I just want to (permanently) lose my burden of intelligence, and there are few ways to do that effectively / quickly. I've seen some legitimate research papers on the subject...
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Do you have any friends with Xbox 360? If so, then the laptop is the easy choice. I'd probably upgrade the laptop either way.
If its for gaming just make sure its got a good ATi card in it, the processor and ram stuff are obvious important points too, but there's a lot of high proc/ram laptops out there with onboard video
Buy a house
Buy a SMALL house