you freely admitted you stalk your exes online and feel bad because they live better than you, but now women are a monolith and all suck because you are dating a malcontent? grow the fuck up or take your cuck misogyny elsewhere.

  well, no. there's some great women out there but at their core they're all the same - chaotic and emotional.

don't be such a fucking pussy.

[Olivia Wilde Homo]

Aw dang, this thread was doing great but Assimilate is shitting it all up.

[CatsCatsCats]

Aw dang, this thread was doing great but Assimilate is shitting it all up.

Exactly this.

[Tasty]

Aw dang, this thread was doing great but Assimilate is shitting it all up.

This could be posted in every thread with Assy tbh.

[Assimilate]

We got the round faces doing the pile on. Always cute.

[naff]

you freely admitted you stalk your exes online and feel bad because they live better than you, but now women are a monolith and all suck because you are dating a malcontent? grow the fuck up or take your cuck misogyny elsewhere.

  well, no. there's some great women out there but at their core they're all the same - chaotic and emotional.

don't be such a fucking pussy.

bruh, you're the one putting that pussy on a pedestal.

[Rahxephon91]

I shall take solace in the fact that I'm not the one shittting up this thread.

[Assimilate]

I'm just confused at the wording of the rant;  why would she complain when you buy her stuff?

 

She isn't complaining that i buy her stuff, she's complaining that she has to do stuff.  I guess domesticated work for her is too much. Only i would find a Americanized modern cunt feminist in a country filled with more traditional females

 

[Assimilate]

"People like it when you buy them stuff and they don't have to do chores"

No shit, dawg.

Says the Brow that will probably marry within his own culture because he knows it's the better way

 

[Rufus]

[toku]

"People like it when you buy them stuff and they don't have to do chores"

No shit, dawg.

Says the Brow that will probably marry within his own culture because he knows it's the better way

 

inshallah

[Assimilate]

I'm too busy jihadding white christian pussy to care.

Stop dreaming. No beautiful porcelain christian blonde wants your sand baby.

[seagrams hotsauce]

cute nicknames not working so just going for straight racism huh

[Atramental]

Are you not Mexican, Assimilate?

edit: Also, the single moms on Tinder kinda prove that point wrong. 

[naff]

You bang any single mom's yet Atra?

[Atramental]

Sadly(?), no. 

[Assimilate]

Are you not Mexican, Assimilate?

edit: Also, the single moms on Tinder kinda prove that point wrong. 

Did you just insult me like that? 

I thought i was your crypto bro 

Why do you ask?

cute nicknames not working so just going for straight racism huh

Chill out Beaks. Light jabs man, light jabs.

[BlueTsunami]

Lets get some more big tiddy tindr screengrabs pls. Currently my only pleasures are vicarious and I cant even get a hate boner going with this convo

[naff]

girl: what do u think my breast size is? me: idk DD? her: D's are so common. I'm a G (w ass to match).

[seagrams hotsauce]

Are you not Mexican, Assimilate?

edit: Also, the single moms on Tinder kinda prove that point wrong. 

Did you just insult me like that? 

I thought i was your crypto bro 

Why do you ask?

cute nicknames not working so just going for straight racism huh

Chill out Beaks. Light jabs man, light jabs.

lol iunno man just seems ur super umad cuz everyone's laughing at you for getting taken by some chick you hate

[Assimilate]

lol iunno man just seems ur super umad cuz everyone's laughing at you for getting taken by some chick you hate

If something was truly dire and serious you think i'd let the bore know?

 

[Rahxephon91]

Yes.

[seagrams hotsauce]

i mean you're here whining about it in the relationship thread, so you definitely take it somewhat seriously. seems like you're trying to portray some kind of jackie gleason type 'aw these broads' gimmick but tbh you just come across as a sucker who's so afraid of being alone that you're willing to let a woman you don't even like run your pockets so she won't leave you

[Transhuman]

A huge development... in his pants

[Assimilate]

i mean you're here whining about it in the relationship thread, so you definitely take it somewhat seriously. seems like you're trying to portray some kind of jackie gleason type 'aw these broads' gimmick but tbh you just come across as a sucker who's so afraid of being alone that you're willing to let a woman you don't even like run your pockets so she won't leave you

You're putting way too much thought into this.

Gonna beat my wife now in anger.

That's always a good route. Let her know who runs shit.

[tiesto]

While I don't really agree with your generalization, I feel you on the complaining thing.  I grew up with a dad who worked 12 hour days and came home and didn't say a word about work, and a Mom who was a school teacher who worked 8 hour days, and came home and immediately complained about her day at work to her kids, then called her Mom and repeated the same complaints, and then waited for my Dad to come home and repeat the same complaints.  Then she'd complain when there were snow days (as if normal people get snow days off work) because it shortened her multi-month summer vacation...

My first career (with a defense contractor) and my current career (large electronics company) both close the office in inclement weather (i.e. snowstorms, hurricanes, etc). The current job, we had 3 snow days, but they ALL happened to fall under days when I already had planned vacation, and if you've already planned your vacation, too bad, you don't get to keep that vacation day

[Kara]

I work a lot and don't feel inclined to talk about my work, but I'm also bound by Treasury regs that force me to be vague when I do talk about my work--so much so that I come off as suspiciously evasive when I'm really just covering my ass--so I just let other people make things easier for the both of us by filling the air with whatever bullshit they gotta air.

[TakingBackSunday]

Another tally in the “Assimilate is just an alt right MAGA shitstain” category.

I swear, the fucking gall to say shit like that about women.  Fuck you, dude.  Eat shit.

[Kara]

Tax professionals are known both for the ability to impress and their sexual prowess.

[team filler]

Another tally in the “Assimilate is just an alt right MAGA shitstain” category.

I swear, the fucking gall to say shit like that about women.  Fuck you, dude.  Eat shit.

[Assimilate]

Another tally in the “Assimilate is just an alt right MAGA shitstain” category.

I swear, the fucking gall to say shit like that about women.  Fuck you, dude.  Eat shit.

He listens to Taking Back Sunday.