Dear Rockstar,
Hey cockbags, I thought it'd be worth mentioning that in modern video games that feature a sandbox and mission-based gameplay, they have this fucking INSANE thing called MID-MISSION AUTOSAVE CHECKPOINTS. It helps a ton, especially when you give the option to replay a mission right after you die, leaving the unsuspecting fuckhead (the gamer) thinking that he'll actually start at a certain point in the mission, not at the very beginning only to re-initiate a pre-rendered cutscene that takes a second or to load, a second or two to skip, and the good five fucking minutes you spend driving around Liberty City actually taking your pals to the mission you fucked up on last time. Don't bother mentioning how cool the Taxi Trip-Skip is, seeing as how when you have to play wheelman to four other fucking people, you can kiss your sweet dreams goodbye about the usefulness of THAT little feature!
I'd also love to compliment you on your physics engine, except for the fact that flying out of your front windshield in a car is almost completely random, and I think I've done more skull dives from the driver's seat hitting lamp-posts at 10MPH than I have ramming semi-trucks at 100. Also, thanks for making the buddy AI so great, what with the fact that they can die, and the fact that they RUN RIGHT INTO FUCKING BULLETS LIKE BIG FAT IDIOTS ANY CHANCE THEY GET.
I also can't forget to mention that even though a large fraction of the missions you receive are from Federal Fucking Officials, the cops still jump on my ass like Jake Gyllenhaal passed out in a gay bar when I'm only trying to complete the fucking mission.
And it was a great idea to make the GPS realistic in the way that it doesn't put you down one-way roads when you set a course, UNTIL YOU ACTUALLY FIND OUT HOW MUCH EXTRA DRIVING YOU END UP HAVING TO DO. Speaking of the driving, thanks for retconning it, you fucking shitwads. Even the fucking AI concurs with how shitty the driving is, shown by how extremely happy they are when I'm in the middle of a chase and EVERY FUCKING CAR ON THE ROAD GOES OUT OF THEIR WAY TO HIT ME.
Sincerely,
FUCK YOU UP YOUR STUPID ASS
Thank God the talk radio stations more than make up for the least user-friendly gameplay I've ever encountered. At least in difficult games like Ninja Gaiden, when you die, you can blame it on your own stupid ass, but in GTA4, every time you fuck up, it's because Packie got killed, Little Jacob gets run over, you get shot to death while Niko tries to climb a ladder by running in circles, or 5 steps away from the end of the mission YOU GET HIT BY A FUCKING CAR.
Also, every time I try to get on Xbox Live my router gets reset. Wtf is going on?