THE BORE

General => The Superdeep Borehole => Topic started by: The Fake Shemp on November 01, 2007, 01:23:56 AM

Title: I injured the hand I masturbate with
Post by: The Fake Shemp on November 01, 2007, 01:23:56 AM
 :'(
Title: Re: I injured the hand I masturbate with
Post by: Madrun Badrun on November 01, 2007, 01:24:45 AM
don't you have a girlfriend?! 
Title: Re: I injured the hand I masturbate with
Post by: Howard Alan Treesong on November 01, 2007, 01:25:54 AM
or at least an ex you still hang out with!
Title: Re: I injured the hand I masturbate with
Post by: The Fake Shemp on November 01, 2007, 01:26:33 AM
don't you have a girlfriend?!

I've been single for months!

Ironically, my hand was injured by a female who is trying to seduce me!
Title: Re: I injured the hand I masturbate with
Post by: Flannel Boy on November 01, 2007, 01:27:12 AM
G: Just use a fleshlight man. Oh man they're so good. Like a turkey BLT. mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm...

don't you have a girlfriend?!

I've been single for months!

When you get to four years start complaining.  :'(
Title: Re: I injured the hand I masturbate with
Post by: The Fake Shemp on November 01, 2007, 01:28:48 AM
I'm not complaining.  I've been single, but I haven't exactly been celibate since I've dated a few women since then.

Man, this finger injury is fucking weird.  It's my middle finger too.
Title: Re: I injured the hand I masturbate with
Post by: Madrun Badrun on November 01, 2007, 01:29:41 AM
G: Just use a fleshlight man. Oh man they're so good. Like a turkey BLT. mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm...

don't you have a girlfriend?!

I've been single for months!

When you get to four years start complaining.  :'(

When you haven't seen a real girl naked since grade nine then you feel bad about yourself!

O and sorry wilco.  I thought you were still with Crystal. 
Title: Re: I injured the hand I masturbate with
Post by: Flannel Boy on November 01, 2007, 01:29:53 AM
I'm not complaining.  I've been single, but I haven't exactly been celibate since I've dated a few women since then.

Man, this finger injury is fucking weird.  It's my middle finger too.

ToxicAdam: So you massage your prostrate. Good on ya.
Title: Re: I injured the hand I masturbate with
Post by: demi on November 01, 2007, 01:29:57 AM
Normally I'd be aroused at the thought but you're Willco and that just ain't my thing man
Title: Re: I injured the hand I masturbate with
Post by: The Fake Shemp on November 01, 2007, 01:32:11 AM
Here's the deal.  I've been flirtatious horse playing with this female, but when I slapped her, the middle part of my middle finger hit the top part of her finger.  Somehow, in a weird freak accident, she bruised it pretty awful; it's swollen to a ridiculous size, is awfully discolored and makes it difficult or painful to make normal hand gestures. Or even use a mouse!  What a weird fucking thing.
Title: Re: I injured the hand I masturbate with
Post by: Madrun Badrun on November 01, 2007, 01:34:26 AM
I missed how you got from flirting to slapping?
Title: Re: I injured the hand I masturbate with
Post by: Flannel Boy on November 01, 2007, 01:34:48 AM
Note to self:
slap women.

They like it.

Just make sure to hit them in the face.
Title: Re: I injured the hand I masturbate with
Post by: drohne on November 01, 2007, 01:35:41 AM
so basically you got in a slap fight with a girl and you lost
Title: Re: I injured the hand I masturbate with
Post by: Madrun Badrun on November 01, 2007, 01:35:43 AM
Note to self:
slap women.

They like it.

Just make sure to hit them in the face.

Make their lips swell till they can't say no.
Title: Re: I injured the hand I masturbate with
Post by: Howard Alan Treesong on November 01, 2007, 01:36:11 AM
Here's the deal.  I've been flirtatious horse playing with this female, but when I slapped her, the middle part of my middle finger hit the top part of her finger.  Somehow, in a weird freak accident, she bruised it pretty awful; it's swollen to a ridiculous size, is awfully discolored and makes it difficult or painful to make normal hand gestures. Or even use a mouse!  What a weird fucking thing.

you don't slap women with your HAND dummy
Title: Re: I injured the hand I masturbate with
Post by: The Fake Shemp on November 01, 2007, 01:36:19 AM
We're very antagonistic towards one another.  It has evolved from one another calling each dirty pirate hookers and whores to me telling her I was going to punch her in the uterus and she was going to kick me in the balls to us know play hitting one another.  Usually, it's within reason - I'll lovetap her in the arm, she do it back.  I'm not sure how the slapping occurred... we were watching Army of Darkness and the next thing I know my finger is injured!
Title: Re: I injured the hand I masturbate with
Post by: Flannel Boy on November 01, 2007, 01:38:29 AM
We're very antagonistic towards one another.  It has evolved from one another calling each dirty pirate hookers and whores to me telling her I was going to punch her in the uterus and she was going to kick me in the balls to us know play hitting one another.  Usually, it's within reason - I'll lovetap her in the arm, she do it back.  I'm not sure how the slapping occurred... we were watching Army of Darkness and the next thing I know my finger is injured!


I'm getting hot. Thank god my masturabation hand is fine.
Title: Re: I injured the hand I masturbate with
Post by: demi on November 01, 2007, 01:38:34 AM
What a bitch.

spoiler (click to show/hide)
I mean you
[close]
Title: Re: I injured the hand I masturbate with
Post by: The Fake Shemp on November 01, 2007, 01:39:13 AM
I won't be able to masturbate for days. :-\
Title: Re: I injured the hand I masturbate with
Post by: Smooth Groove on November 01, 2007, 01:39:49 AM
At least now you have an excuse to skip the finger foreplay and skp to the main event.
Title: Re: I injured the hand I masturbate with
Post by: Howard Alan Treesong on November 01, 2007, 01:40:09 AM
real men can achieve orgasm through the power of their mind alone
Title: Re: I injured the hand I masturbate with
Post by: Madrun Badrun on November 01, 2007, 01:40:47 AM
I won't be able to masturbate for days. :-\

Blame her for this problem, tell her shes a pirate wench, then get her to fix the problem.  jeez. 
Title: Re: I injured the hand I masturbate with
Post by: Flannel Boy on November 01, 2007, 01:41:23 AM
real men can achieve orgasm through the power of their mind alone

That sounds like Yoda. Not a man.
Title: Re: I injured the hand I masturbate with
Post by: Madrun Badrun on November 01, 2007, 01:41:56 AM
real men can achieve orgasm through the power of their mind alone

That sounds like Yoda. Not a man.

 :lol :lol :lol
Title: Re: I injured the hand I masturbate with
Post by: xnikki118x on November 01, 2007, 02:17:29 AM
Why can't you just masturbate with your other hand?

Maybe it's time to buy a fleshlight. :lol
Title: Re: I injured the hand I masturbate with
Post by: Flannel Boy on November 01, 2007, 02:18:30 AM
Why can't you just masturbate with your other hand?

Maybe it's time to buy a fleshlight. :lol

WOMEN!
Title: Re: I injured the hand I masturbate with
Post by: Himu on November 01, 2007, 02:24:47 AM
Have her jack you off.

Nikki: When a man has masturbated with a certain hand most of his life it's just WEIRD doing it with the other hand. It's like writing with the hand you never write with.
Title: Re: I injured the hand I masturbate with
Post by: xnikki118x on November 01, 2007, 02:54:53 AM
Ah, I get it. Thanks for the explanation, Himu. :)
Title: Re: I injured the hand I masturbate with
Post by: demi on November 01, 2007, 03:10:50 AM
Uh... you can be ambidextrous too

Sorry if your brains can't handle that, plebes
Title: Re: I injured the hand I masturbate with
Post by: Smooth Groove on November 01, 2007, 03:13:47 AM
Demi, it's easier for you to do it with either hand because you're small.
Title: Re: I injured the hand I masturbate with
Post by: demi on November 01, 2007, 03:14:07 AM
Ok
Title: Re: I injured the hand I masturbate with
Post by: Himu on November 01, 2007, 03:14:27 AM
I'm left handed. Lefties are ambidextrous usually. The only thing I use my left hand for is write and jack off, and its still weird doing it with my right hand.
Title: Re: I injured the hand I masturbate with
Post by: bork on November 01, 2007, 03:18:26 AM
Uh... you can be ambidextrous too

Sorry if your brains can't handle that, plebes

YOU CHEAT ON RIGHTY!??!?
Title: Re: I injured the hand I masturbate with
Post by: Smooth Groove on November 01, 2007, 03:20:38 AM
PD's link seems appropriate for this thread.  It's pretty hilarious. 

http://www.glumbert.com/media/sizematter
Title: Re: I injured the hand I masturbate with
Post by: demi on November 01, 2007, 03:22:05 AM
Uh... you can be ambidextrous too

Sorry if your brains can't handle that, plebes

YOU CHEAT ON RIGHTY!??!?

I'm only looking out for numero uno
Title: Re: I injured the hand I masturbate with
Post by: Himu on November 01, 2007, 03:31:57 AM
PD's link seems appropriate for this thread.  It's pretty hilarious. 

http://www.glumbert.com/media/sizematter

 :lol :lol
Title: Re: I injured the hand I masturbate with
Post by: Ichirou on November 01, 2007, 06:06:03 AM
Man, I don't know what's going on in this thread.  The EB soap opera moves too fast for me.  Last thing I knew, Willco was dating CrystalGemini.
Title: Re: I injured the hand I masturbate with
Post by: The Fake Shemp on November 01, 2007, 06:35:54 AM
We broke up awhile ago.  We're good friends - she actually just came over to eat junk food and watch Fright Night.
Title: Re: I injured the hand I masturbate with
Post by: Ichirou on November 01, 2007, 06:42:04 AM
That's my favorite Roddy McDowall movie.  A true '80s classic.  I even have some of the old Fright Night comics. :bow :bow

Cool that you guys could stay friends - a lot of people aren't able to handle break-ups well.  I know I get all despondent and shit. :/
Title: Re: I injured the hand I masturbate with
Post by: demi on November 01, 2007, 06:49:00 AM
Cause you're a bitch
Title: Re: I injured the hand I masturbate with
Post by: Ichirou on November 01, 2007, 06:54:23 AM
Cause you're a bitch

Probably.
Title: Re: I injured the hand I masturbate with
Post by: The Fake Shemp on November 01, 2007, 06:55:31 AM
We went through a real rough patch and there was a good chance neither one of us would speak to the other afterwards, but somehow, we managed to mend fences.  I think we both really care about one another and genuinely enjoy hanging out, so it's cool to hang out with her and rodi and their family or just watch a horror flick and eat some Jack-in-the-Box.
Title: Re: I injured the hand I masturbate with
Post by: CrystalGemini on November 01, 2007, 07:12:18 AM
That's why God made man with two hands, dummy.  ::)
Title: Re: I injured the hand I masturbate with
Post by: Ichirou on November 01, 2007, 07:17:34 AM
That's why God made man with two hands, dummy.  ::)

Men are physically incapable of jacking it with a hand other than their dominant hand.  It's horrible but true.
Title: Re: I injured the hand I masturbate with
Post by: CrystalGemini on November 01, 2007, 07:22:46 AM
If I can do it, you can do it.  :P
Title: Re: I injured the hand I masturbate with
Post by: Ichirou on November 01, 2007, 07:37:11 AM
If I can do it, you can do it.  :P

I can't do it.  I've tried.  I can't keep up consistent speed or rhythm.  I'm sure it's the same for Willco.  I think only ambidextrous dudes can do that type of thing successfully.

Why the hell am I talking about this? :lol
Title: Re: I injured the hand I masturbate with
Post by: etiolate on November 01, 2007, 07:49:04 AM
If I can do it, you can do it.  :P

You just trippled the PMs
Title: Re: I injured the hand I masturbate with
Post by: CrystalGemini on November 01, 2007, 07:50:55 AM
If I can do it, you can do it.  :P

I can't do it.  I've tried.  I can't keep up consistent speed or rhythm.  I'm sure it's the same for Willco.  I think only ambidextrous dudes can do that type of thing successfully.

Why the hell am I talking about this? :lol
Practice makes perfect.

If I can do it, you can do it.  :P

You just trippled the PMs
I'm just saying - it's not impossible!
Title: Re: I injured the hand I masturbate with
Post by: MCD on November 01, 2007, 10:37:00 AM
That's why God made man with two hands, dummy.  ::)

Men are physically incapable of jacking it with a hand other than their dominant hand.  It's horrible but true.

I'm right handed but i always masturbate with my left hand.

Title: Re: I injured the hand I masturbate with
Post by: Ichirou on November 01, 2007, 10:50:10 AM
That's why God made man with two hands, dummy.  ::)

Men are physically incapable of jacking it with a hand other than their dominant hand.  It's horrible but true.

I'm right handed but i always masturbate with my left hand.



You must be some kind of super-mutant.  A preview into the next step of human evolution, as it were. :o
Title: Re: I injured the hand I masturbate with
Post by: Candyflip on November 01, 2007, 10:52:55 AM
I can use either hand. I made myself learn with my left hand in case something ever did happen to my right :lol It actually makes me think if I spent a lot of time on it I could probably learn to write with my left hand as well.
Title: Re: I injured the hand I masturbate with
Post by: MCD on November 01, 2007, 10:59:45 AM
Could be.

On PC, i type with my left hand only, so you could say my left hand is well trained  :lol

Title: Re: I injured the hand I masturbate with
Post by: Ichirou on November 01, 2007, 11:01:14 AM
Could be.

On PC, i type with my left hand only, so you could say my left hand is well trained  :lol



You don't know how to properly type? :o
Title: Re: I injured the hand I masturbate with
Post by: MCD on November 01, 2007, 11:03:23 AM
Sadly no  :'(



Title: Re: I injured the hand I masturbate with
Post by: Ichirou on November 01, 2007, 11:07:03 AM
Sadly no  :'(

I took a typing class in high school (it was either that or French).  I can't imagine not knowing how to type yet having to work with computers constantly.  Must be fucking hard. :/
Title: Re: I injured the hand I masturbate with
Post by: MCD on November 01, 2007, 11:11:51 AM
I might take a typing class this summer.

it depends on your PC activity, i don't write long essays or something.

my main use is browsing, and that's it.

Title: Re: I injured the hand I masturbate with
Post by: DJ_Tet on November 01, 2007, 11:12:46 AM
I can switch hit.  Ironically, due to the advent of the internet, my weak hand became my dominant hand over time.  My left used to feel like someone else, and now it's the regular.  My right still feels familiar too though.

You must be some uncoordinated motherfuckers not to be able to switch hit.  I suppose you can only get a girl off with one hand too.  You gotta be versatile, you never know what side of the couch you might get stuck on.
Title: Re: I injured the hand I masturbate with
Post by: Smooth Groove on November 01, 2007, 11:21:09 AM
If I can do it, you can do it.  :P

I can't do it.  I've tried.  I can't keep up consistent speed or rhythm.  I'm sure it's the same for Willco.  I think only ambidextrous dudes can do that type of thing successfully.

Why the hell am I talking about this? :lol
Practice makes perfect.


It's not the same because women use toys. 
Title: Re: I injured the hand I masturbate with
Post by: Mupepe on November 01, 2007, 11:39:41 AM
i can use my left hand to JO.  I think it was just natural because I can't turn pages or use a mouse with my left hand.
Title: Re: I injured the hand I masturbate with
Post by: Human Snorenado on November 01, 2007, 12:38:04 PM
Jeebus Christ Federwang, you never alternate hands out of boredom or something?  Sit on Lefty for a minute and use it, it's a nice change of pace called "The Stranger".
Title: Re: I injured the hand I masturbate with
Post by: Mandark on November 01, 2007, 12:39:57 PM
It's only called "the stranger" if you sit on it until it's numb first.
Title: Re: I injured the hand I masturbate with
Post by: Mupepe on November 01, 2007, 12:40:35 PM
It's only called "the stranger" if you sit on it until it's numb first.
it's also called the stranger if you sit on it and put a thumb in ur butt
Title: Re: I injured the hand I masturbate with
Post by: Stocky on November 01, 2007, 12:50:00 PM
Technically, if you put a rubber fist up your ass and act all surprised it could be considered the stranger, too.
Title: Re: I injured the hand I masturbate with
Post by: Phoenix Dark on November 01, 2007, 12:51:17 PM
Uh... you can be ambidextrous too
http://www.neogaf.com/forum/showthread.php?p=6407925#post6407925
Title: Re: I injured the hand I masturbate with
Post by: Stocky on November 01, 2007, 12:59:54 PM
PD, do you masturbate?
Title: Re: I injured the hand I masturbate with
Post by: Mupepe on November 01, 2007, 01:02:01 PM
PD, do you masturbate?
he wraps his penis in a hot towel and humps couches
Title: Re: I injured the hand I masturbate with
Post by: Eel O'Brian on November 01, 2007, 01:02:24 PM
It's better to have injured the hand you masturbate with than the dick you masturbate on.

- Confucius
Title: Re: I injured the hand I masturbate with
Post by: Stocky on November 01, 2007, 01:05:53 PM
I remember waking up with a hard-on while sleeping on a couch after a party.

Someone put the fucking coffee table WAY too close to the couch.

Not even realizing, I rolled off the couch to get up and WHAM. My dick hits it like a ton of fucking bricks. Shit was swollen for a few days.
Title: Re: I injured the hand I masturbate with
Post by: Phoenix Dark on November 01, 2007, 01:12:38 PM
PD, do you masturbate?
http://www.neogaf.com/forum/showthread.php?p=6407925#post6407925
Title: Re: I injured the hand I masturbate with
Post by: Stocky on November 01, 2007, 01:15:34 PM
PD, do you masturbate?
http://www.neogaf.com/forum/showthread.php?p=6407925#post6407925


As I see it, there's only 2 roads you can go down PD.

Hang yourself with a noose using your left hand, jerk off with the right

OR

Molest kids with your right hand, and post here with your right.

One is good for America. Figure that one out.
Title: Re: I injured the hand I masturbate with
Post by: Phoenix Dark on November 01, 2007, 01:16:19 PM
i prefer to jerk it to that pic of your cousin
Title: Re: I injured the hand I masturbate with
Post by: Stocky on November 01, 2007, 01:16:41 PM
She died last week.
Title: Re: I injured the hand I masturbate with
Post by: Stocky on November 01, 2007, 01:16:47 PM
Fucking prick.
Title: Re: I injured the hand I masturbate with
Post by: bluemax on November 01, 2007, 01:21:50 PM
You mean you can't just do it with the other hand? I have no problem using left or right as long as I don't switch hands mid session.
Title: Re: I injured the hand I masturbate with
Post by: Phoenix Dark on November 01, 2007, 01:33:57 PM
She died last week.

sorry to hear that  :'( :'( :'(
Title: Re: I injured the hand I masturbate with
Post by: The Fake Shemp on November 01, 2007, 02:28:05 PM
Before Phoenix Dark makes my thread all awkward - you can't just use the other hand!  It doesn't work like that!
Title: Re: I injured the hand I masturbate with
Post by: demi on November 01, 2007, 02:31:05 PM
Yes you can
Title: Re: I injured the hand I masturbate with
Post by: bluemax on November 01, 2007, 02:34:23 PM
Before Phoenix Dark makes my thread all awkward - you can't just use the other hand!  It doesn't work like that!

I have no problems doing so. I've been doing it for years!
Title: Re: I injured the hand I masturbate with
Post by: demi on November 01, 2007, 02:37:04 PM
These guys are probably the ones who just do Missionary and that's it.

bu bu bu - no imagination, boring lays
Title: Re: I injured the hand I masturbate with
Post by: Madrun Badrun on November 01, 2007, 02:38:11 PM
That's why God made man with two hands, dummy.  ::)

But why did he not give us the knowledge to use both!?
Title: Re: I injured the hand I masturbate with
Post by: The Fake Shemp on November 01, 2007, 02:38:24 PM
Aren't you a virgin, demi?
Title: Re: I injured the hand I masturbate with
Post by: demi on November 01, 2007, 02:38:58 PM
I'm just taking notes for the final exam
Title: Re: I injured the hand I masturbate with
Post by: etiolate on November 01, 2007, 10:59:54 PM
Now what if you use both hands?