This is a new feature I'm working on for SOON COME STUFF
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My ex's dad was a real salt-of-the-earth mofo, through-and-through. Some might have called him white trash but I saw him as a man of leisure with Sammy Hagar locks. Anyways - he turned me onto the concept of a "bloody beer" and I've yet to repay him in kind. A Bloody Beer for those of you wondering - and for those of you with a delicate constitution, I suggest you read something else and just forget this post altogether - is shitty beer (he made his with Coors) + Clamato juice. Dear god, that sounds hideous. I didn't want to drink that shit but when he mixed me one with his last Coors tallboy, who was I to refuse?
It actually ended up being pretty a'ight - nothing I'd drink with any regularity but it didn't KILL me, which is what I thought was going to be the case.
Last weekend I'd been packing and moving and cleaning and I really needed a break, so I walked across the street to the liquor store for something to quench my thirst. Lo and behold, I came across a can of Budwiser and Clamato "Chelada" in a can. This is what Chelada is, according to Wikipedia:
The Chelada is a beverage that is created by adding the juice of one or two limes to a full glass of ice cubes and then pouring twelve ounces of a Mexican beer into the glass. The rim of the glass is typically salted. One variation of this drink is the Michelada, which is created by adding a couple of dashes of both Tabasco and Worcestershire sauces to the chelada. This fashion of drinking beer seems to have originated in Mexico, although the actual history of its origin is unknown.
Ahhhh, so THAT'S what a Bloody Beer is REALLY called. But since when is Budwiser fucking MEXICAN? Regardless, I had to check it out.

The can. It's totally bilingual and it's totally scolding your gringo ass for even THINKING about shaking it.

The drink. What the fuck, I don't remember these things being PINK! The Rainforest Cafe glass makes everything better and I hope it works well with this shit.

Fuck it, let me just drink a bit of this out of the can and see what it's like.

DO NOT WANT. DEAR GOD THIS SHIT IS FUCKING AWFUL. I've drank a sixer of Hefeweizen that tasted like it was brewed in someones' asshole on principle ALONE, but this shit was going to waste. I poured the glass out, brushed my teeth for like a hour (by the way, toothpaste + tomato-esque shit drink = might as well barf it all up now) and prayed I wouldn't be making a sacrifice to the porcelain god later that evening. All was well, thankfully.