Author Topic: Professor Prole and Father Mike's Bible Study Thread  (Read 9752 times)

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Flannel Boy

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Professor Prole and Father Mike's Bible Study Thread
« on: January 12, 2008, 03:22:25 PM »
In the beginning Malek created the bible study thread. And the bible study thread was without form, and void; and darkness was upon the face of the Canadian creep. And the Spirit of Malek moved upon the face of the monitors. And Malek said, Let there be MyQuil: and there was NyQuil. And on the first day Malek ended his work which he had made; and he rested on the first day from all his work which he had made.




disclaimer:
I shall read the bible literally unless there is textual evidence to do otherwise. Does this make me no better than the fundamentalist? No. There is a difference; I will read it literally, but I won't believe that the Bible is literally true.

Madrun Badrun

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Re: Professor Prole and Father Mike's Bible Study Thread
« Reply #1 on: January 12, 2008, 03:42:41 PM »
And The Thread was good.


Damn, I just opened eb to start the thread too. 

I was going to name it

We Will Try and Save as many Souls as We Can, Though Himu Might be Last:   The EB Bible thread



Anyways just finishing up the intro for the NRVS.


The uses of the proper name and the etymology of Jehovah from Yahweh is rather interesting.   
« Last Edit: January 12, 2008, 03:44:45 PM by Father_Mike »

Van Cruncheon

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Re: Professor Prole and Father Mike's Bible Study Thread
« Reply #2 on: January 12, 2008, 05:25:41 PM »
found my oold oxford in the closet. i am good to go! praise the lord and pass the little flirts!
duc

CajoleJuice

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Re: Professor Prole and Father Mike's Bible Study Thread
« Reply #3 on: January 12, 2008, 05:30:57 PM »
I was gonna give a New Testament book I had lying around to Genghis Cohen for Secret Santa since he said he wanted something wacky! I settled on Battlefield Earth though. At least the former is a foundation of Western civilization, while the other is the "masterpiece" of a man whose insane ramblings are the foundation of a celebrity-supported cult.

I'd join in this Bible reading but I have too much other entertainment to catch up on. Although, not having read the Bible could be construed as being 2000 years behind.
AMC

Himu

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Re: Professor Prole and Father Mike's Bible Study Thread
« Reply #4 on: January 12, 2008, 05:33:38 PM »
I need my Quran
IYKYK

TVC15

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Re: Professor Prole and Father Mike's Bible Study Thread
« Reply #5 on: January 12, 2008, 05:34:57 PM »
Professor Prole and Father Mike's Bible Study?  As a lapsed Catholic, that thread title raises a lot of red flags.
serge

CajoleJuice

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Re: Professor Prole and Father Mike's Bible Study Thread
« Reply #6 on: January 12, 2008, 05:36:08 PM »
:lol
AMC

Flannel Boy

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Re: Professor Prole and Father Mike's Bible Study Thread
« Reply #7 on: January 12, 2008, 05:39:59 PM »
Professor, what is our reading assignment for Monday?

TVC15

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Re: Professor Prole and Father Mike's Bible Study Thread
« Reply #8 on: January 12, 2008, 05:46:39 PM »
WATCH OUT ARBY, PROLE'S DEFINITION OF BIBLE STUDY ISN'T WHAT YOU THINK!  DON'T FALL FOR THE "LET'S SEE IF MY CAMEL FITS THROUGH YOUR NEEDLE'S EYE" TRICK!  SAVE YOUR BUTTCHERRY FOR ME!
serge

Madrun Badrun

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Re: Professor Prole and Father Mike's Bible Study Thread
« Reply #9 on: January 12, 2008, 05:49:30 PM »
The first 25 chapters of Gen.  Thats about 40 pages. 

Lets try to get to the historical books in two weeks. 
« Last Edit: January 12, 2008, 05:52:52 PM by Father_Mike »

Madrun Badrun

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Re: Professor Prole and Father Mike's Bible Study Thread
« Reply #10 on: January 12, 2008, 05:51:13 PM »
WATCH OUT ARBY, PROLE'S DEFINITION OF BIBLE STUDY ISN'T WHAT YOU THINK!  DON'T FALL FOR THE "LET'S SEE IF MY CAMEL FITS THROUGH YOUR NEEDLE'S EYE" TRICK!  SAVE YOUR BUTTCHERRY FOR ME!

 :lol


This threads already pretty homosexual.  Malek has declared himself a God and put light all over my face.  Total Homo.

There is also penis in his first post. 

Flannel Boy

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Re: Professor Prole and Father Mike's Bible Study Thread
« Reply #11 on: January 12, 2008, 05:52:25 PM »
That's not light on your face.

Madrun Badrun

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Re: Professor Prole and Father Mike's Bible Study Thread
« Reply #12 on: January 12, 2008, 05:54:39 PM »
I got that.  At least you didn't get it in my nose or you could have given me Life

Van Cruncheon

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Re: Professor Prole and Father Mike's Bible Study Thread
« Reply #13 on: January 12, 2008, 06:12:47 PM »
let us try to get through genesis/exodus over the next two weeks. if you have insulting thoughts or hilarious observations, post 'em as you see 'em!
duc

Van Cruncheon

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Re: Professor Prole and Father Mike's Bible Study Thread
« Reply #14 on: January 12, 2008, 06:14:08 PM »
i shall put the jism in catechism
duc

TVC15

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Re: Professor Prole and Father Mike's Bible Study Thread
« Reply #15 on: January 12, 2008, 06:15:11 PM »
Just listen to Genesis instead.  It is more fun.

[youtube=425,350]xVZBio8NJNs[/youtube]

Also, Exodus is fuck boring past the begi. . .wat am i saying, the whole fucking thing is fuck boring.  All that shit people say about it being well written or a beautiful story is just bullshit being pissed out by people pretending that they've read something in order to make themselves look worldly or some shit.  The book is basically incomprehensible.  Hope you like teh gay subtext and incest.
serge

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Re: Professor Prole and Father Mike's Bible Study Thread
« Reply #16 on: January 12, 2008, 06:22:41 PM »
the bible is redeeming in only reading some awesome fucked up shit

Van Cruncheon

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Re: Professor Prole and Father Mike's Bible Study Thread
« Reply #17 on: January 12, 2008, 06:23:28 PM »
genesis has EMBUGGERING to put the good marquis to shame

but yes, exodus is fuckall boring
duc

TVC15

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Re: Professor Prole and Father Mike's Bible Study Thread
« Reply #18 on: January 12, 2008, 06:25:00 PM »
Let us remember the religiously relevant Genesis, with Peter Gabriel dressed as Rael, or as Slipperman.  Not this bible shit.

[youtube=425,350]3MBNTbZpMNc[/youtube]
serge

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Re: Professor Prole and Father Mike's Bible Study Thread
« Reply #19 on: January 12, 2008, 07:20:52 PM »
the olny parts of the old testament I really enjoy are the stories of angry prophets killing and exterminating the idolators and their sacred poles in high places. That being said, it's still more entertaining than the new testament after the four books of the gospels.
hex

TVC15

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Re: Professor Prole and Father Mike's Bible Study Thread
« Reply #20 on: January 12, 2008, 07:50:55 PM »
I like the part in the old testament with the golden hemorrhoids of GOD.  And no, I am not joking.  It really is that absurd.  I'll find the info later and post it.

It's kind of ridiculous that this garbage was ever taken seriously.  The world used to really blow.  Fuck, what am I saying?  There are more followers of this garbage than ever.  The world is dumber than ever!
serge

Madrun Badrun

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Re: Professor Prole and Father Mike's Bible Study Thread
« Reply #21 on: January 12, 2008, 08:18:34 PM »
All this negativity!  Out of our thread the lot of you!  For The Thread LORD has disposed upon me revelations of what will come to those who are set in their cynicist ways.

Edit:  cubicle your in to correct? 
« Last Edit: January 12, 2008, 08:22:02 PM by Father_Mike »

TVC15

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Re: Professor Prole and Father Mike's Bible Study Thread
« Reply #22 on: January 12, 2008, 10:03:54 PM »
All this negativity!  Out of our thread the lot of you!  For The Thread LORD has disposed upon me revelations of what will come to those who are set in their cynicist ways.

Edit:  cubicle your in to correct? 

http://englishatheist.org/ggh.shtml

Basically, God gives a bunch of assholes HOLY HEMORRHOIDS, and then later on, I believe the cure to the curse of the ASS is to make GOLDEN HEMORRHOIDS and offer them to god or some shit.  Bad Eddie Murphy movies would be a better foundation for a religion than this shit.

Certain english translations try to put some dirt over the ridiculousness by translating emerod as tumor, but that's not what it means!  Just a nice little example of how the bible has been altered by third parties over the centuries.  Not only is it a shitty holy book to begin with, but it's not even honestly shitty.
« Last Edit: January 12, 2008, 10:05:35 PM by TVC 15 »
serge

Ichirou

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Re: Professor Prole and Father Mike's Bible Study Thread
« Reply #23 on: January 12, 2008, 10:04:33 PM »
I read the Bible back in my high school ethics class.  TVC is right, it's fuck boring.  Good luck with this.  I give you dodes a week before you give up.
PS4

Mupepe

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Re: Professor Prole and Father Mike's Bible Study Thread
« Reply #24 on: January 12, 2008, 10:36:24 PM »
luckily i haven't read it since i actually believed in it

Tauntaun

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Re: Professor Prole and Father Mike's Bible Study Thread
« Reply #25 on: January 13, 2008, 01:58:58 AM »
Oh hey a Bible study on EB, thought this was kinda strange but .....wait.....oh you guys aren't serious.....



spoiler (click to show/hide)
I'll say one thing: faith comes by hearing and hearing by the Word of God.  Hope this time around something clicks.  :)
[close]
:)

TVC15

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Re: Professor Prole and Father Mike's Bible Study Thread
« Reply #26 on: January 13, 2008, 02:00:39 AM »
Wrong, Tauntaun, faith comes by FEELING THE WRATH OF JESUS'S HEMORRHOIDS!
serge

bluemax

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Re: Professor Prole and Father Mike's Bible Study Thread
« Reply #27 on: January 13, 2008, 03:02:23 AM »
I've actually read the majority of the Old Testament and large portions of the New Testament.

The Old Testament is okay until you get to Isiah. Easily the toughest book to slog through :/
NO

Van Cruncheon

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Re: Professor Prole and Father Mike's Bible Study Thread
« Reply #28 on: January 13, 2008, 02:27:04 PM »
i thought the qu'ran was the word of god? ??? ???
duc

Bloodwake

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Re: Professor Prole and Father Mike's Bible Study Thread
« Reply #29 on: January 13, 2008, 04:28:17 PM »
TVC, what are you saying?

This thread could provide epic LOLs like we've never seen before.

HLR

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bible
« Reply #30 on: January 13, 2008, 04:46:00 PM »
This is a wonderful idea.  Any chance we'll go on to the Quran or the Book of Mormon or even Dianetics?
QED

Flannel Boy

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Re: bible
« Reply #31 on: January 13, 2008, 04:48:02 PM »
This is a wonderful idea.  Any chance we'll go on to the Quran or the Book of Mormon or even Dianetics?

recursivelyenumerable

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Re: Professor Prole and Father Mike's Bible Study Thread
« Reply #32 on: January 13, 2008, 05:04:14 PM »
That emoticon is too complicated for me to understand; I do approve of your avatar though.
QED

CurseoftheGods

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Re: Professor Prole and Father Mike's Bible Study Thread
« Reply #33 on: January 13, 2008, 05:14:24 PM »
I've actually read the majority of the Old Testament and large portions of the New Testament.

The Old Testament is okay until you get to Isiah. Easily the toughest book to slog through :/

I couldn't complete it either because of Isaiah. I really want to finish reading the book some time this year though. Religious scriptures really do fascinate me, even if I don't believe in a lot of it.

Which translation of the Bible are you folks reading?   

Madrun Badrun

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Re: Professor Prole and Father Mike's Bible Study Thread
« Reply #34 on: January 13, 2008, 05:47:58 PM »
N.R.S.V

New Oxford Annotated.

bluemax

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Re: Professor Prole and Father Mike's Bible Study Thread
« Reply #35 on: January 13, 2008, 06:33:38 PM »
King James version is what I have.
NO

Flannel Boy

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Re: Professor Prole and Father Mike's Bible Study Thread
« Reply #36 on: January 14, 2008, 06:45:06 PM »
Genesis 1.1-2.3: Who Needs EVILution

The Genesis creation story is but one of many creation myths that existed at the time of its conception. Authors of such myths attempted to describe how the universe began while placing contemporary peoples within a historical context. While other creation myths have died out the Genesis creation myth oddly continues to be propagated. What is really odd is that some even believe it to be true.

In the opening passage of Genesis, God creates everything in six days and nights by order of decree – not unlike a heavenly king. A real king's words are addressed to his subjects who then follow his commands and make sure he gets what he wants. He says, "Let there be dinner" and his subjects scurry to make him supper. He does not say "Let there be dinner" only to go to the royal kitchen himself to warm up a pizza pocket. A command without someone to actually command is utterly pointless. 

Nevertheless through this process God manages to get things done. Read temporally, the Earth existed before the creation of light, and consequently the sun. Even harder to believe, vegetation existed before God created the sun as well. Somehow plants and trees existed without requiring photosynthesis.

God saves his best creation for the last. On the sixth day he created "living creatures of every kind." One wonders if this includes bacteria and parasites. He then created humankind – in his own image of course – and gave us dominion over all the other living creatures. Here one wonders if he forgot to include dominion over bacteria and parasites, that may rightly be thought to have dominion over us.

Reading the passage, one cannot help but be struck by the creation myth's anthropocentrism. Humankind has been created in God's image; the sun, moon, and the heavenly stars have been created to be our cosmic clocks and calendars; Plants were created for our consumption; and animals created for our dominion. Living in a universe that is actually indifferent to our needs we created a god who is not.

Flannel Boy

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Re: Professor Prole and Father Mike's Bible Study Thread
« Reply #37 on: January 14, 2008, 07:22:26 PM »
Genesis 2.4-3.24: ToxicAdam and Eve:

This passage of the Bible contradicts the previous passage. Instead of being created after the animals, man is created before them. And instead of being created at the same time as man, woman is created some time afterwards.

God creates woman as an afterthought, as a mere 'helper' for his earlier creation - man. This is just the begging of the misogyny. God only resorts to such a lowly creation after failing to find a helper in the animals. Woman is derivate - she is made from one of man's ribs. Woman turns out to be an evil temptress - a theme continued to this very day - who ruin's man innocence. Man, of course, cannot control himself. For her crime God punishes woman by making childbirth painful and placing her under the thumb of her husband.

What did Eve do to warrant such punishment? She dared to eat from the tree of knowledge of good and evil. This tree symbolizes knowledge, and once she ate from it her blissfully ignorant life came to an end. By gaining knowledge Adam and Eve's existence became worse off.  Animal House was wrong; knowledge is not good.

The passage is thus morally abhorrent because of its misogyny and its misology (hatred of reason). And who is the lowliest creature in the passage? The serpent. This crafty creature dared to express doubt; doubt in God. Of course he was right. God did not kill Adam and Eve like he said he would if they ate from the tree. The moral of the story is that you should trust a snake before you trust a god.

I was struck by the anthropocentricism in the previous passage and by the anthropomorphism in this passage. God walks around Eden, he cannot see Adam and Eve when they hide behind a tree (what happened to his omniscience?), and he feels threatened by Adam and Eve's newfound knowledge. "If God has made us in his image, we have returned him the favor."

Flannel Boy

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Re: Professor Prole and Father Mike's Bible Study Thread
« Reply #38 on: January 14, 2008, 08:32:23 PM »
This Bible Study group is a lot like sex for me. Alone, starring at a computer monitor, and filled with Catholic guilt.

Where are you assholes?  :maf
« Last Edit: January 14, 2008, 09:06:59 PM by Malek: King of Kings »

Madrun Badrun

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Re: Professor Prole and Father Mike's Bible Study Thread
« Reply #39 on: January 14, 2008, 08:41:33 PM »
I"M EATING!

O and  lol.

TVC15

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Re: Professor Prole and Father Mike's Bible Study Thread
« Reply #40 on: January 14, 2008, 08:59:54 PM »
This Bible Study group is a lot like sex for me. Alone, starting at a computer monitor, and filled with Catholic guilt.

Where are you assholes?  :maf

You should be glad that nobody else is poisoning their brain with that garbage.  I would rather listen to a violent rap album than that shit.
serge

Phoenix Dark

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Re: Professor Prole and Father Mike's Bible Study Thread
« Reply #41 on: January 14, 2008, 09:13:36 PM »
Genesis 2.4-3.24: ToxicAdam and Eve:

This passage of the Bible contradicts the previous passage. Instead of being created after the animals, man is created before them. And instead of being created at the same time as man, woman is created some time afterwards.

God creates woman as an afterthought, as a mere 'helper' for his earlier creation - man. This is just the begging of the misogyny. God only resorts to such a lowly creation after failing to find a helper in the animals. Woman is derivate - she is made from one of man's ribs. Woman turns out to be an evil temptress - a theme continued to this very day - who ruin's man innocence. Man, of course, cannot control himself. For her crime God punishes woman by making childbirth painful and placing her under the thumb of her husband.

What did Eve do to warrant such punishment? She dared to eat from the tree of knowledge of good and evil. This tree symbolizes knowledge, and once she ate from it her blissfully ignorant life came to an end. By gaining knowledge Adam and Eve's existence became worse off.  Animal House was wrong; knowledge is not good.

The passage is thus morally abhorrent because of its misogyny and its misology (hatred of reason). And who is the lowliest creature in the passage? The serpent. This crafty creature dared to express doubt; doubt in God. Of course he was right. God did not kill Adam and Eve like he said he would if they ate from the tree. The moral of the story is that you should trust a snake before you trust a god.


I was struck by the anthropocentricism in the previous passage and by the anthropomorphism in this passage. God walks around Eden, he cannot see Adam and Eve when they hide behind a tree (what happened to his omniscience?), and he feels threatened by Adam and Eve's newfound knowledge. "If God has made us in his image, we have returned him the favor."

I planned on ignoring this thread but I couldn't ignore this, which like the previous post is filled more with your opinion that the actual text of the story. The serpent was not "right", nor is your interpretation that God threatened to "kill" whoever disobeyed his law; murder is not even introduced until years later through Cain. Before sin there was only life, and man was in direct communication with God. After sin was introduced to the world death was as well. If Adam and Eve had followed God's command they would not have died. So yes, the "serpent" was wrong.
010

Flannel Boy

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Re: Professor Prole and Father Mike's Bible Study Thread
« Reply #42 on: January 14, 2008, 09:26:54 PM »
God told Adam "But of the tree of knowledge of good and evil you shall not eat, for in the day that you eat of it you shall die" (GEN 2.17). This sounds like a prohibition, one that if not adhered to is punished by death. Later on in Genesis 3.4 the Serpent says in response to Eve "You will not die".

So did they die on the day they ate from the tree? Well Adam made it to 930 years of age (GEN 5.5). So no. But yes they did of old age, really old age. And no that doesn't count since God never gave them immortality in the first place.

And please, not original sin. That's as bad, if not worse, than anything else in that passage.
« Last Edit: January 14, 2008, 09:28:37 PM by Malek: King of Kings »

Phoenix Dark

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Re: Professor Prole and Father Mike's Bible Study Thread
« Reply #43 on: January 14, 2008, 09:28:00 PM »
What bible is this? Oxford? Fucking Brits ruining the bible  >:(


spoiler (click to show/hide)
wait..
[close]
010

Flannel Boy

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Re: Professor Prole and Father Mike's Bible Study Thread
« Reply #44 on: January 14, 2008, 09:29:52 PM »
King James: But of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil, thou shalt not eat of it: for in the day that thou eatest thereof thou shalt surely die.

And the serpent said unto the woman, Ye shall not surely die:

Phoenix Dark

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Re: Professor Prole and Father Mike's Bible Study Thread
« Reply #45 on: January 14, 2008, 09:41:54 PM »
Quote
It is just as naïve to insist that the phrase “in the day” means that on that very day death would occur. A little knowledge of the Hebrew idiom will relieve the tension here as well. For example, in 1 Kings 2:37 King Solomon warned a seditious Shimei, “The day you leave [Jerusalem] and cross the Kidron Valley [which is immediately outside the city walls on the east side of the city], you can be sure you will die.” Neither the 1 Kings nor the Genesis text implies immediacy of action on that very same day; instead they point to the certainty of the predicated consequence that would be set in motion by the act initiated on that day. Alternate wordings include at the time when, at that time, now when and the day [when] (see Gen. 5:1; Ex. 6:28; 10:28; 32:34) [Kaiser, et al., 1996, p. 92, emp. in orig.].
http://www.apologeticspress.org/articles/43

A bit too much spin for me, although I have always understood it to be a spiritual death. But the verse does say yer gonna die right now basically...but their argument is one of translation and language. The link is still interesting...

:/
010

Flannel Boy

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Re: Professor Prole and Father Mike's Bible Study Thread
« Reply #46 on: January 14, 2008, 09:50:13 PM »
Adam lived to be 930. And he was never given immortality. After gaining knowledge god feared that Adam would gain immortality as well, "See, the man has become like one of us, knowing good and evil; and now, he might reach out his hand and take also from the tree of life, and eat and live forever" (GEN 3.22). But the ever crafty God guarded Eden with a cherubim and guarded the tree itself with a spinning flame sword.  :spin :spin :spin :spin

Van Cruncheon

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Re: Professor Prole and Father Mike's Bible Study Thread
« Reply #47 on: January 14, 2008, 10:36:11 PM »
now that pd is here, i have extra incentive to read


tonight, i will page through genesis, preferably while shitting up taco bell
duc

Flannel Boy

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Re: Professor Prole and Father Mike's Bible Study Thread
« Reply #48 on: January 14, 2008, 10:38:03 PM »
The soft pages make for great TP.

TVC15

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Re: Professor Prole and Father Mike's Bible Study Thread
« Reply #49 on: January 14, 2008, 10:39:42 PM »
mmmm taco bell
serge

Phoenix Dark

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Re: Professor Prole and Father Mike's Bible Study Thread
« Reply #50 on: January 14, 2008, 10:40:59 PM »
now that pd is here, i have extra incentive to read


tonight, i will page through genesis, preferably while shitting up taco bell


Too late, I'm done. Wake me when you get to Acts, then we can talk :bow
010

Van Cruncheon

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Re: Professor Prole and Father Mike's Bible Study Thread
« Reply #51 on: January 14, 2008, 10:43:58 PM »
you can't resist, chubikins
duc

Phoenix Dark

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Re: Professor Prole and Father Mike's Bible Study Thread
« Reply #52 on: January 14, 2008, 10:45:29 PM »
I don't remember the last time I read an OT book outside of Daniel
010

Van Cruncheon

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Re: Professor Prole and Father Mike's Bible Study Thread
« Reply #53 on: January 14, 2008, 10:55:27 PM »
which testament makes you cry more
duc

Phoenix Dark

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Re: Professor Prole and Father Mike's Bible Study Thread
« Reply #54 on: January 14, 2008, 11:02:24 PM »
 :'(

I'm gonna find your sappy weakness one way or another.
010

Flannel Boy

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Re: Professor Prole and Father Mike's Bible Study Thread
« Reply #55 on: January 14, 2008, 11:08:15 PM »
:'(

I'm gonna find your sappy weakness one way or another.
ZOoT

Phoenix Dark

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Re: Professor Prole and Father Mike's Bible Study Thread
« Reply #56 on: January 14, 2008, 11:16:18 PM »
Doesn't count considering it's still my favorite game of all time
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Madrun Badrun

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Re: Professor Prole and Father Mike's Bible Study Thread
« Reply #57 on: January 14, 2008, 11:23:54 PM »
Gen 1.22

God talks to fish and birds.  If God was the creator of said fish and birds why would he talk to them know the limits of speech and understanding he has bestow on them?  The only answer could be that he was talking to him self.  Does God get lonely? 

Does God have self doubt?    All this and he saw that it was good stuff, did he have reason to doubt that it would be good.  Is God Pragmatic?   

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Re: Professor Prole and Father Mike's Bible Study Thread
« Reply #58 on: January 14, 2008, 11:24:57 PM »
Also if I wear to guard a tree a spinning flaming sword sounds like a hell of a way to do it. 

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Re: Professor Prole and Father Mike's Bible Study Thread
« Reply #59 on: January 14, 2008, 11:50:48 PM »
"It is not good that man should be alone"  - GOD

 :'( :'( :'(